The Way Back Ch. 06

brief (legal)=barrister (Attorney); CPS=Crown Prosecution Service

corpse= breaking into inappropriate laughter I think the American is blooper?

Boot (of car)= trunk

TWENTY-FIVE

I again thought over whether I was doing the right thing. I kept coming back to the idea that perhaps it would have been better to stay clear of Ann and let her get on with her life without me. She would easily find someone else and judging by her performance with Derek, and would in all probability be in a new man's bed in double quick time.

I reprimanded myself. Though I resented her actions, she had waited a year and it seemed had rejected Derek's gentle advances for a while before that. I couldn't see her getting over my ugliness. I didn't enjoy living with a face like mine, nor a scarred and damaged body like mine either. OK, so my sexual equipment worked (I proved it by hand many times, just to be sure, you understand, and was more than assured so by Tricia and Jenny), my voice was unimpaired though the tone had changed, and strangely, in a face almost totally reconstructed, my lips were untouched. Nevertheless I knew I would repulse her. Neither could I live with her pity. I just couldn't see a relationship between us working out.

Further there was her lack of belief in me. She was only too eager to believe everything that rat told her. No. I couldn't see us getting together, but she would know Derek for what he was before he went to prison.

I felt a wave of utter depression sweep over me. I felt hopeless and dreaded a life lived alone. What woman would want a hideous cripple? I couldn't inflict myself on Jenny; she deserved a better man. I broke down and cried.

My descent into self-pity was halted by the phone. It was Jenny.

"Are you ready for me?" she asked and I realised that time had passed and it was late.

"Yes," I said, though my voice betrayed me.

"I'll be there in minutes."

She was. She enfolded me in her arms and I broke down again, so she took me to bed and I fell asleep being comforted by her warm breasts and stroking hands.

We spent the weekend alone, together. I had half expected Greta to come back but there was no contact from her. I wondered what had transpired at the house.

Like Trish, Jenny knew how to lift my spirits. She did all that in bed and in the shower and back in bed again, but she also took me on long walks and listened to me repeating myself about what had and hadn't happened particularly the refusal of Ann to talk directly to me.

I was telling Jenny that I was almost certain I should let David tell her when she once again hit the nail on the head.

"If you're going to get someone else to tell her the best person would be Trish. She was personally involved with you from when you were admitted. Why don't you phone her?"

I admired her insight and told her so.

"That's why I'm your PA, and your concubine!"

"Concubine! I like the sound of that."

Off we went to bed again.

Afterwards she made an addition.

"Why don't you text Greta and see if there's a pre-wedding party, a hen night? Ann's defences would be down if Trish crashed that!"

"I'm glad I've got you to think for me," I said with admiration.

She smiled contentedly.

"You keep me coming and I'll think some more!" she said, comfortably opening her legs wide.

She came again twice, and 'thought' I should get the phoning done. I phoned Trish and texted Greta.

Trish said she would get time off and come over when needed.

Greta texted back.

Grounded 4 taking boys away.

Mum's family and friends @ George pub

Thurs. 7.30.

Luv U.

I phoned Trish back and she said she would arrive Thursday lunchtime but would need to drive back early Friday. I thanked her profusely for doing again what she had been doing for me since I was brought into the hospital.

On Monday David rang to say he had made another attempt to get a meeting between Ann and me but had been firmly rebuffed. Jenny stayed over on Tuesday night which was comforting, and she joined 'the four' at the Cross Keys on Wednesday.

I got the drinks in and sat down.

"Your DNA was found in the car," said Colin, "though I'm not sure I should be telling you that. There will be arrests soon."

"Do you know when?" I asked, thinking about Ann's wedding.

"Now I know I can't tell you that," said Colin seriously, "but when it happens all the protagonists will be arrested at the same time and sent to separate stations. The lads'll have to get all their ducks in a row before they move on the naughty boys."

"From past experience," said Keith helpfully, "It is unlikely to be this week. Not at the weekend, it will need too many personnel for the budget to stand overtime. Monday or Tuesday at the earliest."

"So the wedding will go ahead," I said sadly, "and Ann will lose Derek as soon as she gets him. Have you considered they may go away on honeymoon? If Derek goes to Spain, he may never return!"

