To My Little Fish

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For a time, we were in love.
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Dearest Little Fish,

You are, and always will be, the most amazing girl. I will never forget you.

You told me once that your mom still had a lot of her old love letters from when she was a teenager. That's a treasure. There's nothing I can keep, because you and I were a secret.

We had love letters, cards from birthdays and Valentines, lots of little notes we gave each other...and then there were the pictures we took. Ones we sent to each other by phone or email, and the ones we took when we were together.

Those pictures were the best ones. Two smiling, happy people, that were so much in love. Two heads tilted together, smiling, two people kissing...all those are gone now. All I have are memories.

So, I write this. I share my memories with the world. Barring some catastrophic doomsday where all digital data is erased from the earth, this document will live on. Long after I will be able to remember details, long after we both are gone, there will be people who can read this, and know that there was once a couple that was very much in love, and wanted to be together forever.

Here are just a few of the things that I remember...

Telling each other secrets that no one else had ever been told.

The first time we met at the park, you looked up at me, and you kissed me. From that moment on, you had my heart.

Secret meetings at the fallen tree in the woods.

Playing pool in Yahoo Messenger, and drawing really odd, childish pictures, like llamas going shopping and eating sushi, and Chuck Norris saving baby turtles.

Your birthday cupcake, with the Batman ring, and I sang happy birthday to you in the car.

Sneaking off with our mutual friend for a drive to the beach, and you falling asleep on the way back. I stroked your hair all the way back and held you.

Cleaning the old house. On cold days we ran the space heater and you huddled so close to it I thought you'd light your clothes on fire.

Antonio Banderas. I'm sorry, but he always loved me more, I don't care what you say.

Your childish delight when you saw 3 or 4 cars of the same color in a row, or chasing ducks that you could never catch.

Slow dancing with you and singing softly in your ear.

Comic books, and purple dragons, and spoon rings.

Walking back to the car in a downpour so bad that I bought you dry clothes at another store.

A thrift store bear named Sunflower.

Drawing with chalk on the dashboard of your car.

That green and white bikini. You looked amazing. We decided the ocean was mad at us, because it was beating the crap out of us as we walked out of it.

Kisses in the rain.

World Market, and Smarties.

Touring the historic house and misbehaving upstairs.

The blue tie-dyed dress I bought you, when you thought the sales clerk was flirting with me.

Watching your face light up when I called you Baby.

Slowing down at the curve, every night, to get one more kiss before we said goodnight.

Rescuing kittens from cardboard boxes in parks.

Picnics with fruit, cheese, and pita bread.

Walking through expensive neighborhoods and critiquing the houses.

The 4th of July. We made dinner, watched movies, and made memories.

Walking back from the beach and getting lost for an hour and a half. It wasn't scary; walking around strange neighborhoods in the dark. When you're holding hands with someone you love, it's an adventure.

The night at the water park, with funnel cakes.

Hours of Star Trek on Netflix.

The one Christmas we had together. If I could keep any one picture, it'd be the one we took in front of our tree. You looked so happy.

Falling asleep in each others' arms after making love.

So many movies, and buying candy and drinks at the drugstore to sneak in under my jacket, and in your purse.

A promise/engagement ring made from a twisted paper drinking straw wrapper.

Walking past the tattoo place and wondering if your dad was in there.

The Thai restaurant, and walking around afterward, holding hands.

Bringing you a giraffe when you were in the hospital.

We made plans for our future. We planned our wedding, and picked out names for our not-yet-conceived children.

You were queen of the goats, and I was king of the llamas.

Pigs that spoke French and said moo, and cows that spoke Spanish and said oink.

I was your Big Fish, and you were my Little Fish.

The Wishing Square by the river. I hope all your wishes came true.

Every night, my last words to you, "Sleep Well, Beautiful Angel."

I've learned that you never really "get over" someone after a breakup. There's never a time when you're 100% okay. It just fades, a little at a time, and hurts less and less. The more time passes, the better things get. A new partner can be a help, and a distraction, but the old love is always there. It doesn't stop, it doesn't lessen. It just doesn't surface as often, and eventually it doesn't tear at you, it just aches. As far as I know, the ache never goes completely away.

I love you, Little Fish. Time may take specific memories away, but I will always remember you.

You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. Thank you for letting me be a part of it.

It's said that you never forget your first love. You said I was yours. I find comfort in that.

I wish you all the happiness you can make for yourself.

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2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Beautiful

Beautiful

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
WOW

Amazing

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