There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 03

Note: All persons used in this novel are fictitious. Although the areas used in this novel are real, the streets, buildings, roadways, recreational areas, and other points of interest used to make this interesting reading for you, are neither at the exact heights, or in the location described. If you are looking for a great deal of explicit sexual activity, this is not the story for you. As I have it notated now, those scenes will be evocative rather than aggressive. They also will be a few and far between. This is going to be a "SHORT STORY, for your reading pleasure," with no more than "FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS." With the exclusion of certain scenes, this story could easily have a fit into the category of "NON-EROTIC" as easily as it will fit into a Novel or Novella. Again, please remember, 'THIS IS A NOVEL.'

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8. Departures and Departing

Tuesday morning, Rod received a phone call from United Airlines advising him the coffin bearing the remains of Divine Mark had arrived at its airfreight warehouse. They wanted to know what arrangements had been made to pick it up.

Rod put everything I had arranged for into high gear. I kept Delicious in the dark, about what was going to happen when this day arrived, so she would not dwell on it. I hoped she would be happy with all my decision, and thankfully, I could reverse every detail if need be.

Rod called every company involved with Divines' internment, while I called the stonemasons, because this was my private project. The owner told me they were still working on the monument, but it should be finished by early afternoon.

The final phone call went to Father McAuley, so he would be there to perform the burial rites of the Catholic Church.

Delicious was reading the newspaper when I walked downstairs and opened all four of our front gates.

Delicious looked at me questioningly. "Who are we expecting Uncle Even?"

"The gas company called. We have a major leak our property. They have to dig up a section of pipe, fix it, and bring the land back to the way it was."

"That's the way they should work everywhere; and not leave holes in the ground where they work. Every time they dug a hole in Waterville, they always left the holes behind."

"Let's go, Ms. Secretary, you have work to do."

"You have been a Slave driver ever since you found out I could type."

"The loaner car is here. I wonder who might want to brush up on her driving skills, before her new car arrives. "

Delicious looked around the room. "Uncle Even, I don't have to brush up on my skills, and no other females are here. Did you have a sex change operation last night?"

"When was the first time you expected to see the keys to your new car?

"Right before your computer decided to have heart failure."

"You wouldn't dare touch my computer."

"You know me better than that Uncle Even. I'm an angel; ask Rod."

"If you touch my computer, you are going to look like an IBM punch card."

"I haven't been here two whole weeks and your threatening me. I guess I should go live with my Aunt Virginia. Of course I will have to publish the formula on Freolyte so I can make some money to live on."

"You don't have an Aunt Virginia."

"Uncle Even, I said my aunt who lives in Virginia."

"That's not what you said."

"Uncle Even are you getting hard of hearing again

"You are very funny little girl. I think I will have my friends help you disappear from the face of the earth."

"Wouldn't you like to go for a ride in your elevator Uncle Even?"

"Thank you, but I think I will stay out of that elevator at this time."

"Can I have my car when it comes?"

"As long as you have your driver's license, I may let you use your car."

"I love when we can talk these things through. It's like we're both adults."

"Thank you for including me in that sentence."

"What would you like me to do this morning, Uncle Even?"

"I want you to get into the elevator and clean it."

"As much as I would love to do that for you, the cleaning people are due here tomorrow. It would be a waste of my valuable $40 per hour time to do that for you. Why don't you tell me what's going on, so you can stop trying to dance around the issue."

"Sometimes you are just too smart for your own good. I try to ease you softly in to a difficult conversation, and you want me to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer instead. Have it your way little one. Baby girl, your mother's body has arrived. It will arrive here by 2 PM."

I watched the color drain from her face, and for a moment she lost the power of speech.

Finally, as her voice cracked, she solemnly asked me, "How far away is the cemetery she is going to be interned?"

"It's about 400 yards from here."

Her eyes lit up. "You are burying her here; on your property?"

"No, I am burying her here, on our property. Rod took care of that Monday. You better start making bunches of money. There are a lot of taxes to pay the state of Colorado."

