To Love And Not to Love

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Cara makes a choice. Her husband John or her lover Jason
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Kalies
Kalies
25 Followers

Cara checked herself out in the mirror and smiled. She looked good.

Okay. She looked beyond good. Her rich mahogany brown hair was straightened and styled to flow like liquid chocolate down to her waist. Her choice of cloth for the evening? Leather. Lots and lots of figure-hugging leather.

She loved the way her favorite burgundy red leather top accentuated her 36C breasts and a toned 29-inch waist. She worked out like a beast for this figure. And while it has its downsides like needing everything to be tailored among other things, it does have one huge plus and that is Cara rocked out everywhere she goes, which inevitably drove her husband John crazy.

With her 40-inch hip often encased in skinny leather pants like today, Cara is always the center of attention. At first, it was flattering, but now she doesn't really enjoy it.

Is it fun to be hit on by attractive men in their 20s, 30s or 40s, who wants to buy her a fruity little drink and gawk at her breasts while pretending to listen to her yap about shoes, bags and cloth? Hell yeah! It is super fun to play the bimbo and pretend that she doesn't have an IQ of 153.

Is it fun to be catcalled randomly in the middle of the street, harassed by people who doesn't understand a two-letter word called no and groped by men who think every hot chick is just asking to be raped? Not so much. Hell, she started taking Wing Chun and Krav Maga just to feel a little safer in her own skin.

Cara sighed. She has this same argument with herself often. She used to be so normal. Her figure certainly did not attract this much attention when it was 42-37-40. Men certainly did not look at her twice when she tied her mousy brown hair in a bun and wore her plain old black geek glasses. Nobody ever offered to buy her a drink and no one gave her a second look.

Except John.

John loves her for who she really is, the smart, nerdy, off-the-chart wise-ass geek. Despite what she looked like now, she still identifies with the geeky Cara. She hasn't changed. She is still the same woman. Just in a new package. A package that she worked damn hard for, by the way.

She thought about the hell of giving up her favorite cupcakes, pasta, lasagna, bread for skinny bland carrots, celeries and you know, the so-called healthy foods. It was for John. All for John, because she wanted to make John happy and perhaps a little for herself too. She was damn tired of being invisible.

Well, you all sure sees me now. Cara shared a smile with her reflection in the mirror.

John walked up from behind Cara and wrapped his arms around her waist. "What are you smiling about?" John asked as he placed an affectionate kiss on her cheek.

Cara relaxed into John's arm and studied their reflections in the mirror. They looked like the odd couple. Average geeky guy with one hot girl.

When they go out, men comment to her on how she needs an upgrade and how she need to be on the arm of a hot guy like themselves who will show her around town. Cara doesn't care. She knows how they think. Simpletons! John has so much more going on than they realize. In many ways, John is like the her before. If John applied himself, none of these idiots could compare. Cara smiled again at John. "Just thinking about the penis I will be fucking tonight."

John tightened his arms around Cara for a second and Cara laughed inside. Ever since she started to lose weight and transform, John grew more and more possessive. He never says no, because Cara knows he cannot admit that he was wrong since it was his idea that she takes a lover.

"I am so glad we found Jason. He is perfect. Smart, fit and seriously, those eight inches of cut meat." Cara gestured with her hands as she watched John's reaction in the mirror. Nothing?

"And the way he places these little kisses on the back of my neck." Cara's body shivered at the thought as desire washed over her face. "So sensual. So erotic."

John's face darkened in the mirror and Cara knew she hit a nerve.

John is not one of those cuckolds who wants to watch his wife of three years get fucked by some 'perfect' stud. He can't watch her with another. If possible, John doesn't even want to know what Cara's lover looks like, what his name is and what he does with Cara.

The 'perfect' Jason this. The 'perfect' Jason that. John knows that Cara does this on purpose and most times, he can handle her little games. But, no matter what mental games she plays, when her body shivers in his arms at the thought of another man...

Especially one who looks at his wife with such love-stricken eyes.

Cara may enjoy playing the bimbo sometimes, but she completely drops the act when it comes to her one true passion, astroparticle physics. And being a physics professor, Jason adores Cara's research on gravitational waves.

"And he loves to tease me with touches along my inner thigh." Cara sighed as she felt a tremble in her pelvic area. "Ahh...The man has talents."

