Toni's Awakening Pt. 02

REMEMBERING

In part one Toni is remembering the previous night when she and Carina made love on the sofa bed, tonight she is due to meet Carina again. This story however is told from the viewpoint of Carina who is remembering her first lesbian encounter.

Carina did not consider herself easily swayed. Years of living in foreign countries had exposed her to a wide variety of cultures. She came of age in Jordan and experienced life in Syria before the war and from the age of twenty one had travelled throughout Europe. Mostly she'd been on her own but sometimes she teamed up with a fellow traveller. Her friends back in Chicago had warned her about travelling alone in Europe, citing the movie Taken to prove their point. While Carina agreed that Albanian gangsters could be ruthless, so too were Chicago gangsters and you quickly acquired the ability to smell danger before it reached you. Carina could usually read people like a book, they gave much away with gestures and comments. People were unpredictable even at the best of times and Toni was certainly no different. Granted she'd seen some hint of attraction but last night had surprised her.

Carina stared out the window of her apartment as she recalled another seduction. Charlott had been her first girl on girl encounter and at first she'd been cautious around the older woman, conscious that she was far more experienced and sophisticated.

She'd met her in a bar in Berlin where the patrons were an eclectic mix of gays and straights, and although it had a pretty good vibe, she'd attracted the attention of a drunk American who caught her accent and seemed intent on catching her too. He bumped against her on the dance floor and she gave him one dance before heading for the bathroom to freshen up. She was tipsy and as she emerged from the cubicle to wash her hands and freshen up her eyes were drawn to the woman in the white shirt and tan shorts. She was talking to another woman while Carina was in the cubicle and although she spoke little German, Carina deduced that it wasn't just girl talk and this was confirmed when she took note of the woman's body language.

She was propped against the vanity with her hands resting on the bench and the girl facing her was running a hand up her sleeve. The woman seemed almost bemused by the gesture and then she turned to look at Carina and her eyes widened as she made her way to the vanity. Carina was aware that the woman was still looking at her as she washed her hands and then she turned back to the girl as Carina flicked the tap off and turned to dry her hands. She caught the sudden movement in the mirror as the girl went to slap her. The woman reacted in an instant, her hand snapped up and caught the girl's wrist and held it there. She said something that was inaudible to Carina due to the sound of the hand dryer and then she flung the wrist away. The girl took a step to one side, grabbed her handbag and stormed out of the bathroom.

A few moments later Carina turned away from the dryer to find the woman staring but not wanting to draw attention to herself, she opened her handbag and took out some lipstick.

"I am sorry about that," the woman spoke up.

"Hey, I'm cool," Carina smiled, "are you okay?"

"Ja, I am okay as you say but I think I hurt her wrist."

"That was some move," Carina glanced quickly at her as she started reapplying lipstick, "what was it all about?"

"You don't want to know," she replied, "I thought we were back together again but it seems the green ogre has arisen from the depths again. She saw me looking at you."

"Oh," Carina's eyes shifted, "sorry, do you want me to say something?"

"To her?"

The woman managed a crooked grin, "thank you but perhaps it is good it happened, I am Charlott by the way, and you are?"

"Carina," she applied a little more lipstick and puckered her lips, "and I'm straight."

"Hah, that will upset her," Charlott turned back to the mirror and took out her own lipstick, "it is the story of my life, I attract the wrong women all the time."

"And I attract the wrong men," she confessed.

"I saw the American coming onto you out there."

"That's why I'm in here," she put the lipstick away, "he heard my accent and decided our stars were aligned, it's a case of lust at first sight."

"So we have something in common?"

"Well there is that," Carina agreed, "but I'm still straight."

"You said that twice now," Charlott smiled crookedly.

Carina took a step back to study her. Charlott looked to be in her thirties but it was hard to tell with northern European women, they aged much more slowly it seemed. Her hair was dark brown and fell to just past her collar, framing an angular shaped face. It was hard to tell what colour her eyes were under the lights but she thought they were blue. She was about half a head taller than Carina and had a good figure.

"So, what do you do when you're not being attacked by jealous women?"

"I am a police officer," she replied, "I am off duty right now."

It was Carina's turn to smile now.

