The Wolf Wears Fleece

"Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!" I said to myself as I headed towards his house. Dipshit had a tan line where he usually wore his wedding ring. So did I, but I wasn't out to con anyone. Anyone who slept with me tonight would know the truth, and I had purchased a ring earlier that day to replace my real wedding ring now in my wife's possession.

First stop, 1312 Wilson. Dipshit's wife was furious when I related my story, and by the time he raced up to the curb she had armed herself with his 9 iron. She had a nice stroke, I had to admit. And by the time she had swung a couple of times, he was back in his car. She took out his driver side window, side mirror and shattered the windshield into two spots badly enough that driving the car meant risking another ticket. She got a taillight as an after thought as he again abused his tires getting out of Dodge.

"Fuck my wife, huh?" I thought as his tail lights disappeared in the distance.

It had been years since I had gone out looking for trouble. Still some things just don't change. I hit a happy hour at a popular watering hole, and found a companion in no time flat. I took her to dinner, where we satisfied our empty stomachs. Then I took her dancing, where we satisfied another kind of urge. Then I took her home. The lights were on in Linda's room, and I had explained my situation to my companion, but she really didn't want to be on display to an uncertain wife. So we went back downtown and got a room. We spent the night.

She was good. But she wasn't Linda. Still I was able to re-create the magic I used to weave in my romantic younger days and I fucked her. I fucked her missionary, I fucked her while she sat on the counter feeding me grapes, I fucked her mouth, I tongue fucked her pussy, and I fucked her doggie. I fucker her bent over the arm of the couch, I fucked her in the shower, and the next morning I fucked her both before and after room service. Then I took her shopping.

What you thought I was a love 'em and leave em kind of guy? She told me she was just starting up in a job, and her boss had told her to get a more professional wardrobe. So I got her one. Hey, it was only money! And it wasn't mine! When I had Dipshit's wallet for his license, I pinched his Visa. Hey, I never promised nice! Besides, he'd never notice among the charges his wife was probably running up on the account by now. I got home late Sunday evening to find an anxious Linda waiting in the living room.

"I didn't fuck him, thanks to you. Then you didn't come home. If you went out last night with another woman, that's not fair!"

"Bullshit. Just because your date was a dud has no impact on my time on the town. I did hook up with someone. That's all you get to know. Your date was a dud because you didn't check him out and got burnt by a player. He was married. He couldn't fulfill the conditions we gave him. Not my fault, not my problem."

"You were supposed to host her here!"

"No, those were your date's conditions. I wouldn't host a one night stand at your home."

"You set me up Daniel. It's not happening like that next week. I'm going to the movies with Jerry Friday. Donna finally agreed when he promised her Hawaii for their vacation this year. He really wants me, I guess."

What's up with that fucking smirk she suddenly acquired!? When did she start taking delight at my supposed inadequacies? It was a very unattractive trait. Fortunately, I wasn't attracted to a wife who suddenly felt I wasn't enough for her anyway. Friday, that smirk departs. Forever.

I avoided her easily all that week. After all, I had fucked my date repeatedly that Saturday and Sunday...repeatedly. Wrong word. I had fucked my date continually that Saturday and Sunday.

There, much better.

I avoided her easily in part because I was busy at work all week. No, not busy in a sexual way, it was my company and I didn't intend to lose it to a sexual harassment claim. I was immune to the charms of my employees. I was busy with clients. And I was strictly business with them every night.

Friday came around, and I was late getting home. Jerry and Linda were waiting somewhat impatiently. He provided his license and cautioned me to take good care of Donna. I showered, changed and was on my way in a half hour, and found Donna waiting on the front porch. She was dressed in a shabby old frock, wore no make up, and had on a pair of old granny shoes. I'm assumed granny panties to match.

I got it right away. Turn him off, he won't bother me. Damn it, she was throwing down on me. I wore Armani for her, and she wanted to turn me off! Fuck that. I resolved that by the end of the night, she would beg for my attentions. I turned on the charm. No I didn't compliment her dress, or her hair, or how pretty she looked. I told her I had heard of a new Japanese restaurant across town. Of course, I had been there for lunch with a client Thursday night, but I knew from comments at parties that she loved Japanese.

