To Be Or Not To Be?

"Go ahead and get changed. You have your first therapy session in a half an hour, hurry up," the man showing him around said. He nodded and stepped into his room, changing as fast as he could, and met up with the man (he had been told his name was Chad) again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clothes he was given were starchy and uncomfortable. He was led into a room where seven or eight other men sat in a circle. There was an empty chair where he was obviously supposed to sit. Chad pulled over another chair and everyone quickly made room for him.

"Hello, Demetrius. We were waiting for you," one man said, he held a clipboard and was obviously in charge. Demetrius didn't know how he already knew his name.

"Hi," he waved. The rest of the men greeted him quickly and turned to the man with the clipboard.

"As most of you know, and some of you don't, this is PPP," the man smiled warmly. Demetrius frowned and looked around, before raising his hand. "Yes?" the man asked.

"Uh... what's PPP?" Demetrius questioned. A few people chuckled but the man just smiled.

"It stands for 'Positive Peer Pressure'," he explained, and quickly moved on. Demetrius frowned but continued to listen.

"So here we're going to go over some of our thoughts and feelings and try to positively encourage others in this group to turn away from their sinful ways," he said. Demetrius looked around. Sinful ways? Everyone else here was thinking the same things as he was? Having the same feelings?

The 'Positive Peer Pressure' therapy went on for two hours. One member of the group would talk about their thoughts, feelings, or anything they didn't like about themselves. Then, the rest of the group would proceed to bash and belittle their problems, usually until the person would break down on themselves. They went around in the circle slowly, until finally, they reached Demetrius. Demetrius was terrified. They had crushed over half the group by now and Demetrius didn't want the same to happen to him. It was obvious that what they were doing was horribly cruel.

"Go ahead and stand up, Demetrius," the man with the clipboard said. Demetrius did as he was told and shifted back and forth on his feet anxiously.

"Now tell us about some of your inadequacies," the man smiled warmly, though his words didn't match his facial expression.

"Uh, I'm not really comfortable-"

"If you don't, there will have to be severe punishment for your refusal to participate. Your parents are paying a lot of money for you to be here and you're being a selfish piece of shit for wasting their money." The man suddenly turned angry, glaring at him with cold eyes. Demetrius' jaw dropped a little as the man went off on him. He bowed his head and swallowed. He didn't want to do this. This was worse than what his father was doing to him. He could take physical beatings, but mental and emotional ones were much worse. He already had his mind and body fighting against each other, he couldn't handle anyone else in his head.

"Uh... I don't understand why we-"

"Get him out of here," The man with the clipboard scribbled something down angrily.

"What?" Demetrius whimpered, as two larger men led him out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demetrius collapsed on his bed, he had been working for hours. The 'severe punishment' the man had been talking about, had been manual labor. He was taken to one of the larger buildings and led inside. He found it empty and the floors caked with mud and dirt. He was given a piece of sponge smaller than his palm, and told to scrub the floors clean. His fingers blistered and wrinkled under the constant moisture of the water and pressure of scrubbing the filthy floors. His knees hurt from crouching on the hard floor and more than once his tears had been added to the soapy water he was forced to use to clean the caked on mud. His fingers and hands hurt and he desperately wanted a shower, but he was just too tired. His door suddenly opened and he looked up.

"Excuse me, haven't you heard of knocking?" he felt his anger flare up a little bit.

"You're lucky you even have a door. Most people don't. Come with me," the rude man said. Demetrius sighed and stood up, following the man.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"It's time for your Aversion Therapy," the man said, without looking at him. Demetrius frowned. Aversion therapy? The man led him to the building he had passed earlier and Demetrius wrinkled his nose at the horrible, yet familiar, smell. The man opened the door and the smell only got worse as they walked down a hallway lined with doors. It seemed as if the hallway went directly through to the other side of the building, and the rooms on the sides took up the rest of the space. About halfway through they stopped at an open door and Demetrius was pushed inside. The door was shut and Demetrius was alone. At least he thought he was until he saw movement in the dark room.

"Who's there?" he asked, frightened.