"Oh, oh, oh, you know what is his dirty bed talk? Trillions of neutrinos pass through our bodies every second." Cara said in a childish excitement before giggling at the thought of neutrinos. John smiled bitterly.

In so many ways, John really does not like Jason. First of all, he makes Cara laugh. Not like the way she laughs at men who hit on her at the bar. Jason appeals to Cara's very particular kind of nerdy humor. Something that used to be John's specialty.

If that is not bad enough, Jason is in love with Cara. Cara has made a point for John to routinely meet Jason for this-is-my-husband-and-this-my-lover-so-lets-talk-physics lunches. Even John has to admit, begrudgingly, that Jason is smart and maybe even brilliant on days when John can be more subjective. Such days are rare and getting rarer though, after John caught Jason looking lovingly at Cara a few times.

And Cara is oblivious sometimes. She still thinks and acts the way she always does, so she doesn't think about how special she is to certain men. When John brought up the topic last time, Cara laughed at the so-called love from men that hit on her at a bar.

But Jason isn't one of those men.

"...and then Jason said, 'Quark, quark, quark!'" Cara laughed and John held her shaking form in his arms.

Perhaps, more than anything, John doesn't like Jason because Jason threatened John's place in Cara's heart. John was always confident that no matter what lovers Cara take on, she would always come back to him because he and Cara shared a special bond, a deep intellectual connection that few could come close to.

The physical needs can be easily satisfied, but the intellectual needs is something much more different. So it didn't matter that Cara was seeking physical satisfactions elsewhere because only he could satisfy her intellectual needs. Except now he is watching a similar bond develop between Cara and Jason.

"Anyhow. I better head out. Jason is taking me to the conservatory tonight before heading back to his place. Sergei is playing." Cara pecked John on the lips.

As Cara waltzed out of John's arms, he grabbed her by the waist and pinned her to the wall. John kissed Cara like a mad man. There was little finesse but Cara loved it. She loved John's lose-it moments.

John has always been the rational one. The one ruled by reason. The one who find arguing pointless. The one who thinks it is practical for Cara to take another lover because he doesn't want sex more than twice a week.

So she did. She took one lover after another and ironically, through them, she found herself. She found herself desirable. She found herself loveable. She found herself sexy. She found herself empowered. And with each revelation, she became more confident in the woman she is.

So what, she was fat. So what, she had mousy brown hair. So what, her husband had sex with her dutifully only twice a week. Everything can change if you want it bad enough.

So she gave up carbs, joined sports club, studied martial arts and got herself a whole new wardrobe. So she went to the most expensive salon in town and dye her hair a rich dark chocolate brown with ombre highlights. So she had sex with men other than her husband.

And now he treats her like she is his treasure, the one he can't live without.

John broke the kiss and looked at Cara with her lips swollen and eyes dazed. He wanted to take her back to their bedroom, strip her of the cloths she picked out for her date with Jason, clean her of the makeup that she put on for another man and have her look at him the way she used to. Starry eyes, shy smiles and slow kisses.

Don't get him wrong. John loves Cara the way she is now. Sexy, confident and utterly seductive. When she looks at him, she smiles like she has a secret plan for him. When she laughs, she does so with her whole body. When she teases him, her eyes twinkle mischieviously.

To put it simply, she enthralls him. Him and every men around her.

The doorbell rang and Cara's eyes cleared. She looked at John, then toward outside and back at John again. John didn't move an inch. "Honey?" Cara asked.

After another couple of minutes, the doorbell rang again. John still made no effort to move. Cara looked at John. He was looking at her, but did it register that Jason is probably at the door?

Cara tip toed and kissed John on the side of his cheeks. "Baby?"

John looked at Cara. She was looking at him like she used to. Warm. Loving. With a slight smile on her lips that is as graceful as it is elegant.

"I think Jason is at the door. Do you want me to go tonight?" Cara asked. She had looked forward to tonight's date. The Conservatory of Music was hosting a competition for music students to present chamber works for strings. Sergei, the prodigy she sponsors, is also playing. However, she is worried about John. Nothing matters more than John.

John nodded. Tonight was the Conservatory of Music's student competition for strings. Cara has been raving about tonight for weeks. She wants to go.

