There and Back Again Ch. 035-036

Chapter Thirty-Five: We're having a picnic...

Once finished with my personal morning details, I returned to the campfire. Alistair was about to stand up, no doubt to offer me his seat, but I shook my head, pushing down on his shoulder, and then just parked myself in his lap. I'd never have been brave enough to do that before, but I'd never been so utterly confident about how someone felt about me before. Besides, he had literally carried me in his arms for hours – I was pretty sure he could take my weight. Leliana shot me a grin as Alistair flushed bright red, and I giggled back. Once settled, I turned to her and Wynne, and Zevran who had just emerged from his tent as well.

"Alright. Out with it."

They looked at me, confused, and Leliana spoke. "Out with what?"

"The teasing. The 'I told you so's. The lewd comments. Get them out of your system, would you? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Wynne rolled her eyes good-naturedly, and continued reading her book. Leliana rubbed her hands together gleefully, and Zevran sat nearby with a mischievous look on his face. Leli had just opened her mouth to speak when a voice from the tents behind me piped up.

"Wait! If it's a free-for-all teasing session for my sister, you can't get started without me!" We all laughed as Aedan stumbled out of the tent we shared.

Seeing me sitting in Alistair's lap, he drew up short, and I saw his eyes flash from me to Zevran and back. He paused, just for a moment, and then seemed to make a decision. Taking a deep breath, Aedan sat down beside Zevran, drew the shorter man's face towards himself, and kissed him. I think he thought everyone would gasp in surprise, because when he pulled out of the brief kiss, his eyes flew open and he examined each of us in turn. No one looked shocked, and in fact Leliana and Alistair both had pleased smiles on their faces. Aedan's eyes narrowed.

"You all knew?"

Leliana, Zevran, and Alistair all responded at once.

"We're not blind!" "Of course they knew, amore mio." "How dumb do you think we are?"

I howled with laughter, and Zevran snickered in my direction. Aedan's face was sort of purple, and he shot me a nasty look.

"I didn't tell anyone! Don't look at me."

Wynne piped up. "If you didn't want everyone to know, dear, you could have tried to be a little more... discreet."

Aedan shook his head, looking despondent. "So we could have just...you wouldn't have cared?"

"Well, we'd have teased you. Like we will now." Leliana looked smug, and we all laughed.

The good-natured banter continued all morning while we took a much-needed break. Even Sten didn't complain too much about the delay, and he and Shale wandered off to explore around the camp a bit. Aedan watched them go, his expression both speculative and disturbed.

I laughed. "I don't think so, brother. But then again, who knows?"

Aedan shuddered and muttered under his breath. I couldn't hear the words, exactly, but the tone was obvious. I was quite certain he'd said "Maker help us."

Returning to the fire after a trip to the stream again, I found Alistair and Leliana talking together quietly, looking secretive. Alistair's face was red, and Leliana touched his arm and then said something that made him laugh. My jealousy flared, but I was able to squash it. I trusted them both. Nothing was going on. Seeing me, Alistair wandered over with a sweet smile on his handsome face. He held out his hand somewhat hesitantly, and I gave him mine, fingers intertwining instinctively. He had a bag over his shoulder, his sword and shield slung on his back.

"Come on." He tugged on my hand, and I followed him out of camp. We hit the stream and then followed it up a ways, until we found a little clearing right nearby. He let go of my hand, placed his shield and sword on a rock, and then started rummaging through the bag.

He pulled out a blanket, which he spread on the ground, and then sat down, patting the area beside him. "Picnic?"

I smiled down at him and plopped down on the blanket. He pulled out some bread, some cheese, and the ubiquitous jerky.

"I wish I could have brought something special to eat, or at least some wine or something, but..."

I interrupted. "It's perfect. Thank you, Alistair."

"I thought...we could spend some time together. Just us."

"I'd like that."

We sat on the blanket, eating lunch, talking about nothing much, until the last of our meal was cleaned up. Alistair reclined back on the blanket beside me, and I lay down beside him, shoulders just touching. Our hands found each other again.

"I thought you might be angry with me this morning."

"Why?"

"The teasing? I thought you might be upset. I didn't say anything, didn't protect you."

"Oh, I didn't mind." I blushed a little bit. "I kind of liked it, actually."

"You did?" He rolled to his side, head propped on one arm, watching me.