"A policewoman? You could be a model."

"Thank you," Charlott's smile deepened, "they did ask me to model for some promotional photos when I was younger, I did accept but then I fell and broke my wrist so they found a replacement."

"A shame," she replied.

"I thought so at the time but the woman who replaced me got hit on so many times by other policemen that I felt sorry for her," Charlott glanced at the door, "so what do you do when you are not propositioning policewomen?"

"Barmaid, I'm on a working holiday," she too eyed the door as it opened and three women filed in one after the other. They were speaking German and Charlott's eyes shifted as she stepped towards the door.

"I will buy you a drink?"

"Why not?" Carina smiled, "but it's just the drink," she added as they exited the bathroom.

"But of course," she replied.

Charlott was true to her word. It was just one drink and not long after she started talking with another woman and the next time Carina saw her, they were kissing. Eventually Charlott left with the woman. Carina felt slight relief mixed with regret as she downed her drink and prepared to leave. The woman had proved to be good company but this was probably the last time she'd see her unless...

Carina went back to that same bar two nights later on her night off, hoping to see Charlott but she wasn't there and so she bought a drink and retreated to a private booth where she could at least be left alone. She was halfway through texting a friend when someone placed a glass of schnapps on the table, she glanced up and the waitress nodded at a woman sitting at the bar.

"It is from a friend," she informed her.

The woman still hadn't turned around as Carina approached with the two drinks but she could see her face in the mirror and Charlott smiled as she raised her glass.

"You decided to join me."

"Yeah, I did," she slid onto the stool beside her, "thanks for the second drink but I'm still not going to sleep with you."

"Ah, mein Gott," she slapped her forehead, "what will it take to get into your pants?"

She stared at the schnapps and a playful grin nudged her lips.

"Three drinks?"

"No."

"Four?" Charlott held up four fingers.

Carina shook her head and Charlott stared at her.

"Five? Six?"

"Uh uh," Carina shook her head and stared at the mirror, "maybe ten or twelve though."

Charlott's eyes twinkled and Carina slapped her leg.

"Sorry, I'm just fucking with you."

"I love that saying," Charlott sighed, "I watch a lot of American tv shows, West Wing, Walking Dead and Homeland, but I do not watch cop shows except for Rizzoli and Isles but that is because I cannot decided between Angie and Sasha."

"I loved that show, I was heartbroken when it ended. Now Sasha is hot but I agree, it would be hard to choose between them both."

"So maybe you can have one and I will have the other, then we can compare war stories," Charlott raised her glass.

The sheer ridiculousness of the idea caused Carina to burst out laughing, startling a man who was making his way down the bar towards her.

"You're on," she watched the guy for a moment later and then put her hand on Charlott's leg, "do me a favour," she squeezed her leg, "pretend we are together."

Charlott looked past her at the man and then put an arm around Carina's shoulders and extended the middle finger in the universal sign of contempt. The man stopped in his tracks and then turned and walked away.

"Thanks," Carina glanced at her.

"You are welcome," Charlott dropped her hand and took another mouthful of schnapps.

A few moments later she looked down.

"You can let go of my leg if you want."

"Shit, sorry," Carina blushed and moved her hand.

"I am not offended," Charlott shrugged, "but you could have moved your hand further up."

***

And that was how it started Carina mused. That night had seen her get seriously drunk, to the point she actually stayed at Charlott's apartment, on the couch for the first part of that night. She awoke in the wee hours of the morning with the urge to pee and stumbled into the bathroom to find Charlott sitting on the toilet. The two women looked at each other and Carina rubbed her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were in here."

"It is my fault, I should have turned the light on, I always piss with the lights off."

"Why?" Carina found herself asking.

"I grew up in the east under Communist rule," she replied, "blackouts were common and we used to go to the toilet in the dark, now it is just a habit. You can turn the light on if you want."

"It doesn't bother me," she replied.

"Likewise."

But as she took her turn on the toilet she didn't ask Charlott to leave, it was almost comforting to have Charlott sitting on the edge of the bath while she emptied her bladder. It was only when she was washing her hands that the older woman rose and moved towards the door.

"Can I sleep with you in the bed tonight?"