"Go. I am fine." John said with a smile at Cara. Cara tilted her head slightly to the side, a gesture that John knew meant are you sure. Cara, his sweet Cara. Always the same. Yet not quite the same.

John petted Cara on the head like she was a cat. Cara used to love it and by the smile that appeared on her face, she still loves it.

"Go. Have fun." John said as he lowered his arms. Cara placed a kiss on each of his cheeks in thanks before springing toward the door. John watched as Cara left the room and opened the door for Jason.

For a college physics professor, Jason looked good. He works in a teaching institution so his workload isn't as intense as a researcher. And Jason loved to spend his free time in the school track field and swimming pool. He was lean in comparison to John, who was fit but too many hours in a chair can give anyone a slight belly.

Jason dressed fashionably tonight. He wore a charcoal grey suit jacket over white striped shirt with dark wash jeans. Cara whistled. The man looked good enough to eat.

Jason smiled wide at Cara's whistle. "Hi Cara."

"Hello handsome!" Cara said with great emphasis on the word 'handsome.'

"You look very sexy yourself tonight as well." Jason commented as he took her hand and kissed it. Cara flustered and blushed.

"Stop! Unless you wants me wet before the first string even starts." Cara flirted.

Instead of letting her go, Jason turned her hand around and kissed the inside of her wrist. Cara shivered and almost tugged her hand away if Jason was not holding onto it.

John watched the scene between Cara and Jason with clenched fists.

He didn't know. He didn't know that Cara had a sensitive spot over the inside of her wrist. He didn't know until Jason, Cara's lover showed him that Cara had such a spot.

Why didn't he know his own wife would shiver from a single kiss to her wrist?

Because he never did it. He never kissed every inch of her body, looking for her sensitive spots. In three years of their marriage, he never took the time to find out what made Cara shiver, shudder and moan.

Sex was always just sex, this physical thing that Cara wants and teases out of him. Sometimes, it is in the way she smiles. Sometimes, it is in the way she talks. Sometimes, it is in the way she touches him. She was always inviting him, tempting him with sex and he gave it to her. Twice a week.

He didn't know until Cara suggested that they try something different that sex could be fun. He didn't know that when Cara whispered all the dirty little things she is going to do to him, he could be so turned on. He didn't know that his beautiful, smart and sexy Cara would look even more magnificent when she rides him on top with her breasts bouncing with each moan out of her perfect lips.

And then there is the question in his head that keeps him up at night. How many men did Cara screw before she tried this or that with him? How many men touched and licked Cara's soft and flawless skin? How many men knew Cara's sensitive spots before he did, even though he was Cara's first?

John couldn't think about that. He watched as Cara waved him goodbye and left with Jason for their date night. Is it going to be another sleepless night?

He can't remember when he started to lose sleep on the nights Cara went to sleep with other men.

As soon as Cara stepped outside her apartment and closed the door, Jason swept her into a passionate kiss. Being she was just kissing John five minute ago, Cara couldn't help but to compare the two, something she normally refuses to do. Comparing lovers is the first step to become dissatisfied. Dissatisfaction breeds resentment. Resentment poisons relationship.

But still, she couldn't help but to compare. Jason's kisses are that of a tender lover, sometimes slow, sometimes affectionate, sometimes desiring. John, on the other hand, used to kiss like a robot, a peck on the lips here and a peck to the cheeks there. Going through the motion of it without putting any feelings into them.

That was what drove Cara ultimately to find another lover. As the old song goes, if you want to know if he loves you so, it is in his kiss. And John's kisses said only one thing.

He didn't love her. John loved her intelligence. He loved the way they could talk about anything in the world intelligibly and it is a great bond between them, but Cara always wanted love.

Cara knew John wasn't the kind to say sweet and honeyed words like 'You are the love of my life', 'I can't live without you,' or a simple 'I love you.' But she had thought he loved her nevertheless. When he asked her to marry him, she had took it for an indirect declaration of love.

But it wasn't. John loved her intelligence more than her person.

Perhaps it is petty to think what part of her does John love when she is a whole package. Her intelligence is no more separable from her than her desire to be loved.

But something had changed. Now when John kisses her, he kisses her like a mad man. If he showed no emotion before in his kisses, there is definitely something there now.

Possessiveness. Desperation. Love.