I nodded. "I've never had anyone care enough about me to tease me, before now. I probably could have gone to school with no pants on by mistake, and no one would have noticed, never mind teased me about it. The teasing doesn't bother me – at least it means they care."

"They do. We do. There isn't a person back there who wouldn't put their life on the line to protect you, Sierra."

"I know." My blush deepened. "And I feel the same way. I've never had a family before. I like it, even if it means I have to put up with some teasing."

"Well, I'm sorry anyway, for what that's worth."

"Oh, don't worry Alistair. You'll get your fair share. Just wait until Wynne tries to tell you where babies come from."

"Wha-? Babies?"

"Wynne's right. You are cute when you're all red and mottled."

Alistair flopped back down with an exasperated sigh. "Maker, what is with you women?"

I giggled. "Do you still like me?" I went up onto my elbow to look down at him.

"No, Sierra. I don't like you. I love you."

"You're just hoping I'll kiss you."

"Not just...but I mean, if you wanted to-"

I leaned down and softly pressed my lips to his. It was interestingly different being able to look down on him, and I spent a few minutes teasing him, dropping tiny kisses on him quickly, then nibbling his lower lip for a brief moment before backing off again. Finally with a growl he grabbed me, and flipped us both over, so I was on my back and he leaned over me. He pressed me down and kissed me firmly, his tongue tasting my lip, and then, when I opened my mouth, plunging in to meet my own. I moaned, aroused and amused, letting him be in control, my hands fisting in his shirt.

Something occurred to me, and I nudged him to stop. "Hey, you're wearing a shirt."

He panted softly, breath warm on my ear. "Um, yeah...shouldn't I be?"

"No, I just mean no armour."

"Ah, yes...Leliana convinced me that plate armour wasn't exactly romantic."

"Too bad she didn't say anything to me! I could have worn clothes too. Instead of armour."

"I don't mind. Your armour is...uh, well, it looks...nice on you."

"I'm gonna go with 'thanks', and not examine the rest of that statement too much."

"I appreciate that."

He kissed me again, and I didn't think for a while. After a bit, he rolled onto his back again beside me.

He spoke. "So can I ask you something?"

"Anything." I rolled over to my side again, admiring his profile.

"Really? Anything? Huh. I'll get back to that. But what I wanted to ask about was Zevran."

"That I wasn't expecting. What about him?"

"I just don't understand. You seem to actually...like him."

I laughed. "I do. But it's because I understand him."

"How could anyone understand him? He's so aggressively...I don't know. Sexual. It's creepy. I mean I guess Aedan doesn't mind it because he actually wants to be seduced by him, but...how does it not drive you crazy?"

"Hmm. How do I explain this? He's...he's like where I came from. You have to understand what life is like, there. It's so busy, everyone running around and working too much and not taking time to talk or even see others. They hide behind machines, even use them to communicate – I've seen two people sit side-by-side and use their machines to talk to each other instead of turning their heads and speaking. People are so...lost. They don't know who they are, or what they're supposed to be. They're in pain and they don't even know why. So some of them overcompensate. They go out at night to have anonymous sex because at least then they can feel something other than empty. They use sex to sell things, they sell their bodies without even thinking that they're doing it. Some of the women wear these incredibly revealing, skimpy clothes, just because someone might notice them, finally. Morrigan would fit right in. It's all a mask to hide what's really happening.

"Zevran is like that. He uses sex to protect his feelings, to avoid getting hurt. He makes everything a perverted amusement. Even the assassin stuff. It's a costume. And he does it for shock value; if you're so busy being horrified by what comes out his mouth, you're less likely to question his motives, notice his pain. So I can understand where it's coming from. Honestly, he wouldn't know what to do if a tenth of those he propositioned said yes...behind the mask, he's still that six year-old boy who grew up without a mother, who was bought and paid for by bastards who tried to steal his soul.

"You two aren't so different, Alistair. You use sarcasm to do the same thing he uses sex for. The difference is you were raised by people who, while they treated you abominably, had morals, and so do you. Zevran probably never even met anyone with morals until he met us.

"Besides, the suggestive stuff he does? It's not very over-the-top compared to people where I came from. If I went out on a weekend dancing, someone would do something far more inappropriate than what Zev tries to pull. So he doesn't shock me. It's actually kind of funny."

He was quiet for a bit, pensive, and I spent my time openly staring at Alistair. From his somehow always-perfect hair, to his ever-present stubble, strong jaw, and muscular body, he was a dream come true. He could make a nun think twice about her vow of chastity. And he had no idea.

