To Earn The Chance

Danny stretched out on the lounge chair and let the rays of the setting sun warm his face. It was chilly on this beautiful October night, but the sun made the brisk evening palatable. This patio was his favorite part of his palace on the ridge. From here he could see the entire town below. With his telescope, he could even read the scoreboard at the high school football stadium.

He could hear his wife stomping about up in their bedroom. She had been talking to him non-stop since she had come home. She was in a hurry, as usual. And as usual, she didn't need to be. She was always late, and usual because she was always the last to leave wherever she was before she became late. That was the case this time. She was late because she stayed at work too long. Yeah. Right.

She came thundering downstairs looking for him. He could hear her calling, but felt no urgency to answer. The sunset was too pretty to look away. The quiet was too calm to let her break it. The evening chill was invigorating. He had no desire to unleash Hurricane Martie on this little idyll. He took a sip of his beer, and sighed when he remembered how she used to be.

He met Martie after catching his first wife cheating on him. He was building a garage at her neighbor's house when she came over crying hysterically. Her husband had just left her for a younger woman, and she was bitter. He offered her some advice and the name of his lawyer, and by the end of the month they were inseparable. They married as soon as her divorce was final.

He had built his house himself, and invited her to move in with her three kids. They got along famously with his three kids, and he built an addition to accommodate everyone. He kept building as the kids grew, and by the time they were all old enough for it to matter, they each had a bedroom of their own. Nobody ever had to wait for a bathroom. He built fine homes to make a living. He built the finest home to house his family.

Most of the sun had set. A tiny sliver of brilliant red-orange cling to the horizon, but like any other last ray of hope, it scurried away at the first sign of trouble. That sign was Martie, bursting through the patio door with fire in her eyes.

"Damn it Danny, you aren't dressed yet!! Didn't you hear me telling you we had to be at the ballroom by..." Something about her fall office party...something about a promotion...something about irresponsible...something about can't count on you for anything...something about drinking beer already...something about need to leave now..."are you going to get off that chair right now or do I have to drag you upstairs to get showered and dressed."

He took another long drag on his longneck, swallowed, inhaled, and blew out a healthy blast of hop scented CO2.

"Nope."

Margie's face reddened with fury. She stomped towards him, heels clacking on the flagstone terrace as she made towards him with all possible dispatch. She grabbed his wrist and struggled to pull him to his feet, cursing his "lazy ass" with every breath. She wasn't successful. He was a lanky 6'1", and weighed an even 200 pounds of solid muscle, hardened to steel by years of physical labor building houses.

"Danny, don't you ruin this for me! You know how important it is for the bosses to mingle with our spouses. You need to at least put on the appearance of being a loving husband..."

"Nope."

Martie was used to getting what she wanted from Danny. Until the past spring, she gave him everything he wanted too. They had a perfect relationship. They had raised 8 kids, three from each one's first marriage, and two of their own. They each worshipped the ground the other walked on, and each was the first to brag about their spouse to others.

"What the fuck do you mean 'Nope?' You are going, and that's final..."

"Do you remember the old days, when you loved me and would never dream of using the word 'fuck' outside of bedroom talk?"

It took her back. While she searched for a response her face flushed red again, but his time she wasn't angry.

"Do you remember the old days, when we had bedroom talk?"

She had been a total bitch for months, and hadn't been interested in making love. The few times they had connected, she had just laid there like she was bored.

"Do you remember the old days when we didn't fight? When no one cursed? When we kissed each other good night every night and good bye every morning? When those kisses meant something? Do you remember making love?"

She looked beautiful, standing there in her little black dress, pearls, and high heeled pumps. She was one of those women who could wear anything and make it look good. She could work a pair of heels so that every man in a ten mile radius had no choice but to say "wow." Her bright blue eyes lit up her pretty face, and again she knew how to paint it even more beautifully with her stunning make up skills. She was confident, intelligent, and intuitive, and was at home in business situations as she was in social circles.

