Thursday's Child

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She accepted that love wasn't for her...and then he appeared.
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She sat at a table for two on the patio of the hotel, her daughter joined her and they ordered wine with their lunch. This was the big vacation Joanna had been working towards for her whole life. Her mother had always told her that she'd have to work for everything in life, there was no hand out and the spoon she got was wooden not silver.

As she sat gazing out at the beach and beyond it the turquoise ocean, she generously allowed that although her mother had beaten her with that spoon, both physically and verbally, she had actually done her a favour. Hard work had begotten a little pride in what she had accomplished and a sense of satisfaction.

Her mother had told her that she was born on a Thursday, and many years later she had checked and the old bag wasn't lying -- for once. When she told her mother that it was Friday's child who had to work hard for a living, her mother beat her so badly she missed a week of school.

She disliked her mother, but her mother's dislike of her own daughter ensured that Joanna turned out the complete opposite of her mother, and that was a very good thing. She never turned to alcohol like her mother did and she had never found it necessary to turn tricks like her mother did.

She also grew up disliking men, and that was a bad thing. For all her fantastic work ethic and standards she was not a mate anyone wanted. Shannon's father was a brief affair with a married man, which was her style back then. An affair was easier to end when she'd had enough of him and he could run back to his faithful wife and really - there was no harm, no foul.

A few years into Shannon's life she met the one: the man she was supposed to be with. Everything was perfect; he was single, good looking, taller. Joanna fell, and she fell hard. The marriage ceremony was picture perfect, the marriage was a mess. Before they had celebrated their first anniversary, he had cheated on her and she experienced firsthand what it felt like to be on the receiving end of an adulterous spouse. If Shannon hadn't been there, she would have let it all go then. But the little girl was the light of her life, and because of her, Joanna picked herself up and carried on.

She turned her back on men because she felt that they had turned their collective back on her. She sulked like this for four years before she dared to make a male friend again. The four-year drought was one of introspection, she slowly realised that she would always have problems relating to people and if she wanted to end up alone with ninety cats for company, she was doing very well.

For Joanna, introspection meant forgiving people, a close to impossible task. It meant she had to look back at her mother's life with the benefit of hindsight -- she had to forgive her for being human, for having flaws, for making mistakes. At first Joanna didn't realise she could forgive her mother for certain things and not be liable for not extending forgiveness in other things. It was an all or nothing deal, but her subconscious showed her paths that weren't visible when she was justifying or rationalizing her position of non-compromise.

Joanna was as much of a product of her environment as her mother was of hers, and the chances of her turning out a success story was as good as the chance of snow in July but it was snowing somewhere in July, because she had beaten the odds. She could afford to be generous with her forgiveness, and indeed she had spoken to her mother several times before she died, assuring her that all was well between them.

Forgiving herself was a different kind of animal. She set herself impossible standards and when she failed to reach them, berated herself with a vengeance a masochist would admire. Forgiving herself for being morally corrupt by having affairs with married men.

Forgiving herself for failing Shannon, although Shannon had sworn to Joanna that she had never failed her. She couldn't have asked for a better mother, and she told her mother so, but Joanna thought she was just saying that.

Long after all the forgiveness had gone around, Joanna slowly realised that she had disliked herself as much as her mother did. It occurred to her that she couldn't expect people to like her if she didn't like herself. That was the hardest task of all, accepting that she deserved to be liked, by herself and others.

She mellowed and matured and like a good wine, she had become comfortable with herself, both inside and out. The urgency to impress people and show off the best of her was gone. She was relaxed and as Shannon put it 'chilled'. Over the last few years she had made a number of good friends both men and women, but she was once bitten and twice shy.

She was hesitant to get involved with a man and she never wanted to cross the adultery line again. Shannon was in her second year at college and this vacation had been reserved and paid for a year ago. It was their first and last grand vacation as mother and daughter and they were determined to make every single day of the fortnight count as a special day.

"Mmm... Mom, the fish looks good; I'm going to have the fish."