Charlott stopped with her hand on the doorknob and glanced over her shoulder.

"Just the sleep?"

"Just to sleep, the couch is not so comfortable."

"It is good when you are too drunk but I agree, okay, you can sleep in the bed with me."

It certainly wasn't the first time she'd slept in the same bed as a woman, but tonight it felt a little different knowing her orientation. Charlott pulled the bedspread to one side and she slipped beneath it and laid on her back while the older woman arranged it over her.

"Gute Nacht," Charlott patted her shoulder.

"Good night," Carina pinched her nose and stared at the ceiling and a moment later she chuckled at the mirror ball hanging above her, "you have a disco ball, is that for your special ladies?"

"It was here when I moved in," Charlott rolled onto her back and looked up at it, "I nearly took it down but you are right, one of my old girlfriends loved it, so I left it there. Sometimes I turn the ball on, there is a light on that wall there," she pointed to a wall-mounted spotlight dangling from the ceiling, "it is nice some nights to just lie back and watch the patterns."

"Unless you're really drunk."

"Not a good idea," she agreed, "I did it once and had to run for the bathroom."

Carina giggled at that and Charlott glanced at her.

"It is funny now I think about it."

"That's not why I'm laughing," she shifted a little, "I'm just laughing because for years I used to lament the fact that I couldn't engage in you know... pillow talk, like with guys and here I am lying with a woman having pillow talk."

"I know that phrase," Charlott replied, "but we have not had sex."

What surprised Carina was that her reply took so long, enough time for Charlott to roll onto her side and look at her. She came out of her reverie and found herself staring up at the older woman.

"I know," she replied and then rolled onto her side and put her back to Charlott, "I'm going to sleep, good night, again."

Charlott said good night again, this time in English and also put her back against Carina, but it took a while for the younger woman to finally get to sleep. She was very conscious of her buttocks against her and at some point she actually rolled over to find Charlott sound asleep. She put one arm around her and tucked the other beneath a pillow and fell asleep within minutes.

Carina awoke to find she was alone in bed but a few moments later she heard music from the other room and when she sat up and looked down at herself she realised her clothes were in the other room. She was just about to get up when Charlott appeared in the doorway with her clothes.

"I have to go to work."

"So early?" Carina looked at the clock.

"They found a body in a park, I have to go and look at it while the forensics technicians do their thing," she put the clothes on the bed, "I am not sure how long I will be, one of my colleagues thinks the man is just an overdose victim. Will you be here when I get back?"

"Maybe, possibly," she squinted at the clock, "I have a shift at the bar but that doesn't start until midday, I'll be finished by eight."

"I will come by and pick you up? We could go out for dinner."

"What if you're working on this case?" Carina pulled the clothes closer to her.

"Police work is not like the movies," Charlott smiled, "it is why crime does not pay, there is another shift taking over from my shift and then another. The police department it never sleeps but criminals have to sleep some time."

"Okay," she looked past her, "it's a date."

It had occurred to her as she stepped under the shower in her own apartment about an hour or so later that saying it was a date might not be such a good idea but by the time she got to work some six hours later she'd become almost intrigued by the idea. What would it be like to go on an actual date with a woman?

As it turned out, the date was remarkably like going out with a straight woman. Charlott was good company despite her obvious flirting. She talked a bit of work but said little about the body in the park, only that, "we have still not ruled out other parties."

It was the first of several 'dates' although Carina was always careful to avoid leading Charlott on, it seemed both rude and dangerous. Granted, Charlott flirted with her but it was always in a joking manner and yet there were times when Carina used Charlott's sexual orientation to keep guys at bay when they were out together. It became something of a pattern over the next few weeks, and when Charlott called into her place of work she always made sure she had at least one drink with her and having her on the premises made her feel safer.

***

Carina's phone beeped and she squinted at the alarm, it was time to get ready for work and she shifted off the window seat and headed into her bedroom to choose a blouse for work but Charlott was still on her mind as she flicked through the blouses. She had been ambivalent about blouses in general before meeting Charlott. She liked a good blouse but Charlott had selections that were truly sophisticated, she had a fondness for satin and silk, and the designs ranged from pussybows through to double breasted blouses. It seemed almost at odds for one who spent her days and nights bringing criminals to justice but Charlott explained that she had her work life and her social life.

