Thoughts on Cuckolding

Until a few years ago, I had only a vague understanding of the term "cuckold" as it related to sexual relations between couples. As ignorant as I was I thought it had something to do with cheating. However, thanks to the overwhelming number of cuckold stories contributed to Literotica, I have been able to build a better appreciation of this term and the many different forms it can take in relationships. My comments will not please every reader and could offend cuckolding advocates, but they remain an accurate presentation of my own thoughts on this issue.

Definition

The term "cuckold" is defined as a male partner (husband or boyfriend), in a core relationship and whose female partner engages in sexual relations with external male participants (often referred to as "bulls").

Bulls are chosen by their female partners for a variety of desirable physical attributes and qualities. Common are such things as large penis size, overall physique, racial characteristics, sexual experience and staying power. Superior social/financial status may also be relevant. The underlying choice of a bull is that a female partner perceives them to be able to offer her superior sexual performance, in apparent complete contrast to her male cuckold partner.

Cuckold Relationship Models

There seems to be at least three (3) models of the cuckold relationship it pertains to the levels of knowledge, degree of approval and level of participation and of the cuckold male partner.

Model 1: the cuckold as a knowing and willing participant

In this category, the male partner in the relationship is made fully aware of these sexual liaisons and has given his approval for them to occur. If these activities are to take place at the residence of the core couple a number of possibilities arise. Additionally he may agree to participate by preparing his female partner for sexual acts with her intended "bull". This may involve physically stimulation of both his female partner and /or the "bull" through acts of oral and manual acts of stimulation.

If he gains permission by his female partner and her "bull" he may even be allowed to remain in the room to witness the sexual congress that takes place. As an observer he may be permitted to stimulate himself during their sexual activities. Alternatively he may be prohibited to stimulate himself during his observations.

Conversely, he may be actively shut out of the location where sexual activity will take place. Much depends on the attitude of his female partner and her bull to the desired role the cuckold is to play.

The other scenario is where the cuckolding takes place between the cuckold's female partner and her bull at an external location. In this case the cuckold may simply wait for his female partner to return home after her activities. Again depending on the attitudes of the female partner and her bull, the cuckold may be required to orally clean his female partner's vaginal area of all deposited sperm/semen (the creampie) from her lover.

Model 2: the cuckold is a knowing but reluctant participant

In this category, the male core relationship partner may be informed of the cuckolding but may express his displeasure of its occurrence. However he may opt not to oppose his cuckolding for various reasons. One important reason is his fear that external others who discover his newly acquired status may negatively assess his character and masculinity. All of the features mentioned in Model 1 above may apply to this cuckold category. Any potential thoughts about ending his relationship if married with divorce are usually countered by his female cuckolder with threats of leaving him penniless, embarrassing his socially with the inevitable disclosure of his cuckold status, and if children are involved threatening him with either severely limited or no access to them. Lastly it is often stated that his divorce option will leave him financing his cuckolding partner's continual betrayal.

Model 3: the cuckold as an unknowing participant

In this category, the male partner of the core relationship is an unwitting and unaware participant in the cuckold relationship between his female partner and her bull. Her sexual activities are conducted without the knowledge of her core relationship partner either at her home and/or at an external location. This cuckolding model is nothing more than cheating. All knowledge of the cuckolding is intentionally withheld from her core relationship male partner. In conjunction to this, the frequency and quality of sexual relations between the core relationship partners often decreases significantly. Depending on the levels of the unknowing male cuckold's perception of this significant change in his relationship with his female partner, his degree of dissatisfaction with his love-life and his access to investigative resources, may well uncover his hidden status as an unwilling cuckold and motivate him to respond.

Submission, humiliation, orgasm control and sissification

Other dimensions that may be superimposed on the cuckolding process involve how the female partner and her bull perceive the status and psychological propensity of the cuckold male partner for submission. They may require the cuckold to act submissively to his female partner and her bull. The cuckold may also be required to address his female partner and her bull and "Mistress" and "Sir". Other acts may include providing the cuckolding couple with food and drink following their sexual activity.

Humiliation may take several forms. The cuckolding female partner may choose to permit her bull to perform various sexual acts usually those which she had refused her cuckold. If the cuckold is present during the sexual activities both cuckolding participants may humiliate the cuckold by verbally denigrating his sexual prowess, the size of his penis and his overall masculinity. This is usually done in concert with the female partner making superlative sexual comparisons between her alpha male bull and her seemingly deficient cuckold.

Where the central object of the cuckolding plan is to impose control and domination over the core relationship male partner, the cuckolding couple may take the extreme step of physically restraining the cuckold by locking his genitalia in what is termed a "cage" -- literally a chastity device which actively prevents the wearer to experience full erections through painful confinement. Usually the female exerts additional control over the wearer by possessing the cage release key. This permits the female partner to control her cuckold's sexual satisfaction and orgasms. He has effectively become a part-time eunuch, caught in a sadomasochistic trap.