"What the hell are you getting at Danny? Whatever it is, this isn't the time. Now please, get dressed. We'll go to the party, and talk about this tomorrow. I don't like how you've been acting around here either, so we should clear the air. So please..."

"Nope."

"No!? Daniel Adams you stubborn son of a bitch..."

"I'm staying home, and that's final. You can enjoy the evening with Joe."

Suddenly she didn't have quite as much to say. The air went out of her, and she deflated into a chair across from Danny.

"Nothing really happened."

Danny pointed at the telescope.

"Take a look."

Warily, Martie rose from her chair, and moved to the scope. She winced when she noticed the general direction of its aim. She turned it away without looking.

"How much did you watch?"

"I dunno. How much was there?"

"Do we have to play this game?"

"You consider our marriage a game?"

She silently shook her head "no," and slid back into her chair.

"I don't want to hurt you. Don't make me say."

"You've already hurt me. You don't have to say. But I won't ever trust you again."

She couldn't bring herself to answer him. She thought back to her little visit to Joe's this afternoon. How much had they done on his deck? If she didn't say anything what could he know. Then she realized how disgusting her thoughts were. She was thinking like a lawyer, trying to find a way to not tell the truth but not lie. She wanted to contain the situation, minimize damage, and then find a way to turn things to her advantage.

But this was Danny. Danny the wonderful man who had ridden in when her first husband left her broken hearted and alone. Danny who had held her hand through the divorce, then taken her into his beautiful home. Danny who helped her through law school, then again to transition into business when she discovered she had no taste for practicing law. Danny who had given her father the Heimlich maneuver on vacation all those years ago. It was Danny who helped her kids through the abandonment of their birth father, and who had built a new wing on his house to give them bedrooms of their own.

It was also the Danny who she had been betraying since last April, when she and Joe got drunk together in Pittsburgh. It was the same Danny who irritated her, even though he did nothing wrong. It was she who kept seeing Joe even though they both knew Pittsburgh was a mistake. It was she who cut Danny off from sex when her lover thought it would be fun to play Him, and fuck with his mind while secretly humiliating him. It was she who kept making excuses so she could get away for late night meetings. And it was Danny who discovered it, and now held all the cards.

"Danny, please. I know we have to talk, but I want you to know I love you, and I always will. I don't want to lose you, especially now! The kids are all grown, and we have our best years ahead of us. Please, go to the party with me. I have to be there tonight, and I need you by my side, not Joe. Please give me tonight."

"You're still going to your party...seriously?"

"Danny, I have to. I'm up for the Vice Presidency in charge of my entire department. Do you know what that can mean to us?"

"You mean to you. I have a business, remember? I built it from scratch after my first divorce. I'm doing pretty well."

Danny's first divorce had been bitter. His wife wanted as much as she could get, but not the kids. She wanted to party her life away, and she took his fledgeling construction company from him, not realizing he was the business. As income dried up, the leased equipment was taken back and his employees went on to other jobs. She wound up with nothing but a marriage to a drunk who thought he had found the financial promised land when he seduced her away from Danny. Martie winced when he indirectly compared his situations now and then, but rallied when her mind processed the "D" word.

"Now, now Danny, we're good together. I'll admit I've been distracted, but last year was tough. Once Leah moved out, I felt empty. But I was the one who was lost, not you. I dealt with it by digging in at work, and it's paid off. I need to be there tonight to cinch the promotion, and you know how important the board of directors consider these dinners to be. Danny, I want you to go with me. But if you won't, I still have to go."

"Go. Enjoy."

"I have to."

She leaned to kiss him. He didn't move.

"I'll be home as soon as I can."

He finished the longneck as she turned reluctantly to go. She paused at the door into the house, wondering how much more she could damage her marriage by not staying. She worried about what he must think. How much had she hurt him? She had to go, didn't she? She had to secure this new job. She stepped into the house and looked back to see him reaching into a cooler beside the chair for another beer. He didn't so much as glance her way.