She smiled at me and replied, "I will either borrow it from my very rich uncle, or wait to inherit it from him, in sixty or seventy years, when he passes away. I'll ask the tax collector to wait until then for payment, with eight percent interest."

"I'll pay the taxes until then. You can pay me the exact amount you owe me in a personal check. Just make sure you sign it."

"Are there banks up there with enough funds to cash it?"

"If there aren't, I'll tell them to give me a prepaid credit card."

Delicious hopped up on my lap, kissed me, and said, "One day I expect you to tell a joke that I have not heard 1000 times or more before."

"It was the only one I could think of with the lead time you gave me. If you were more original, possibly I could come up with something new also."

"Do you always put the blame on the child?"

"If it works, I do it every time."

"You do realize you interrupted my breakfast."

"Yes, I noticed. Part of the table was still there."

Delicious applauded. "Very good, Uncle Even that was almost an original joke. Let's go upstairs, and I will make you breakfast while I finish eating the table."

"What am I having for breakfast?"

"Would you like Ron's Brains (Lumpy Oatmeal), or the Divines' Special Eggs (Runny Sunnyside Up); with semi-burnt toast, warm orange juice, and muddy coffee?"

I smacked her bottom and she jumped off my lap.

"What was that for?"

"Could you make believe this is a restaurant, and make everything you just listed properly for the first time in your life?"

"Hey, I'm a good cook. My mother taught me everything she knew."

"That's exactly my point. Could you forget everything my sister taught you, and make me a proper meal? I have a cookbook that will help you if you need it."

"That is not funny, Uncle Even. I am an excellent cook when I want to be."

"Do you think you could 'want' to be a good cook this morning, PLEASE?"

"Well, since you said please, I will make you the perfect breakfast. I will also leave you part of the table to eat on, when the food is ready."

*********

At 1:30 PM, Rod, Roz, and their six children were here, the Blue Spruce trees were planted around the gravesite, and the concrete outer box had been lowered into place, waiting for the casket holding Divine Marks remains.

I received a phone call from the funeral director who told me he was five minutes away from the property. I gathered everyone and we started walking towards the site. The difference in Delicious was night and day. My sister would be in her glory to see her child looking the way she did. Instead of a see-through blouse, and a miniskirt that covered nearly nothing, Delicious was wearing a beautiful dress, which covered all of her assets. If anything it made her more alluring, then the day I first saw her in the funeral home.

We were nearly at the site, when a black suburban and a modified four-wheel-drive truck drove towards us. Six men got out of the suburban, and two men got out of the truck.

I walked over to the man in the suit who I assumed was the funeral director, and asked him what happened next. He explained the procedure, with the steel bars being placed on all four sides of the opening, and the straps lowering the casket into the concrete box. Then he concrete sealer would be poured on all four sides of the concrete box in the top would be lowered onto it; sealing it permanently from water and any other intrusion.

I told him I wanted the top to be coated with the sealer, also. He told me it would be a waste of money, and I replied, "Money is one problem I do not have."

He nodded his head, walked over to his men, and told them of the change in plans. Just to make sure it was carried out way I wanted it to be done, I reiterated exactly what I wanted and handed each of them $500. They were exceedingly thankful.

After the steel support grid was in place, and the straps that would hold the coffin were taut, the funeral director asked us to sit down while the men brought the coffin over. That thing I found it amazing was the behavior of Rods' children. Somewhere, deep in their minds, they knew something sad was happening, and they behaved like angels.

The casket was place before us, and everything became eerily quiet. The wind stopped blowing, and the trees did not move. The priest began saying the prayers for the dead, up to this point, Delicious sat next to me, stiff as a stone.

Suddenly, as I feared, the stone shattered.

Delicious lunged for the casket and screamed, "MOMMY, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO UNCLE EVEN. WHY DID YOU STAY WITH THAT BASTARD? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT YOU?" She exploded, uncontrollably, into tears, and the priest stopped his soliloquy, waiting for us to get Delicious under control.