Additionally, the cuckold may be forced to become sissified by being forced to wear female underwear and clothing. In the extreme case of this, the cuckold may be forced to perform sexual acts upon the bull such as performing oral sex and/or the cleaning of the bull's penis following sexual intercourse. More infrequently, the cuckold may be forced to submit to being anally penetrated by the bull. Thus, the cuckolders have accomplished the total sexual submission and reorientation of the cuckold.

I thought of myself as being pretty broad minded when it comes to human sexuality and recognise that it can be manifested between people in many different ways. However, I cannot not ignore what I believe are the selfish desires of female cuckolders who seem to want bulls with Greek God physiques, cocks the size of horses and the staying power of Eveready bunnies, but still demand poor cuckold saps to work the long hours to bring home a salary that will maintain their economic stability to the level they believe they deserve. Any male partner in a relationship who openly agrees to become a cuckold is surrendering his individuality, his own needs and desires, his self-respect to others who by their very actions are bent on forcing him to accept that he will be forever second-best. Your efforts will do nothing to guaranty your cuckolders' heartfelt love, affection and appreciation. Instead your willingness will only serve to strengthen the cuckolders' belief that you fully enjoy and deserve your cuck status. I suspect that the embracing of submissiveness, domination and open humiliation by others will not prove to be evolutionary traits that will generally improve the human species in the long run.

If the quantity of Cuckolding tales on Literotica is anything to go by, it appears to be widely used strategy to cope with sexual inadequacies as perceived between many partners in core relationships. If such deficiencies exist, then perhaps the problem lies in incompatible sexual appetites, expectations and preferences between the two partners.

On paper cuckolding may well look to be a great fix for a female partner who is looking for an alternate external partner who may better sexual satisfy her. The problem I have is that while the female partner and bull get their jollies, the cuckold is relegated to providing financial security (which conversely enables the cuckolding to flourish) and /or providing parental care for any children that may be products of the core partnership.

The cuckold is left to live a virtual sex-life vicariously if at all through the cuckolding couple. Domination, enforced submission and ultimate humiliation seem to me to be a fucking lousy payout for true affection, caring and emotional support in a core relationship.

If a couple's sexual and emotional relationship are so deficient and unsatisfying there seems to be two choices that retain equal love and respect for both parties. Either learn to communicate better possibly through counselling in an attempt to strengthen the relationship, or bite the bullet and agree to split amicably.

The cuckold lifestyle at its very foundation involves a dire redistribution of love and respect from one core relationship partner to an external blow-in who has probably contributed very little to the safety and security needs that have maintained the core relationship.

It is a case of self-deception to contend that all participants supposedly receive equal benefits. I have read where some male partners convince themselves that they actively encourage the cuckolding process because they want to experience the highs and lows of cuckolding.

This sought after objective comes very close to true masochism -- sexual pleasure derived from experiencing physical and or psychological pain and trauma caused by the actions of others.

Now I have to be honest here. I have tremendous difficulties coming to terms with the desire of an individual to derive pleasure from being disrespected, insulted, displaced and relegated to the position of a passive impotent bystander whose sole purpose appears to be to finance his partner's cuckolding. As greater respect and dominance is granted over time to the external male cuckolder by the female, there seems no doubt that the male in the core relationship will be significantly emotionally and sexually short-changed.

If cuckolding is the preferred lifestyle option, why on earth would partners need to commit to a monogamous relationship in the first place? Admit that mistaken assumptions were made and for fuck's sake move on. But please do not sell cuckolding as the perfect model for 21^st century human relationships. You are not fooling me or anyone but yourselves. And for those fortunate to have children to consider, try to suspend your selfishness and contemplate how they will be expected to contend with the inevitable conflicts that arise within a cuckold-based relationship. What relationship lessons will they learn from such a relationship?

My thoughts and opinions on the cuckolding phenomenon in modern relationships have developed from just intellectual considerations. I had the opportunity of making the acquaintance of a married man who admitted that he was coping with a cuckold relationship.

His wife had her regular bull who satisfied all her sexual needs either at home of elsewhere. When this took place the cuckold husband was forced from his home until receiving permission to re-enter the home. He indicated that on one occasion, he had been asked to stay overnight in the nearby home of a male gay couple. With considerable shame he admitted to me that whilst asleep, one of the gay couple had forced him to have painful unprotected anal sex. His memories of the event had obviously traumatised this man. I sympathised with him but wondered to what degree his anal assault had possibly been prearranged by the cuckolders. Here was a man who had clearly succumbed to an orchestrated program of disrespect, humiliation and emotional battering. I found it to be a very sobering experience.

Lastly, I note that while some contributors have assigned their cuckold tales in the Fetish section (which I believe they truly represent), while others have found their way to the Loving Wives section. I remain somewhat confused as to this assignation. Perhaps someone can clarify the reasoning behind this dual classification of such tales.

Dear reader, while I climb from my soapbox, if you have made it this far I thank you for your time and I welcome all comments about the issues I have raised in this essay.