The Woman Inside

This is my second submission but one of the first stories I've written. This one has a happy ending and I hope you enjoy. Any and all feedback welcome.

*

Walter sat at his usual seat at the end of the bar. From here, he could scan the entire lounge. Tonight, it was busy with the dance floor crowded. The woman sitting alone drew his attention. She had caught his eye the moment she entered. This was not her first visit, probably the third time he had seen her. She always sat alone, had a couple glasses of wine and then left. Another man approached her and she turned him away, just like all the others.

He ran his fingers through his thinning hair and looked in the mirror behind the bar. What stared back at him was a middle aged, balding bank employee. That he was not movie star handsome bothered him when he was younger. Now, he accepted it. Occasionally, he would get on an exercise kick but it usually didn't last. So, he remained a little on the pudgy side. Through the mirror, he saw another man approach and then walk away. It seemed that she wasn't getting a break from the attention. There was an empty stool beside him. He debated whether to ask her to join him at the bar and decided 'why not'. One more swallow from his beer to gather courage and he got up from his stool. She looked up as he neared her table.

"I'm not going to ask you dance." he said. "I've noticed that you've turned away every offer."

"Then why are you here?" Her voice broke a little as she replied.

"It's just that..." Walter hesitated and, surprisingly, her eyes told him to go on. "Just that you seem to want to be alone and every couple of minutes someone is asking you to dance. There is an empty chair beside me at the bar. If it seems that you and I are together then maybe you won't get hassled."

"Why should I come over? As you said, I'm not interested in any company."

"I won't bother you." Walter started to stumble a little, "I'm a regular here and if you talk to any of the staff they'll tell you I'm a nice guy. Maybe too nice, but not someone that will bother you if you don't want. I just thought that it would make things easier for you. Sorry for the intrusion."

He returned to his stool and finished the remainder of his beer. His grand idea had just blown up. The barmaid put another in front of him as he reached for his wallet.

"I didn't order that."

"It's on the house." she said, "Walt, I saw what you tried to do. Me personally, I think it's nice. Whether she appreciates it or not, I don't know. I just want you to know that I think you did good."

"Thanks."

Walter stopped looking around; he just wanted to finish the beer and then leave. He was surprised when, a few minutes later, he heard a low cough behind him. When he turned, she was there with her drink in hand.

"I apologize. I was rude and I shouldn't have been. My name is Rachel." She held her hand out.

Walter stood and shook her hand. It lay there in his grasp, limp, and he didn't squeeze it hard. He turned the other chair somewhat and waited until she sat down.

"I'm Walter. Everyone calls me Walt." He sat down.

"And what do you prefer?"

"Walter."

"Thank you Walter." she said. "You made a nice offer and I appreciate it. I shouldn't have flipped you off so readily."

They sat in silence for a few moments. She stared at her drink but looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He turned sideways in his chair and surveyed the room again. It also gave him the opportunity to study her a little closer.

She was not a classic beauty, but, when she smiled, her face lit up. To him, she was beautiful. Her hair and makeup were perfect; the jewellery she wore was tasteful, not ostentatious at all. He would look away, over her head to the crowd, because he did not want her to think he stared at her. Maybe she realized it anyway but it didn't seem to bother her.

"You weren't lying Walter, when you said that you wouldn't talk much." she said after a while.

"I am a man of my word." he replied.

He liked it that she used his full name. The only one that ever did that was his grandmother. His parents, friends, schoolmates and co-workers all either used Walt or Wally. Wally he hated with a passion but never said anything, he just swallowed his discomfort with it.

"So," she turned to him, "do you like what you see?"

"Pardon me?"

"I noticed you staring at me."

Walter blushed.

"Umm, sorry for staring. I, uhh, shouldn't have." He fumbled for the right words to apologize when she let him off the hook with a slight smile.

"You still haven't answered the question."

"Yes, I like what I see." He took a sip of his beer. "I think you are lovely."

Now, it was her turn to blush. She placed her hand on top of his, lightly.

"Thank you." Her voice was low. "I haven't heard that in a long time. And it's very flattering that you checked me out."