"I'm Doctor Card," a man introduced himself. He held out a gloved hand and Demetrius shook it. "I'll be your Aversion Therapist for your entire stay here," he smiled.

"What's 'Aversion Therapy'?" he asked.

"You'll see soon enough," the doctor smiled and Demetrius swallowed. The Doctor led him over to a very large uncomfortable metal chair that reclined quite easily. He was sat so that he was looking at a wall, and only realized that it wasn't a wall, when the very large t.v. was turned on. He winced at the brightness before getting used to it. The room held the faint sickly smell but it wasn't too strong.

"I'll be in that room right there watching you. If you do anything to disrupt your therapy, I'll be forced to take certain... measures," the doctor smiled, as if he wanted to skip right to the measures. Demetrius couldn't hide his fear. The doctor walked towards a door in the room and stepped behind the tinted window. Suddenly the t.v. flickered and it didn't take Demetrius long to figure out that the movie playing, was a porno. Not only was it a porno, but the stars were two men. They sucked each other off eagerly and Demetrius blushed as he felt himself get hard. How was this supposed to help him? If anything it was making it worse! But it didn't take long for the smell in the room to grow stronger. Soon Demetrius couldn't take it anymore and was gagging and trying to shut his eyes from the now fucking men on screen and was trying to cover his mouth with his uncomfortable starchy shirt.

The doctor came in wearing a gas mask and he pushed Demetrius down onto the chair roughly. Demetrius choked as the doctor wrapped his hand around his neck and he felt a thick leather strap tied tight around his forehead. Several more followed as one of the large men from before entered the room to help the doctor. He could do nothing but resist as the men strapped down his head, neck, chest, upper and lower arms, thighs, and calves. Even his feet were strapped down. He was forced to face the movie and endure the horrible gas.

"What is this?" Demetrius asked, as he gasped for air though there was none.

"Ammonia," the doctor said, words garbled through the mask he wore. He disappeared back behind the tinted glass again.

Demetrius was left alone for three hours.

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His misery didn't end there. For the next three weeks he was forced to do three to six hours of 'Aversion Therapy' every day. It wasn't always the Ammonia Therapy. Sometimes he was forced to talk about his fantasies or the feelings he would have for other men. Sometimes he would be forcefully injected with a syringe filled with a strange yellow liquid. He was never told what it was but it made him vomit for an hours or so, and when there was nothing left to come up, he would be nauseous and dizzy for hours after. While he was under the effect of the mystery drug, he was shown repeated loops of violence, sex, naked men, and more pornography.

The night before he was to leave, he decided he was ready. He no longer thought about Benjamin, or any man for that matter. He was physically stronger from all the labor, and had finally began bulking up in his arms and legs. He didn't even cry anymore. He was a real man. He had packed his things and was ready to go the next morning, when the door swung open violently. Two men crashed into the room and shut the door behind him.

"What are you-" He was forced down onto the bed and a gag was thrown into his mouth quickly. He struggled against their grip but one of them was clearly much stronger than he was, not to mention two. He wondered what they were going to do, when his pants and underwear were tugged down violently. He shook his head and for the first time in weeks, tears began falling from his eyes. One man climbed on top of him, and he felt a smear of something cold on his ass, before the man forced himself inside Demetrius' virgin hole. He cried out against the gag as he felt himself being split by the man's thick cock. He was being raped and there was nothing he could do about it.

"This is a sin!" one man shouted at him. He didn't know if it was the man fucking him violently, or the one helping to hold him down. He cried out against the gag, and could feel a mixture of lube and blood running down his thighs. "The Devil himself is trying to corrupt you, is this what you want?!" the man shouted at him. He shook his head frantically and the man continued to insult and scream at him until he felt as if he was about to throw up. The man above him grunted and filled his ass with cum. He whimpered and moaned at his torn asshole. The men stood and the one buckled his pants before leaving, removing Demetrius' gag as they left. He sobbed on the bed quietly for a half an hour before he even tried to move. He whimpered as he moved on of his legs onto the side of the bed, trying to stand up. His ass throbbed and as soon as he stood, he could no longer hold back the bile. He turned and threw up on his own bed, soaking the blanket in vomit. He cried quietly as he stumbled down the hallway and into the public bathroom. He tore off his eyepatch and stumbled into a shower stall.