"When the wall came down my mother and I walked into West Berlin we were amazed at the mannequins in store windows, the first thing my mother bought me that month was a blouse and the second month she bought one for herself. I have always loved nice clothes but blouses are definitely eye catching. One of my ex girlfriends Mariette is a model, she and I connected over a mutual love of the humble blouse."

Charlott rarely spoke of life under Communist rule, only that it was hard. Nevertheless, it was thanks to Charlott's example that Carina had acquired a fondness for blouses, she always felt sexier in a blouse and over the last few years had collected a nice selection.

One garment in particular caught her eye and she plucked it out. At first glance it looked like the blouse worn by Meg Ryan in the movie When Harry Met Sally. She'd seen it in a second hand clothes store whilst out shopping with Charlott and bought it on impulse. It had the double buttons at the collar and a wide placket hiding the other buttons.

I wore it that night.

She smiled crookedly as she slid the hanger out. Her first time with a woman had been spontaneous and as she plucked a black skirt from another hanger she let her mind wander to that pub where she'd finally closed the gap between them and yet it nearly hadn't come off.

Initially she'd agreed to meet Charlott at a pub for a few drinks but then remembered that her flatmate, Anke had asked her to come to her opening night at a theatre. When Carina sent a text to Charlott, suggesting she meet up at the theatre, the older woman had been a little hesitant.

Charlott: What is the play?

Carina: Children of a Lesser God, I'm sorry, I totally forgot about it.

Charlott: I saw the film, it was okay.

Carina: We can go out for drinks afterwards, Anke will be going out with the cast so it's just you and me, and I don't have to work the next day.

And then she followed up with a selfie of herself in that blouse and the message.

Carina: Eighties look for an eighties play.

Charlott: You have convinced me, I will be at the theatre if you wear that. You look hotter than Meg Ryan.

If there was a moment in time Carina could pinpoint when she fell for Charlott it was that night when she stepped into the foyer of the theatre and spotted Charlott leaning against a counter. She was wearing a brown satin blouse with a mandarin collar and ruffled placket that was paired with a pair of black trousers. She looked truly beautiful and when she noticed Carina a crooked smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"You look beautiful," Carina ventured a minute or so later.

"I might say the same about you," Charlott reached out and tugged at the collar of her blouse, "you look good enough to eat."

Carina's only memory of the production was somewhat coloured by the movie version, which did have many changes but Charlott was able to appreciate it better because she'd seen the play many years ago.

"My mother took me to see the play, I fell in love with the woman playing Lydia so I suppose it was the first time I had admitted I had feelings for women but I was still developing," she looked down at herself momentarily.

"But by the time I was in my last year I knew I was gay."

Charlott looked at her phone a moment later.

"But we have been here an hour already and I have to work tomorrow."

"Can you give me a lift home?" Carina asked her, "seeing as I've spent my money on beer."

"Of course," Charlott shrugged.

However as Charlott pulled up outside the building half an hour later Carina felt a strange sadness at the thought of spending a night alone, well most of the night anyway. No doubt Anke would come back in the early hours of the morning and in that instant she stepped out into the unknown as she turned and looked at Charlott and pulled a crooked grin.

"If you let me stay the night I'll make you breakfast in bed."

Charlott seemed to consider this for a few moments and then shrugged and released the handbrake and nudged the accelerator.

"We have a deal."

***

Had it been that easy? Carina started undoing the buttons on the blouse. Logic put it down to a few too many drinks. She'd certainly been tipsy but then again she had been far more inebriated on previous dates with Charlott and never went that far. In hindsight it had been the last few weeks that finally led to sex. In that time she'd turned down several men at work and at least two of them she actually liked, but always at the back of her mind was Charlott, the woman who openly dated her without pushing her to go all the way. Did the older woman find her attractive or was she just being friendly? Nevertheless, going back to her apartment was a no brainer. Deep down she was curious but alcohol had certainly played its part, the social lubricant gave her a little more courage to take the next step and yet it took her by surprise when she kissed Charlott good night. It was the first time she'd kissed the older woman and Charlott's eyes shifted slightly.