The conversation started, a little stilted at first. She asked some questions about what he did for work, just generalities. He tried to draw her out and slowly she relaxed enough. Little by little he learned a few things about her but nothing truly personal. Still, it was a beginning and something he hoped they could build on. Rachel's wine was almost finished and Walter was about to order her another when she stopped him.

"I didn't realize how late it is." she said, "I've enjoyed our talk. You may be quiet but you listen. That doesn't happen often. And, it's very refreshing. But I do have to go."

Walter stood so that she had some room to move.

"I'm sorry that you are leaving." he said. "It was a pleasure spending time with you. I hope that we can do this again. Anytime you need a shield, I'm ready and willing."

When she faced him, he noticed they were about the same height. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Again, her smile touched her eyes.

"You really aren't pushy, are you?" It was an observation. "I will keep that in mind. Tonight, I really needed it."

After that, she picked up her purse, paid her tab and left. Walter watched her as she walked away. It looked to him that she held her head up a little higher. He sat back down to finish his beer and pay up. The bartender was there with a grin on her face.

"Walt, I thought you were great." she said, "I was hoping that you were going to get lucky tonight."

"A little too soon for that I think." he said with a blush, "She seems profoundly sad but wouldn't tell me why."

"Give it time."

A couple of nights later she walked in and sat down beside him.

"Please, I'm not in the mood to talk." Her voice broke as she put her hand on his. "Just be a friend. Be a shield."

"Okay."

'Damn.' He thought to himself, 'I'm in the friend's category. Again.'

They sat together, in silence. The lounge was busy and noisy, the DJ playing music and conversation over top. He tried not to stare but it was obvious something bothered her. But, he didn't pry, all he did was hold her hand. When she left, she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." she told him.

"For what? I didn't do anything."

"Exactly."

On a quiet night, with only a few people there, they had the bar to themselves. They engaged in a little small talk, continuing to get know one another. He noticed that the bartender stayed at the other end to give them some privacy. Then she walked over.

"You two should get out there and dance." she said. "And don't give me any crap about not knowing how. It'll be a bum-grabber song, I promise. Nice and slow."

"I'm not sure..." Rachel looked at Walter.

"I'm game if you are." he replied. "I don't think Carol is going to leave us alone until she sees us dancing."

She nodded her head and they got up. He saw Carol silently clap her hands and then followed Rachel to the dance floor. When she turned, he took her right hand in his left and placed his right in the middle of her back.

"I really don't know how to dance well." she whispered.

"That's okay, we'll fake it."

The music started and it was a slow song, as promised. He waited a couple of beats to get the rhythm in his head. Then he started to sway with the music. When he turned her, he saw the bar. Carol pushed her two hands together; she wanted them to dance closer. He would leave that up to Rachel. They glided along the floor and then she did step in. Her head came to rest on his shoulder and pulled his left arm close. It was like a jolt to him. The way her body melted to his caused his heart to beat faster, his blood pressure to rise. Then he started to panic, what if he got an erection? What would he say? As soon as the thought entered his mind, it was too late. He tried to back away.

"It's okay." Her voice barely reached his ear. "Actually, it's a compliment. More than you realize."

He relaxed and continued to dance. Now that he could have an erection, not offend her, of course it subsided. The song ended but right away, another slow one started. She let his hand go and wrapped both arms around his neck. This caused her breasts to slide against him. His erection returned but he just held her tight. He detected just the hint of passion fruit, not sure if it came from her shampoo or a body lotion. But, it brought back good memories of a former flame. They barely moved on the floor, little steps. He didn't want the song to end, but it had to eventually. When it did, she stayed against him for a few heartbeats then stepped back. She took his hand in hers and they walked back to their seats. Only when they were seating themselves did she let it go. Once settled, she held it again. Carol was at the other end of the bar, cleaning the same glass.

"I had wanted to ask you to dance before." he told her, "Only I wasn't sure that you wanted to. And I'm sorry about...you know...on the floor." He felt the warmth engulf his cheeks.

"You blush very nicely, you know that?" she said. "I wanted you to ask but was afraid that you wouldn't, because of how we met. And the fact that I don't know how. And about...you know? It is a compliment, really. It made me feel like a desirable woman."