Joanna was pulled out of her reverie by Shannon's voice; she looked down at her own menu and perused it, deciding on the filleted fish salad. As she and Shannon were talking quietly about swimming later and perhaps sitting on the beach watching the sunset, her attention was drawn to a group of executives at the end of the patio.

Far enough away from them that they could not hear the conversation except for a few remarks made in obvious jest. They were all in a good mood; Joanna suspected they were celebrating a successful deal; her suspicions were deepened by the amount of alcohol being served to them by three scurrying waiters. The traffic to their table never stopped. Joanna smiled and then looked back out at the peaceful ocean.

"I think we should take a walk on the beach after lunch." Joanna suggested.

"I was thinking more along the lines of catching some rays." Shannon said looking at her pale arms in dismay.

"Okay, take a towel for me as well please. I'm going to walk to that enormous rock over there and then I'll join you in ray catching."

The executives' party was beginning to break up and as they ate, the table at the end became quiet.

It was the lack of noise that finally drew her attention and she looked past Shannon's shoulder to the table at the end, it was empty except for one man, he appeared to be reading a contract. Even more noticeable was the long scar from the top of his forehead on the left going to the top of his left eyebrow and continuing down across his left cheek into his neck, there was a second scar from the bottom of his chin that had cut the corner of his mouth and went up to his left ear, the top of the ear was missing. One scar pulled his eyelid down and the other had turned his mouth into a permanent sneer. He glanced up and Joanna spun her head to the right looking at the sea again, hoping that he didn't catch her staring at him.

His face was frightening; she wondered why he hadn't had it fixed in this age of plastic surgery. A good doctor could make those scars practically invisible. Why would anyone want to walk around looking like that? And it was obvious he had the means to have it fixed. Why would he punish himself like that? Surely he was aware that everybody looked at him and then cringed. Perhaps that was what he wanted, she thought, perhaps he wanted to be left alone, to be unapproachable.

Just the look she was aiming for herself, she thought dryly.

As she and Shannon ate their lunch, they discussed all they had seen in the marketplace of the little town in the morning. Since today was their first day there, they had decided to window shop only, they would go back tomorrow and buy a few things.

A few things everyday would become a completely new suitcase to drag home, and by stretching their shopping out over the fortnight, they were sure to enjoy every minute of it.

Joanna glanced up as a tall woman with long blonde hair strode past her to the table at the end of the patio. She was elegantly dressed in what appeared to be a designer dress. A waiter scurried behind her, pulling out a chair for her to sit when she reached the table. Joanna was intrigued and tried to glance at them as much as possible without being seen.

Shannon turned in her chair to see what her mother was looking at and then turned back. She made a face at Joanna and Joanna laughed.

"Why are you interested Mom?"

"Just curious. The man opposite has scars on his face and I'm wondering what the relationship between the two is. Women like her are attracted to money and power and they have the faces and the bodies to get both, but is there anything under the outer shell that would love a man who looked like that?"

"I think I'm going to change my seat, because you're very nosey and I inherited the trait. I want to know as well."

"Perhaps I am, but I like to think of myself as a people watcher, not a nosey-parker."

"Excellent justification Mom, but we're both still ultimately nosey about other people's business."

Joanna smiled and shrugged at Shannon and continued to glace at the end table ever so often.

The conversation between the scar faced man and the woman became louder and louder until just about every patron on the patio was openly staring at their table. Everybody could hear every word. They were arguing about something. It was obvious that the man tried to keep the argument civil and in a soft voice, however the softer he spoke, the louder his wife, if she was his wife, became. She must have pushed the right button because the moment he shouted back at her. All semblance of propriety gone.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" He shouted at her.

"I don't care. I won't stop seeing him and there's nothing you can do about it! Look at you! Do you think anyone looks at you and doesn't turn away in disgust?"

That was a low blow -- Joanna thought and certainly one that should have happened in privacy. However, everybody was staring at the couple now; Joanna felt a blush creep into her cheeks. She was embarrassed for him, she realised with a shock.

