...To Forgive Divine

By now Annie was sobbing as hard as Bob was.

"I told Kristi I loved her." The last thing Kristi said was "I love you too.' She died in my arms." He paused, "She died because I forgot to buy milk. Try living with that."

Annie wanted to wrap her arms around him but knew she couldn't.

"After the accident I spent the next twelve months either in the hospital having surgeries or in rehab centers learning how to walk again. I also spent a lot of time in therapy learning how to cope with survivor's guilt. I was living but I wasn't alive.

"When I got out my scarred body had withered to 125 pounds and I needed a cane to walk. I joined a health club and went every day. It was another six months before I wasn't embarrassed by how I looked. By then I had met a lot of nice people, men and women, but preferred to live in my mind instead of venturing into the unknown. I was afraid to get close to anyone.

"My psychiatrist suggested I get a job. Even though I had no experience Highland Enterprises took a chance on me.

"Weeks turned into months. My body became fully functional and I was actually a good salesman.

"Michael, yes, your lover Michael, kept trying to set me up on blind dates. I turned him, and every other well meaning friend down. I didn't think I could mentally handle it.

"But Michael kept pushing me to meet a young lady he knew. He described her as having a knockout body. He also said she was a total slut and guaranteed I would get laid. I told him I wasn't interested."

"He kept on. Finally, to shut him up, I agreed to go on a double date with him, Carole, and the sure thing. They had me met them at an Italian restaurant not far from here. I was pleasantly surprised to see how conservative the slut was dressed."

Annie started pounding her fists into the air; Bob could barely make out what she was saying through the tears..."He's a liar!"

"As the evening went on I found I liked my date but, as Shakespeare said, "tis a pity she's a whore..." My head was already screwed up from Kristi's death and I didn't need any complications. At the end of the evening I was volunteered to drive the slut home. As we were leaving Michael pulled me aside and whispered, 'Fuck her one for me.' When we got to her apartment building I thanked her for the wonderful evening. She gave me a peck on the cheek then said she wouldn't invite me in."

"Do you remember my response?" Annie wiped her tears with her sleeve and answered, "You said if I had you invited you in you would have lost all respect for me."

"And you never would have seen me again."

After a long pause Bob continued, "I don't want to know how many men you had sex with before you met me...it doesn't matter. I fell in love with who you were...blemishes and all. And I can proudly say we consummated our relationship on our wedding night."

"So there's your answer. Two women. I've had sex with exactly two women...and I married both of them. Have I ever been tempted? Hell yes, Have I ever had women try to seduce me? Hell yes, but I've never even come close to accepting their advances. I take my vows seriously."

"And now it's all over."

Annie knelt in front of Bob and laid her face on his knees. He placed his hands on her head and said, "I wish I had died in the crash."

Annie collapsed at his feet, begging Bob to let her explain. He shrugged his shoulders. She took this as permission and confessed every inappropriate thing she had done with Michael; every innuendo and pat on her ass. Most of it was just sophomoric stuff like two teenagers in high school. There were, however, a few more serious kisses and touches. Annie sighed, "He had me believing I had missed something by not whoring around when I was single."

Annie kept pausing to wipe her runny nose and tears. She didn't offer rationalizations or excuses but owned her sins. Again and again she apologized for what she had done and how she betrayed him.

When she got to the present date Annie laid her soul bare, admitting to being excited to violate her marriage vows. "I feel like a complete idiot. I had everything... my marriage was perfect. I am so ashamed, not because I got caught but because I have hurt you; I hurt my sister. I'm so sorry for what I have done."

She wrapped her arms around her body and struggled to continue.

"I swear by all that is holy you are the only man I have ever made love to...or had sex with. There never was anyone else. Ever! I am so furious at that son-of-a-bitch for what I let him do to me; to us. He had me convinced I was only a notch on your bedpost. I can't believe how stupid I am. I thank God that tonight never happened."

"But it did happen. The physical act of having sex is not relevant. You committed adultery with every whispered conspiracy, every stolen kiss, every shared secret. The only reason you're not having sex with him right now is because I screwed up. Otherwise I would have been a blissful idiot while you sated your lust with your sister's husband. What you did goes beyond stupid. It is evil. You broke the solemn promise you made to God and man on our wedding day I can't see how I can ever get past that."

The finality hit Annie like a bullet to the heart and she crashed to the floor, curled into a ball, and began sobbing. Her whole body was shaking. It took a couple of minutes before she could control her mouth enough to form words."As bad as I feel about losing you as my husband I am devastated by the suffering I caused you. I've ruined your life...your job. I am so sorry for hurting you."

Bob did not respond.

"Do you hate me?"

"I don't know. I'm so numb I don't know..." His voice tailed off.

"You've been the most wonderful husband and I screwed everything up. There's nothing I can say other than I am so sorry for hurting you. I hate myself for what I have done. You deserve much better than me. I'll pack a few things and see if I can find someone who will let me sleep on their couch tonight. That won't be easy when I tell them what I did...I imagine none of my friends will want me near their husbands." She sobbed, "When my mother finds out she'll disown me." She broke down sobbing.

Bob waited until she was walking out of the room to speak.

"It's late and you're in no condition to drive. You can sleep on the couch tonight."