"You are desirable." Walter replied, positive that she did not believe it. Just as he didn't believe he was handsome. They talked some more and then it was time for her to leave. This time, the goodnight kiss was a little longer, she held him closer.

"Damn Walt," Carol said when Rachel was gone, "you should have put the moves on her."

"There's still something bothering her, something she is not telling me." Walt could feel his cheeks redden. "I'm not going to rush her. I don't want to screw this up. Rachel will let me know when she's ready to."

"Sometimes you exasperate me. You are a nice person but you should take charge a little more. You might be surprised. Some women like it."

A couple of days later Rachel walked in and her face lit up when she spied him. She walked right into his arms and they hugged tightly. Her lips barely brushed his cheek. He inhaled and there was the passion fruit again. This time he knew it was her shampoo.

"Your hair smells lovely. Passion Fruit?" he asked as she sat down.

"Yes." Her smile reached from ear to ear. "It's my favourite. I'm glad you like it."

"I drink it in the morning sometimes," he said, "the juice, not the shampoo."

"I think I could have figured that out." She gave him a light punch on his arm. "Otherwise, you would always be blowing bubbles."

"Who's Bubbles?" He knew it was a lame joke but loved it when she groaned. Her wine arrived and they did a silent toast. The rest of the night, she always touched him. Most of the time it was holding hands, or she would caress his arm. A couple of times her hand went to his cheek. She even rubbed his leg on occasion. Still, he let her take the lead. For how far they had come there was still something she important hadn't told him. Just before she left that evening, she asked him to be there at the end of the week. There was someone she wanted him to meet and would call him with the time.

On Friday night, he saw her approach with another woman. Rachel smiled when she spied him. He stood and pulled out the two empty chairs beside his. She kissed him on the cheek after she placed her purse on the bar.

"Walter," she stood aside as her friend extended her hand, "this is Julia, my best friend. Julia, this is Walter, the one I told you about."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Julia." Walter said as he shook her hand.

"I've heard many things about you, good things." Her smile was radiant. "It's not often a gentleman stands for a lady anymore. Chivalry is not dead. Rachel was right about you."

Walter waited until the women were comfortable before he sat back down. Julia was the extrovert and led their talk while Rachel was mostly silent. She asked some very pointed questions. He was surprised at how much he revealed. It came naturally, though at times he thought he was in an interrogation. The other comparison that came to mind was of a father asking his daughter's date about his intentions. Then, it dawned on him.

"I know that this is an interview." he said directly to Julia. "You want to make sure that I'm not a jerk or going to take advantage of Rachel. I can promise you that I won't. That's also why I'm tolerating this questioning. So, fire away."

After that, Julia went easier on him but still asked pointed questions. He didn't hold back in his answers. This was important to Rachel, he knew that and he wanted to please her. When Rachel and Julia returned from their latest visit to the ladies room, Julia picked up her purse and jacket.

"I'm going to go, let you two survive without me." she said as she held out her hand to Walter. "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise." he responded. "I take I passed muster?"

Rachel blushed and Julia chuckled.

"With flying colours." she said. She pulled him closer and pecked him on the cheek.

"Treat her nice." she murmured so that only he could hear.

"I will."

Rachel turned from one to the other and back again. She and Julia hugged and kissed and then Julia departed. After they had settled themselves again, Rachel looked at Walter with a question in her eyes.

"She said to treat you nice." he said, "You heard my reply."

"We talked about you in the ladies room." Her voice was low. "She likes you."

"I figured that. That you talked about me I mean." Walter squeezed her hand lightly and their fingers intertwined. "I will never mistreat you, I hope you know that."

"There is something about me that I have to tell you, before this goes any further." She gazed right into his eyes and he saw how important it was to her. "But not here, I live a couple of blocks away. We can go to my place."

He signalled the bartender and paid their bill. They walked out together and once on the street, she led him towards her place. It was only when they reached her apartment building did he let go of her hand. Once they were inside her place, they moved into the living room and sat on the couch. Walter held her hand again while he waited for her to start.