I gave her the rose I brought her, and held the door open on the Mercedes for her. I used the valet to park, so she didn't have to walk far, and gave her my arm to proudly escort her into the restaurant as if she were the most beautiful thing on earth instead of a dowdily dressed hausfrau. I treated her like a queen, and bit by bit, she warmed to me. She also became very conscious of the dowdy way she was dressed for the night. When I told her I had tickets to the ballet, she was mortified.

"Oh no! I can't go to the ballet dressed like this!"

"Oh nonsense. You look fine."

She looked troubled, so I ordered champagne for dessert. I didn't force conversation. Throughout the dinner, I did talk about myself, and gave her chances to do the same. She didn't open up much, and I purposely avoided talking about our spouses. But once back in the car, she opened up.

"Daniel, can we skip the ballet?"

"I have really great seats!"

"I'm sure, and I love the ballet. But I'm not really dressed."

"You're dressed fine!"

"No Daniel, people dress to impress for the ballet. Your suit looks so dapper, and I'll bet your tie cost more than this old thing."

"So what? We can go just as we are. Or if you like, we can stop along the way. I'm sure we can find a shop open and pick up a nice black dress."

"But then there are shoes, and jewelry and..."

"Donna, tell me what you want, and we'll do it. I'd like to take you to the ballet. If you'd like, I have a pair of jeans in my car, and can change. Or if you'd rather, we can stop and pick something up for you. Or if you really want to skip it, I can take you home and call it a night."

"Oh sure, right to the main event. I feel so dirty when Jerry does this."

"Donna, I know you guys have trash talked me like crazy behind my back, and I would really like to stuff it back in everyone's face. But the truth is, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. The main event is a night out for me. I know you love the ballet, and it is something I really don't know much about. So let's go. I'll slip on my jeans, and we'll stop and get you something casual but still smart. Then we'll go out as two friends on the town. When we're done, I'll take you to a quiet spot I know near the theatre, and you can tell me all about what I saw. I'll be all ears, and leave you alone when we come home. Since Linda and Jerry will be at your place, I'll put you up in a guest room at home. Or if we get to be late, we can stay in town. Whatever we do, it will be your call."

That's what we did, I stopped at a little boutique where we found her jeans, a blouse and a neat blazer. We also managed a pair of shoes, and a scarf that went with the coat she had worn. We skipped the jewelry and left the makeup to the simple stuff she had in her purse. I did have a change of clothes in my trunk, in hopes I might need a change of clothes in the morning.

The ballet was a new choreography around some piece by a modern American composer, and Donna was a wealth of information. I had started out intending to be the charmer, but was charmed myself. She made jeans and a blazer look great, and when she smiled as she explained a step or a posture and how it told the story of the ballet, I melted.

The Donna I knew had always been bitchy, and a bit sullen around me. That night I found out she disapproved of the little circle's debauchery and the constant sexual banter exhausted her. Our after theater snack extended until the bar closed at 2:00 am, and she asked me to take her to a hotel. I got a suite, and I showed her to her room. I offered her a spare t shirt from the bag I had stowed in the car, and wished her a good night. I had just turned off the light when the door opened and she crept into my room.

"Daniel, I had a wonderful time tonight. You've been such a perfect date I want to ask a big favor. Can I sleep with you? I mean, not sexually, I just want to sleep."

I took her in my arms, pulled the blankets around us, and closed my eyes. You see, I had an enchanting evening, and didn't want it to end either. I had to talk down a rising boner by concentrating on images of good old Mrs. Fanning. Yes, she was a master at teaching punctuation, but she was pretty long in the tooth when I was in her class, and a vision of her sweating like a hog at the end of a hot summer day in our third floor classroom left me limp and drowsy.

The next morning I woke before Donna. I left bath linens and a robe on the chair beside the bed where she would be sure to spot them, showered myself, then called the concierge for breakfast. She came out of the bedroom just as I was setting my table for two, with the rose I had given her thriving in a vase.

She spent breakfast telling me of her life with Jerry. She loved him, but he was too wound up with pretense involved with following the perverted antics of Doug and Ralphie. She wanted to be free of what she called the drooling perversions and adolescent potty humor of "those little overaged frat boys." Last night was like being in a whole different world for her. She loved everything, from my taking enough interest in her to choose a restaurant and an entertainment that were favorites, to seeing through her choice of dress as a ruse to disinterest me, to the intelligent conversation that she so craved.