The drive to the dinner was cruel. She knew she should be home, but he blindsided her. She wasn't ready to talk this out with Danny yet. She needed time to prepare. She couldn't think on her feet like that. He knew that damn it! He did blindside her, and he knew it. Then a wave of guilt swept over her. He was the one who had been blindsided.

What had it been like spotting her with the telescope? He must have felt beaten. He must have felt betrayed. She imagined the pit in his stomach that surely grew to spread all over him. That's how she felt when her first husband blindsided her. Blindsided her. How dare she do this to Danny! She knew how devastating it felt. She had to go back. But what would she say? She still didn't know. The ballroom was just ahead. She could go, have a drink, have dinner, and then go.

She parked and walked in to the hotel alone. The President met her inside the door, and asked about her husband. He was feeling badly. That's it. She would tell him he didn't feel well. It was true. Then just as a new arrival captured the boss' attention, she felt someone steer her towards the bar.

"We have to talk."

Joe.

She was no more prepared to talk with Joe than she was to talk with Danny, but he didn't give her much choice. His grip on her elbow key her no she didn't have a choice, and he whisked her out a terrace door before she could even object. He instantly berated her for screwing up and not be discrete enough. His wife had somehow discovered them and had already called a lawyer. He couldn't even go home unless he had a sheriff accompany him.

"My wife fucking knows! Who did you talk to?"

"No one Dipshit. Do you remember the fucking bright idea you had today? 'It's such a beautiful day, and so warm for October! I want to fuck you out on the deck. Our fence is high, none of our neighbors can see.' I didn't want to, but you couldn't take 'no' for an answer. Never could right. Since last spring I've been telling you no,' and it is never good enough. You continually come back with that lame assed crap about telling Danny about that drunken gang bang back in high school. I should have let you tell him. I just didn't want him knowing I used to be like that! I didn't want to completely lose his respect. So now instead I'm going to lose him."

"You! It's my wife that saw..."

"Fuck you Joe! Your wife saw nothing. Danny did. Remember when I pointed out our house up on the ridge? Danny loves star gazing. So Danny has a telescope, and it has a camera mount he uses to take pictures of the moon and stars. He saw us. He didn't show me the pictures he certainly took, but he probably sent them to your wife. Hello! You and your stubborn assininity has us both on the chopping block. Watch your back Joey boy. Danny is pissed, and he is the kind of guy that will come after you."

She stomped away to get a drink, and was soon brooding on her own at her table, while every one else mingled. Her emotions ran wild. One moment she felt distraught at her potential loss, the next fury at Joe, the next devastated with the guilt over having betrayed Danny. She didn't remember being joined at her table by colleagues. She wasn't sure she ate, or even noticed what was served. Her friends seemed concerned but gave her space to deal with whatever was bothering her. When she was called to the podium to recognize her work the past year, and announce her promotion, she could barely say more than thank you, and left shortly after her acceptance.

Danny wasn't home when she got there, even though his car and his pickup were still in the garage. She took his absence like a punch to the gut. She had to talk to him. He had to talk, right? No. She knew he didn't. Now she was in this big empty house, all alone. That had never happened before. With all their kids, their home had been a busy place, and Danny never travelled without her. She carefully hung up her dress and showered. As she brushed her hair out before turning in, she heard music. She followed the sound to the basement.

There were actually three basements, one beneath each wing of the sprawling house. Danny was in the newest wing, which he had added when the children he had with her were born. It had been partially finished when he built the pool, and included a full bath and a small kitchen they could use when entertaining guests in swimming weather. His room was as far as it could be from the master bedroom. She knocked. He answered. He was busy putting his clothing into the closets in what he had transformed into a little suite of his own.

"Oh Danny, you didn't have to move in here! We could have worked this out better. We need to talk."

He went about his business with no answer. He did take time to turn on the gas fireplace and the huge TV to a football game, which could easily be seen from the King sized bed. Where did that come from anyway!? He opened the curtains to reveal a beautiful night view with stars twinkling over the heated pool, steaming in the cool autumn air. He opened a door revealing his wine cellar, from which he snatched a favorite and set it on us bedside table. Then he crossed the room, hoisted himself up onto his pool table and said " Funny! I thought this is the perfect place for me to move into. Everything I want is right here."

