To Tame a Slave Ch. 09

Noticing the change, his hand slipped from my mouth. The moment it was free I sobbed louder and harder. "I can't go home!" I cried, my heart shredding to pieces all over again. "I can't go home! I'm stuck here! My family, my friends, I'll never see any of them again!" Words were lost to me then as the shuddering sobs overtook my ability to speak. His grip on me loosened, hands petting and soothing me, face pressing to the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry," he said, voice sounding almost as broken as I felt. It made me cry harder, if that was even possible. Breathing was getting hard through the tears, and I felt myself getting lightheaded. Sobs turned into hyperventilating, and black began to blur my vision. My chest hurt so bad it felt like my lungs were compressing, trying to rip themselves from me.

Drell's rough hand swept across my face and I began to feel calmer. "Sleep now, kitten," he murmured in my ear, and the tightness in my chest eased. My vision began to blur again, this time with the deep haze of sleep. For once I was grateful to him and his magic.

--

I stared listlessly out the window, ideas rolling through my head about the coming battle. Could we really pull off this plan? More so, was I really capable of directing that much energy? Was it even possible. I took a deep breath. No, it had to be possible. It was the only thing we could think of that even had a slight chance. Verone was just too strong.

A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts, and I turned to see a woman peer in. Her face was covered with downy black feathers, and her gold eyes were sad as they met mine.

"Nenet, what is it?" I asked tiredly. The sadness in her face wasn't worrying. We all seemed to be wearing the same expression recently.

"It's- Well, we need to talk to you about something," she said. "Could you come with me?" I nodded and followed her out of the room. Talk to me about what? And who was 'we'?

I found out quickly who the we was, as she lead me into a small study, where Magic waited with a man I didn't recognize. Magic's eyes were as sad as Nenet's, while the other man simply looked hard.

"I'm so sorry," Magic said, looking as if he wanted to approach me. He stayed on the other side of the room however.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, starting to feel nervous.

There was a long silence, before he finally said, "Anthony's dead."

My whole world stopped, though the ground felt as if it was shifting below my feet. I gasped, stumbling slightly, my hand reaching out to grab hold of a chair to keep myself from falling to the ground.

"When?" I whispered, tears beginning to fill my eyes.

Magic exchanged looks with Nenet before saying, "Early this morning." I bit down on my fist to keep from sobbing.

"He was a traitor," the other man finally spoke up. "And-"

"He was my husband!" I screamed, making him flinch back for a moment, before giving me a hard look.

"Then you seem to have poor choice in men." I saw Magic's eyes widen and panic crossed his face before everything went red. My head fell back and I screamed, raw energy surging from me as I lost control of my emotions. The furniture began to splinter from the force of it, and everyone there was knocked off their feet. That scream seemed to go on forever, and I woke with a sore throat, my face soaked with tears.

For a moment, I forgot where I was, lost in the agony. His face flashed across my mind as I mourned a death that had happened long ago. I saw him as he was, the brown hair, the laugh lines on his hard face, that smile that lit his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. I saw him then as he was now. His brown hair turned silver, face still hard, but smoother, ageless. And of course his brilliant, white wings, spreading behind him.

I banished the image from my mind. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. I couldn't get home. I'd spent my entire time here aching to leave, only to find out it wasn't possible. Ten months they'd been here. Ten months searching.

Tears began to flood my eyes and I burrowed deeper into my blanket, trying to stop the shuddering sobs from taking over me. I was lost. Adrift in a world that was not my own. I didn't belong here. I suppose I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

When the door to my room opened I barely noticed it. "Alanna?" A voice called. Alanna wasn't here. She didn't exist anymore. "Are you awake?" I hoped not. Maybe this whole thing was simply a nightmare. One long, very intense and vivid nightmare. There was a long silence, and then the door clicked shut, leaving me to my grief. Unable to do much else, I drifted off to sleep.

--

"You've almost gotten it my lady. Hands behind your back, gripping your forearms."

Shifting my position on the floor slightly, I moved my hands behind my back, doing as he directed while griping, "Why do you always call me that? I think we've known each other long enough by now that you may drop the formality and use my name more often."