"I want to do it again sometime, and soon!" she told him. "I know it wasn't what you planned or expected, but it was perfect for me. It was just what I needed."

"Donna, I planned a date, not a romp in the hay. It's all I ever did when I was single. I never planned to take advantage of anyone, and I didn't intend to take advantage of you. It was a great date as far as I'm concerned. I don't know where this all is going with my wife, but I would be delighted to take you out again."

"But Daniel, you know those guys think you're less than a man's man. If I go back and tell them you didn't even try anything with me..."

"I could care less what Jerry and his little clique think of me. What's important is what I think of me, and I happen to like me. So tell them what you want. As for me, I never kiss and tell, never did. Nothing is going to hurt me."

"But when this is over, if you weren't a better lover than at least one of them in their wife's eyes, they are going to make you suck their dicks at a party! You even agreed to it."

"When you climbed in bed with me, did you feel relaxed? Comfortable? Secure?"

She nodded.

"I slept better than I have in months."

"So all you have to do is tell them I was better in bed for you than Jerry. It doesn't seem like a stretch or a lie from what you say. Don't offer details! Or don't say a word, and let them wonder. Then it is on one of the other wives to say yay or nay."

She nodded, and then got quiet. She was thinking, and I shut up to let her.

"Daniel, if I say you were a better lover, I get to live with you for a whole month."

I nodded.

"I want that. It took a lot for you to let me sleep with you and not take advantage of me. I mean if you had, it wouldn't exactly have been rape. And I'm actually not sure I would have minded if you had..."

"We have a month to find out. Make the call and I promise to hold you every night you want without taking advantage of you."

"What if I decide I want to take advantage of you?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way to let me know."

She did, right there on the kitchen table.

We spent December together, switching back to their legal partners for family events over the holidays. It was awkward when Donna came home, because i had no interest in making love. She wanted me though, and each time i sent her to her room alone, she found herself unable to sleep. She had told me I would be crawling back wanting her after a couple of sexless nights, but I managed fine. It pissed her off to no end, and she struck back by announcing her plans for her third date. It was to be on the night after my last night with Donna, which happened to be New Year's Eve. Doug dropped by to smirk.

"So the house husband managed to charm the neurotic bitch. Dude, we were all looking forward to watching your homo ass slither out of a maid's costume and blow each of us. But charming Donna's needy ass is nothing compared to what you'll have to do to get a month with my Judy. Dude, she doesn't take any shit. If you're not up to it in the bedroom, she'll eat you for breakfast. And that gentlemanly no kiss and tell policy is toast. Judy is the most reliable gossip in town. Once she uncovers your teeny weeny, everyone will know what a pussy you are in bed."

"Ok Doug. Well I'm not sure I can match your vivid imagery, but I will promise you to do my best to convince your Judy the sexual prowess I demonstrated to Donna is no fluke. Tell you what though, if she thinks it was a fluke and I don't measure up, I'll admit I'm a pussy and you can invite everyone over to watch me suck your dick five times, instead of everyone's once."

"Ha, I knew you were a little girly. You'd have to be to make a bet like that."

"Or I could be sure of myself."

"Right, no way."

"Then put up or shut up!"

"Woooooo, pussy boy thinks he can grow a pair. What do you get if you lose?"

"The T-bird"

Doug had a classic T-Bird in cherry condition. Mid 70's vintage coupe, with the suicide doors and landau roof and a brilliant metallic green paint job. I wasn't a big car buff, but I always thought this one was kind of classy. He loved the car, and spent hours washing it and waxing it. His face fell when I named it as my stake.

"Dude, 10 times the blow jobs aren't worth that car."

"Oh, my reputation was no big deal to bet, but your car is. I guess I was just more certain of the result than you were. Does that mean I grew a pair, or that yours shrunk away."

He scowled. He growled. But I had literally challenged his manhood, and claimed that his wife was a sure thing for me.

"You're on you son of a bitch. I'm gonna love pulling your hair when I cum down your throat."