I was kneeling on her left side holding Delicious. Rosalynn was on her right, talking to her softly. It is difficult to lose a parent when you are fifty. It is hideous to lose a parent when you are sixteen. It is an abomination when you lose ninety percent of your family on the same day, and not know anything about the person you are being shuffled off to for the next two years of your life.

If it is a SOFT landing as Delicious' was, your soul has time to repair itself. Unfortunately, in this instance, Delicious had to go through the death ritual twice, and no one should have to do that.

I looked at Rosalynn, and with our combined strength we tried to stand Delicious up. She had a death grip on the handle of the coffin, and would not let go.

I said to her, "Baby, you have known your mother has been gone for one week. Nothing can or will ever change that for either of us. We have talked about your mother every day, and each of us wants her back for our own selfish reasons. We will never get our wishes to come true. The only thing we can do to honor her memory is to live good and productive lives every day and make her proud of us. I already know she is so proud of you. Look at what you have accomplished in one week. I am blown away by what you have done. She is looking down from heaven smiling at her baby girl, knowing that you will survive, and grow into the person she wanted you to be."

In the midst of her crying she screamed at me, "Why wouldn't she listen to you? She was so smart and so giving, but she would not leave the man that abused her. Why, Uncle Even, why wouldn't she leave that son of a bitch?"

"Delicious, there are only two people in this universe that can answer that question: your mother, and God. I offered your mother everything I had so many times I lost count. I have had such a good life I have nothing I could ask for when I die. I will have only one question, if I am allowed, before I enter heaven, or be sent to hell, and that will be it. I will call you and let you know the answer."

Delicious held on to me. She said, "Uncle Even, if anyone can figure out a way to make that phone call, it will be you."

"Would it be all right for us to sit down now? If not, I'm going to need two new knees in the morning."

She replied, "You old people have no stamina at all. However, when you stand up, I'm going to need a little help. The rocks in my knees have taken up permanent residence, and will have to be surgically removed."

As I stood up I said to her, "I always wanted to play doctor with a virgin. This could be fun."

She replied without hesitation. "A virgin patient and a virgin doctor; which one will die first."

Rosalynn said, "Don't look now, but Rod has already made the decision on who dies."

Rod was standing behind the chairs, with his one-year-old son, Adam in his arms, and a broad smile on his face.

Delicious said, "God will get you for that."

The words were not out of her mouth, when Adam had a severe case of diarrhea, which overloaded his diaper and flowed all over Rods' suit jacket and pants. There was so much of it, it poured down onto his shoes.

Rosalynn laughed so hard she was embarrassed because she was at a funeral. She felt better when she saw Delicious lying on the ground pounding it with her fist.

I pulled my niece up, and looked her in the eye. "God did not get him. That is your mother's sense of humor. God would have opened the ground and let him fall in a pile of it."

Rod was holding Adam as far away from his body as he could. His five other children formed a circle, and danced around him. He yelled, "Rosalynn, help me!"

Roz replied, "He's empty. You can put him down and I'll take care of him later. I suggest you go take care of yourself."

As he was walking away, I yelled to my friend, "Don't you dare go into my house. If you do, you're fired."

He looked over his shoulder, and said, "Thanks Even, that is exactly what I needed right now. I have shit all over me, and you are going to shit on me."

"That is what friends are for Rod; to be there when you are in need."

Father McAuley asked if it was okay to continue the service.

I looked at Delicious and waited for her to reply.

She looked at the priest and asked, "Father, can you picture anything else happening at a funeral that hasn't happened here?"

McAuley said, "Actually I was performing a service once, when an airplane crashed. Thankfully no one was in need of my services, because all three people on board survived. God is merciful that day."

Delicious looked around the sky, and said, "I don't see any aircraft in the area, so you may continue."

It seemed to take hours for the prayers to be said in their entirety, but it was only twenty minutes. Father McAuley wished Delicious well, and if she ever needed someone to talk to, he was always available. His parish was very small and he had a lot of time on his hands.

