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'Hasn't she read my letter? Doesn't she understand how much I want this? Her? Us?'
Ian mumbled some excuse to his mother to get away and think. He walked out of the living room, down the hall and into the pool room. The indoor pool had been built for him as a gift when he turned 10. His mother called him her 'water baby,' because that was his passion. No one seemed to understand the reason behind his infatuation with a body of water. For when he threw himself into the water, all of his worry and stress where gone. Instead all he felt was freedom, the weightlessness in his limbs. It was just liberating. He wanted to experience that feeling more than anything at that moment. Running his hands over his face, he tried to rein in his temper.
'I don't understand. Why doesn't she see? I'm the man that loves her. I'm the one that she should talk about to my mother. ME!'
Ian blindly struck out; hitting the dense wall. It cracked a bit, and small paint chips fell to the floor.
'Fuck, mama is going to kill me for that.'He resigned himself for the long scowling lecture he would receive. Then to the fact that she would be sending him out to the hardware store so he could fix the damage.
"Before I do anything else. I first need to have a long conversation with a certain someone." Marching out of the pool room, he headed straight for the den.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 8 years agoi rather have a good story with intricate characters and a strong plot with a few grammatical errors than to have a lousy and weak bbc story written perfectly...patiently waiting for the next chapter...thank you!
Comentarista82almost 9 years ago...just get the grammar checked, as it continues to unnecessarily distract (e.g., "He had to think of ways to woe her" instead of "He had to think of ways to woo her").
Otherwise gripping story and you can feel Ian being slowly roasted over an open fire.
Anonymousover 9 years agoI wasn't going to say anything but guys please stop with the editors and stuff... Its notlike you don't know wat she wants to say..
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoAs a someone before me stated, think about finding an editor. Keep a close eye on if you're using present or past tense.You seem to use them interchangeably-- especially in Chapter 4/5. Sometimes it's as if things have already happened, and we're hearing about them from a second party. Sometimes it's as if they're happening in the moment, and we're experiencing them first hand. You often mix up words like to and too or admission and emission. Inconsistency appears in this chapter. One moment the men are in the den playing hockey, and the next, Samantha is saying she hates soccer. Just get another set of eyes on these before you post. It's always easier to edit someone else's work than your own. The story is intriguing and holds weight. Just work on the grammatical errors.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoBut Sam is really starting to piss me off. Sam talks about Ian playing games, yet she does the same thing. She knew nothing good would come out of her bringing Calvin to the party. She obviously has no romantic feelings towards Calvin and is just using him to piss Ian off. She and everyone around her knows that she wants Ian. With her delyaing how she feels makes things worse for not only her but Ian. She needs to stop acting so childish and stop playing games. As for Ian he needs to take a step back and let Sam get herself together. At every turn he is trying to show her how he feels and it just ends with them both being more confused then. before. But I do have to say he is maturing and actually trying to make things work with Sam. You can tell he truly loves her. If he doesn't tell her about Kristie then Sam will be more hurt and upset. Ahhhh love this story!
D3stin2L0v3about 10 years agoSam should not have done that, she knows that she wants Ian and not Calvin. Ian went about things the wrong way, he should have told her from the beginning how he felt. She knows how she feels and she should have told him, she should tell him now. He needs to talk to his Dad. His dad is going to hip the mom to what is going on, I am pretty sure mom will be getting involved and that should be pretty hilarious. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!
Anonymousabout 10 years agoI'm so excited please don't take too long with the next chapter please. Also keep up the excellent work you are awesome.
shewhogiveslifeabout 10 years agoBut perhaps you should find an editor? I know it's petty, but lots of little errors like "than" when it should be "then" and "down packed" when it should be "down pat" start to add up and are enough to take your readers out of the story.
Other than that, I love where these characters are going. I'm totally rooting for Ian and hope he's able to sweep Sam off her feet. Can't wait to see what happens next!
ariesgirlabout 10 years agoIan need to talk to his dad, I hope that is what he is going to the den to do. Maybe his dad can help him understand how to handle their drama because his way isn't working.
He need cut down on the intimate behavior with Sam because its only confusing and scaring her. He keeps saying he wants to show her he is serious then his actions need to speak so. Forcing her to get with him seems to be pushing her away. He need to come clean about Kristie before she tells Sam.
As for Sam, she should talk with her mom...or somebody else. Her friends give good advice but they are too close to the situation and a bit more partial to Ian then Calvin. Calvin need to dump Sam. He knows he has no chance with her but he stays.