"You can dream Doug."

A week later, he handed me his keys and his title, while Linda packed a bag with her clothes for a month. Doug and Judy had kids, so Linda was going to be busy. So was Judy. It turned out she had grown crass and bitchy because she and Doug continually jostled for power, especially in bed. A little romance and pampering her broke her down right away, and the woman who rarely came while fighting her husband over who would be on top became addicted to a man who would take charge, and then worship her body. She didn't want to go home, and Linda couldn't wait to get back.

Linda was ready to stop. It turns out Jerry was a dead fish in bed, barely moving, and as wild as Doug talked, he was a bit small and had a hair trigger. He was right about one thing though, Judy was a talker. Tony's wife Ellie, Joe's wife Carol and Ralphie's wife Sheri were eager to take their turn. Ellie was my Valentine all throughout February, and came without a side bet. Seems Doug's loss of the T-bird woke everyone up to the possibilities that I was as advertised. I'm sure the new talk of the town was about the parties the boys were going to have to give, dressed in drag. Carol found out I was no April fool, and Sheri was delighted to spend May bringing in the warm weather in my bed.

Linda was looking bad. She rarely dressed up like she had loved to do. She gained weight, let her hair grow scraggly, and seemed generally depressed. I slept with her friends through May. She tried to corner me to talk many times, but I usually avoided her, and she never seemed to have the heart to pursue me with any vigor. When she moved home, she quietly took residence in her bedroom, and spent most of her free time there.

Memorial Day rolled around, and it was Doug's turn hosting the annual summer kickoff barbecue. This would be the first time we would all gather since the wife swaps ended. The conversation dangled when Sheri and I arrived. I grabbed a beer for each of us and sat down in a comfy chair to take a big swig.

"You guys are the biggest bunch of pathetic excuses for me I've ever seen. You barely know me, yet felt you could rain on my parade. So I like to cook, and I'm a bit of a neat freak. That makes me unmanly, so I'm unfit to have a wife like Linda. I loved Linda with all my heart, and you guys decided my devotion made me some kind of wimp. You filled her with these crazy ideas that she needed better. Well you didn't know me. But I know you. So I'm going to treat you to some tidbits about your wives that you never bothered to learn. First tidbit? You guys are assholes! But you're my assholes, so I'm going to help you with your wives."

Doug puffed up ready for a fight, but he held himself back, seeing that he didn't scare me.

"Why the hell should we listen to you? You've done nothing to convince us you know jack!"

"Really?" Judy piped up at her husband. "You think what he did was nothing? You mean taking each of your wives from you for a month, and helped them discover what was missing in their lives was nothing? You listen to him, or I'm moving in with him permanently, even if I have to share him with Linda and the rest of the other wives. You listen and learn from him, or else."

I took a deep breath and a swig of beer before going on. I had the wives on my side. Each one was staring their husband down with a scathing cold glare. All except my Linda. She just looked at her feet.

"You all need to grow up and stop acting like overaged frat boys. Your wives are sick of the heavy drinking, continual sexual innuendo, potty mouthed language and locker room mentality that rule over every gathering. Act your age and be a little sensitive to the fact that there are ladies present. You married fine women, treat them like it. Wash the dishes once in a while. Learn to cook so she gets a break now and then, and no, grilling doesn't count if it's only burgers or steaks. Vegetables and dessert are required. Vacuum. Dust. Clean up after yourself. She's your wife not your personal slave.

"Doug, you have a short temper and an even shorter fuse in bed. You need to see someone about the temper. The short fuse isn't your fault, but you can do something about it. Foreplay is romantic, emotional and sexual. You push several buttons at once, so she'll be further along when you enter her. And if she doesn't cum, help her afterwards before you roll over to go to sleep. Any night you don't satisfy her, she can come on over to see me. Now here are the keys to your T-Bird. It's a nice car, but I know how much it means to you, so I can't take it. But there is a condition. Spend as much time taking care of Judy as you do waxing your car, and I won't take either one away from you anymore either."

There was some smirking present among the other guys. I didn't like it. Tony actually snickered at Doug. Maybe he had reason, as I just outed the group's alpha as a lousy lay. But for him of all people to laugh sucked, and everyone was about to find out why.