Tom and Luke Get Their Degrees

We had scratched our heads and discussed with our nearest and dearest what we should do about our surnames. Luke was a bit reluctant to change his name again after less than four years as Singleton-Scarborough. In the end, we discarded various possible double- and triple-barrelled names and decided that we would retain our separate surnames, at least until we started a family.

We had invited a lot of people to come to the Register Office with us. Some were disappointed that there was to be no ceremony. This was because Luke and I regarded the promises that we would make before God the next day in the privacy of the prayer room at Rockwell's Barn, and the rings that we would exchange then, as the actual moment of our union, even though it had no legal significance. We duly signed the partnership document, and Liz and David then signed as the witnesses, to the applause of the assembled guests. The great hall at the Register Office was available for our photographs, and many were taken before we all piled into the hired bus and conveyed to the Sparrowhawk pub, where we had hired a large private room.

The pub did us proud with food and drink, and after the meal there were a few speeches. There was a speech by Jon, wishing us joy for the future, and both Luke and myself made speeches of thanks. Mine was very short. Luke said: "Friends and colleagues, Tom and I are so glad that so many of you have come to witness us legally formalizing our friendship into a lifelong commitment to one another. Some people might feel that we are too young to embark formally on life together. Well, here and now I tell anyone who thinks that, that they are wrong! As you know, our immediate future is uncertain, as neither of us has as yet got a job, but we are determined to stay together in Italy if one of us gets a job there, even if the other ends up shelf-stacking in a supermercato.

"Because we are not setting up a home together, we have asked you not to give us presents. That doesn't mean that we do not appreciate your friendship, it is just that there are a lot of hardworking students in Camford who have a lot less to live on than we have, and any money you might spend on us would be better spent on them. You might find this a strange decision, but the reality is that nothing in the relationship between the two of us is going to change by signing a piece of government paper, but we wanted you our friends to share in our moment of legal recognition! Both Tom and I thank you both for sharing our formal moment, and we hope that we are all going to enjoy ourselves together in the next few hours. Tea and cakes will be served about 5 pm. In the meantime, Camford friends, you have the opportunity to meet two uncles of mine and two aunts and four cousins, not mention my two fathers and three grandparents! We are immensely grateful to all our family for being so loving and welcoming to Tom. It is wonderful to have an occasion without best men and bridesmaids and all the flummery of a wedding. I can't imagine why some gays want to get married! Ladies and gentlemen, the bar is open. Please enjoy yourselves. Remember that there are four languages spoken here today other than English, so feel free to practise your language skills on my fathers and cousins."

My speech was quite simple: "Ladies and gentlemen, many of you do not know me very well, and may be surprised that I only have one relative here. I'm not going to explain why that is, because today is a happy occasion. I just want to thank Luke's parents and grandparents for welcoming me into their family and giving me my darling Luke, and to thank all you friends for coming here to support us as we register our union with the State. I echo Luke's remarks about the lack of flummery. Civil Partnership is very good value for money, and I recommend it to you heartily! I also want publicly to express my thanks to God for giving me the best man in the world as a partner."

The rest of the day was wonderful, Luke's aunt Liesbet had organized a few games for the children, and everyone enjoyed themselves. Steve and Alex spent time entertaining Mrs Singleton, and Luke and I spent most of the time talking to every guest present. Some, especially the girls, but some of the men as well, were quite tearful. Margaret and Sarah were among the most tearful, and we had to work hard to cheer them up. I thanked Mrs Singleton again for making me sufficiently independent financially to be able to propose to Luke. She told me that I was old-fashioned in talking in such terms. I pointed out that without my own money, anyone, including members of Luke's family, would wonder whether I was after his money. I said that even now that we were partners, we had no plans for a joint bank account, though we were quite prepared to look at and talk about each other's bank statements, and we had an arrangement as to who paid what bills. We had never allowed Dad and Pop to let us live in Fountain Street for free, we made a monthly contribution to housekeeping costs.