"I am hurt, Cara. You are distracted." Jason commented and Cara snapped out of her thoughts. She stuck her tongue out childishly and Jason laughed. In many ways, Jason is the perfect lover. He is intelligent, without a doubt. A romantic outside the bedroom and a guaranteed pleasure giver inside it. Cara smiled.

"Let me make it up to you." Cara put her hands on Jason's chest and pressed her lips to his. He leaned forward and she leaned back. "Uh uh. My kiss."

Jason leaned back with a chuckle and Cara leaned forward again. She brushed her lips against his before kissing his bottom lip and upper lip separately. Playfully, she teased his for entrance. Yet when his gave hers access, she took a step back to licking his lips like it was cotton candy. A bite here, a lick there, hmm... missed a spot.

Jason tightened his arms around Cara's waist. The little minx wasn't kissing. She was playing. And damn if it wasn't sexy.

"Cara." Jason whispered with his lips still brushing against her. "If you keep this up, I am going to take you back to my apartment and skip the conservatory performance." Cara stopped pointedly and gave Jason a teasing glare.

"Well then, no more kissing for you tonight." Cara said with a slight pout. Jason laughed. It is often inaccurate to call a woman in her early thirties cute, but cute is exactly what Cara is. Completely unpretentious, she doesn't care if she act playfully from time to time. She does as she pleases with completely confidence in herself that is so intoxicatingly sexy to Jason.

Jason knew better than to take Cara seriously. He pulled her toward him and kissed her again on the lips just to prove he could. Cara made a face and they both laughed. The sound echoed in the empty hallway and Cara gave Jason a teasing slap on the arms.

"You are going to get me in trouble with my neighbors." Cara growled.

"Well then I do believe it is best that we escape the scene of the crime now." Jason said as he offered her his arm.

Cara blushed like she always does when Jason offer her his arms. Such a gentleman outside and such a devil inside. She shook her head at Jason's duplicity and placed her hand on his arm.

The ride to the conservatory would have been quiet. Except Cara gushed excitingly about some of the students that were performing tonight. Sergei, Jason learned, is one of the most talented young violinists Cara has ever seen or heard. Sergei just turned eighteen last month and Cara believes he is going to go on to a most promising career. As his sponsor, Cara is most proud of his accomplishments, including winning an international competition last year in Dubai.

Jason listened to Cara as she continued on about Sergei. If he didn't know better, he would have thought Cara was talking about her own son. Her face completely lit up when she speaks of him. Sergei this. Sergei that. Jason can't stop but to think that Cara would make a wonderful mother. Smart, caring and evidently, so very proud of a prodigy under her wing. And of course, the son that Cara and John have would be brilliant.

John was the perfect researcher. Brilliant and completely dedicated to his work. So much so that he neglected Cara. Cara never told Jason why she was taking a lover, but it is not hard to guess. John didn't give Cara the time and affection that she wanted and needed.

And judging by the way Cara would fluster from the little things like kisses on the inside of her wrist, offering of his arm for her to take on a date or the way she blushes whenever he holds the door open for her, Jason concluded that Cara has been much neglected. Some women are so used to it, they think nothing of it, but Cara still reacts to these little things.

If she was his... Jason started and stopped himself. That is a most dangerous thought to have, but still... Jason would feel less of a man if he didn't try to win the woman whom he has come to love.

"Okay, now who is distracted?" Jason turned to see Cara looking at him with a smile. She looked beautiful with fleeing street lights flashing by.

"Excusez moi, ma maîtresse en titre." Jason apologized with a kiss to her hand.

"What does the latter part mean?" Cara asked with a slight tilt of her head. Jason has noted previously that she does it almost subconsciously whenever she come across something she doesn't understand.

"It means 'my favorite mistress,'" Jason answered and watched Cara as she dug out her phone.

"How do you spell it?"

Jason spelled it for Cara and watched as she googled it. Here is one more lovable thing about Cara. She is endlessly curious. Jason smiled as he continued his watch.

Finally, the cab stopped and they have arrived at the Conservatory of Music just in time as audience begin seating. The competition was well-organized and all the students very talented. Sergei, as Cara noted, was indeed one of the most gifted and Cara practically started crying when Sergei finished his piece to a standing ovation.

Kalies
Kalies
25 Followers