He whispered something softly, that only she heard. He had realised that everyone was staring. She whispered something back. A vein started throbbing on his forehead and a blush crept up to his cheeks. People slowly resumed their conversations and pointedly looked away from them again. Suddenly the woman threw a glass of water into the scarred man's face, and stood up abruptly. She gathered her purse and stalked back to the entrance of the patio, obviously leaving. A waiter hurried to the end table with a napkin which the scarred man accepted with thanks.

"She gone?" Joanna asked Shannon, who sat to her left. From her position with her back to the ocean could see both the end table and the entrance.

"Looks like it. Did you see how beautiful she is?"

"No, but she's certainly a trophy wife who is having an affair."

"Could be his daughter..." Shannon mused.

"I don't think a daughter would say those hurtful things to her father, especially if daddy's holding the purse strings."

"Why would she have anything to do with him at her age if he was an ogre?"

"Same reason; he holds the purse strings."

"Speculation mother, besides she's capable of making a lot of money with that face, she wouldn't need his money."

"Maybe." Joanna conceded.

"Anyway, the show's over. And it was so entertaining."

Joanna smiled and then they discussed who would meet whom, where and when, since they were splitting up. Shannon left first to go back to their hotel room for her bikini; Johanna had prudently worn her bathing suit under her sarong, the end of which she flicked over her shoulder for modesty's sake.

The waiter brought the tab and she signed it and then picked up her beach basket, loaded with beach essentials. She was going to take it to the beach and leave the basket with Shannon while she walked to the huge rock outcrop on the far side of the beach. The tide was coming in and it was gently kicking a spray up the rock. Joanna thought she would get a few good photos there.

While she was thinking, not looking she got up and stepped into the aisle and was immediately bumped hard against the table. Her breath left her in shock and as she was inhaling her lost breath, she heard someone speak to her.

"I apologise, I wasn't watching where I was going."

She felt a hand under her elbow, steadying her. She turned and looked up into the scar faced man.

"Neither was I."

She said without flinching, she looked him straight in the eye and didn't let her gaze waiver. He began to smile but stopped because it would look like a sneer and his face lost all expression. He nodded at Joanna and let his hand fall from her elbow. She nodded back, not willing to break eye contact first.

"Afternoon."

He said, turned, and walked down the rest of the aisle to the entrance of the patio. Joanna was slightly perplexed, who said 'Afternoon' and then walked away -- so formal? She never would have guessed she would bump into him again, but she did.

On their second day of vacation, Joanna and Shannon took a local tour to some ancient ruins on the other side of town. After the mini tour, the tour guide invited the party of seven tourists to his cousin's bar.

His cousin's bar was situated in the middle of the dirtiest, seediest part of town. An area the travel guide booklet had advised tourists to stay away from. As they exited the little tour bus they were immediately accosted by children and beggars. The children were holding out shells for the tourists to buy and the beggars were milling around, negotiating with the tour guide about washing his little bus.

The tour guide shouted at them and chased them off, then with an ingratiating smile led them into his cousin's bar. It was shabby on the outside and the inside was much the same. The bar area was dimly lit by a hole in the roof covered with clear Perspex. There were three dirty tables to sit at which were already occupied by regulars who immediately stopped talking and several mouths, some without teeth were gaping at the tourists as if they were aliens from another planet.

The rear of the bar was lit up with red light bulbs hanging like bats from the walls and several pool tables were in the midst of being played by vaguely shaped bodies lit in red with black shadows everywhere.

Joanna turned to the only man in the group of seven tourists, he was a young man about Shannon's age and had introduced himself as Jack, and it was his enthusiasm of the tour guide's offer to introduce them to proper local alcohol and cuisine that had landed them here. She smiled sweetly at Jack and drew him closer to whisper to him.

"Get us out of here. Did you not read that this area of town is dangerous?"

"Live a little." Jack retorted.

As Joanna turned back to face Jack, Shannon stepped in between them. She hooked her arm into Joanna's and they moved as a group with the other women to the Perspex hole part of the bar.