"You've shown so much patience and consideration the last few weeks." Their eyes locked. "I want us to go further, have you spend the night. You have come to mean a lot to me." She took a deep breath. "I know you've guessed that there is something I haven't told you. I haven't told many people but I don't want any secrets. When I was a child, my name wasn't Rachel, it was Charles."

"I don't understand. Your parents gave you a boy's name?"

"I was born a boy but I'm really a woman." Rachel bit her lip.

"I'm confused."

"I am a woman who was born into a man's body. You've heard of transsexuals?"

"Yes, I have." he said. "You had a sex change."

"Not yet. I'm a pre-op. I haven't had the surgery." There was still a look of confusion on his face. "Part of the requirements before surgery is to live as a woman for a year or more. I haven't been able to afford the full transition surgery but I have been taking female hormones. It will probably be another six months before I have all the money and insurance lined up."

Walter's mind raced. She was beautiful, looked and acted like a woman. However, she was born into a man's body. That meant she had a penis.

"Don't hurt me." she said. She backed away from him, her hands out in front of her. They trembled along with the rest of her body. Her eyes began to moisten.

"I will never hit you, ever." he held his hands out, palms up. "Kiss you, yes, hit you, no. Do I understand everything? No. But I want to learn and I'm not going anywhere." He extended his arms. "I still want to make love to you." he said.

"Really?"

"Really."

She put her hands into his and let him pull her close. He just held them for a minute then draped one arm over her shoulder. Rachel leaned into him and laid her head on his chest. It wasn't hard for him to realize how much it took for her to tell him. That she trusted him like that filled him with pride.

"I told one guy and he hit me. He did it so hard that I had to have plastic surgery to rebuild my nose." Her tears started to flow as she spoke. "He wasn't the only one, just the worst. Almost every time I've told a man, they've gotten angry. It makes me scared to tell anybody."

Walter stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. "That's more than understandable." he said, "I wouldn't trust people after that either. I can't say that I understand. It's not anything I know about."

She looked up at him with hope in her eyes.

"I'm here, I'm still here and I want to stay." Walter hoped his sincerity was obvious. "I realize how hard it was to tell me, to trust me. That you did means a lot to me. It tells me how important I am to you. I'm with you because I want to be. You are a lovely and caring woman. All woman."

Rachel cried, quietly at first, and then she began to shake a little. Walter did all he could to try and comfort her. He didn't know if it worked but she slowed down and finally stopped. She turned her face up to him. Her tears had caused her make up to run. He leaned down. Their lips met in a tentative kiss, the awkward first one. His lips tingled with her touch and his heart skipped a beat. It was then he admitted to himself that he loved her.

Rachel tilted her head back and looked at him. Walter did not know he had cried with her until she wiped a tear from his cheek. She laid her head back on his chest and began to talk. He didn't say anything, just listened and held her tight. Her voice was soft and sometimes he strained to hear but he caught every word. She told him what it was like, growing up in the wrong body, feeling strange and not knowing why. The internet helped her learn about gender identity, what it meant. Her mother accepted her but couldn't help financially with any surgery or treatments. Her father was out of the picture. Once he found out, he basically disowned her. As well, she had the same desires as anyone else, wanting to meet someone and have a loving relationship. It was just people assumed she was gay, or a transvestite. The men she attracted were gay and wanted her to stay the same, not transition. When they found out that she still wanted to change, they got upset. His anger grew the more he found out. It wasn't just at the person that beat her, but all the others who had mistreated her. He cried with her for all the rude comments and insults she endured.

Only a few people in her life treated her with any dignity or respect. After what the last jerk had done, she needed reconstruction surgery. The plastic surgeon, once he found out that she wanted to transition, feminized her face. He also arranged for other surgeries to help turn her into the lovely woman she had become. Julia was a nurse who had befriended her and was a fierce protector. The reasons for her sadness were clear.

After she fell silent, he lifted her head. There were more makeup streaks, her eyes were puffy and red, and she was the most beautiful woman to his eyes. He kissed her forehead, then her cheeks, and lastly, her lips. Her tongue slipped into his mouth. His heart started to pound in his chest. He couldn't catch his breath. She used one hand and started to unbutton his shirt. Then she saw the makeup all over it.