"He'll be watched I'm sure," said Colin. "They won't let him leave the country. I'm sure of that as well."

"I tried to get Ann to meet you, once again," said David. "No luck. I can't believe how obstinate she is."

"I can," I said laughing. "One of my memories is having arguments with her, nothing serious, but she's hard to move once she's made up her mind. Trish is coming over tomorrow and we're going to gatecrash her pre-wedding party. She'll talk to me tomorrow."

"So," said Jenny, speaking for the first time. "It will all come together in the next few days. It'll be a relief for you Allan."

The others nodded their agreement.

"Mind you," said Colin, "while I'm sure O'Malley and the other three will definitely be found guilty, it's by no means certain that we'll be able to nail Derek. With a good brief he might wriggle out of it."

David added: "I'll bet that the three lads will be remanded in custody, but Derek will get bail. O'Malley's fate will depend on whether he shops the others or not."

"Could be six months before the trial as well," said Colin. "The Magistrates will remand them for trial at the Crown Court but there is a waiting list for trials."

"I think you have to resign yourself to the fact that Derek might be able to convince Ann that he's totally innocent of any involvement," said David. "We know he's an accomplished liar."

The meeting descended into a morose silence. We might have known the facts clearly but court cases are never so predictable. Nothing was certain.

I began to feel angry that he might get away with trying to murder me. I resolved there and then that he would not escape scot-free. If the courts couldn't deliver justice, I would find a way. It must have shown on my face.

"Don't cross bridges until you reach them," admonished David. "You don't know what Ann's reaction will be. She's about to learn that Derek's not all that honest but she's always known you are truthful. Please wait and see, Allan."

As usual he was talking sense, I nodded, and Jenny squeezed my arm. Eyebrows were raised; I ignored them.

Jenny decided to go back to her flat. She had a sense of distinguishing herself from Trish, as if to say that I had two totally separate sexual relationships and that there needed to be distance between them. I thought I could understand that.

"I won't expect you at work tomorrow," she said. "Get things sorted with Trish. You'll need to be certain what she's going to say."

When Trish arrived it was mid-afternoon. We went over what she would do, or rather Trish told me how she would do it and I immediately saw she was right. Is there any other way?

Trish and I entered the pub at eight. It wasn't difficult to find the party; for one thing Greta was in the group. There were fifteen people taking up the tables on one side of the main lounge.

I could see Ann's parents, her brother and sister. Yes, I recognised them; remembered them. The rest must have been other relatives and friends. We had entered the pub via an adjoining room out of a direct line of sight by Ann.

Originally each room had a door, but these had long since gone and each room was thus open to the next through a doorway. Trish steered me to a table in that empty room, round the corner and out of sight from the group.

"You'll hear everything from here. I think Ann will come and see you when I've finished with her. You want me to go through with this?"

"Yes. She's got to know the whole thing. I can't have her marrying Derek in ignorance of the true facts. You've got the photos?"

"Yes, and believe me, Allan, I'm looking forward to this."

She got up and left. There was a mirror on a far wall and I could see her at the table.

"Mrs Jonsson?" I heard her say.

"Yes?" There was Ann's voice again, triggering my emotions of anger and resentment.

"I'm sorry to butt in on your party, but this is very important. I'm here on behalf of your ex-husband. He needs to see you. He wants you to know--"

"Not interested. Tell that bastard that he's done enough damage. and he's got a nerve trying to mess with my head just before the wedding. I've got a solicitor, tell him to talk to him."

"Mrs. Jonsson, please. It really is in your own interest to talk directly to him."

"Just leave us alone, Miss-- "

"O'Toole."

"Mother!" it was Greta. "Why are you being so unreasonable? Perhaps Miss O'Toole can tell you what he wants to say."

"OK," said Ann, her voice dripping with patience and resignation. "Miss O'Toole. Say what you have to say."

The party went quiet. Everyone was listening.

"May I sit down?" I assumed the answer was yes, for Trish was masking Ann where she stood.

"I have some photographs. Some of them you have seen. Here."

I could see her taking out the photos. She laid them on the table one at a time.