"You said 'some women' dress scandalously and have casual sex. And...what about you?"

"Oh, no. Not me. I uh...well, this body isn't quite like mine, back there. I was considered ugly, there. No one wanted to see me in skimpy clothes. I was always quite modest."

"This body? Your body there is different?"

"Yeah, well...it's a much more sedentary existence. I looked sort of similar, but definitely had more insulation." I patted my smooth stomach.

"And that was enough for you to be considered ugly?"

"Well...it changes how you look, when you're fat. Even my face looked different. And the standards of beauty there are very different than here. It's all about being skinny and wearing tight, revealing clothes. They don't even really care what your face looks like – it's easy enough to change that, between make-up and cosmetic surgery..."

He looked disgusted. "I think I'd hate where you come from. I don't care if you were twice as big around as you are now, you'd still be beautiful."

"You, sweet man, are biased." I leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. "But thanks."

"So, if you weren't into the revealing clothes and anonymous sex, have you...ever..."

"What? Have I ever...had a good pair of shoes? Seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Licked a lamppost in winter?"

"You know, it's really unfair that you know all my lines."

"I'm very sorry, love. But the answer is, yes I have. Once. It was...awkward."

"Can I ask?"

"Are you sure you want to?"

"I...yes, I think I am."

I sat up, facing him, and reached out and took his hand again. "It was nothing really to write home about. Honestly...I was a dumb kid, and so was he; we were friends, and I knew I was about to be forced to move again, because my foster-mother, the only one who'd ever cared about me, was ill. We were just...fumbling in the dark, really. And then I moved, and I never saw him again. My next home was...well, it was bad. I moved three times after that, until I left the foster system. And after that I was so busy, working to pay for my education, going to school, and then trying to pay off the debt I'd accrued during my schooling..."

"I'm sorry, Sierra."

"Don't be. I honestly didn't feel like I was missing anything, until...well, you happened."

"I just can't imagine what it was like, to have grown up like that. I mean, Isolde hated me, and I hated the Chantry, but at least I wasn't blown about like a leaf in the wind."

"Sort of normal, there, though. Even for people with families. I like it here better. And...I get to have a new start with all that now. I never...I never thought I'd be with anyone, never mind someone like you."

"What does that mean?"

"You know. You overheard me, yesterday..."

"It never hurts to hear it again." He grinned up at me.

"Someone...kind. Sweet. Funny. Strong. A real-life hero. Gorgeous...you name it. Actually, this will tell you. Where I came from, you have a fan club. Several, actually."

"Awhat?" He blushed.

"Yep. Thousands of women who get together and talk about how they wish you were real, and how they wish they could meet someone like you. If anyone back there figures out where I am, I'll probably be assassinated by some raving fan-girl on the off-chance that whoever kills me gets to take my place..."

He was almost purple now. "Tell me you're joking. Me? I'm not one to complain about ridiculously good fortune, but I don't deserve to be with you, never mind have a fan club."

"That's one of the things everyone loves, Alistair. You don't even know how desirable you are."

I leaned in and kissed him again, hoping I could show him how I felt that way. I was suddenly very passionate, needing him to understand. Without breaking the kiss, I managed to find my way from my butt to my knees, leaning over him, reaching one hand around to hold him to me by the hair, the other stroking his cheek. His hands came up from underneath, one settling on my waist, the other crushing me down to his chest. Arousal poured down to my centre like little licks of flame and I moaned, helpless.

Finally breaking away, we both panted for breath.I need to stop, or I'm going to rip his clothes off on the spot. Down girl!I concentrated on breathing, sitting up again to give myself some space. He looked dazed, a goofy grin plastered to his face, lips slightly swollen from our activities. My gaze travelled over his still form, eventually landing on the obvious bulge in his trousers.Not just me then. Good to know.I fought the urge to touch him, to beg him to touch me, and won. Part of me was disappointed.

"It is very, very"hard – don't say hard"difficult to keep my wits around me when I'm with you, Chantry boy."

"All part of my defense mechanism, my dear. If you're witless, you won't be able to get a plan together to ditch me." He grinned, laughing at his own joke, but it was obvious he wasn't entirely kidding.Really? How can he still be insecure?

