There and Back Again Ch. 097-098

The group went to get cleaned up, and Alistair and I went back to playing cards. We were interrupted again by the return of a group including Aedan, Prince, Anders, Morrigan, Sten, and Faren. Aedan refused to tell me what they'd been planning to do, but they returned practically dripping blood, with several barely-healed injuries among the lot, and Anders' and Morrigan's mana reserves entirely depleted. Wynne came running over to check on everyone, and after helping them heal up, all of them except Aedan were ushered into beds to recover.

Aedan, refusing to bow to injuries or fatigue, met with Alistair, Duncan, and I in the library. He limped slightly, and I hurried to his side, putting my arm around his waist and allowing him to lean against me. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm around my shoulders gratefully.

"Aedan, seriously, what were you up to? You weren't that badly injured. All of that blood couldn't have been yours."

"Doesn't matter about that." He shook his head. "We ran into the Crow sent to kill Zevran."

"Taliesen," I whispered, suddenly worried. "Where's Zevran?"

"He said he needed some time." Aedan's expression was dark. "I hope he's back with Leliana watching Howe's estate."

"He's not," came the lilting Orlesian accent of the red-head. "We followed Taliesen to you, and when I returned to Howe's, he took off on his own. Said he had things to think about."

"But Taliesen's dead, right?" I looked between Leli and Aedan anxiously. "He didn't convince Zevran to try to leave with him, did he?"

"Of course not." Aedan looked offended. "Zev's...he's free now."

I examined my brother's face; there was something I was missing, but I was afraid of finding out what. "Aedan, tell me exactly what happened."

He started describing the details of the fight, and I interrupted him. "No, no, after. You killed Taliesen and the other Crows, and then...?"

"We talked." Aedan scowled, and I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"What about?"

He looked away, refusing to meet my eyes. "He...he asked me if I would hold him to his obligation. Said that, now that Taliesen is dead, he's free, and asked if I'd let him go."

"And you said...?"

"I told him of course he was free to go."

The sick feeling coalesced into a strong feeling of dread. "But not just like that, right? You said he could go if he wanted, but that you hoped he'd stay. That you wanted him with you. Right?"

"He knows that." Aedan's cheeks had flushed defensively. Leliana gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Alistair shifted uncomfortably.

"But you didn't tell him. You just told him he was free to go." He nodded, and I just about cried. "Aedan, you are the biggest Maker-damned fool I've ever met. Let me guess - you've never even told him you love him."

"He knows that!" he repeated, sulking.

I groaned. "No, he doesn't. He doesn't trust his own judgement when it comes to love. And instead of reassuring him when he was seeking confirmation, you told him to go."

Aedan looked away petulantly. "It's not like he's ever said it either."

Before my mind caught up with my actions, I reached out and slapped Aedan's cheek. Not hard, but the shock of it had him looking up at me, his expression clearly showing betrayal, his hand over the spot I'd slapped. Before he could speak, I began ranting. "Did it never occur to you to ask him to translate any of the things he said to you in Antivan? Not even once? Tell me, brother, what is his nickname for you? He calls me 'cara mia', or 'mia sorella'. "My dear' or 'my sister'. What does he call you?"

"Amore mio. So?"

I looked at Leli, whose face had gone white. "You speak any Antivan, Leli?"

"Enough for that," she whispered, horrified. "It means 'my love'. Didn't you know?"

Aedan blanched. "He knows I don't speak Antivan!"

I sighed. "Yes, but he also knows that at least two of us in the group could translate that sentence. I imagine he thinks you know, maybe thought that you cared enough to ask someone else for a translation."

"But I...I didn't...why did he say he wanted to leave now that Taliesen is dead?"

"He didn't, dimwit. He asked if you wanted him to. Listen, did he ever tell you about his last mission, the one before he came to Ferelden?"

Aedan shook his head, confused by my change of topic.

"Okay, I'm not going to tell you. That's up to him. You're going to stay here and think about what you've done. I'm going to go find him. And when I bring him back, you had better fix this, brother, or so help me..."

I stood, glad I still wore my armour. Leliana and Alistair stood with me.

"I'm coming."

I nodded at Alistair, thankful for the backup.

"Me as well," Leliana offered. "I'll help you look."

Aedan looked at the three of us, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "Find him? Please? I didn't...I didn't know. You have to find him."

I nodded and pointed; Aedan limped off to his room slowly, shoulders slumped. I turned to Alistair and Leli. "I'm hoping we won't have to look that hard. I think I know exactly where to start."

Leliana nodded. "The Pearl."

"Exactly. Let's just hope we find him before he does something really stupid."

"Like...with a whore?" Alistair whispered in horror.

"No, worse. Like getting on Isabela's boat and convincing her to cast off."

The trip to the Pearl didn't take long, but it felt a lot longer; we walked in grim silence, each of us knowing that if we didn't find him, and soon, Aedan would fall apart. I guessed Aedan, in response to Zevran leaving, had thrown his group into some sort of suicidal fight unprepared - probably killed Gaxkang the Unbound, or some stupid thing - and it would only get worse if we couldn't find the assassin before Aedan got everyone killed.

I couldn't believe my brother's stupidity. How could he not have seen Zevran's insecurity? It was obvious even to Alistair, who was not the most insightful man when it came to others' feelings. In many ways, what he'd done would be no better than how Alistair had reacted after finding out my character had romanced his in the game. Zevran would take it as a sign that he'd never been loved, that Aedan only considered him a temporary way to work off some physical arousal. I worried that we wouldn't be able to bring him around.