He chuckled warmly, walking around behind me and crouching down. His fingers stroked along my arms, sending a shiver down my spine, and slightly adjusted my grip. Satisfied, he circled back around, undoing the clip in my hair so that the dark curls spilled down my back and over my shoulders. Those long fingers slid through it, and I couldn't help but to lean into his touch, eyes slipping shut.

"Well, you are a lady, are you not?" He finally asked, hand cupping my chin and tilting my head back so that our eyes met. When I nodded, he continued, a serious look on his face. "And the moment you first called me Sir, you became mine. Isn't that correct?"

My breath caught in my throat, and I stared up at him for a long moment with wide eyes before nodding again. As his face hardened slightly, I swallowed, and quickly said, "Yes Sir." Answering out loud was one of his most serious rules, alongside always meeting his eyes when talking to him, and I hated to break his rules.

"Good girl," he murmured, face softening again, fingers stroking my hair. "Which of course makes you my lady. Am I right?"

A shy smile crossed my lips as I saw his endearment in a new light. I was his lady. And I enjoyed it immensely. Agreeing to this trial period was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I could only hope that I would be able to handle anything else he may ask of me. "I am, Sir," I responded quietly, nuzzling up into his hand again.

His brilliant smile made my heart flutter, and butterflies formed in my stomach as he bent down to cup my face in his hands. A kiss was pressed to my forehead, before he said, "I'm so proud of you. You're being such a good girl for me." I practically glowed at the compliment. He trailed down, brushing across my cheek, before taking my lips in a fierce kiss. His mouth dominated my own, and I happily surrendered to him. Submitted to him.

Everything felt so right when I was with him, and I couldn't help the growing smile I turned up as he stood again. "Are you ready to move on?"

"Yes Sir," I said, my tone excited and eager. I was so ready to move on.

"Alanna?" My eyes blinked open at the sound of my name, the dream disappearing, but I made no effort to answer the speaker. I didn't even recognize the voice at this point. "Are you alright? It's been a whole day now, and everyone is worried about you."

No, I wasn't alright. Not in the slightest. I was numb and dead inside, splintered into a million pieces. I no longer existed, seeking to escape this world that was not my own by staying in this room, in this bed.

There was a sigh from the doorway, and then the soft click of the door being closed. I couldn't bring myself to care. There was no more jealousy at seeing the obvious affection this other woman had for Anthony. There were no more tears for my losses. There was no more anything, just oblivion. My eyes slid shut, and it wasn't long before I slipped back into the realm of dreams.

I giggled, trying my hardest to smother the sound as I peeked out from under the table. This memory felt different. I felt younger. Like I was still a child, standing on the precipice of growing up. There was a sound near me, and I ducked back under the table, stifling another giggle. Footsteps approached, and I tucked myself down, trying to make myself as small as possible. I saw bare, pitch black feet pass by me, and I held my breath, not daring to make any noise until they finally moved on.

Convinced I was alone, I exhaled hard, closing my eyes and thinking. So Nenet had found Fate. That left Chaos and Love, unless they'd been found as well. If they had though, it would have been announced that I was the winner. So for the time being, I had to remain as still and quiet as possible. I had a good feeling about this round. This was a good hiding spot, and Nenet had already come through twice without finding me. I could win this.

There was a flurry of noise, and I found myself being dragged out from under the table by my ankle. Giggling, I turned onto my back to grin up into Nenet's feathered face. She grinned back down at me, dropping my ankle to the floor. "Found you!" She said, propping her hands on her hips.

"I saw Fate pass by a couple minutes ago," I said, clambering to my feet, copying her stance with my hands on my hips. I was small for my age, my head just barely clearing the older woman's waist. "Have you found Chaos and Love yet?"

"I found Love already, but you know Chaos." We both rolled our eyes. Chaos was the best at hide and seek, almost undefeated. None of us were entirely certain how they managed to always find the best hiding places. There was a victorious cry from the other room, and we both jumped slightly before grinning at each other. "Guess Fate found Chaos," she said.

The dark skinned girl came skipping in, a victorious smirk on her face, followed slowly by a dejected Chaos. He ran a hand through his hair, almost pouting. "Does this mean I lost?" He asked.