Liz was also very tearful. She told me that she had never been so happy since our mother died. I told her that I couldn't guarantee to keep on finding new men just to keep her happy and suggested with a grin that she went and looked for a man or even a woman for herself. "You're a workaholic," I said, "you need to unwind and find someone to share your problems with." She gave me a big kiss, and kissed Luke as well. We told her that she would need to come back in December to see the two of us get our degrees.

We told Tim Ingledown how glad we were to see him, and hoped that he would be able to let us use his services in just the same way as Luke's fathers did. We might for instance in the future need his help with adoption or surrogacy, and certainly needed his financial experience over things like tax matters when we became expatriates. Luke told him how pleased he was that Tim was staying for our blessing service the following day. Marcello and Caterina did not stay long, but Luke assured them that we would be in touch as soon as I knew whether I had got the Leonardo award.

Mrs and Mrs Silverdale seemed to very cheerful, and it was good to see the improvement in Bernard's health. He told us that the finances of the Heptinstall Trust were much improved, and that they had been able to make fifteen fully funded scholarship awards for the coming academic year, all to top quality students for five universities. He hoped the following year to be able to advertise the scholarships more widely.

When we came to Mark Ravenscroft, I tried to be friendly. Mark was at his most charming, and I began to understand how Luke became so fond of him. Mark made some comment about not losing a friend, but gaining another, which made me realize that it was not Mark who was an untypical gay, but Luke and I. Fucking around is much more usual lifestyle for the homosexual male than 'monogamy' with one man for life.

We then went to talk to Francis Eglantine and Edward Bairstow who were standing together, and told the two priests that we hoped to have a more extended conversation after the service at Rockwell's Barn the next day. There was going to be a buffet lunch in the pool hall. Then we went on to talk to the half dozen choir members whom we had invited. We also talked to Brian, David's accompanist, who was there with his daughter. He shook our hands and wished us a happy future in Italy. He told me that I should resume my piano lessons, so that I would make a better job of accompanying David in his practising. "You should aim to get to Grade 8," he told me. I said that I would love to have more lessons, but first I had to learn Italian. It would be difficult to find an English-speaking piano teacher in Italy. I knew that learning Italian had to be my first priority in the coming months.

When we reached Luke's great uncle and aunt from Amersfoort, I had to be introduced. Luke himself had only met them half a dozen times. They were now retired, and like David's parents, were free to travel. Luke suggested that they might like to spend some time staying in Rockwell's Barn, as it seemed likely that it would no longer be occupied in the summer. They were in any case likely to see more of Luke's parents in the summer months when the latter were in Heemstede. David had spent a lot of time at his uncle's as a teenager, and they were quite close. Like his parents, and unlike his grandfather, now dead, they had accepted David's homosexuality when he came out.

Chapter Thirty-five

The Festival, Day 3: the Blessing Service

Next morning we all got up early. The cold buffet lunch was delivered by the caterers at 10 am, and Luke's grandmother was busy setting things out in the pool hall on hired trestle tables, as on the Sunday. We put on our clothes from yesterday. Mrs Rockwell, though now quite elderly, had offered to look after the children. We thought that due to the limited space in the prayer room, only Sandro should attend, providing that he wanted to. Also present for the ceremony were Liz, Mrs Singleton, Luke's two grandparents, Tim, Jon and David, Dorothea and Massimo, Jeroen and Liesbet. The rite itself would be conducted by Francis, while Edward would preside at the eucharist that was to follow.

The rite followed essentially the same format as the one at Dad and Pop's blessing service 25 years before. We had decided against any flowers, except for a small display on a flower stand in the chapel that Luke's parents had bought a few years ago to complete the chapel furnishings. Francis wore an alb and a plain white stole. Music was provided by a CD player on which Luke had got the Buckingham organ scholar to record the music for two hymns and a solo number for David. The hymns were the same as Luke's fathers had chosen 25 years before.

