To My "Baby Sister"

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Why he's only had eyes for you.
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WFEATHER
WFEATHER
1,906 Followers

You know perhaps better than anyone else that I am so much better with the written word than with the spoken word. That is exactly why I am writing to you now, even though I just left you barely an hour ago, for what I need to express to you can only be done justice with the written word.

In many ways, it seems almost impossible that you and I have known each other for nearly twenty years. My first memory of you is of an innocent little girl in a frilly pink dress at a park playground, sitting in a swing and asking for a push. I know from our parents that you and I had met before then, but even in my earliest memory of you, I can remember the closeness between us, even at that very young age.

As we grew older, I remember the comments from others about how close we were, almost as if we were twins. I sometimes thought that we were indeed twins – only born into different families – in the same way that you have seemingly always been my "baby sister." It seems that you and I have always been virtually inseparable, sharing a bond that almost no one else ever truly understood.

As the years passed, time was our ally. We grew up, which caused us to grow ever closer. Our friendship seemed to take on an intensity of its own. Of course, we had our "fights," just like true siblings and even many purely-"casual" friends, but even these were always short-lived. The invisible bond which had developed around us linked us in so many ways.

Even as we moved into our awkward teenage years, we hid nothing from each other. There was a recognition, an understanding, even as we each watched the other mature in unexpected and rather profound ways. Of course, your maturation was much more visible than mine, yet you were still simply my "baby sister," the one person I wanted to protect from all the dangers and negativity in the world, the one person for whom I felt no guy would ever be truly "right."

...the one person whose tears filled me with such a deep, weighty sadness. I remember many an occasion where I would hold you, protectively, glaring away anyone who would approach even if that person meant to somehow assist you and ease away your pain and your grief. How many tears have you shed upon my shoulder or into my chest over the years? To quote the old Tootsie Pop commercial, "The world may never know."

Yet there were the many times when we would hold each other "just because," times when we would sit close together and confide our innermost wishes and secrets and fears to one another. There were those times when one of us simply wanted to be in the other's presence, for no real reason, and we would find a quiet place to simply be in each other's arms. Then, of course, there were the slow dances we would share, coming as close as we would dare to anything actually resembling intimacy, for neither of us spoke of the risk which intimacy could bring.

I may not have spoken of that risk, but, whenever I was in your presence, it always gnawed gently at the very back of my conscious mind. Once I began to truly mature, I saw you in a different light. As I heard classmates' "exploits" with girls, I occasionally entertained thoughts of engaging in similar explorations with you. Yet I knew that to enter into an intimate relationship with you might bring a very unwanted end to our intimate friendship, and that was a risk I definitely was not willing to take.

As we made our way through high school, you kept asking me – with the kindest, most respectful concern I could have ever imagined possible – why I never dated anyone, why I spent so many Friday and Saturday evenings at home, alone. While you were occasionally involved with this guy or that guy and confided virtually every intriguing yet nauseating detail to me, I could only stand in the shadows and essentially experience everything – experience you – vicariously, albeit through your own eyes. Still, to me, none of them were "right" enough for you; none of them were good enough for my "baby sister." Yet I maintained my painful silence, knowing that I had no right to interfere with your happiness, even if that meant denying my own and never taking that risk.


So I am sure that you can imagine my surprise when tonight, as we walked from the theater to your apartment, you took my hands in yours and rested your head against my chest as we waited to safely cross an intersection. I am certain that you felt my body suddenly tense, my uncertainty of what to do, how to handle the situation. While I never wanted that moment to end, I was also quite thankful when the traffic lights turned green so we could continue our evening stroll together.

It was then not as much of a surprise when, sitting in the darkness on your sofa as we held each other close as we had so many times in the past, you suddenly lifted your lips to mine and kissed me. It was not as much of a surprise, but it still shook me profoundly. Even now, I can still feel your soft lips pressing against mine, feel the thin film of your cherry-flavored lip gloss left behind as a sweet-tasting souvenir of that moment. I can still feel your breasts pressing against me, still remember that for the first time, I truly noticed and recognized your feminine flesh.

While there were no further kisses tonight, that one simple act has shaken me. I must admit to being torn: On the one hand, I have so long wanted for us to move to the next level, yet I do not know how to do this, as I would definitely be sailing in uncharted waters; on the other hand, the bond which you and I have shared for nearly twenty years is so intimate and profound that I want to never lose it for any reason.

Perhaps now, my written words can help you to understand my tumultuous dilemma. As I realized a long time ago, the only girl I have ever truly wanted in my life is you, yet you have always been my "baby sister." Perhaps you can be both; perhaps our relationship can encompass both types of interaction without allowing either to suffer. I am certainly willing to be both "big brother" and lover for you, but is the risk worth taking?

This is the quandary. Perhaps you share the same concerns. Perhaps you have at least the hint of an answer. Perhaps there is no true, viable solution.

Perhaps we can search for a solution... together.

Yours always,

"Big brother"

WFEATHER
WFEATHER
1,906 Followers
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WORDSMITH2015WORDSMITH2015over 8 years ago
SHOCK AND AWE

Usually a statement like "I am so much better with the written word than" anything is an exercise in hubris. Not so with this author. To quote Walter Brennan from "The Guns of Will Sonnet," "No brag, just fact." Exactamente, precisement. If you seek titillation go elsewhere, all you will find here is a story written with care, skill and heart, a reward I am happy to experience, even without erotic content of any kind. A gem of an effort!!! B R A V O, AUTHOR, AUTHOR!!!

burningpenburningpenover 11 years ago
similar

This is almost perfectly how I feel, It's great to read something so well put, so loving and so confused as me.

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