"Thank you I promise I..."

Bob held his hand up. "This has nothing to do with you...if another person died in a car accident because I forgot something I..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

Annie stood in silence knowing what she was making him remember. When he composed himself he said,

"Tomorrow morning you can pack up your things. I think we need some time apart."

The words hurt as though they were physical blows.

"But tonight you have to call your sister and confess the entire affair."

"Oh, no." she wailed. "That will destroy our family."

"You should have thought of that before you did it."

"I have never been so ashamed in my life."

"How did you think this would end?"

"I...I...I didn't."

Annie stared at the cell phone. "Can I do it face-to-face?"

"That's probably a good idea. But you must do it tonight. I'll drive."

"Can I change first?"

"No, she should see how you were willing to prostitute yourself."

Annie looked like the life had been sucked out of her. The once beautiful black dress hung like a dishrag...her eyes were red. Her head hung in shame. She was broken. Bob didn't say a word as he ushered her towards the door.

Epilogue

Bob woke Carole when he called to let her know they were stopping by. Then he turned their cell phones off. When Annie confessed her indiscretion all hell broke loose. This wasn't the first time her husband had been unfaithful and she took out all of her anger on her sister. Annie stood stoically and accepted her verbal assault. The words cur deep, "You're my sister...how could you?" Carole wailed as she pounded on Annie's chest.

The fight didn't stop until Carole went into premature labor.

When Annie tried to help she flailed at her and screamed, "Keep that whore away from me." One of her punches connected with Annie's right eye.

The hospital wasn't that far so they didn't call for an ambulance. Bob grabbed the birth bag which she had packed.

Carole demanded they not call Asshole Michael-that seemed to be the consensus on how he was to be referred to-to let him know she was giving birth.

Bob helped Carole into the back seat and bade Annie join her saying, "She'll be more help to you than I could." Carol begrudgingly accepted her being there. Fear and pain can drive a person to do the unthinkable.

Annie begged for forgiveness the entire trip. Somehow the two sisters managed to reach deep enough into their souls for Carole to tell the ER nurse her sister was her Lamaze coach.

A little over an hour later a doctor walked out to the waiting room and announced to Bob, "It's a boy! Mother and son are doing fine."

The delivery nurse came out next and told Bob she called Annie every name in the book between contractions. "Then the most amazing thing happened. Just as the baby's head was crowning she started screaming 'I forgive you! It was like all the mother's pain was gone. The two of them were hugging and laughing. I've never seen anything like that before."

Bob managed a smile. "Thank you for telling me that."

Michael had bragged to everyone in the family that his son would be named Michael Joseph Landry III...Carole instead named him after her fellow victim, Robert Brandon. Paybacks are hell.

Annie slept on a chair in the birthing room that night.

Bob wasn't a religious man...he stopped going to church after the accident. Somehow he found himself in the hospital chapel. It was deserted and the only light came from a single votive candle in a red glass container. He sat in a pew in back where he wouldn't be seen should anyone else visit. His mind was fixated on the question, Can I forgive Annie?

That night Bob collapsed into sleep after arguing with God about forgiveness. If he was looking for a sign he got it in spades. As the sun rose in the east the stained glass window above the alter began to glow. Bob watched silently as the image of the risen Christ was illuminated, forty feet tall and radiant as the sun. Hundreds of colors flooded the room as light vanquished the darkness. Next the words...Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...were revealed.

Bob was trembling when he noticed a Bible in the pew next to him. He was certain it wasn't there earlier; it was open to Matthew 18:21-22,

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times

Bob was no longer the same wounded man who had sought refuge. He knew what he had to do. He stopped in the men's room and tried to make himself presentable. Then he stopped at the cafeteria and bought his wife a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin, her favorite.

Annie was holding their nephew when he walked in. She sported an impressive black eye and looked like she had wrestled with the devil himself.

She turned away and said she was too ashamed to face him. Annie handed the infant to her sister and tried to leave the room.

Bob stepped in front of her; she froze. He cupped her face in his hands and said, "It took a long time for me to forgive the man who killed Kristi but I knew my anger was destroying me and I had to do it so I could live."I can't live with that pain again."

He wrapped his arms around his wife.

"It's going to take time to heal the hurt."

"I'll give you every last beat of my heart."

"If you ever talk to Michael again- or any other son-of-a-bitch who wants to screw with your head-it's over. There will be no third chance.

"I swear by all that's holy I will never again give you the slightest reason to doubt my commitment to our marriage."

"I forgive you because I want to live again!

Annie's scream of joy brought two nurses running to the room.

On Monday morning Annie drove her sister and brand new nephew to see a divorce lawyer. Carole was not in a forgiving mood.. The messages Michael left on Annie's cell phone were exhibits one through twenty.

Bob went in to see the president of the company. He was prepared to accepted his dismissal. "Bob, you're too good of a salesman," his boss said. "You owe me the rest of the story."

Bob spilled his heart out over the next half hour. When he finished his boss said, "Well don't just stand there...get back to work. Just because your presentation landed the biggest contract this firm has ever had doesn't mean you can rest on your laurels. Bob danced for joy.

Twelve months later Bob was back in the same birthing room...only this time it was Annie's turn.