There and Back Again Ch. 103-104

Aedan looked like he'd accidentally bitten into a raw onion.

"What?"

"Sierra..." He looked at Zevran helplessly. "Look, I appreciate that you want to help, but...we can't get involved with arming the elves. Duncan's already going to skin me for giving them the coin to do it themselves."

I stood abruptly, pacing to the bookshelves and back. "So we just, what? Let them get arrested? Imprisoned, maybe tortured? Killed? All because they want to protect themselves and their homes? It might be one thing if the guards actually patrolled properly and defended them, instead of just making sure they don't 'get out' and cause any problems for the humans. Just look at what happened to Kallian! You can't blame them for wanting weapons. But they're going to get themselves killed. Alistair?"

I turned to my husband, who sat there looking like he was trying to get swallowed by the floor. "Uh..."

"Really?" I kicked the base of a bookshelf irritably, and a book tumbled out into my arms. I caught it, holding it uselessly, tears spilling over to trickle down my cheeks. "Zev?"

The elf stood, coming over to me and taking the book away, dropping it on a table. He reached out and put one hand on my shoulder, the other cupping my chin. "Cara mia, these things take time, yes? We can't just give them new weapons and expect the problems to be solved, even if we could get away with it. You know Theron is sympathetic -- just wait, bella donna. Now isn't the time."

"Would you say that if it was me who'd been serially raped for months, and we weren't allowed to fight back?" I shrugged out of Zevran's grip, shot a dirty look at both Aedan and Alistair, and ran out of the room in tears.

It was Kallian who found me, later, huddled in the room I supposedly shared with her and Solona. I'd missed supper, and she brought me a plate of food; for once, I had no appetite. I picked at it listlessly. She sat down cross-legged on the floor across from me.

"Aedan told me your plan."

I sniffled and looked away.

"I appreciate the thought, Sierra, but...that's not the way to make things better, you know that, right?"

I sniffed again. "I just want to help. I wasn't...wasn't raised to just be able to accept this sort of thing. Treating someone else like that just because their ears are different. No one should have to go through what you have, and those people in the Alienage...there's no one to protect them from it happening again and again."

"I know. But handing a bunch of half-trained children knives will only make things worse. My father told me that already a handful have been arrested -- fighting on the docks and pulling a dagger, that sort of thing."

"If a human did that, no one would even notice, unless it was someone important that they killed."

"That doesn't make it okay. Perhaps the focus should be on disarming the rest of the world, not arming the elves?"

I thought about Earth -- about the NRA and other conservative gun-nuts. "Good luck with that."

She laughed. "Listen, I do appreciate the thought. And after the Blight...well, there will be some changes, I hear, and I hope we can make things better. But for now, let's just get through the human politics, and then the Blight, okay?"

I nodded, dejected. "Is there anything we can do? Those children..."

"Need more than any one person can offer. I was lucky -- my father was well-off, as elves go. We always tried to feed the little ones, but..."

"But they wouldn't take food from us if we brought it to them, would they."

"Probably not. And even if they did -- are you going to feed them all forever?"

I sighed. "I intended to talk to Mother Boann and encourage her to set up a school. Give her some coin for supplies. Do you think the kids would go?"

She thought about it. "Some of them. And I can ask my father and Valendrian to encourage more."

"What about buying the weapons for coin? Think they'd sell?"

"Probably not. But if you're actually offering, I can put out the word that the Grey Wardens are looking for spare weapons and willing to pay."

"I have some coin. Aedan won't even notice -- he's probably forgotten I have it in the first place. How much do you think we should pay?"

"They'll be poor quality weapons. More than twenty-five silvers each would just make them suspicious."

I considered. Four weapons for a sovereign, then...I fished in my coin purse and handed Kallian ten sovereigns. "If you need more, let me know."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Like I said, I wasn't raised to accept blind racism. Elves should have the same rights as humans. So should mages, for that matter. And someone has to be the first to try to change everyone else's mind."

"But, I mean, why me? I could just take your coin and leave."

