Their Forbidden Love Ch. 02

I looked up at the stars feeling Jonathan squeeze my hand a little. "Hey, where are you?" he asked me, making me sigh. Even though the hood of the car was cold below the material of my skirt I laid there thinking. "Why don't you ever talk about your father?"

I wondered what triggered that conversation. But it was true. Aside from telling him that my father died when I was seven I didn't say much about it. Honestly I haven't thought about my father in a long time and that thought pained me. It would be more understandable if my father was an asshole or something, but he wasn't. At least what I remembered of him he wasn't. The memories of him faded more and more over the years. Sometimes I forget what he looked like. After the car accident I sat in my room crying for weeks. I hated my mom, God, the drunk driver that slammed into his car head-on. I hated everyone I could for letting him die. I even blamed myself since he was going out to pick up the Halloween costume I cried, begged him for. If I would have just waited or gotten it sooner he would still be alive.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, snapping me out of my guilt thinking. He wiped the tear that trailed from the corner of my eye. "I didn't mean to make you cry." He sat up on his elbow and turned to me.

"It's not you," I whispered, sitting up on the hood, feeling it dent a little to absorb my weight. "I haven't thought about him in a long time," I confessed, feeling my heart break. I shook my head and closed my eyes trying as hard as I could to remember what he looked like, how he smelled when he held me in his arms. I thought the tighter I clenched my lids together the memories would return, but they didn't. The only thing I could remember was his dark ash colored hair. "I... Let's go," I said, sliding off the hood and walked to the passenger side door. I sat down in the leather seat waiting for him.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he apologized, turning the key in the ignition.

I lowered my head and sighed. "It's not your fault, really, Jonathan. I just want to get to the party, that's all." I looked out the window to hide from my lie as we pulled out of the patch of dirt. I looked at my cell surprised my mom wasn't blowing up my phone as I looked at the time on the dashboard. I couldn't believe it was ten already. "Where is this party anyway?"

"It's at Bruce's house. His parents are gone on a business trip." I could hear the smile in his voice. He acted like he's never been to a party before. "There's supposed to be alcohol," he grinned.

I turned and looked at him. "So, that's your plan? You're trying to get me drunk to seduce me?"

"As I recall it doesn't take alcohol to seduce you." I took in a deep breath when feeling his hand on the inside of my thigh. He was right though. With him it didn't take much. He had me wrapped around his finger and with the way he looked at me I think he knew it.

"How about we skip the party?"

He moved his hand further up my thigh. "And what would we do?" he grinned, glancing between me and the wet road in front of him.

"Well, I have some ideas," I whispered, pressing his hand against my panties that had been wet since going to the cliff.

"Damn, Carmen," he grinned, moving his hand up and down the fabric. I was pretty sure that was enough to persuade him until I saw the flood of cars parked down the street. It made me even madder when he moved his hand. "What?" he asked in response to the hard look I gave him.

"Seriously?!" I replied even angrier that he had to ask. "So I guess you rather go to some stupid party than be with me."

"I am with you." He parallel parked in between two idiots that should probably have their license taken away.

I shook my head and opened the door before he had a chance to straighten out the car. "You know what I fucking mean!" And with that I slammed the car door and stormed up the walkway, kicking empty plastic cups and beer cans along the way. I didn't understand what the big deal was with this party anyway. When I walked inside they had lame music playing and everyone was huddled in their little clicks talking about the same bullshit they talk about at school. God, why did I let him talk me into this? I could've been at home lying in bed doing my stupid writing assignment. Thinking about my assignment made me think about Mr. Atkins. I could still picture the look on his face when he caught us in the bathroom. You would think I would be horrified, but I wasn't.

"Carmen!" I looked over my shoulder at Jonathan rushing through the doorway. "What is with you?!" he shouted over the music.

I shook my head and walked away. I didn't want to fight, but I didn't want to be there either. "Nothing," I lied and he knew it. I could tell by the way he let go of my arm and looked at me.

"All right," he dismissed. "Want a drink?" Seriously? He's going to just pretend that everything is okay? What a dick! That was the first time I thought that of him. Was he so set on coming to this stupid party he would ignore me?

I shook my head and brushed through the crowd expecting him to follow me, but he didn't. "Asshole," I whispered to the night sky.

