There and Back Again Ch. 089-090

I heard rustling, as though someone had stood in a rush, but then a grunt, and...kissing?

"I love you Solona. I made mistakes, made the wrong choices...I won't walk away now. I don't know how to make you believe, but maybe this will show you."

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Anders to try to fix his mistakes with kissing.

And then I realised it seemed to be working. There was more kissing, and a soft moan, followed by a thud and an oath. When I heard a voice next, it was clear that it came from someone laying on the low coffee table in the middle of the room.

"This isn't me forgiving you." Solona sounded amused, but still angry. An odd combination.

"I know. And I don't expect you to. I just want to remind you how I can make you feel."

"Sex was never the problem we had, Anders." She sounded more angry, but broke off with a ragged gasp. I heard some more rustling, and the sound of wooden table legs protesting their mistreatment, and then Solona's robe came flying carelessly over to land on the settee near my feet. I jumped, but managed to stifle my startled squeak and stay quiet.

I felt magic flare - Anders, by the feel - and suddenly Solona was panting and moaning continuously. I risked a peek over the top of the chaise to see Solona reclining, naked, on the table, spread-eagled, while Anders knelt on the floor, leaning over her. His hands roamed her perfect, pale skin, stopping to tweak a nipple periodically; sparks shot out from his hands to run along her skin, covering her with brilliant, flashing spots of white light that looked like tiny jewels embedded in her skin. She gasped and writhed as his fingers meandered from her shoulders to her knees, skipping only over her core as the sparks followed in trails behind his hands.

I should have known that if sex magic was real, Anders would be the one to have figured it out.

"You're so beautiful, my darling Solona," Anders murmured, and I was forced to agree. Slightly more rounded than I, her figure was curvy in all the right ways, her skin alabaster and flawless except for a light smattering of freckles over her chest and shoulders. Her nipples were rosy and jutting up proudly, her hands with long, beautiful nails clenched at her sides, her perfect toes curled as the magic stimulated her, and I was suddenly, surprisingly green with envy.

Solona arched her back, gasping, lifting her legs up onto the table, spread wide, opening herself to Anders' gaze. She whispered, "Just shut up, Anders. Better yet, I can think of a much more appropriate use for that mouth of yours." She reached out and ran her fingers through the blond mage's hair, loosing it from the leather thong it was tied back with, and then pulled his face towards her slit. He licked his lips, not at all reluctant, and I ducked back down as she squealed.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was blatantly watching two of my friends making love, and instead of being disgusted or embarrassed, or even worried about how this would play out for them, I was horrendously aroused. Though my intentions had been good, I should have been mortified at what I was witnessing, but all I could do was rub my thighs together, wanting some sort of stimulation but too afraid to move lest I be caught in my unintentional voyeurism.

From the sounds I couldn't block out, Anders was humming with enjoyment as he performed cunnilingus, and Solona's gasps and cries of encouragement indicated he was good at it as well. I listened, tormented with arousal, as he teased her over and over, bringing her close to her peak - based on the heavy breathing and string of chanted curse words - again and again without allowing her the release she so clearly wanted. I began chanting in time, internally, wishing for it to be over so I could escape, though I wasn't sure whether I wanted to just get away, or get enough privacy to soothe the burning ache in my core.

Solona finally orgasmed, her cries muffled by her hand, and she panted and shuddered through aftershocks as Anders noisily suckled on her flesh and then slowly withdrew, allowing her to settle. She uttered a shaky laugh and the table groaned again as I assume she stood. "You certainly haven't lost any skills," she giggled, and Anders snorted in amusement.

A slender hand came into view and grabbed her robes; I uttered a - strictly internal - sigh of relief that she didn't look behind her as she retrieved the garment. I heard more rustling as she got dressed.

Anders finally spoke. "Solona, I-"

He stopped, and I figured she must have gestured. "Don't make this out to be more than it was, Anders. Nothing has changed. I'm sorry I let this get out of hand - it was a mistake. I can't..." I heard her voice crack, and then she regained control. "It was just sex. I hope you got some enjoyment out of it as well."

Her voice sounded further away as she continued. "Goodnight, Anders."

And then she was gone, and shortly thereafter I was alone in the library, and desperately, desperately in need of Alistair.