I thought about it. "What you've been through...you are an incredibly strong person. You helped Nathaniel even when he was too weak to make you. I'd say you earned it. Besides, Duncan knew your mother. I think he'd approve."

She smiled. "My mother? Who is Duncan, anyway? You mentioned him to Hahren Valendrian."

"Oh, uh, he's the Warden Commander. He's been mostly hiding in the barracks since you got here, I suppose. As I recall, he wanted to recruit your mom, but she wanted to stay and have a family with your father."

"I bet he has stories about her before I was born, then."

"I imagine, yes. You should ask him."

"Would you mind if I came with you when you speak to Mother Boann? I should thank her. She tried to stop us from being kidnapped, even if she wasn't successful."

"Of course."

My appetite returning, I reached over and grabbed a bun and a piece of cheese off the platter Kallian had brought me. "I suppose I should go apologise to Aedan and Alistair."

"They're not mad, as best I can tell."

"Doesn't mean I don't feel like a bitch."

She laughed. "I think they're in the library."

I grabbed another bun, gathered myself up off the floor ungracefully, and went to find them. On my way, I ran into Nathaniel, who avoided making eye contact.

I rolled my eyes. "Good evening, your Grace."

He looked up, startled, and I smiled. He scowled at me, and then snorted a brief laugh. "I've heard you don't like being called a lady. Given that you outrank me..."

I grinned. "That's fair. But I made you laugh." He smirked and I giggled. "How are you doing, then, Nathaniel?"

"Better than yesterday." He flushed and looked away. "About that..."

"No need. You'd been sedated. And you needed someone to talk to. I didn't mind."

"Thanks." He rubbed his forehead. "And thanks for taking Kallian home. Not that I understand how you know me, or her, and where exactly you come from...?"

I considered. "I think...maybe now's a good time to tell you my, uh, history, as it were. If you're interested?"

He nodded.

"Alright. I think my brother is in the library -- I need to get something, and then I can meet you there?"

He agreed and headed to the library; I quickly ran back the way I'd come, ducking into Alistair's room to rifle through some of my belongings. Finding what I was looking for, I headed back to the library.

Aedan, Alistair, Zevran, and Nathaniel all sat chatting quietly when I arrived, and it was nice to see them all getting along -- I'd been a bit worried that Aedan would hate Nathaniel no matter what, but Nathaniel's misfortune at his father's hands seemed to have made an impact. The two were laughing together, reminiscing about times when the families had visited, joking about pranks played on poor Delilah, the only girl. Theron stood by the door, silently watching as usual.

The talk stopped suddenly when I came in, and I paused, blushing. Alistair smiled tentatively at me, and I beamed at him. He tilted his head towards Aedan, and I nodded. Aedan wouldn't meet my eyes, and I walked up to him feeling awkward.

"I'm sorry," I blurted, and he looked at me, deep blue eyes startled. "I wasn't trying to imply you didn't care. I just..." I looked down. He reached out and grabbed me in a hug, and I relaxed into it, relieved. I put my arm out to Zevran and Alistair, and then we were having a group hug. Until Zevran made a dirty joke, and we sprang apart like we'd been electrocuted. Zev laughed uproariously, Alistair chuckled, and even Nathaniel smirked. Aedan just groaned theatrically and punched the elf's shoulder.

I settled into Alistair's lap, kissing his neck and murmuring apologies while everyone else was seated; he squeezed me and told me not to worry about it.

I turned to Aedan. "I was thinking we should tell Nathaniel about...me."

He nodded. "I agree. Especially given what you know about..."

He didn't complete that sentence, but I knew what he meant. Amaranthine. Where the Architect and the Mother will go to war. I grimaced, and then took a deep breath.

"When I was born, somehow my mind, my consciousness, was sent to another world by a mage. We don't exactly know why, or how, but to my parents, I just never woke up after birth. Apparently I was breathing, but didn't respond. They took me to healers and mages, but no one could figure out what was wrong. We don't know what happened after that, but they never told Aedan he had a sister."

Aedan nodded in agreement, while a wide-eyed Nathanial looked at him skeptically.