"Sounds like trouble in paradise?" The comment made me turn to see who made it. "Smoke?" asked Ethan, head quarterback of the football team and one of the guys I tested the waters with after first moving here. Jonathan wouldn't be too happy if he saw me talking to him, but I wasn't too happy with Jonathan right now either. I watched his eyes looking me up and down, settling on the neckline of my halter top. "Where's your boyfriend?" he asked not at all hiding his disapproval tone.

"Inside," I replied, walking closer to him, taking the offered cigarette from his fingers. I wasn't much for smoking, but I thought if Jonathan saw us together it would be enough to make him want to leave.

He watched my lips as I put the cigarette in between them. "Then why are you out here alone?" he asked, putting the flame of his lighter to the end of the cigarette. I shrugged my shoulders as I inhaled. "I don't get what you see in him anyway."

I hated the awkward silence but I didn't know what to say. It wasn't like Ethan wasn't a prize. All the girls wanted him, but for some reason he chose me. Out of all the girls that flirted and drooled over him, he picked me. We only dated for a month before breaking up with him to go out with Jonathan. "I should really get back to Jonathan," I whispered, feeling his eyes undressing me. I tossed out the rest of my cigarette and went to the door, but he grabbed my hand. "Ethan," I whimpered suddenly being reminded of what I did like about him. The strength behind his arms held my waist tight. Being there with him like that made my heart race. "Please, Ethan," I breathed, closing my eyes tight, touching his large hands against the small of my back.

"Why are you with that looser?" he whispered in my ear.

"Please let go," I begged, pushing back against his locked fingers. Even though I was mad at Jonathan I still cared about him. I didn't want to hurt him and seeing me like this with Ethan would definitely hurt him.

"You should be with me, not him."

"We only dated a month, Ethan. Why are you still upset about it?"

"Well, I guess that month meant more to me than it did you."

"It meant something to me too. But it's over, Ethan. I'm with Jonathan and I care about him a lot."

"I've never been with anyone like you, Carmen." His words stung me in my chest. A guy like him I expected to be going through girls like nothing, but he felt different about me for some reason.

"You could have any girl you want."

"Apparently not." He lowered his head and let out a hard breath. "Jonathan. Why do you think he's really with you?"

"What?" I didn't understand why he would ask me that. "Because he likes me. What other reason would there be?"

"Well, maybe you should reevaluate that answer."

I didn't want to hear anymore of his jealous rants, "just let me go," I pleaded and he did. I felt air return to my lungs and walked to the door still feeling his eyes on me.

"You okay?" asked Jonathan standing in the hall with Andrew and Ken, also on the football team. "What's wrong?" he asked as I stood with my heart racing not able to speak.

"Here," offered Andrew, handing me a red plastic cup. I held it up to my nose to smell it, my eyes meeting Jonathan's.

"What is he doing?!" Jonathan growled, making me look. I felt my breath catch in my throat when Ethan came inside. "Man, fuck this," he said, grabbing me by my arm and led me to the front door.

"Jonathan, wait!" I yelled, trying to get away. "What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem. Now that you see him you want to stay? Did you talk to him?" He stared at me as I froze. I tried to think of a good lie, think of something but my mind was a blank and it was too late. Ethan was walking towards us. "You can't get over the fact that she dumped you, can you?!" he yelled, his voice louder than the music.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? You would know all about getting dumped, Jonathan."

"What is he talking about?" I shouted, confused.

"Stay away from her!" Jonathan roared, pushing me behind him.

"Man, fuck you," Ethan whispered, walking out the front door.

"Come on," Jonathan demanded, holding my hand tight as he led me to the door.

I pulled my arm from his grasp and stood on the porch. "I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what's going on."

He looked up and shook his head. "I can't believe this shit," he mumbled. He went back inside and waited at the foot of the stairs for me. "Come on, let's talk." It wasn't hard to see that he didn't want to talk then, but I had to know what was going on.

"What's going on, Jonathan?!" I stood with my arms crossed when he found an empty bathroom upstairs

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking down at the white ceramic tiles. "I just hate that guy," he whispered.

"How could you hate someone you play with?"

"Believe me it isn't easy."

I walked a little closer and leaned against the edge of the counter. "What was he talking about? What are you not telling me?"