We opened the service with the Wesley hymn 'Love divine, all loves excelling.' Francis began the service by explaining to the congregation that this was a blessing of a permanent and faithful commitment between two persons of the same sex in order that they might have the support and encouragement of the church in their lives under God. He said it was not a marriage ceremony, in spite of having borrowed a few features of the marriage rite, but a service of promises in which Luke and I were going to make mutual vows of lifelong love together, that two rings would be blessed and we would exchange rings without any words being said. Francis emphasized that we were gathered for a private act of worship to complement the legal requirements that we had fulfilled yesterday.

Psalm 67 was then said, and Luke and I made the promises 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.' Francis blessed the two rings and without any words except those invoking the Holy Trinity, we then placed the rings successively on the tip of each finger of our left hands, beginning with the Father on the thumb, and ending at 'Amen' on the fourth digit, and Francis pronounced a blessing over us. Edward, wearing a white chasuble, then took over and celebrated the Eucharist at which David read the Old Testament lesson from II Samuel 1: 23-27, and Jon read the epistle from I Corinthians 13. Francis read the gospel from John 11: 32-43, and then delivered a short homily about dedication of our partnership to God. During it, I could feel the tears running down my cheeks.

Most of those present received the Sacrament, even the non-Anglicans. During communion, David sang 'Panis vivus qui de caelo descendisti' from Mozart's 'Litany of the venerable Sacrament,' during which many of the congregation stood with tears of emotion at its beauty and the solemnity of the occasion. Before the blessing at the end of the Eucharist, we sang 'Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee' by Frances Havergal to a tune by Mozart. Then Luke and I kissed each other, chastely! We then both kissed the rest of our family, one at a time and shook hands with Francis, Edward and Tim, both our faces moist with yet more tears of joy and emotion.

Half an hour later the Prosecco was flowing freely, the clergy had disrobed, Edward had said grace and everyone was enjoying things. We asked Luke's brother Sandro if he was enjoying himself and did he like it in England. He replied 'Si' to both questions. He added that he would like to come to Camford to study engineering. Luke thought that it was a brilliant idea and told Sandro to work hard at school and to improve his English. Luke told his parents that they should make sure that Sandro was welcomed as family if he came to Camford. Bianca was a bit shy, but we managed to get her to say that she liked it at Ixton, and that it was fun sharing a room with her cousin Maria. Maria and Andrew were of course accustomed to life in Rockwell's Barn and showed their cousins all round the house (my parents had locked their en-suite bathroom with the homoerotic murals).

The food at the buffet lunch was superb and there was a wide choice of Italian wines. We both thanked Francis and Edward, not just for their spiritual ministrations, but also for the friendship and mature advice they had given us over a number of years. I asked Francis if it was possible for spiritual direction to be done by E-mail. He said that he supposed so, but that it was a poor substitute for face-to-face conversation. I then put it to him that I wanted him to be my spiritual director, and we could always use the phone, and he agreed.

Towards the end of the afternoon, there was a big surprise. Luke and myself sang the duet 'Au fond du temple saint' from Bizet's opera 'Les Pêcheurs de Perles' (The Pearl Fishers). This was the first time that we had ever sung together. Jon had pressurized us into doing it: he said that singing was not just the preserve of the professional, and had made us rehearse it nearly a dozen times. David led the applause with great enthusiasm.

Chapter Thirty-six

The Festival, Day 4

The next morning, my sister Liz and Tim Ingledown left. David's brother and sister and their families were staying on for several days so that they could get to know one another and the children's grandparents better. The rest of us had an excellent buffet lunch, after which Luke and I and Mrs Singleton left by train from Ixfordingworth to London and took the underground to the fancy hotel where we were staying. We had booked tables in advance for the fashionable West End restaurants where Mrs Singleton had told us she wanted to dine and ogle the celebrities (if she or we recognized any, which was a bit unlikely!). Unlike Luke's parents, we found that the best way to keep her happy was to humour her whims! In any case, she was paying not only the restaurant bills, but also the hotel bill!