I took a moment to compose myself, and then headed down to find out where my fiancé had gotten to. I found him playing cards with Faren, Leli, Aedan, and Zev in the main hall, and losing. Not badly, he still had a pile of coins beside him, but it was much smaller than Aedan's and a little smaller than everyone else's. I pulled over a bench to sit beside him, and he looked over, still distracted by his hand.

"Hey, Love. You here to help me stop losing at cards?"

"Not precisely, no."

He looked at me more carefully, and frowned thoughtfully. "Are you alright?"

I licked my lips, antsy but not wanting my agitation to show. "Yup. Don't let me interrupt you."

He stared at me for a few more seconds, and I watched as his gaze travelled across my face before settling on my eyes. I must have looked strange, or something, because his eyes darkened, and without a word he dropped his cards on the table. "I fold."

There was good natured grumbling at that pronouncement, which he ignored to climb off the bench he was sitting on, offer me a hand, and escort me towards our room. It took all of my willpower not to run.

"You didn't have to stop on my account."

"I was just wasting time waiting for you, anyway. And you looked like...you sure nothing's wrong?"

We reached our room as he asked, and I avoided answering until he'd kicked the door shut behind him. And then I was on him, slamming him against the door, up on my tiptoes, arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. His arms wrapped around me reflexively, and I moaned my approval as he held me close. I explored his mouth with my tongue, teasing and stroking his own, nipping his lower lip with my teeth.

He broke away with a gasp. "What in the world has come over you?"

I didn't bother answering, capturing his lips again. With one hand I began undoing laces on my dress, and I stopped only briefly to toss it off over my head before kissing him again. I attacked his clothes next, getting my hands on his torso and stroking his warm skin before pulling the shirt over his head, then going for the laces on his trousers.

He was hard and ready for me, when I snaked my hand inside to grasp him; he may have been confused, but his body was more than willing. He groaned as I pumped him slowly, teasing him, then whined as I let go to wrap my arms around his neck again. I hitched my knee up by his hip, and he took the hint; he reached down and lifted me, holding me to him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands gripped my panty-clad ass, which served to inflame me more as his bulge pressed against my mound. He stumbled over towards the bed and dropped me on it; I shucked my panties and slid up onto the pillows while he divested himself of trousers and smalls both. He climbed onto the bed and crawled towards me, and I reached up to run my hands through his soft sandy hair.

I was never comfortable with dirty talk, as much as Zevran claimed it was part of the enjoyment of sex; it was awkward and I felt like an idiot when I tried. Which meant that I didn't really know how to ask for what I wanted, even though I definitely knew what it was I wanted. I tugged his hair and whispered, "Please."

He leaned over to press a kiss to my belly, drawing a gasp. "Please what, Love?" His expression was mischievous, telling me he knew exactly what I wanted, but he was going to make me say it.

I pulled his hair again, guiding his head down towards my aching centre. "Please, Alistair." When he just looked at me, blinking slowly, I sighed. "Please, lick me."

He touched his tongue to the spot he'd just kissed. It was soft, but the texture of his tongue was rough, and it made my heart speed up even more. So close...

"Like that?" His grin was evil, full of delight at my discomfort and neediness.

I growled. Fine, I can play his little game. "Lick my cunt," I demanded, "right now!" And I couldn't think of it as anything else, in that moment; normally I hated the 'C' word, but it was the only one that felt like it accurately portrayed the deep need inside right then.

His eyes went almost black, his pupils blown, and he took a shaky breath. Maybe Zevran was right? "My pleasure," he answered, drawing out the last syllable in the word pleasure, rolling the r and dragging a moan of pure animalistic need from my throat. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

And then I watched as he settled himself on his belly, my feet over his shoulders, and slowly, ever so slowly descended to lap at my drenched folds. "Someone's eager," he commented, licking his lips in apparent satisfaction, and I bucked my hips, trying to get more - more contact, more tongue, more relief from the raging desire coursing through me. "All right, settle down..."

He licked me softly again, then used his fingers to spread me open and ran his tongue from my opening to my throbbing clit. I hissed out a "Yes!" and clenched my hand in his hair, tugging it, pulling him closer. He licked again, swirling around my clit, and then delved his tongue deep inside me, over and over again, driving my breath from my lungs and leaving me lightheaded with pure ecstasy. His nose pressed against my pearl, his breath puffing against my sensitive tissues, and I shrieked and thrashed under his ministrations. He grabbed my hips with both hands, holding me down.