"I've seen them before," said Ann with exaggerated patience. "It's him and his other woman."

"At the hotel. Yes, I know. Look at the date and time. And this one in the restaurant, five minutes later. This is the day he disappeared."

"Yes, Yes," Ann was getting testy. "And that one is them kissing in the foyer and that one is them buying their tickets. So what?"

"Before I show you the next one, look at these two again. See that man? Do you know him?"

"He looks familiar."

"Yes. Now this one, note the date and the time, three minutes after the last one."

"But..."

I smiled, now there was uncertainty.

Ann was now nonplussed, "I've never seen this one before."

"The other man in the photo with your ex and the woman: it's the woman's husband. The woman is actually Allan's Swedish cousin. They met by accident in the hotel. Allan was buying tickets for both of them. The husband had to see a client at the last minute and she couldn't book the tickets, so Allan bought them for her. Now this one."

"That's Allan leaving the station with that man. But--"

"Mrs Jonsson. You notice he's not with a woman. Now do you see why you should talk to him."

"He's still left us without any notice. So there must have been another woman. I've got a letter from him saying he had started a new life with a woman and to forget him."

That was news to me, but Trish was talking.

"Yes, he didn't get in touch. I have another photograph. It's very unpleasant. You'd better steel yourself."

There was a silence. Then, "That's revolting. Who is that? He's got no face left. He's a mass of bruises. What's this got to do with--"

"First will you note the time and date? Same day, four hours later?"

"Yes, but I don't--"

"That's your ex-husband Mrs Jonsson."

There was a strangled cry and a commotion from the whole group.

"No, no. you've got it wrong. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you for you to play such a sick joke? Get out!"

"Mrs. Jonsson--"

"Just get out! Get out!"

There were other shouts; things were getting nasty. Then Greta could be heard shouting above the din: "DNA!"

"What?" Ann's voice again in the silence that followed.

"DNA evidence, Mum. It's true. It's Daddy." Silence fell again.

"But how..?"

"We needed proof he was really Daddy, so I took a DNA test. He is my father!"

"But, I don't follow? I tried the hospital."

"This was Newcastle General, I'm a nurse. I was on the team that admitted him."

"Newcastle? But he was in York."

"Mrs. Jonsson. Will you now see your ex-husband?"

Silence. Then a quiet, "Yes. Of course."

There was the sound of chairs moving and then they came round the corner. I was seated on the bench seat which ran along the wall.

"Hello Ann. You're certainly difficult to talk to."

I saw the realisation begin to dawn. First there was the searching. The voice was familiar, then understanding, then horror at my condition, than anger again. The anger won.

"Allan? It's you isn't it?"

"Yes."

"You saw me at that restaurant and said nothing. Then you danced with me at the Dinner, for pity's sake, and you still said nothing. Why are you playing games with me?"

"Sit down Ann," I said sharply.

She looked surprised at my cold tone, but sat.

"I'll tell you and then you can leave. I'm sure you don't want to be repulsed by my face for longer than absolutely necessary."

She opened and closed her mouth but I began to talk before she could say anything.

"I will tell you everything I know. Most of the early part I have no memory of. Trish here told me. I still have no memory of the day I ended up in hospital in Newcastle.

"I was taken to the hospital. You have some idea how extensive my injuries were, are? My head had been stamped on and my skull was fractured. My face was smashed, most of my teeth gone, nose a pulp, jaw and cheeks broken, and that was only my head. Three ribs, and one shin and the other thighbone broken, both ankles the same. Internal injuries I won't go into. My windpipe escaped. My wedding tackle was bruised but recovered. I am a mass of plates, pins and screws.

"My attackers had stripped me down to my underpants, took all my property and as a result of their ministrations my face as you see is unrecognisable even now. There was no way to identify me.

"My injuries were so bad the medics agreed the intention had been to kill me, and that I would die eventually. I was in a coma, and I remained in a coma at some level for nearly a year. I could hardly have told you where I was, then, could I?

"You said something about a letter. How could I write a letter if I was comatose?