"Alistair." I pulled him up so he was facing me, then knelt beside him so we were face to face. I put one hand on each cheek to make sure he was paying attention. "I will never ditch you. Never on purpose. I don't know what will happen to either of us, and maybe this will end in heartbreak, but I'm not going to leave you if I have any say in the matter. You're stuck riding this tiger with me, buddy."

He leaned forward and kissed me breathless. "I don't even know what to say. Except, I guess, I love you too. But um...what's 'riding a tiger' mean?"

I laughed. "It's a saying from where I grew up. Are there tigers in Thedas? Huge, predatory cats? Fast, dexterous, fierce...been known to eat people? Anyway, the point is that riding a tiger, as challenging as that is, isn't the hard part. The hard part is that once you're on the tiger, you have no choice but to keep on riding, even if you don't like where it's headed, because if you try to get off, you get eaten."

"You plan on eating me if I try to get off? Did I seriously hear that correctly?"

I howled with laughter, and Alistair laughed with me. "I'm not the tiger! Goof." I giggled again. "Zevran would be so proud right now." I pulled myself together. "Besides. If I were you, I wouldn't tease me about eating you." I put on my best, predatory evil grin, and licked my lips slowly just for effect. The look on his face was priceless – like a deer in headlights. A very aroused, very red-faced deer.

I leaned in, eyes locked with his, and just before our lips met, I gently stroked his bottom lip with the very tip of my tongue. He groaned and crushed me to him, pulling me into his lap and attacking my lips. How long we sat like that, talking and giggling and making out like teenagers, I don't really know. It felt wonderful. We didn't really get past kissing – it was too new, too sweet, and though part of me truly did want to devour him, I didn't want to push it. So I moaned and wriggled on his lap and lost myself in Alistair.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Ambush and Aftermath

We wandered back to camp for supper, as we didn't have enough food in our picnic to stay away, and enjoyed more general teasing and banter while eating. Aedan and Zevran actually took the brunt of the teasing, much to my enjoyment. I didn't think I'd ever seen Aedan blush so red. I refused to budge from Alistair's lap, sitting with my back to his chest, his arms around me, and his chin on my shoulder. Periodically he would turn and kiss me on my cheek or whisper something in my ear, and that kept me so distracted I barely noticed any teasing that came our way. At bedtime, he walked me to my tent again, and it was less awkward this time; he kissed me deeply, leaving me breathless yet again. As I lay in my bedroll, frustrated and horny, I desperately hoped he would make a move soon, or my head might explode.At least this time I managed to pee and brush my teeth before bed!

We continued on to Denerim in the morning, but suddenly travelling was a whole new thing. I walked hand-in-hand with Alistair, and got to talk with him the entire time, instead of avoiding him like I usually did. He was hilarious, his 'witty one-liners' keeping me in stitches most of the time that we walked. It made the day pass faster, and the little rest we'd taken the day before meant we actually made better time than normal. We chatted with Aedan, Zevran, Leliana, and Wynne periodically as we walked, but never let go of each other's hand. It was a heady feeling.He's mine. I'm his. What did I do to deserve this?

Camp got back to a semblance of normal, and I started sparring again with Aedan, with Zevran's help and advice. Alistair looked pretty tense until it became obvious that Aedan was pulling his punches, not allowing me to get hurt, and Zevran even kept his hands to himself.Will wonders never cease?After supper, Alistair and I decided to train a bit. I got my focus fast, was able to do the exercises he'd showed me, and his pleased smile was worth every ounce of concentration I'd spent and the headache I knew I'd have afterwards. It was a little more distracting trying to practice while holding Alistair's hand, sitting where I could feel the heat radiating off his body, but I managed not to jump him and called it a victory. After practice, we cuddled and kissed for a while before reluctantly parting to go to sleep.

The next day brought the ambush from Marjolaine's hired goons that I'd been waiting for. I huddled in a ball, frightened as usual, while the rest of my companions decimated the little group of mercenaries. We got the address to Marjolaine's hideout, and Alistair rushed over to me to make sure I was okay. Which, of course I was –it's hard to get hurt when you lay down and cry every time violence breaks out.I was embarrassed; he thought it was sweet. He'd have cuddled me, but his armour was covered in blood spatter and I had to look away until he'd cleaned up. Zevran rolled his eyes theatrically in my direction, but I noticed he hadn't wasted any time getting the gore off his own armour. I stuck my tongue out at him and earned myself a chuckle.