Images kept flooding my mind: Solona, ethereal beauty on display as she arched into Anders' touch; Alistair, clothes askew and hair tousled, smiling at me with lust in his eyes; Alistair again, but in a tuxedo, and wearing a wedding ring. My orgasm overtook me and I rode it, unaware of anything around me as white-hot fire raced through my veins.

Alistair climbed up beside me as I came down from my peak, holding me and stroking my skin softly, murmuring words of love as I shuddered through aftershocks. Finally he relaxed onto his back, with me curled up against his side, boneless.

"So are you going to tell me what that was about?"

I opened my mouth to decline, but changed my mind. As embarrassing as it was, I didn't want any secrets between us. And honestly, it really was hilarious.

"I saw Anders and Solona," I mumbled.

"What? Saw them? What does that have to do with anything?"

I flushed. "I saw them...you know." His eyes widened with realisation and shock. "It wasn't on purpose! I was reading in the library, and they didn't see me sitting there...and then I wasn't about to interrupt once they'd started!"

He chuckled. "So all this was because you saw Anders naked?" His expression was amused, to my surprise; I'd expected anger, or maybe jealousy.

"Maker no! He was fully dressed. She was naked, and he...and it just made me, well, need you. Immediately."

He laughed then, a full belly laugh. "You know, when Zevran said that at brothels like the Pearl you can actually pay others to have sex while you watch as a form of foreplay, I thought he was joking. But if it gets these sort of results, I guess maybe he was right."

"You're not upset?"

"Why would I be upset? Unless you plan to leave me like this..." He gestured down at himself, and I glanced down to see his impressive erection standing straight up, bobbing with his heartbeat.

"Me? Never." I leaned up to kiss him, and then swung my leg over, straddling his hips. I sank down on him in one swift move, hissing in pleasure at being filled, and proceeded to ride him until he came, triggering my own orgasm and leaving me collapsed against his chest, exhausted.

Chapter Ninety: Confession

Once I had recovered again, I began to feel guilty. Not only had I - unintentionally, but still - watched my friends being intimate, which was entirely inappropriate, but afterwards instead of consoling her when I knew she'd be upset, I couldn't even control myself for five minutes without having sex myself. Despite my total lassitude and complete lack of a spinal column, I sighed and sat up.

"Love?" Alistair sounded half asleep, and I smiled at his drowsy frown.

"I'm fine. Have a nap - I'm just going to go check on Solona."

He rolled to his side, watching me get dressed with dark eyes. "Check on her?"

"Ha, whoops, I didn't tell you the rest of the story. It wasn't make-up sex. It was...I don't know. Solona was telling him off, and then he kissed her, and then they, well, you know...And then she told him it didn't mean anything, that it was a mistake, and left him there. She hasn't forgiven him, not by a long shot."

"But then...why?"

"I don't know. To say goodbye? To show off what he can't have? Because she was lonely? I'm not sure. What I do know is she isn't going to be feeling good right now."

"Want me to come with?"

"Thanks, but no. I think a little girl talk, perhaps."

"I love you."

I leaned over, now fully dressed, and kissed him. "Love you too."

I snuck up to Solona's room, hoping not to be seen; I didn't want anyone prying into what had happened. I knocked on the door, and there was no response.

"Solona? It's Sierra. Can I come in?"

There was a pause, and then the door opened just a little. I went in, closing it behind me, to see a red, swollen-eyed Solona standing by the door, her hair a mess, wearing just a nighty and clinging to a blanket. She looked so vulnerable, so pitiful, that I just walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. She stiffened for a moment, then relaxed and started sobbing on my shoulder. I let her cry, rubbing her back lightly. She stuttered out apologies a couple of times until I shushed her and led her to the bed. Her arms were freezing cold, so I took the blanket from her hand and wrapped it around her, then sat down beside her.

"I know what happened. It's okay."

"You do? How do...he told you?" Her voice skipped about two octaves up, and I briefly worried she'd shatter any nearby glass.

"No, no, of course not. I don't imagine he'll talk to anyone about that."

"Then how?"

"You don't want to know. Just trust me." She blushed, and I gathered she'd guessed that I must have seen her. "It doesn't matter. I just figured maybe you could use a friend?"

She nodded, sniffling miserably. "I don't want to be a bother..."