He shook hands with Rosalynn, one of his parishioners who never missed mass on Sundays, and often brought the three oldest boys with her.

Then he shook hands with me, and asked, "When are you coming back to God?"

I said, "God and I are discussing our problems with one another. I know he's there, and he knows I am here. I don't have a problem with him, and I hope he doesn't have a problem with me. The problem I have is the religion that stands between us. Every time I turn around, the religion changes the rules. I am a scientist. The rules of science rarely if ever change. Religions change their rules whenever they feel the need. There are 1 billion Catholics in this world, and 700 million of them live in poverty. The answer to that is birth control. What does the church do; they forbid birth control. They keep women subservient to men, and forbid divorce. A man can just walk out of a marriage, leave a woman penniless and there is nothing she can do about it. She can't remarry because it's against the precepts of the church. Do you want to explain that one father? The church says we feed the hungry. I donate more money per year to charities here in Colorado, and the United States, than the Vatican does, and I am only one person."

"You said it yourself Even, 700 million people live in poverty, and the church tries to feed them all."

"Father McAuley, you should go down to Rio de Janeiro, and stay in one of the luxury hotels along Copacabana Beach. Go to the nightclubs where they serve drinks at forty dollars each. Get up in the morning and have your fifty-dollar breakfast. Then walk outside, go one block west of the beach and you know you will find Father; Slums filled with poor people who have not had a decent meal in weeks or months. Good Catholic people Father, with six, eight, or ten children, living in abject poverty, next to billion dollar hotels, where the rich and famous play in the casinos at night, and lie on the beach during the day. Trying to feed these people is not going to save them. Allow them to use any method of birth control, and limit their family size to two or three children. Within 100 years the population will decrease by 250 million souls. Hunger will have disappeared; their living standards will have improved greatly. The church will be seen as the savior of these people. However, that's what the church doesn't want. They don't want to lose the numbers game. They can't afford to lose 250 million Catholics."

"Even, you may be right, and you may be wrong. All I can do is keep preaching the gospels as they are written, and follow the rules as they are given to me."

I knew he could not go any further, so I threw in a sneaky punch. "Father did you know Rosalynn is going on birth control?"

Father McCauley's head turned towards Rosalynn at light speed, because she never mentioned it to him; not in confession or in general conversation.

"Rosalynn, the church forbids it."

"Even, I should castrate you for putting it that way."

"It's the truth isn't it?"

"Technically, it is the truth Father, but as far as my participation in this matter, it is not the truth."

"I am totally confused Roz. Are you or are you not going on birth control?"

"Rod is getting a vasectomy; so technically I am going on birth control. I will never have another child."

Father McAuley shook his finger at me. "God will get you for that Even."

I smiled at the priest. "At least I was not holding Adam."

Everyone laughed and started moving away from the gravesite; everyone that is except Delicious. I stopped and walked back to stay with her.

One of the men hit a release switch, and the canvas straps began lowering the casket into the concrete chamber. As he got to the very top of it, they stopped. Four men jumped down to guide the corners in without scratching the bronze. The release switch was opened again. The casket was lowered into the vault, and there was not an inch to spare on any side. They pulled the straps free and began putting the concrete mix around the perimeter of the vault. They waited for the backhoe to lower the top of the vault, and when it was one foot above the vault, they added sealant to it, and guided it down until it rested as one piece. They went around the sides, and used more of the ceiling mix to fill any gaps they missed. When they were done, a job was perfect.

I asked Delicious if she wanted to leave, but she declined.

"Uncle Even, it's important for me to be here, until this is over. I was all she had, and she was all I had. It's the least I can do for her."

I nodded to the driver of the backhoe, and he began filling the hole in the ground. Four swipes with that large bucket and it was done. He lifted it, and began driving the big wheels of the vehicle over the soft dirt compacting it as well as it could be done. He gave me a wave.

Delicious and I were about to go home when a truck drove up and backed up to the site. I asked the four men who they were, and what they were going to do. They told me they were there to prepare the footing for the monument.