"Meanwhile, I was living in another world, called Earth. I was found abandoned, and raised as an orphan. There was no magic, on Earth, no elves or dwarves, no darkspawn. They have only people, and the things that humans can build, and a bit of herbalism. Because of that, I guess, they've learned how to build some amazing things. Like this."

I lifted my iPhone, which had been sitting in my lap, turning it on; Nathaniel gasped. I took a picture, and then a video, played some music, and then handed it to him to hold. He looked like it was a snake just waiting to bite, and we laughed.

"It is quite safe. Anyway, one of the things they built, sort of like that, was a way to interact with a pretend version of Thedas. Somehow, someone over there knew a lot about Thedas. There were books, and a game. You watched it on a bigger version of that screen, and could influence events in certain ways. So what is happening now, with the Blight...a lot of people on Earth actually know Thedas' future.

"I was one of those people...and then, one day, I woke up here. At first I assumed it was a dream, but I'm pretty sure it's not."

Alistair chuckled. "Only pretty sure?" He made the words sound like an innuendo of some sort, and I elbowed him in the chest while he laughed.

"So I knew what your father was doing. Not the details, but...anyway. I knew about the Blight, knew Loghain would abandon the Grey Wardens at Ostagar. So, since I was stuck here, I decided to help, to try to...improve things, somehow. In the game...well, after the Blight, you returned from the Free Marches, angry with Aedan for killing your father because you didn't know what he'd been doing. You ended up being recruited into the Grey Wardens. I knew you were a good person, and I wanted you to know the truth so you wouldn't blame Aedan. That's why I wrote to you. I didn't even know if my letter would find you, because they never said where in the Free Marches you were, but I had to try. And I never dreamed your father would..." I swallowed, whispering the next words, "torture you."

I hadn't given him time to respond, so I stopped, waiting to see what he would say. He seemed speechless, staring at my phone like it held some sort of answers.

"I know a little bit about you, if you'd like me to tell you?" I prompted, racking my brain for what I'd learned in Awakenings.

He nodded, not really paying attention, but I decided to take him at his word.

"Well, let's see. You grew up at Vigil's Keep. Your father hated your mother, but I think her family were rich so he needed them. There was a portrait of your mother at the Keep that was only brought out when your grandmother came over. You would be paraded in front of the old lady while she'd point out every fault she could find, so you always felt you weren't good enough. You had a groundskeeper, an elf named Samuel, who used to call you 'Little Nate,' and a servant -- a nanny maybe? -- named Adraia, who was the only real mother you ever had.

"Your brother Thomas liked to drink too much and throw up on your shoes, and your sister, Delilah, had a crush on a merchant in Amaranthine, and hated Aedan for ruining a dress when you were little. Your grandfather joined the Grey Wardens, and you never saw him again; he had a bow that you used to admire, but your father hid it away. And you weren't allowed to explore the basements and cellars in the Keep -- for good reason, because there's a Deep Roads entrance down there, as well as an Avvar tomb full of demons and undead."

His eyes got progressively wider as my list went on. When I finished, he stared at me in complete silence for at least a couple of minutes.

When he finally spoke, his voice was somewhat amused, but still a little skeptical. Who could blame him? "That's quite the trick. Do you do parties or salons as well?" He grinned to take the bite out of the words, but it was obvious they weren't entirely joking. "And now you're going to be the Queen?"

It hadn't occurred to me how it would look to Nathaniel, and with a deep blush I stuttered, climbing out of Alistair's lap. "No, believe me, I have no plans to be Queen." I sat beside Alistair, who claimed my hand, lacing his fingers between mine.

I glanced at Theron, who seemed to understand my question; he inclined his head slightly. Another quick glance at Aedan showed my brother nodding thoughtfully. I turned back to Nathaniel.

"There's something else you should know, but you must keep it a secret at all costs. No one can know. Will you promise?"

He looked from Alistair to Aedan and back to me, all of our expressions deadly serious. I turned to Theron, who had double-checked the lock on the library door and was reaching up to pull off his helmet. Alistair gestured, and Nathaniel turned to look just as Theron swiped his golden hair off his face and smiled at Nathaniel.