"Hey, it's no bother. We're friends. Sisters-in-law, even, since you're my betrothed's 'sister'." Of course, she was mine as well, being a Warden too, but we hadn't admitted that to anyone yet. "Did you know, you, Morrigan, and Leliana are the only girls I've ever been friends with? I really don't mind."

She smiled, a small sad smile, and then fell quiet. I waited for her to rage or vent, but nothing came out for a couple of minutes. I was about to ask if she wanted me to go get Leli instead, when she finally began.

"That bastard!" The exclamation was loud and sudden, and made me jump. "He got me feeling sorry for him, for Andraste's sake. I actually felt bad for being angry, for not just leaping into his arms, when he's the one who cheated. He's the one who fucked anything that moved."

"I know, Solona. I know. There's no question he's a complete moron, and you are perfectly within your rights to hate him. Just because something bad happened to him, doesn't mean he has an excuse to hurt you like that. Which just begs the question...why? Why tonight?"

She sighed. "I was lonely. Missing basic human contact. Don't get me wrong, you're all nice, but it's not the same. I let him kiss me, and then got swept away like I always have."

I sat back quietly, waiting for the rest of the rant, trying to be a good listener instead of the one spouting off.

"I think I remember when it happened." She sat back, expression distant. "We hadn't been together long. He'd been with other people before me, I knew that; there was one guy, Karl, who I knew had feelings for him before he got transferred. There was an uproar in the tower, not that I ever heard any details, and after that he was a bit...needy. He got paranoid about getting caught by the templars. And sometimes he'd cry, after we...when he thought I was sleeping. I thought he missed Karl."

"I think he's always played it a bit close to the chest. If no one knows him, no one can hurt him."

She nodded. "Yes. It didn't matter to me; I loved him. He was so kind, so caring; a little possessive, which is why I assumed it would only ever be the two of us. Until it wasn't."

"What would you have done if he'd come to you and told you his plan? To escape?"

"Gone with him," she replied, without hesitation.

"And what do you think would have happened if you had?"

She laughed, a dry cackle that didn't sound at all humourous. "Oh, we'd both have been caught. Likely separated to different Circles, maybe made Tranquil...I'm not sure even Irving could have saved us."

"And maybe that's..."

"I know." She sighed. "He's right, of course. They would have used me against him. Punished me for his crimes. And I'd have hated it - he'd have stayed for me. He wasn't meant to be caged, I don't think. In fact, it won't be long before he starts seeing the Grey Wardens as a prison too. His greatest care is his own personal freedom."

"It won't always be that way."

"No? You seem pretty sure about that."

I'd thought about this a lot, and realised that the only way to prevent Anders from starting the end of the world was to have someone else on my side. Someone who cared enough about him to want to help instead of eliminate the threat. I couldn't rely on going it alone; I could die, and then nothing would prevent Anders from merging with Justice.

"I am. He...in the game, he makes a friend, eventually. A spirit of Justice, brought unwillingly through the veil and forced to reside in a human corpse. He develops a need, a cause, I suppose, to free all mages; Justice agrees with him, and he allows Justice to possess him, since the body he's inhabiting is decaying. They - the two of them - start a mage rebellion."

She was looking at me like I had two heads. "Anders? The healer, who's never physically hurt anyone? The one who thinks blood mages are worse than templars? The same Anders who was caught last time because he spent too long having his fun in a brothel in Denerim? Anders, who only wants 'a pretty girl, and the right to shoot lightning at fools'?"

I laughed. "Maybe it's the lightning part that pushes him over. I don't know. But you're right about him seeing the Grey Wardens as a cage. That's part of it too. And the fade spirit, Justice, when exposed to his anger, essentially turns into a demon of Vengeance, so that doesn't help either."

"The mage rebellion - it doesn't end well, does it?"

"How could it? He kills hundreds of innocents to start the rebellion. The Knight-Commander declares the Right of Annulment on the Circle even though Anders wasn't a Circle mage and admitted to the crime right in front of her; there's a battle, half the mages turn to blood magic or become abominations...and then other Circles start rising up. The templars break themselves away from the Chantry, deciding it is too lenient on mages, and start hunting down and killing mages, while the mages retreat and hole up to try to defend themselves. I don't actually know what happens in the end - that part hadn't been written yet when I left. But I can't imagine it's good..."