The first night we went by taxi to a well know Michelin-starred restaurant. Mrs S. was on her best behaviour, everything went smoothly, the food and wine were excellent. Over the meal she asked us what daytime activities we had planned for her. We told her that we thought that visits to Tate Modern, Madame Tussaud's wax museum, the Tower of London, the London Eye and Dulwich College Picture Gallery was a good programme for us all. She announced that she was happy with those proposals, and then asked the waiter for the bill. "I bet he thinks that you are my two toy boys!" she said with a grin as she asked the waiter to call a taxi for us. She asked us whether we were going on to a gay club. When we said no, that we wanted to back to the hotel, she grinned lasciviously. "Oh, yes, of course, love's young dream wants to get fucking as soon as possible!"

Luke nudged me and whispered, "She's getting crude in her old age. According to Pop, she would never have used an unladylike word like 'fuck' when she was younger!"

"I should think not!" I replied primly.

I think that Mrs S. may have overheard us, because just before the taxi pulled up outside the restaurant, she said, "At least you two are not virginal newly-weds. I bet you've been up each other's back passages for years!" With that remark, she had succeeded in making us both blush. With faces still red, we got into the cab. "A lot of women of my age don't have the faintest idea of what men get up to together, you know! But I've lived in France most of my life, and women there are much more knowledgeable about such matters," she said with a grin in gloom of the taxi. "On one occasion when he may have had a bit too much to drink, Jonathan told me about the men in the back room at that restaurant that Luke's two fathers used to go to, where the men of Nice used to take their fancy boys."

Luke said to her, "I don't think we should talk about this topic in a cab."

She replied, "Why not? This is London, not the American South!"

Chapter Thirty-seven

Money and Awards

The week continued in a similar vein. Most of the time Mrs Singleton was a chatty old lady in her seventies, but at least once per day she would come out with some loud outrageous comment. When we were in Mme Tussaud's she said, apropos of an image of a well known male athlete, "I wonder if there's a waxen cock and balls under his clothes!" We giggled in embarrassment, and didn't bother to argue with her. I have to admit that certain of the male images looked so attractive that I felt a stiffening between my legs. When we went on the London Eye, her audible comment on the small size of the gondolas was, "These passenger cells are very small. You boys must be careful not to fart!" This time we were too embarrassed to giggle.

On the whole, our evenings in fashionable restaurants passed without too much embarrassment. We did not recognize any celebrities, so she was unable to make any loud personal remarks about them. She lost no opportunity to make comments about our desire to go to bed early each night. We all had breakfast in our rooms, but every morning when we met her to go out, she would make remarks like "Did his cock taste good last night?" or "I hope you kept the sheets clean!" They were the kind of remark that would have embarrassed us if they had been made by Luke's gay fathers. Made by an elderly woman, they were shocking, as of course they were designed to be!

Eventually, the week ended, and it was with some relief that we saw her and her large amount of luggage on to the Eurostar train for Paris. The night before she left however, over dinner, she dropped a bombshell. "I know that you don't want wedding presents, but I'm giving you both one, just the same! When you get back to Camford, you'll each find €100 000 in your bank account. You have both given me the best holiday for years, so I'm unloading some spare cash!"

Of course we were dumbfounded. Two hefty monetary gifts within a couple of years seemed a bit excessive, but Mrs S. told us that otherwise most of it would go to the French taxman. I didn't know whether we would have to pay tax on it, but we would certainly have to pay tax on the income from it. However, it did mean that we had a substantial reserve if one or both of us failed to find jobs in the short term, and also would help if we decided to buy our own house in Italy. I decided privately that I would give £1000 to the Men's Fitness Centre in Camford. They were still a few thousand short of their target for the extensions. On our last evening in London after Mrs S. had left we ate at the small Italian restaurant that was run by Alberto, a charming gay who had many years before impressed Luke's fathers with his looks. Then we called in at a pub on the way back to the hotel and had a couple pints of a well known and rather nice beer from Yorkshire called 'Landlord'. I took out my BlackBerry and checked my E-mail. There was one from Brussels to say that I had been awarded a Young Scholar's Leonardo studentship for outstanding student work in Chemistry, tenable in any Italian University! So now Luke had to investigate what opera houses might offer him a job.