I felt my heart stop when he looked up at me. "You know I like you, right?"

"Yeah I like you, too," I whispered. Although by this point the way I felt about him was more than just liking him. "What is it, Jonathan?" His silence scared me when he stood without looking at me. "Please, Jonathan, you're scaring me."

"When I first saw you with Ethan I knew I had to get you to go out with me. I had to get you to leave him."

"Um, okay."

He ran his fingers through his hair before sitting on the tub again. "When I did that it wasn't just because I liked you."

I was so confused. "What are you saying?"

"About a year before you came to this school I was seeing this girl Kristy. We were dating for a few months and then she..."

I shook my head even more confused. What does this girl have to do with me? I wondered. "And?"

He lowered his head, making me even more nervous. Was he going to tell me he cheated on me? God, please don't let it be something bad, I prayed, feeling a pain in my stomach. "I had to find a way to get him back. I vowed to make him pay for taking her away from me."

"What are you saying, Jonathan?"

"When I saw how much he was into you I saw my chance," he whispered, looking up at me.

I leaned back against the counter not able to breathe. "The...only reason you wanted to go out with me was for revenge?!'" Hearing the words aloud made it even harder to comprehend. "So, it was all bullshit?" He didn't say anything. He just nodded his head slowly. "So I was just...? You used me? You... I..." I couldn't speak. I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't even think as my ears rang.

"I know it was wrong, but at the time I didn't think how the truth would affect you."

"You bastard!" I yelled, feeling the tears run down my cheeks. I couldn't feel anything other than my heart breaking. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at the guy that I thought cared about me. For five months he was playing me, lying to me, using me to get back at Ethan. I walked back and felt for the door.

"Carmen, wait!" he called out, getting up from the bathtub. I couldn't stand to look at him, to hear anymore bullshit. I ran out the door and down the stairs as the tears continued to fall. "Carmen!" he yelled as I ran out the front door.

I ran. I just ran as fast as I could to get away from him. I finally stopped at the end of the street out of breath. I fell to the pavement, not caring that my panties were exposed to anyone that walked or drove past me. I didn't care that I looked like a complete mess.

I just sat at the corner of the sidewalk crying into the night sky. I opened my heart to him, gave him all of me, and loved him for it to all be a cruel joke. I looked down when hearing cars driving by and I slowly stood to my feet, brushing the dirt off the back of my skirt. I took in a long and deep breath before walking down the street. I looked around at the houses and street lights trying to figure out where I was going. I was far from his house where my car was parked in the driveway. I looked down at my shoes thankful I decided to wear my low heel sandals instead of my wedge heeled sandals. Was it a sign? Was my choice in shoes a way of telling me that this was going to happen? I shook my head over the thought of my fashion sense being smarter than I was. I crossed my arms against my torso when feeling a cold breeze blow through me. I couldn't believe that he would do that to me. I walked down the street trying to figure out how anyone could do something so horrible. I ignored Ethan for him. I broke up with Ethan for him. I fell in love with him, cared for him more than anyone else for it to just be a lie.

I looked to my side when I heard a car slowly pull up beside me. I kept walking expecting it to be Jonathan. "I don't want to hear it, Jonathan," I shouted, walking a little faster.

"Carmen!"

I stopped walking when hearing another voice. "Mr. Atkins?" I said, bending forward to look in the open passenger window.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?" He leaned forward, resting his arm on the empty seat.

"I thought it was a nice night to walk," I wiped the drying tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"Where's Jonathan?"

"Ha, Jonathan? I don't give a shit where that piece of shit is," I huffed, standing up.

"What happened?" he asked, leaning closer to the open window. I couldn't answer. I just shook my head and brushed my hair back with my fingers. "Where's your car?"

"At your house," I whispered. I looked down when I saw the door open toward me.

"Come on, get in."

I shook my head and stepped back. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just walk."

"I'm not going to leave you out here like this. It's going to rain soon and my house is at least three miles away."

He had a point. There was no way I was going to make it in the rain. "Okay," I breathed, slowly walking to the car. "Thanks." I pulled the card door and sat back.

"I can't believe he just let you walk by yourself," he said his voice hard and stern.

"I left on my own. What were you doing?"