Nate paled, leaping to his feet and taking a step forward, only to stumble to his knees, one hand covering his mouth, the other reached out in supplication.

"You...you...?"

"Yes, me." Theron grinned, stepping forward and using Nathaniel's outstretched hand to haul him to his feet. "It's good to have you with us, Arl Howe. But please, until after the Landsmeet, call me Theron."

"Theron?" He nodded, looking dazed, and Theron grinned. "But you were killed. By darkspawn, I was told."

Theron chuckled. "I get that a lot."

I giggled. "Rumours of his demise have been greatly exaggerated."

"But how?"

"Sierra." Theron nodded at me. "She saved my life at Ostagar. Duncan, the Warden Commander also survived because of her."

"Your Maj-" Theron frowned, and Nathaniel cleared his throat and restarted. "Theron - why haven't you taken your throne back? Why are you hiding?"

Aedan answered, "If he'd known Theron was alive, Loghain would have made sure he didn't survive to reach Denerim. He'd already hired assassins to kill the Grey Wardens; we couldn't take the chance he'd be successful in a second attempt to gain the throne through murder."

"Not to mention, I sort of needed to know if my wife was involved. Which it seems, more and more, she likely was."

Zevran nodded, though Aedan's frown didn't indicate total agreement. I wasn't sure what to think. The fact that Anora had stomped out of the room and refused to talk to anyone except Aedan and Eamon if she could get away with it wasn't helping. Theron's expression was pained, and Nathaniel winced in sympathy.

"Wait. You called me Arl Howe."

"Yes?" Theron smiled.

"Don't be disingenuous. My father certainly lost any rights he had to the Arling, never mind the other titles he claimed."

"Tell me, Nathaniel: if you had known what your father was doing, would you have gone along with it?"

"Never."

"And if you had been here?"

"I'd have tried to stop him. Probably been killed before he even took over Highever."

"So remind me, then, why you should pay for the crimes of your father?" Theron patted Nate's shoulder, then turned to pace. "I've been reminded," he glanced at me and I smirked, "that I cannot live my life comparing myself to my father and his legacy. Why should that be any different for you? The Arling was yours by rights when Rendon died. He's dead. The Arling is yours, if you want it."

"But..."

"Prove me right, Nathaniel. Prove you aren't your father, if you feel the need to, by fixing his mistakes." Theron turned back to look at Nathaniel. "You'll have a few houseguests, though. At least at first."

Nathaniel frowned, confused. "Houseguests?" I don't even think he noticed his agreement is being assumed. Theron isn't terrible at this manipulation thing.

"The Grey Wardens. After the Blight, we have reason to believe they'll be needed in Amaranthine."

Nathaniel looked at me, then glanced to Aedan and Alistair. We all nodded encouragingly.

"Thank you." He took a knee in front of Theron again, a lot more gracefully. "I, Arl Nathaniel Howe, do hereby swear my fealty and loyalty to you, Cailan Theirin, and to your heirs, and pledge myself to live honourably and prove your faith in me was not misplaced." Theron pulled Nate up, and the two men shared a brief, manly hug. "I will gladly host the Grey Wardens for as long as they choose to stay in Amaranthine." He turned to me. "I hope that, at some point, you can help me to understand why they will be needed there?"

I nodded. "Does that mean you believe me?"

"Hard not to," he gestured to my phone, "especially when my King vouches for you, my Lady." I wrinkled my nose in distaste, and he chuckled. "Sierra. Will you be accompanying the Wardens to Amaranthine?"

Alistair wrapped his arm around my waist possessively, sliding me back into his lap, and I laughed. "I go where my husband goes." I tilted my head towards Alistair. "Literally, whether I want to or not. So, probably. I assume."

"Husband?"

Theron chuckled. "Yet another secret. Please, Nathaniel, we must ask that you keep this - all of this - to yourself. No one else can know about Sierra, and I must remain anonymous until the Landsmeet."

"I swear, no one will learn of this from me." He muttered, "Honestly, who'd believe me anyway?" and we all laughed.