"Before I came round, the doctors decided I was not going to recover; I had been unconscious so long. But there were no relatives, no wife, to give permission to turn off the life support. They had to go to court to get permission. When they eventually got permission and cut the support, I carried on breathing.

"Then came long months of rehabilitation. I was a rare case, I had no memories at all, not even my name, a condition almost unheard of. I had to learn to speak though my new face made me difficult to understand. The pain was intense and the struggle was long. The medics and the police thought I was lying about my memory; I must have something to hide, probably drugs were the reason I was beaten up. You've no idea how many hours I spent being interrogated. Eventually they had to believe me.

"You understand I have been told most of this, my short term memory is still ropey, though my long term memory is returning well since I came back.

"I think it was January I remembered my name, and I got a conviction that I lived in Sale. Trish brought me here and looked up the electoral roles for Sale. She found out where I lived and that I was married to you and had a daughter called Greta. We were walking through Sale and I recognised David's name on the plate outside his door.

"Since then, with the help of friends and especially David, I have pieced together memories and evidence, about my attackers and the conspiracy to kill me."

Ann had calmed down. She had flinched at my description. Was that love in her eyes or merely pity? I could not tell. Her voice was now soft.

"Why didn't you come to me when you knew who I was?"

"I didn't know you."

She stared in surprise.

"I had no memory of you," I continued, "I had to be told who you were when you came into the restaurant. But after you came over and spoke, and I smelled your perfume, the one I bought you, it seemed to kick-start the memories; they flooded over me and were overpowering. I couldn't cope with them, that's why I left the restaurant."

"I don't know what to say," there were tears in her eyes, "When I think of you all alone all that time... and I was..."

That was enough for her, she began to weep quietly. I was sad for her but that was all. I tried to help but probably made it worse.

"I wasn't lonely Ann. I didn't know anything about anything. One of the nurses took a shine to me and would spend time with me out of hours. As you can guess, it was Trish O'Toole. So don't worry on that score.

"In fact I am in a relationship with her. I had no memory of you or anyone here. Trish was my world. She told me to come here and sort out my life. That's why she's here now."

"She's your girlfriend?" she said, wiping her eyes.

Trish had been silent up to now, and I don't think we knew she was there, even though she was sitting with us. But now: "One of them. He's got another one as well."

Ann ignored the remark though it was clear it had gone home.

"But, you knew me at the dance, and you said nothing."

"There is a reason for that. The police asked me to keep my identity secret until they make their arrests. They've got some folk lined up who they think did this. It's people living here. But I have been trying to talk to you. For three weeks I've been trying. You could have known long ago."

"But I'm your wife!"

At that moment I became angry.

"No!" I spat, "You are not my wife. You divorced me remember? You are trying to ruin my company for your own selfish gain, even though I've seen you right through David, and generously so.

"How long did you actually try to find me? Don't bother to answer, I already know. If you had gone missing I'd still be looking for you, you know that!

"Everyone said my disappearance was totally out of character, they didn't believe that I'd gone off with someone else, but you did, right away! You believed Derek. You'd loved me for twenty years, yet you believed him. So don't start telling me you're my wife!"

I got up and left. Trish ran after me. We got in the car, she drove.

"Satisfied?" she asked bitterly.

"No," I replied. "She needed to be told. I told her. She knows now that she's shacked up with Derek on the basis of a lie. She realises she's divorced an innocent man, a man who loved her. I've not told her Derek might be my murderer. I've got a new life with two lovely women. I don't need her any more. She let me down."

"OK," she knew better than to argue, but she loved me that night, holding me tight, pressing herself against me as we went to sleep afterwards.

As I drifted off I thought of Ann. I knew she had stood with me for many years, and that we had been in love. I knew I owed her something. However, the last two years and her behaviour, coupled with my previous lack of any personal coherent memory made it impossible for us to take up our relationship, precisely because it no longer existed. It was not a pleasant feeling. I think my final thought was, She wouldn't even give me a hearing.

Trish and I were up very early the next morning. She had to get on the road and it was Friday. Fridays on Britain's roads are hell. She had to get back to Newcastle for her last weekend before she finished for good. She would return on Thursday prior to taking her flight on Friday. That would be the last I would see of her for a long, long time.