"I was picking up some dinner." He looked at me as he shifted into drive. "It was a good thing I ran into you. It's not safe at night these days."

I could feel his eyes on me as I looked out the window. "Your brother is..." I stopped in mid-sentence and shook my head.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I crossed my arms and slouched against the back of the seat. "I rather not," I whispered, turning my head.

"Okay," he said, turning the volume up on the radio.

I sighed and looked at him feeling bad. After all it wasn't his fault his brother turned out to be a complete asshole. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to be nice."

He looked between me and the road ahead. "It's all right."

I didn't really want to talk about what happened, but if anyone could give me some insight I would think it would be him. "Jonathan told me the real reason he wanted to go out with me."

"The real reason?"

"He wanted to get back at Ethan for taking his girlfriend, Karen-Kim..." I shook my head over the thought. "It doesn't matter what the fuck her name is. Because of her I'm the one that looks like an idiot."

"I knew my brother was stupid, but I didn't think he would do anything like that. I'm so sorry, Carmen."

Carmen? That was the first time he'd called me by my first name. I was used to hearing Miss. Lawson. I didn't think he knew my first name. "Thanks, Mr. Atkins."

"Darrel," he said, smiling at me when he stopped at a red light. "We're not in class, so you can call me Darrel."

"Okay. Thanks, Darrel."

He cleared his throat and looked at the car in front of him. "Well, if you ask me you're better off without him anyway."

I looked in my lap, playing with the hem of my skirt doubting that. "I wish that was enough comfort, but it isn't." I let out a hard sigh and rested my arm on the door panel. "I really liked him. I thought he was perfect."

"You're a beautiful young woman, Carmen. There is someone out there that will appreciate you better than he could." I could hear the sincerity in his voice and it made me smile despite the desire to roll up in a ball with a spoon full of ice cream in my mouth. "I mean it, Carmen."

"Thank you, but right now it's a little hard to believe." I looked out the window again, staring up at the street lights. My breath caught in my throat when I felt his hand on top of mine. I looked down at my hand to make sure I didn't imagine the warm skin against mine. He gently squeezed my hand to reassure me that it was real. I looked at him and the way he looked at me made my heart pound against my chest. "Um, the light is green," I whispered, seeing the change in color out the corner of my eye.

He looked at the light and quickly released my hand. "Right," he breathed, gently pressing on the gass pedal. "We're not far now." After that I didn't know what to say. For a split second I saw something different in his eyes. He turned up the volume on the radio, almost loud enough to hear miles away.

I looked at my car in the driveway as he pulled in next to it. I cleared my throat to break the silence. He pulled up on the emergency brake lever and gripped the steering wheel. "Thanks for the ride, Mr. Atkins. Sorry, Darrel."

He lowered his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't mind." He tilted his head a little to look at me. "I guess I'll see you on Monday." I nodded my head and opened the car door. "Enjoy the rest of your night."

I smiled and stepped out of the car, closing the door as he sat there. "Shit," I groaned. I leaned over the open window, sticking my head inside the car. "Um, my purse is inside."

"Oh it's no problem." He took the key out of the ignition. I waited for him as he reached in the back seat for a white plastic bag. "Come on," he said, closing the car door and walked up the walkway. I followed behind him, keeping my distance as he opened the door to the dark house. "They must be out," he said, flicking the light switch by the door. I walked in and he closed the front door. "Where's your purse?" He set his plastic bag on the dining room table.

I let out a hard sigh and looked in the direction of the stairs. "His room," I groaned. I was suddenly reminded of what we did before leaving. The memory made me want to cry, but I held it in.

"Oh, I could get it if you'd like."

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. "No, I got it." I touched the wood banister and slowly walked up the stairs. The hall was dark and quiet, making what happened even more hard to bear. "Why did this have to happen to me," I whispered, feeling the sting of my tears run down my cheeks when I entered his room. I looked around for my purse wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. I definitely didn't want to be there when he got back. I looked at the unmade bed, evidence of the last time we were together. Oh, God the last time. If I knew our last time would really have been the last time I would have insisted on skipping the party. "Would this have happened if we didn't go?" The thought made me want to cry. "Asshole!" I cursed, dropping to the floor to look under the bed. "Fucking asshole!" I roared to the pairs of shoes under the bed.