This is Madness

She shot fully awake when her probing fingers found nothing but bare skin. The man behind her wasn't her Dave. In the last three weeks she'd carefully justified to herself that what she was doing was just to fulfil a physical need within herself. So long as there was no intimacy, it wasn't really cheating. This was about as intimate a two people could get. Self-loathing flooded her every nook and crevice. Her eyes shot open. Right into the eyes of the uniformed man in the photograph. She'd forgotten to turn it towards the wall as was her usual habit. She grabbed both the encircling arms and thrust them back, before moving to the furthest extreme of the bed and sobbing her guilt and shame at her own weakness. Confused, the man behind her quietly got dressed. Whispering, "I'll see you tonight," he left. Neither was concerned that it was now full daylight. Julia because she was too wrapped up in her own misery, her lover because he just didn't care.

The day passed as a blur for Julia. Her defences smashed, her psyche was in full retreat. She stood in the shower until the water went cold. That washed the sweat and cum away but did nothing for the stain she felt on her soul. She returned to bed, not quite oblivious to the stained and twisted sheets. It looked like what it was, the bed of a whore. On the next required trip to the bathroom, she made the mistake of following her automatic pattern and looking in the mirror. She hated what she saw. She reached for her makeup, and in the next hour transformed herself so that the external image resembled her new internal one. She alternated sleeping and returning to the mirror to admire her handiwork for the rest of the day.

Thus it was, that when her lover and his friend snuck in the still unlocked back door, at 8.09PM that night and crept upstairs, they were greeted with the sight of Julia asleep in her bed. Both men disrobed quietly in the hall outside the bedroom, then tiptoed in and deposited the small bottle of lube on the bedside dresser before attacking. With rehearsed precision, John got behind Julia, clamped a hand firmly over her mouth and rolled her face up on top of him. Julia's lover then began roughly mauling her breasts. It was too dark to see the expression on Julia's face, so the man on top had no idea that he wasn't following his lover's new wishes. It was taking all of John's strength to hold the struggling woman and stop her biting his fingers.

"Are you sure this is what she wants?"

"I told you she wanted it to be as realistic as possible. This has been her fantasy ever since she watched a porno on her hen's night. I played you the recording for fuck's sake, just hold her still."

John was swayed to comply against his better judgement, not by logic but by lust. This was kinda hot and if the slut wanted it this way, who was he to deny her the fun.

Inside her head, Julia definitely didn't want this but could feel her strength ebbing. After a few short minutes she gave up the struggle. Besides, she thought, she needed this punishment. Maybe after one night of being treated like the slut she was, she could begin to forgive herself.

Above her, her former lover fingered her sex, prior to penetration. It should have been a clue that it was as dry as a bone. At this point, a week of build-up and his current lust, meant wild horses couldn't have stopped the inevitable. He reached for the lube.

Julia felt him penetrate her. The similarities to her very first time were remarkable, uncomfortable and entirely pleasure free. She gave a brief struggle, then settled back to endure her deserved punishment. She knew this was just the beginning.

Her lack of movement, disappointed, then enraged Michael. He'd been looking forwards to this. The bitch was spoiling his fun. Wanting to hear her screams, he released one of her wrists and reached up and removed John's hands, fully expecting her now free arm to attack him. It didn't, neither did her unobstructed mouth utter a sound. As an erotic experience, it was a bust. With a surge of anger, Michael said to his partner, "With a slight modification, it's time for the main event." In the darkness, Julia closed her eyes and accepted her punishment. At that precise moment, the phone rang. It went unanswered. Shortly after that, a cell rang somewhere. It got the same treatment.

Treating her like a rag doll, Michael turned his limp lover over and assisted impaling her on John's cock. With a running commentary of what he was doing, he lubed up again. There was no response from his victim, which is probably what prompted Michael to be none too gentle when he pushed into her anus. Julia was determined to accept her punishment stoically but the fact that her sphincter was involuntarily tensed, made it all the more painful. She screamed, which went a long way towards making Michael lose whatever control he thought he had left.