Nenet shook her head. "You were still the last one found. I found Fate first, and then Love. I think Love ran off to get a snack though." Chaos perked at the knowledge that he'd won again, and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes. He wasn't quite a sore loser, but he was certainly close. Thankfully, he wasn't enough of one that he ever ruined our fun.

"Should we go ahead and start, or should we wait for Love?" Fate asked, her pale eyes turning towards me. I never got the chance to respond however, her face fading away as the scene was replaced by another memory.

I blinked a few times, the sudden transition jarring. "Nenet, I just," I sighed as she ran the brush through my hair slowly, detangling the wet curls. The slow gentle motions always seemed to soothe her just as much as it did me. We'd known each other so long, this had simply become habit. "I don't know what to do. I like him so much. I might even-" I swallowed the word love. Saying it out loud made it feel more real than it should.

"Well I should hope you like him, you've spent enough time in his bed," she said before grunting as my elbow sunk into her stomach. We both collapsed into giggles then, and she put the brush down so she could shift to face me. "Do you think he may not like you in the same way?"

I shook my head slightly as I began to weave my hair into a loose braid. "It's not that. It's just, we talk a lot. And I know so much about him. And he knows so much about me. Sometimes I worry that he may learn too much though."

Nenet's brow furrowed. "What do you mean? How could he know too much about you?"

It took a moment to put my answer into words. "So far, he believes me to be human. Like him. And that feels important." Nenet nodded when I paused, gesturing for me to continue. "I worry what might happen if he discovered what I really am."

My friend frowned, linking her fingers through mine as if to comfort me. "What you are is a beautiful, kind human being. And he already knows that." I gave her a look. "He won't treat you any differently when he learns about your past."

"But that's just it. Everyone treats me differently after they learn the truth about my father, and how long I've lived. They can't help it." She leaned her forehead against mine. She knew I was right. It was the same, through the many lives I'd lived. Everyone treated me differently when they learned the truth of my lineage.

With a sigh, she leaned back again. "He's going to find out, one way or another. This isn't a secret you can keep forever. He deserves to hear it from you."

"I know." I gave her a weak smile. "And I'll tell him one day. When we're old and grey and he can't escape." A laugh escaped her at that, and we both descended into girlish giggles.

The smell of food wafted through the room, but for once it didn't tempt my stomach into hunger. "Alanna, I brought dinner." I shifted slightly, pulling my blanket up more tightly around myself. I wasn't hungry. I didn't think I'd ever be hungry again. That implied I could care about what happened to me. And I didn't exist anymore. I didn't belong here. I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

There was a sigh, and then, "I'm going to leave this here, in case you change your mind." I wouldn't. The door shut with a soft click, and I once again drifted back into oblivion.

--

I fought back tears as I pushed open the door to his study. It felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds, impossible to move. But move it did. He was sitting behind his desk, bent over some papers, blue grey hair tucked behind his ears. He looked up as he entered, yellow eyes finding mine. They narrowed at the pain they found in my face.

"Magic," I called, voice broken. For a moment I was shaken free of the memory. The name felt heavy on her tongue, as if it wasn't a name she used often, despite being obviously close to the man. I was sucked quickly back into the memory as she continued, "I have something I need to tell you." It was then that my self control broke, and a great sob shook my chest. He stood so fast that his chair was knocked over, and I was quickly scooped into his arms.

"Oh sweetheart, what's wrong?" He murmured into my hair, settling us in another chair so he could hold me.

It took a long moment, but I managed to calm myself down enough to speak though tears still shook my voice. "I-I met Verone, just last night." He stilled and another sob shook me.

"You... you met Verone?" He responded quietly. I could only nod as his body tensed. This was our enemy, the man trying to raise himself to the status of a deity, the man killing thousand of people and building an army to kill more. And I had just come face to face with him. "Where did you meet him?"