He scrubbed at his body frantically and watched as the water washed away blood that coated his thighs. He was in more pain than he had ever felt before in his life. Even when his father had beaten him he didn't feel this bad. He reached a hand back gently and felt his ruined hole. He hissed as the gentle touch from his finger sent pain shooting up his ass and back. He fell to his knees, and could do nothing but cry under the hot water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demetrius took a deep breath as he stared up at the wide open blue skies. He had finally returned home. He carried with him none of the bags he had brought when he first arrived. He never knew what happened to them. But it didn't matter. Those were his old things and he didn't need them anymore. He was new now. A new man. A cured man. A straight man. He smiled as his mother came to hug him. He shook hands with his father with a smile. His dad had been right all along. He was just sick and needed a little help to get cured.

"Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you go up to your room and get settled in and then come down for something to eat," his mother said, rubbing his shoulders encouragingly. She spoke as if he had just moved in. When he thought about it, he guessed he had. He wasn't the same Demetrius anymore. Not even close.

Demetrius threw what little he had from the facility onto his bed and sighed as he sat down carefully. It had only been two days ago that he had been raped by the men in the facility. He had no doubt that it was a final part of his therapy. But whenever he thought about it, it made him sick. This time was no different. He rushed to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. He wiped away the spit and rinsed his mouth out before brushing his teeth. He adjusted his eyepatch and headed downstairs.

The talk around the table was friendly and warm. His brothers didn't fight, his parents didn't whisper. They all spoke loudly and warmly, even Demetrius. He was finally happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demetrius had graduated while he was in the facility. His school mailed him his work and he did it between therapy sessions. Though he didn't have much time. Now he was forced to find a job, besides working on the farm, and it was proving more difficult than he thought. Everybody in the little town was working, or otherwise too young to work. For anyone who was just starting to get a job, it was difficult since most were already taken.

He finally found a job as a waiter at a local diner. He was undergoing training when he met Daisy. She had been born in the town, same as him. Now that he thought about it, he remembered her being a senior when he was a freshman in high school. He smiled and flirted with her playfully, but she made the first move when she asked him out on a date. He quickly agreed and just like that, he was in a relationship.

After their fourth date, he took her to meet his parents. They loved her instantly of course and after dinner they decided to go out so the two could have some alone time. Before the car even pulled out of the driveway, Daisy was getting undressed. Demetrius followed quickly and soon they were in his bed, naked. His hands shook as he undid her final bit of clothing, her bra. It snapped open and she smiled as she bent to kiss him. He smiled as he wrapped his hands around her waist, ready for his first real sexual encounter. Not one that he had had when he was sick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demetrius lay there in the dark, next to Daisy. She was sleeping peacefully but he was doing anything but. He stared up at the ceiling quietly. He glanced over at her smiling face and then turned back to the roof. He sighed and then silently stood up. Dressed in only a pair of boxers, he stumbled down the hall and into his parents bedroom. He casually opened the drawer next to his father's side of the bed and grabbed the semi-automatic pistol his father kept for protection. He checked to see that it was loaded before walking down the stairs. He opened the front door and stepped out onto the cool dirt. He walked towards the large oak tree in the wheat field, careful of the rocks hidden by the wheat. His feet hurt but he didn't really notice. He reached the tree and sat down with a sigh. He looked out over the wheat field in the darkness of the night. He took off his eyepatch and didn't expect anything different. He pulled back the slide and the ever familiar clicking sound of a round being chambered climbed to his ears. He put the gun to his head and sat there quietly for a second, just listening to the soft chirping of bugs and the croaking of frogs in the distance. He sighed and closed his eyes. His finger tightened on the trigger.

"Well that's a shitty move."

Demetrius opened his eyes and saw Benjamin sitting on the thick tree branch above him. He stared at him silently, not pulling the gun away from his temple. He looked back out over the field. "Go away, Benji," he said quietly, voice not wavering in the slightest.