The scene played out like this for about two minutes. Thrust, scream, thrust, scream. It may have ended inevitably within another minute, except for an unexpected intervention.

Racing up the stairs, in response to hearing the screams as he opened the front door, was a large man about 45 years of age. Seeing what was obviously a rape in progress, he reacted purely on instinct. He grabbed the naked man on top of Julia and threw him against a wall. Julia, feeling the weight removed, fell sideways, off the guy underneath. The large gentleman then lifted John up by his hair, planted a fist in his solar plexus and when he bent over, rammed his knee into his face. There was a very satisfying crunch. Meanwhile, Michael had regained his feet. Just in time to be dropped by an enraged fist to the face. Blood erupted from his mouth as he went down again.

The newcomer planted himself between Julia and her attackers and watched while they stumbled and crawled to the door, grabbed what clothes their spinning heads could perceive and headed for the front door. Up until this point there were three bewildered people in the room. It soon became four. Something hit the stranger in the back of the head. He looked down at the bottle of lube, now rolling away on the floor. His eyes swung to the hissing, naked mound of anger on the bed.

"You bastard! Why did you have to stop them? I needed that. I deserved that."

Thoroughly confused, the man saw Julia reaching for another missile. Her eyes focussed on the heavy phone, on its base and began to reach for it. The man wisely retreated through the door, throwing over his shoulder, "Goodbye Julia." He followed the two naked, bleeding, fleeing men out the front door. The crash of the phone hitting the bedroom wall being her only response to his parting words.

Julia collapsed back on the bed sobbing. Who was that guy? Why had he stopped her punishment before it was complete? Could she still forgive herself now? It all became too overwhelming and her mental self-defence mechanisms caused her mind to go somewhere else for a little while. A tiny little part of her kept an ear cocked for what she, deep down knew would happen next. The phone rang. She saw the calling number display, 'Overseas'. Discounting several other possibilities, she answered.

"Dave, is that you?"

"Yes Julia. I just got an email from Frank next door. He said that yesterday morning he saw a man sneaking out of our house. Are you having an affair while I'm gone, Julia?"

Her lips moving along with his words, whatever protective forces were holding Julia together, blew away in the wind. She never could lie to Dave, she never would.

"I'm sorry darling. So sorry. I was so lonely while you were away. I wasn't strong enough. It will never happen again. It's over. I've been punished. Will you forgive me... please? I've been punished enough, just please forgive me."

The roaring in her ears drowned out any noises on the long distance line. The wait was interminable. Julia's life hung in the balance. Eventually,

"No, Julia. How could you... Goodbye Julia.

With her doom pronounced, Julia screamed and screamed. Inside her head she still screamed long after her throat could handle no more. She drifted in and out of cognisance. Approaching sanity again, she thought of the one person who always knew the solution to her problems. She turned to grab the phone but it was gone. Looking around, she saw it lying next to a wall. Quickly plugging it back in, she was relieved to hear the dial tone. Ringing her mother's number from memory, she heard something that confused her even more than she already was.

"The number you have called is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again."

For the third time, she heard, "The number you..." She pressed the ring off button and dialled again.

"The number you have called is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again."

Confused and desperately feeling more alone than she ever had, she dialled Jenny's number. Engaged. If Julia had possessed the power of rational though at this moment, she might have seen the uphill battle she faced. Driven by loneliness and Jenny's lustful stories, she'd spent two weeks convincing herself that beginning an affair was justified. She'd then spent three weeks, in the face of her mounting guilt, justifying why the novelty and the pleasure should continue. In both cases, if anyone had questioned her logic, apart from herself, they would have revealed it as the precarious house of cards it was. She'd taken enough precautions that it should never have seen the light of day. Never in her wildest nightmares had she ever dreamt of having to justify it to her husband, whose feelings about fidelity were regularly stated. Her current mental state was caused by the fact that she couldn't stand to even think about the pain to come.