This was the part that crushed me. I had to force myself to stand, to take a few steps away, unable to stay curled in his arms as I betrayed the man I love by telling of his own betrayal. "I met him at a private ball last night," I said, voice broken and barely above a whisper. I couldn't bring myself to turn and see his reaction. "Anthony introduced us. He told me that the pair had been lifelong friends, that they'd grown up together." I did spin this time, to see a torn expression on Magic's face. He knew this was valuable information in this war, but he also knew how desperately I loved my husband.

"I think he might be his general, the man behind the army," I admitted. While I couldn't be totally sure, as he hadn't come out and said it, that was the vibe I had gotten from their friendship. Magic nodded, taking all of this in, before standing and wrapping me in his arms again. This time I returned it, clinging to him and burying my face in his chest.

"We will handle it," he murmured, one of his hands stroking my hair. "We will make sure that you have nothing to do with it, and your name shall not be brought up. I promise, we will do everything that we can to make sure he doesn't know that you were the one to bring us this information."

I nodded, whispering brokenly, "Thank you."

--

I woke up this time to the sight of a man perched on the corner of my bed, a small book in his hands. "Did you know that this book is completely blank?" He asked, having noticed me wake up. It was difficult, but I managed to focus for a moment, long enough to see that it was the book Knowledge had given me before our flight from the city. Had I been able to feel, I would have been surprised. There had been at least two entries last time I'd checked.

Losing interest, I rolled over, eyes slipping shut again. "So that's what you're going to do? Sleep and hide until you starve yourself to death?" When I didn't answer, the man sighed. "And here I'd thought you were a stronger woman than this." My back stiffened slightly, before I burrowed deeper into the blankets. It didn't matter what this stranger thought of me.

The bed shifted as the man stood, and I wondered idly if he'd left. My door stayed closed however, and I could hear his footsteps across the floor. "Did you know there are scratches on the floor here? I assume from the vases you broke in your temper tantrum. You certainly did a number on them." My spine stiffened again. That wasn't a temper tantrum. I was legitimately angry and grieving. That certainly warranted a few broken vases.

Why did I even care? Maybe because he was treating me differently than everyone else who'd checked on me. Insulting me instead of trying to be understanding. Either way, I wanted him to stop. I wanted to sink back into oblivion.

"It's a shame a woman so intelligent couldn't think of a better way to end things," he said. By the sound of it, he was looking through another book. "Only a fool would choose the route of laying in bed and starving herself. A stupid fool."

My temper riled, I snapped before I could stop myself, "I'm not stupid. Or a fool."

"Could have fooled me," he responded. I pulled the blanket up over my head, trying to shut him out. "I thought you were stronger than this as well. I suppose that makes you a stupid, weak fool." My teeth ground together. "Shall I list more of your downfalls or have you had enough?" Just barely I stayed silent. "Very well. You also are very selfish. Casually hurting those that love and care for you." Tears burned in my eyes. Was I really being selfish by trying to bury myself into oblivion?

"That makes you a selfish, stupid, weak fool." He paused between each word to emphasize them.

"I'm not a fool," I snapped, sitting up to glare at him. To my surprise, the stranger was Prince Alek.

He arched an eyebrow, before repeating, "Could have fooled me. Are you done pouting like a child now?"

"I'm not pouting either! I'm grieving, damn it!" My eyes burned with tears I hadn't been able to shed in days, and I rubbed at them angrily.

His footsteps signaled his approach, before he perched on the edge of my bed. I could feel his eyes on me, impassive and cold. "People grieve every day without trying to kill themselves over it."

My body shook with a sob. "I didn't want to die," I told him, my voice teary. "I just wanted to not exist."

"And yet, both seem to have the same ending." I wasn't able to respond to that. He was right. More right than I wanted to admit. My hands were knocked away and he took my chin firmly in his grip. "I'm not telling you not to grieve. I'm telling you that you've grieved alone long enough. It's time to join the world again, and let others grieve with you."

He took his hand away and I rubbed at my eyes, wiping away the tears. He was right. I couldn't change the fact that I was stuck here. And I shouldn't dwell on things I couldn't change. It wasn't like me. I took a deep breath. It was time to focus on the things that I could change.

I pushed my hair back and sighed before looking back up at Prince Alek. For a long moment I considered him, meeting him stare for stare until, "You said you don't like mysteries, right?"