"Danny, I'm not right here! I'm part of..."

"Exactly," he interrupted. "You aren't here."

"Danny, let me explain! We have to talk!"

"No. And no we don't. I don't have to do anything I don't want to. I don't want to talk about you, or us, or what could be, or what could have been, or what we have, or love, or hate, or sex, or the rest of our life. All I want to do is carve out a piece of my house where I can live and not hear, see, smell, think, feel or remember anything about any of that. All I really want is to be alone, and I don't know for how long. I don't care about how long. So just please leave me alone."

Reluctantly, she did. He wasn't reacting as expected. She had thought he might threaten divorce. She thought he might try to throw her out, or expose her dalliance to her family and friends. She was prepared for those possibilities. She was prepared to appeal to his love, his memories of a good life together. She was prepared to throw herself at him, begging for his pardon. She didn't expect him to move away from her without moving out. The look on his face scared her, but not for her own physical welfare. She feared for him. He was hurt, and very deeply, and it was plain that nothing she could say or do that night would matter in the least.

She turned from the molten hate in his eyes, and quietly left the basement. She went upstairs to her big empty bedroom. It even echoed now that his things were out. She thought of Joe and the sleazy way he had seduced her, threatening to out her for things she had done so long ago. It was all a mistake. Danny would have listened to her. What she did before they met shouldn't matter, and surely he loved her enough to get past that. But it was too late for that now. She had to find a way to let Danny know he really was her only love.

How cliche. He was her only love. It was only sex with Joe, it really didn't mean anything. He seduced her at a weak moment, she'd been drinking, if he loved her enough he'd forgive her. The drivel running through her mind was like an afternoon soap opera. As soon as she realized that, the cliches from the other side came blasting back at her. She didn't act like he was her only love. If sex means nothing to you, why have it with Joe? Sex means a great deal to me. Weak or strong, you knew better. You broke your vows, how can I trust you. You betrayed our love. And the worst...I do still love you, I just can't get the image of you with him out of my mind.

She couldn't have that talk. She did love Danny, but she knew how any of her explanations would resonate. She knew he was hurt, it was plain to see. She knew the task before her was monumental, and she had to figure out how to achieve it. Danny was her love. Danny was her kids dad. Danny was her partner. And she planned to earn him back, whatever it took, and however long he made her wait.

She heard the splash, and knew he was in the pool. It was his exercise, at least that's what he told everyone. The truth was his body was job hardened. Still the pool was his choice of exercise when the day was done. He described it in such beautiful terms. How he could push and pull the water and feel the results in his body as it glided along. How he could think without distraction in a world of peace and quiets beneath the surface. How good it felt to be at one with the elements as he sliced naked through the still coolness. She watched him complete his laps, the equivalent of a mile. She marveled at his perfect body when he climbed out. Over 50, and not an ounce of fat. She suddenly missed him, craving the caress of his strong arms. He looked up just then and spotted her watching from what had been his bedroom window. Even in the shadows she could see his pain, and her heart felt nothing but emptiness.

She didn't see him Saturday, though she heard him come in very late that night. She missed him Sunday morning when they usually shared a brunch after church. She felt alone at church, especially when a friend asked her why she was at the late service when they had seen Danny leaving the earlier session. He didn't come home Sunday night, and she was frantic. It had been decades since she had spent a night not knowing where he was.

Monday night she had supper waiting for him. She was desperate to talk to him, and tell him her story. He came home late, and by the time she made it downstairs to invite him to dinner, he was in the pool. She spied a takeout container on the kitchen table, and sadly set about to cleaning up and putting her dinner away.

After a week of near misses and "please leave me alones" she took a different tack. She left him an invitation to coffee Sunday afternoon, just to talk. She included an RSVP card, knowing Danny's impeccable manners would compel him to answer. He did. The next morning she found "Regrets" written on the card, tastefully signed and formally sealed in the envelope she had provided.