She wasn't the first person to contemplate the obvious solution to her predicament. She had pills, she had a razor. All she needed now, the loss of her last reason to live. It must have been pure instinct that made her go into her daughter's bedroom. A reminder of her children, and her love for them, was all that stood between thinking and doing. That one act almost certainly saved her life. She opened the child's bedroom door and walked in. Almost immediately she recoiled as a strand of cobweb brushed her face. She brushed it away and looked around. Everything was neat and tidy but even though Rebecca had only been at camp since Monday, there was more than one cobweb and the place needed a dust. With a good distractive purpose, Julia set to work, dusting, cleaning and washing sheets from Rebecca and Monty's rooms. This kept her occupied until after 4AM. Two spotless rooms ready for her children's return tomorrow. Well today actually. Not being able to return to the scene of her crimes, she fell asleep, exhausted, on Rebecca's bed.

That is how Jenny found her on her return the next morning. Being a regular visitor, she had her own key. Until three months ago, she would have let herself in the door without knocking, but now her friend had a partner, she'd gone back to observing niceties. With no response to her knocking, she entered and called out. There was no answer to that either. Thinking Julia might be out, she went straight to the medicine cupboard out of habit. What she saw made her heart drop. It looked like Julia had stopped taking her 'vitamins' just after Jenny had left to take her turn at nursing her aging mother. That was two weeks ago. With a sudden feeling of dread, she sped to the master bedroom. One look at the messed up and stained bed, plus the lingering smells, confirmed her worst fears. With trepidation, she checked the ensuite bathroom and was greatly relieved to see it empty, particularly the bath.

She found her friend in her daughter's room and immediately wept at the sight. Julia was lying on the bed in the spotless room. Her naked body showing fresh bruises and red marks. Her face was a mixture of garish make-up and tear streaks. Holding her breath, Jenny moved to her friend and felt an arm. Relieved that it was still warm, she sat next to her and let her tears flow. Returning to the kitchen she grabbed two and a half of the tablets and a glass of water. Two of the tablets came from a long plastic box with little compartments, labelled with the days of the week. The half pill, came from a different bottle stashed at the back. Once armed and mentally prepared, she shook her friend awake. She watched Julia's eyes open, the smile of recognition, then the fade to horror. She held her in a hug while her friend sobbed and screamed incoherently into her shoulder. At the first sign of Julia faltering, she urged her to take the tablets with the water, telling her the truth that it would take her pain away. Julia consumed them like she hadn't eaten for weeks. Once they were gone, Jenny went back to holding her friend. She didn't try to decipher her mumblings. She didn't have to.

Finally, Julia drifted back to sleep, the half tranquiliser doing its work. Even a half was risky, according to Doctor Jones. Jenny steeled her resolve and began cleaning up the master bedroom sadly. Half an hour in, there was a knock at the door. It was Tom.

"Hi Jenny, I've come to get the rest of my stuff."

"Why Tom? Are you leaving? Is something wrong?"

"Didn't Julia tell you? No I suppose she wouldn't. A few days after you went to your mums, I got called away for work, fighting bloody fires up in the mountains. Two nasty weeks with no cell coverage. I reminded Julia to take her vitamins like you said. I got back last night and came straight here. I came in and saw her, I thought, being raped by two guys, it sure sounded that way. She had one in the front door and one in the back, if you know what I mean. I busted their asses and threw them out, then the bitch started tossing stuff at me. She wanted them here, Jenny. I can't handle that shit, I'm outa here."

Jenny heard the way Tom spat those last sentences and knew what she was about to say was almost certainly a complete waste of time, but for her sake as well as her friend's, she had to try. He followed her into the kitchen at her request.

"Damn, Tom. If I'd known you weren't here while I was gone, I would have made other arrangements. I only felt comfortable going away because I thought you'd be here. I was desperate. My mother is very sick and I don't know how much longer she'll be with us. I did think about telling you all this before I left, but, well, you'll see."

Jenny paused to take a very deep breath.

"Um, those weren't vitamins, Tom, they're antipsychotics. Julia is a very... damaged person. You haven't seen it until now because I kept her medicated."

Again Jenny paused. She knew the next bit wasn't very self-complimentary but she felt obliged to minimise the blame on Julia to maximise the chances of Tom not running when he discovered the truth.

