There and Back Again Ch. 015

Finally happily exhausted, I turned to head into the castle in search of food, and was seriously considering using Alistair's waterfall, when I ran into Mother Hannah from the Redcliffe Chantry.

"Oh! Pardon me, Mother. How is everyone faring in the village?"

"As well as can be expected, my lady, and thank you for asking. Actually, I was just here talking to Bann Teagan about the orphans you met the other night. He's been kind enough to fund a small orphanage to be set up, and I was hoping he could spare some servants to help run the place. I hadn't quite realised how bad things were at the castle, I suppose, and there's really no one to spare. I don't know what to do - I only have a couple of Sisters, and neither of them are really good with children."

"You know what? I have an idea. I need to get a bit cleaned up and have a bite to eat, but would you be available to meet with me in a couple of hours? Let me see what I can do to help."

She agreed, a hopeful look replacing the worried one she'd been wearing, and left for the village. I wandered inside, asking a servant for a bucket of warm water and some towels to clean myself up with, and headed to my room to do just that. I changed into the simpler linen dress Leliana bought me, instead of the fancy velvet one, and plodded back down into the main hall. Teagan was there, eating distractedly with a pile of papers in front of him. I asked a servant for something to eat, and joined him at the table.

"Good afternoon, my lord."

"And to you, my lady. Missing your friends already?"

I nodded. "Hopefully they will be back in a week or so."

"I hear you have taken to embarrassing the new Knight recruits on the practice field while we wait." I giggled and he grinned.

"It's not my fault if they can't prevent being beat up by a girl!"

We chatted for a bit, and then I mentioned running into Mother Hannah.

"She told me that you were willing to help fund somewhere for the orphans to go. Is that true, my lord?"

"It is. And I hear you gave her some coin as well. Sadly it might not work out; it seems we have a significant lack of people to take care of the children."

"I have an idea about that. Would you be opposed to paying someone to do it?"

"I have no objection, no. What did you have in mind?"

"I need to figure some things out. Let me get back to you." We talked a bit about the budget he had set for the orphanage, and I asked a few questions about how much different types of work might pay in a village like Redcliffe. He looked at me strangely, but answered my questions honestly.

Finally fed, I took my leave of Teagan and walked down into the village. I hadn't seen Theron all day, so I went alone. First I stopped at the tavern, then I went into the village proper and found the small house I was familiar with from the first day we'd spent preparing the town for the attack. After a brief visit, I met two young women outside the Chantry a few minutes later. They curtsied to me, and then fell into step behind me as I went inside in search of Mother Hannah.

We found her in the back of the Chantry sitting at a small desk piled with books. When she saw me enter, she motioned to a chair beside the desk, but then looked uncertainly at the two women with me. I gestured for them to stay a little bit away, and they turned to chat with one another quietly.

Mother Hannah gave me a confused look and I smiled.

"I have your orphanage workers for you, Mother." I nodded in the direction of Kaitlyn and Bella. "And if you agree, I think I even have a location for you."

I outlined my plan, in which the orphanage would be set up in the home formerly owned by Kaitlyn's parents, and now occupied only by the young woman and her brother. Kaitlyn and Bevin would share a bedroom, another would hold Bella, and the rest of the house could be converted to play rooms and bedrooms for the orphans. They would need more space eventually, but for now with just a few children, it actually fit perfectly. Kaitlyn needed some sort of work to support herself and her brother, and she was used to taking care of Bevin so she was good with kids. Bella was a bit older and miserable in her job at the tavern. They were both kind, and both were eager for the chance to do something worthwhile, especially if they could also be paid for it. I explained the salaries I expected would need to be paid, and the money to essentially pay rent on the house, which would add up to less than Bann Teagan had offered for the budget. But the Chantry would have the responsibility of overseeing things, making sure the children were well cared for, and for that they could have the rest of Bann Teagan's coin.

Mother Hannah thoughtfully eyed the two young women, and then agreed that the solution at least made a great deal of sense. She wanted to speak with Kaitlyn and Bella herself, but I was confident it would work out. I left her to discuss the arrangement with the girls and spent the rest of the afternoon, on the floor of the Chantry, playing with the two adorable toddlers I'd met that first night. They remembered me, and soon were climbing all over me as I laughed and tickled them. It felt good to be able to relax for a while, and despite the noise I think everyone was so happy to see the tragic young faces smiling for once that we didn't get so much as a dirty look.