They were further distracted from murdering Jack by the bartender who had loudly announced himself and offered them their first drink of local beer on the house.

One woman sank her head into her hands and politely shook her head at the offer; she shot Jack a look as he accepted on their collective behalf. The bartender lined up suspiciously small glasses for beer and proceeded to fill them with the local brew, which had no resemblance to beer at all.

They were pretty much stuck with Jack the jerk on one side and the tour guide on the other and soon they were all wheezing and choking on their first sips of the brew, much to merriment of the guide and his cousin.

A minute later the hum of conversation resumed and ten minutes later, they were all feeling quite jolly. It didn't take the group of women long to become tipsy and start mixing with the locals. Joanna found herself making her way to the pool tables in the back.

Where the big boys are -- she thought drunkenly. Somebody turned on a stereo and local music filled the air; Joanna felt her foot tapping to the tune and sidled up to the nearest table, trying to look as sober as possible. She inadvertently stood in the way of the man who was to play the next shot.

"Excuse me."

A voice said loudly behind her, she twirled around with a smile. It was the scar faced man and she was inches away from his face looking up at him.

"Oh it's you."

She said and then blinked and laughed. He didn't laugh and her laugh died in her throat, the smile disappeared off her face and she stared back as sternly as he was looking at her. She cocked her eyebrow in an it's-your-turn-to-speak fashion and tilted her head forward as if to hear him better. He didn't say anything, so she spoke again.

"Small world, I mean small town."

"Indeed."

"Am I in your way?" She asked sweetly, knowing she probably was.

He looked around, as if she had jerked him out of a reverie. He shook his head, no. He took a step back straight into Jack's back where he was dancing with Shannon, the force knocked him forward into Joanna and he grabbed her to keep her from falling. Joanna melted into him, not knowing why. His arms were like steel, his chest was hard, he smelled of sweat and beer and aftershave and the mix was heady and delicious.

That's what you get for not having sex in ages she berated herself while enjoying the smell and feel of him way too much. Her heart was beating wildly and she knew she was in deep, deep trouble. Don't look up she ordered herself and then looked up into his eyes, smiling; without a care in the world, feeling her arms going around his waist with a will of their own.

She giggled lightly and wondered what colour his eyes were. She had to squash the urge to drag him outside to look. He was still giving her a penetrating gaze, but his face was less serious now and a small smile curved at the right side of his mouth. He didn't let her go, and she didn't want him to.

"I'm a little drunk." Joanna said as an explanation.

"I can see that." Arms of steel replied.

"I don't normally... I don't drink... I err..." Her ability to speak had shut down.

She berated herself for the way she might look and tried to come up with a plan to get out of his arms, without him thinking that she was running away from his face. She did the first thing that came to mind.

She stood up on her toes and kissed him on the mouth. She felt his lips brush against hers and was about to drop back down to her heels when he claimed her mouth for another kiss and she felt his teeth tugging on her bottom lip, wanting her to part her lips and let him in.

She did and tasted him hot and wet and boozy, his tongue swirled around hers cautiously and curiously and she curiously investigated his. When she realised what she had done, she withdrew her tongue and dropped back on to the heels of her feet. His face was expressionless as his hands fell to his sides.

"I shouldn't have done that." She looked into his eyes solemnly.

He merely shook his head, as if it didn't matter.

"I'm going to go now."

Because I don't know what I'm saying or doing, Joanna thought. She nodded at her mystery man seriously. His eyes were on her lips and she touched them self-consciously. His eyes moved up to hers and they looked at each other for what seemed like an hour, reading everything in each other's eyes yet finding no words for each other.

It was Shannon who rescued her.

"There you are!" She fairly bellowed over the music.

Joanna turned her gaze from the mystery man to Shannon who was slightly out of focus. Without thinking, she moved towards her daughter. She could feel the alcohol coming right back up.

"I need to leave right now." Joanna said as soon as Shannon was in earshot.