"Once upon a time, Julia and I were married to very good men. My Mark was an Engineer and Julia's Dave was a Captain in the army."

"Yes I knew about Dave, but I heeded your advice and never asked Julia about him. I presume that's his photograph on the shelf of the bedroom?"

"Yes, that's the only one she kept out of storage. Mark and I didn't have kids but Julia and Dave had two. They were 12 and 14 when Dave's mob left for Iraq."

The intense memories almost caused Jenny to break down, but she rallied.

"I did something stupid, Tom. Instead of looking after Julia, I inadvertently led her on a path to destruction. You see, even though I had everything, I, er, took a lover. It's hard to explain why, even to myself, but I think I was just a greedy, entitled bitch. It was so exciting that I just couldn't keep it to myself. I had to tell someone how good it was."

"Julia."

"Yes, Julia. I should have known it was a mistake, she was missing Dave like mad and hadn't had as much as a hug from a man in eight months."

"I think I see where this is going, Jen. Julia saw how much fun you were having and decided to have some fun of her own."

"No... it's way worse than that, Tom. Yes, it was fun, but I felt as guilty as hell and thinking back on it, I wanted to feel better about what I was doing. How better to do that than to normalise it. If my best friend was a cheater, as well, then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad,"

Tom didn't say anything but the look he gave Jenny wasn't generous. She looked at the table for the next bit.

"Yes, I encouraged her to go out and find a boyfriend. I even babysat her kids while she went out sometimes. In return, she covered for me when I needed her to. I should have known, though, she never could lie convincingly. She inadvertently gave me away to Mark. He did some checking and busted me. He took off straight away, just disappeared. It took me almost a week to find out where he'd gone. Julia was a rock during this time. I don't think I would have survived without her support. I told her I was wrong to suggest she had an affair as well. The risk just wasn't worth it. What I didn't know, though, was that I was too late. I'd made it sound so exciting that she'd already started an affair. I found out later she was going to tell me the night Mark caught me and my life turned to shit. She never told me."

Jenny paused to repress the memories of that 24 hours. Memories that refused to fade with the passage of time.

"She told me later that when she saw the effect on me, she almost ended things with her lover but figured the damage had already been done. Sleeping with him again would be no bigger a crime than she'd already committed. You don't know what it's like, Tom, when you cheat on someone, you cover your guilt with justifications and bury it. You think it's gone but it hasn't. It's still there, waiting to erupt like a septic boil. Another reason she didn't break it off, and this is really bizarre, is that she wanted to return the favour she thought I'd done her. Telling me how exciting it was just as I'd done her."

Jenny shook her head. It had made a kind of sense at the time, but now?

"Sorry, I got off the story there. Anyway, I urged Julia to not have an affair but I was too late. Maybe if I hadn't been so self-absorbed, I would have seen clearly. Then, I found out that Mark had headed to his parents and took off after him. It was a complete waste of time of course, but I had to try. I was away for two weeks and came back on a Saturday. Tell me when this starts to sound familiar, Tom?"

Tom thought he glimpsed where this was going, but the sheer enormity of his suspicions stilled his tongue.

"While I was gone, Julia escalated her affair with her boyfriend, Brent, his name was. I never met him, but she said he was much younger than her, very muscular and had a huge cock according to Julia. She told me later that she spent just about every afternoon with him in a motel that first week. During the second week I was away, Julia's kids were both on a school camp and she had Brent come over every night. That might have been the end of the story, she told me later she was going to break off with him before the kids got home, but something happened on the Friday night."

Jenny paused to look at Tom with raised eyebrows.

"Don't tell me, it involved two guys did it?"

"Yes. Unbeknownst to Julia, Brent brought a friend of his over on the Friday night. Julia was going to tell them both to piss off but decided not to. She'd always fantasised about having two guys at once and thought this was a way of ending the affair with a bang. Only, it didn't turn out like she'd imagined it. She said it was wonderful to be spoiled by two guys to start with, but then it turned nasty. She was on top of one of the guys, when the other forcibly sodomised her. It was painful and she hated it but there wasn't a whole lot she could do but accept her fate. When they finished, they just laughed at her and left."