"No," Benjamin said, simply. Demetrius said nothing, and made no move to put down the gun. Benjamin climbed down the tree and sat next to Demetrius. He held out his hand. "Give me the gun, Demi," he said. Demetrius didn't look at him. Benjamin slowly threaded his fingers through Demetrius', careful not to pull the trigger on accident. He forced Demetrius to point the gun upwards instead of at his head. Finally he managed to slip the gun from Demetrius' somewhat limp hand. Demetrius dropped his hand as Benjamin set the gun down next to his side. He had a sad smile on his face.

"I don't want to fight anymore," Demetrius said quietly, his voice still eerily calm. He swallowed loudly.

"I know," Benjamin said. He scooted closer to Demetrius and pushed his head down so it rested on his chest. He stroked his hair softly for a minute before speaking again. "Do you honestly think what you're feeling is a sin?" he asked. Demetrius said nothing. "Let me ask you something, Demi," Benjamin began. "Why would God put you through all this pain? What could you have possibly done, to deserve all of this? Don't you think he just wants you to be happy?" Benjamin asked. Demetrius still stared out over the field silently.

"I don't know," he finally spoke. Benjamin held him as the tears finally came. He sobbed his heart out into Benjamin's shirt as all the pain and suffering he had been through was finally released. When his tears finally stopped, and he was able to speak, he carefully forced the words out so they wouldn't crack or waver. "Take me away from here, Benji. I just want to go away," he whispered. Benjamin nodded and kissed Demetrius' temple.

"I can do that, Demi. I can make that happen. But I need your help, okay?" Benjamin held Demetrius' face in his hands. Demetrius nodded. "I need you to go back inside that house, and put this back," Benjamin handed him the gun. Demetrius looked down at the cold metal and stared. "Just put it back, don't do anything else with it. Okay?" he asked. Demetrius nodded. "Then, I want you to go upstairs, and I want you to pack ONE bag. With anything that you need. Okay? We won't be coming back, so make sure you get everything," Benjamin said. Wait until noon, don't say anything to anyone. Then meet me here. Okay?" Benjamin asked, making sure Demetrius was still with him. Demetrius nodded, still looking a little spacy.

"Okay," he said.

"I need you to do all of that for me, Demetrius. Then we can leave and we don't ever have to come back here." Benjamin held his face in his hands, and kissed him passionatly. For the first time, Demetrius didn't feel the horrible guilt eating away at him. He just felt a strange empty void, and the distant throb of love passed to him from Benjamin's lips.

"Okay," he repeated. Benjamin stood and helped him up. "I have my own things to do, and then we can go. Remember. Meet me here, at noon," Benjamin reminded him. He ran off towards the fence and Demetrius let him go. He turned back to the farm and squinted as he saw the sun rising. The light made his bad eye throb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He packed his bag with only a few things. A pair or two of clothes, his toothbrush and toothpaste and other toiletries. But not much else.

"What are you doing?" Daisy stretched and yawned, over to his right. Demetrius turned and looked at her, surprised she was up this early. She gasped and covered her mouth. Demetrius remembered he wasn't wearing his eye patch and quickly turned his eye away. He scanned the floor and found the black patch before slipping it on and shutting the drawer he was gathering socks from. He threw the bag down and looked at the clock. It was only six. He still had six more hours to go.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep," he said. He figured his parents had gotten a hotel for themselves and his brothers. They were so excited to see him with a woman, they had practically given him the house.

He made breakfast quickly and the two ate in silence. Daisy was still hardly dressed, but Demetrius was ready to go. His boots were on, and he had on his best pair of jeans and his best shirt. After breakfast they watched a movie. Well, Daisy watched. Demetrius counted the hours until it was time. He wondered where his parents were. He thought maybe he would miss them and leave before they got back, but he was wrong. He stood outside, in the sun. The clock chimed noon and he had already been standing outside for fifteen minutes. He had seen Benjamin standing out by the tree and he waved for him to come over, but he stood in the same spot.

Finally Benjamin gave up and ran across the field and onto his property.

"What are you doing? Lets go before your parents get back," Benjamin said.

"There's something else I have to do first," Demetrius said.