Thoroughly sweaty and now covered with dust from crawling around on the floor, I headed back to the castle a bit before supper so I would have the chance to wash up before eating. A servant was happy to arrange a bath for me, and while I was left to do my hair without help, I managed to put it up and left a few curly tendrils hanging near my face as she had showed me. A quick glance in my tiny compact mirror confirmed I was as good as I was likely to get and I descended to the main hall for supper.

It was a much quieter evening, with just Teagan, Theron, Morrigan and myself. I told Teagan the arrangements I had made for the orphanage and he was impressed that I had worked it out so well, without exceeding his budget, and with Chantry approval. I felt just a little better that the sweet tiny people I'd wanted to protect would be cared for better than I had been.

After dinner, Teagan asked me to take a walk with him, and I felt it would be impolitic to refuse. Somehow Theron's extremely dirty look did not deter me in the least. Morrigan smirked and disappeared back upstairs. Teagan had a servant fetch my cloak, and then offered me his arm and led me upstairs and out a door to the castle's battlements. It was a beautifully clear evening, and the stars were stunning; as I looked out over the lake, I thought I could even see the Circle Tower in the distance.

Finally he spoke. "My lady-"

"Sierra. Please, my lord. I feel so awkward with such formality."

"Then you must call me Teagan." I nodded agreement, giving him a small smile. "You are not what I expected."

I chuckled. "I have no doubt that is true, my l...Teagan."

"You're clearly a noblewoman, yet even your ignoble friends treat you like an equal. You're uncomfortable with titles, though you must have used them your entire life. Your bodyguard looks at you like a beggar might stare at a free meal. You can't fight, yet you would offer yourself in defense of strangers. You care about everyone, regardless of station; you crawl around on the floor with orphans. You travel with Grey Wardens, you somehow share a mabari with one, and you wear the strangest boots I've ever seen even underneath a beautiful dress.

"I do not know what to think of you, Sierra."

"I am not surprised, Teagan."

"You're not going to tell me what you're hiding, are you."

"No, my lord. I'm sorry, but I can't. I truly wish I could; I hate all of this. The lying."

He sighed, and I echoed him. My hand slipped from his arm and I hugged myself, leaning against the low wall of the battlement, looking out over the village of Redcliffe, wishing yet again I was a better actor. I felt his hand on my shoulders, his presence almost palpable against my back.

"I won't ask questions. I will trust you. But please. If there is anything I can do, any help I can offer, you only need to ask."

"Thank you Teagan. I truly appreciate it, but...may I ask why? You have no reason to trust me."

"I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character. You don't say everything, but you mean the things you do say. And generally I'd say the company someone keeps gives an indication of their worth. If Alistair believes in you, I could do no less.

"And, well...I guess I'm a sucker for a beautiful woman in trouble."

Without even thinking, I pulled away slightly, self-conscious. Teagan withdrew his hand, stepping back and moving to stand beside me.

"There's someone else." He didn't word it as a question. I didn't deny it, I couldn't, but I wasn't about to wade into that conversation either. 'I think I'm in love with a man I thought was only a fictional character, but I realise I don't deserve him now that I know he's real, or perhaps he's not and I'm just crazy, and you're all figments of my imagination.' I just couldn't see that ending well.

"You are a remarkable man, Teagan. One day, you will meet someone who will be the luckiest woman alive when she captures your heart. I wish I could be her, in so many ways, but...that's just not possible, for me."

Suddenly chilled, and more than a little bit awkward, I excused myself and slipped inside. I ran to my room, wishing to be alone, but once I was the daunting prospect of sleeping alone in the big bed overwhelmed me. I cried for a bit, unsure whether I was crying for myself, or Teagan, or what I could have had if only everything wasn't so messed up, or for what I worried was happening to my companions as they travelled to Kinloch Hold.

I finally moved the big winged chair over in front of the fireplace, which I lit using my handy Zippo. I opened the copy of the Chant of Light that Leliana had borrowed from the castle's library and left behind in the room. I read confusing religious prose by firelight until I fell asleep curled in the chair.