Walking into the Pearl was awkward, as always; wearing armour made it slightly more bearable, but it didn't completely stop the lascivious looks from drunken patrons. We made our way across the main room to find Sanga. She didn't even have to ask; she pointed out a room down the back hall silently and handed me a key. I gave her a grateful nod and a pouch of coin to compensate her for...whatever Zevran had gotten himself into before we arrived.

We crept down the hall, and I listened at the door before opening it with the key. I had no intention of walking in on Zevran in flagrante. I couldn't hear much, and wasn't sure if the door was just thicker than I'd assumed, or if there was nothing to hear. Closing my eyes, I mouthed a quick prayer to anyone who would listen that Zevran would have pants on, and then unlocked the door.

The scene I discovered was not at all what I would have imagined. The first thing I saw was a dishevelled Zevran sitting at a table, shirt unbuttoned and hanging open, but still wearing pants. His hair was a mess, and his eyes blinked blearily at us; he hiccoughed and brought a mug to his lips, taking a drink and dribbling a bit down his chest. Across from him, on the bed, were two female whores, wearing nothing but crotchless lingerie, kissing and groping each other suggestively. They moaned and groaned like the stock audio track for a porn film, every action and sound exaggerated for effect. When I gasped out Zevran's name, the two stopped what they were doing and scrambled for covers, swearing at me for interrupting.

I tossed a bag of coin onto the bed. "Take a night off on me, girls."

I didn't wait to see their response before I turned to Alistair, who very carefully kept his eyes averted from the large amount of female flesh on display; he leaned down and hauled Zevran out of the chair, and I grabbed the elf's other arm. He protested weakly, but together we manhandled him out of the room; Leliana ran ahead and must have bargained with Sanga for the use of a nearby room, because she came back with a key. We went into the empty room and dropped the dramatically inebriated Zevran onto the edge of the bed. Leli closed the door behind us, standing in the hallway with Alistair, and I sank onto a rickety wooden chair.

"Zevran," I began, and he winced.

"I do not wish to hear your lecture, bella donna, unless the three of you are here for a new experience?" He tried to look seductive; in his current state he just looked pathetic.

I sighed. "I'm not going to lecture you, Zevran. Aedan already got my lecture; I'm here to make sure you're okay."

"Why would he need a lecture? Surely everyone is happier now that the perverted assassin is gone from his life, no?"

I switched from the chair to sit beside him on the bed, putting an arm around his slim shoulders. "Do you really think so little of me, mio fratello? Just because Aedan's too stupid to admit how he feels doesn't mean I care about you any less."

He rested his head on my shoulder heavily; I wondered briefly just how much alcohol it took to get the Antivan this drunk. "He doesn't...there's not..."

I'd never heard Zevran at a loss for words before, and it made me sad. "He loves you, Zevran. More than anything. He's just...as insecure as you are, and stupid, to boot."

"I realise I have been the stupid one, cara mia. I believed there was something where there isn't." He sniffed and gestured out towards the hallway. "I didn't...I tried, hoped I could make myself forget, but...I couldn't. The more outrageous the things they tried, the less it worked. That's never happened before."

He looked absolutely vulnerable in that moment, and I hugged him to me. Admitting to impotence? It's even worse than I thought.

I kissed Zevran's forehead, nose wrinkling at the smell of ale. He curled into my shoulder, for the first time ever not even trying anything inappropriate, and I felt a tear drop onto my hand. A couple of tears of sympathy escaped from my eyes as well, and I hugged him closer, stroking his hair.

I cleared my throat and tried to lighten the mood with a bit of humour. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Your reputation will remain untarnished."

He choked out a laugh that was half-sob, pulling away and wiping his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "Why did you come, Sierra, if not to lecture me?"

"To bring you back, Zevran. Aedan has a lot of apologising to do, and maybe you won't forgive him, but we want you to stay, if you're willing. All of us. Please, Zev, come home?"

He examined my face for a moment. "Does he know you're here?"

"Not here, specifically...but he knows we're looking for you. He begged me to bring you back. Zev...he needs you. And so do I. I could never have made it this far without you. And you're Aedan's other half, his perfect compliment. I'm sorry it took my brother's idiocy for me to tell you how much I love you."

The door to the room opened, and Leli and Alistair entered. The bard sat on Zevran's other side, and Alistair leaned back against the wall in front of him.

"The whole group relies on you, Zevran. We need your blades as well as your humour, yes? You are important to all of us." Leli gave the assassin a hug, and I smiled gratefully at her.

Alistair cleared his throat. "I admit I wouldn't have let you live if not for Sierra, but...I'd have been wrong, Zevran. You're one of us, and we need you. Please? Come home." He held his hand out to Zev, and the elf looked up at him skeptically. Alistair sighed and left his hand extended, and slowly, as though expecting a prank, Zevran gripped it with his own.

"I did leave my things back at the estate...it would be a shame to leave them behind." Zevran looked down at himself and grimaced. "Especially as it would appear that I need a change of clothes."

"And a bath." I giggled, and the assassin shot me a small smile.

Leliana reached into a small pack I hadn't noticed and handed Zevran a small healing potion. "It won't prevent the hangover, but it might get you back to the estate on your own two feet, at least."

He nodded thankfully and drank; his eyes cleared a little and he sat up a bit straighter. "You're... sure?"

It hurt to see him so uncertain. I nodded decisively. "I am. Even if I didn't think Aedan loved you, your place is with us, Zevran. Come home."

"Home? What a strange concept." He rubbed his face, then began buttoning up his shirt. "Home, then."