There and Back Again Ch. 129

"Or someone else altogether," Alistair cautioned. "We can speculate, but we don't have proof of anything."

"Do you think we'll ever figure out who was behind it?"

"I can make some subtle inquiries, if you like?" Leliana offered. "I have many contacts within Orlais, after all."

"Please do," Cailan agreed. "And I will make formal inquiries through diplomatic channels, though I think it's safe to say nothing will come of that."

"I feel like we should ask them what they want to do," I suggested, getting back to the subject of Loghain and Dougal. "At least Dougal. I know you want Loghain out of the country..."

Cailan sighed. "That was probably hasty of me. I couldn't help but feel he was a threat to me, but with Anora gone..." He looked over at Alistair and Aedan. "I'll leave the decision to you."

Dinner was lovely; we were all guilty of watching Cailan too closely when servants came in with wine to go with the meal, but to our relief, he sipped at one glass, refusing any refills. I wondered if he'd so quickly come to his senses, or if he was just embarrassed. Either way, I'll take it.

We finished dinner, and Cailan excused himself to catch up on more paperwork. Aedan had Dougal and Loghain brought to us, and allowed Leli, Wynne, and me to stay for the discussion. Dougal, unsurprisingly, wanted to go back to Jader; he agreed to travel by ground, but declined an escort.

"They weren't after me, lad," he said to Alistair when he objected. "And on my own, they won't even be able to find me if they try. I'll be back in Jader in no time."

Loghain, also unsurprisingly, wished to stay in Ferelden. Aedan and Alistair made no commitment, but agreed to consider his request. Loghain, claiming tiredness after the healing earlier in the day, excused himself for an early night, but Dougal stayed and we all chatted until late. Wynne decided to stay the night, even when Leliana left to go back to the Chantry, and I suspected that Dougal had something to do with it. I managed, just barely, not to tease her about it when she went to bed.

Aedan was unimpressed, but Alistair cautiously optimistic about the meeting in the morning with Ferelden's new Grand Cleric. I had to admit I was curious about meeting her, after hearing about her from Leliana and reading 'Asunder', but I was also nervous. Bad enough Greagoir knew about me -- and rescuing Anders was a good motivator. At least I had bargaining chips I could use -- I wonder if any of his men ever managed to use the abilities I showed him? But she's supposed to be much more clever than he is, and devious -- a bard, like Leli. I'm going to have to be very, very careful.

We stopped in on Cailan before going to bed myself; he was sitting at his desk, staring aimlessly out the open window, a tumbler half-full of some sort of liquor in front of him beside a truly impressive pile of papers. Alistair let me go first, clearly insecure, uncertain of his standing with the king. Cailan jumped when I cleared my throat, and I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry. How are you holding up?" I couldn't stop my gaze from returning to the glass of booze.

He flushed slightly when he saw where I was looking, and waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry," he responded ruefully, "I haven't climbed back into the bottle."

"Cailan, I..."

"I understand," he interrupted. "When you got here...well, no one could blame you for assuming I'd be drunk again. I'm afraid I'm not very good at this...monarchy thing."

I walked up to him, leaning one hip against his desk, holding out one hand for his. He gave it to me hesitantly, and I squeezed his fingers with mine softly. "It's okay to lose it, every now and then. And we are always here for you -- all of us. You may be the King, blood of Calenhad and all that nonsense -- but you're still just a person, and that's okay. You're allowed to be human, and to need help. After what you've been through the last few years...no one can blame you for needing a few days."

Alistair crept up behind me, reaching out to rest his hand on Cailan's shoulder. "I'm glad you sent for us. You're doing well, Cailan. The people love you. Stop being so hard on yourself, alright?"

Cailan clung to my hand, leaning into Alistair's sympathetic touch, eyes bright as he blinked a few times. "Thanks." His expression was earnest, the gratitude so raw it hurt to see.

"It's what family does, or so I've been told." We all chuckled uncomfortably; not a single one of us in the room had any experience with that.

Feeling awkward, we finally bid Cailan goodnight, encouraging him to go to bed rather than sit up all night with paperwork. He promised, seeming in a better mood as we hugged him and went to bed.

I slept poorly, nervously anticipating my meeting with Grand Cleric Dorothea in the morning.