Top 12 Signs Your Lesbian Erotica

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...was written by a dude.
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Top Twelve Signs Your Lesbian Erotica Was Written by a Dude:

1. The first piece of information you learn about the object of affection is her boob size, generally in direct comparison to the heroine's. Both are still at least a cup size that's a failing letter grade.

2. Rather than explain to you why such an attractive lesbian is single, he explains why such an attractive woman is gay. Also, she must indicate by word or deed a continuing interest in at least occasional straight sex and why that's of such great importance to her.

3. Not content to allude to M(+)/F(+) as needed by the storyline, he writes full straight sex scenes. If and when confronted in comments, he will argue that there's more gay sex in the story than straight or that graphic and frequently brutal/rapine sex is a key contrasting point to what he can only imagine lesbian sex to be. You are as convinced as you would be by a chef who tells you that there's more chocolate than tuna in the brownies he made or that canned and mostly rotted tuna is a key contrasting point to the chocolate.

4. Characters can be tomboys, punkish, athletic, or dominating, but they cannot be in any way masculine. Their dialogue, however, all sounds as though they woke up female for the first time that very day, causing them to become surprised by and consequentially have to reason through any and all seemingly unfamiliar emotional or physical reactions to common stimuli.

5. At some point, a woman's clitoris is "sucked like a miniature cock."

6. The entire story actually makes much more sense if you replace "boobs" and "nipples" with balls, "clit" with dick, "pussy" with asshole, and "g-spot" with prostate, then read it as gay male porn. (This is frequently coupled with a very tenuous grasp of female anatomy on the part of the author in general, so he'll occasionally add clitoral/anal sex or something similar that makes no physical sense if the characters involved are human women.)

7.The liberal use of exclamation points, juvenile dialogue, and fixation titillation makes you imagine fan service anime or even Tex Avery cartoons instead of actual women.

8. He chooses the first day of a significant long-term undertaking for the protagonist - like her first day as an intern, roommate, student, teammate, or salesperson - and very explicitly explains how already nervous she is and how much the opportunity means to her. Then a stranger she should absolutely avoid becoming involved with - like a colleague, roommate, professor, teammate, or client - ignites within her a heretofore unknown desire for her own sex that bypasses any initial confusion or reservation about the unexpected feelings. Without consulting her better judgment, talking about her sudden shift in sexual identity, or considering how awkward or plain ruined her future may be if the impulse ends badly, she immediately places herself in such a way that she will be seduced. (The object of her lust will automatically be a predatory lesbian willing to ignore any consequences of her end to seduce the neophyte.)

9. The protagonist becomes involved with a porn star.

10. His favorites include a great deal of mother/son incest. (I don't know why, but lesbian sex and mother/son sex seem to overlap in lots of favorites lists. It's not a bad thing, just really curious to me because I don't understand the connection. Any ideas?)

11. Orgasms are tallied in groups rather than achieved individually.

12. If it's first time lesbian sex for one or both partners, the new lesbian(s) immediately leave the bed of the initial lover - with whom was forged a deeply romantic bond over their one day relationship - to go seduce as many more women as possible to be new homosexual recruits, as though lesbianism were a doomsday cult or a pyramid scheme always seeking new members.

Note: These are just common irritatingly irrational trends I've found as a reader in the Lesbian Sex category. Many of the male writers on Lit write far and away better lesbian sex stories than I do and this list is not intended to apply to them.

Sometimes some of the signs I've mentioned are skillfully woven into some crazy, sexy, cool stories. When they're, you know...not, I'll usually click away after seeing one or two signs that the story isn't meant for me. It's only because women aren't the target audience though, they may still be great stories for the men they're written to entertain.

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Polly_DollyPolly_Dolly10 months ago

Well shit, I figured all these stories were written by dudes…

Kidding! For all you literalists.

Really some pretty trenchant commentary in that piece.

Starburst8865Starburst886511 months ago

Does it really matter if the story was written by a guy... or "dude" as you call it? "Dude" usually refers to white/caucasian male, but you might just mean any male?

I think the story should be judged by how well it's written and it has fetishes/kinks and stuff that you, the reader, likes. Not judge it based on the genitals of the writer.

Just because you enjoy or even masturbate to a lesbian story written by a male author, doesn't mean you're having sex with the author. I personally do not care of the gender of the author, but rather just if the story is good or not. If I like a story, I'm not going to suddenly change my mind and not like it just because it was written by a guy.

AnonymousAnonymous12 months ago

Agree with most of that. Here, have some signs that stories were written by a lesbian:

- Straight men don't exist in the world, their characters aren't fleshed out or they are bigots, sexists, insert trope here

- Straight women don't exist in the world or aren't fleshed out at all.

- Every single woman who has ever had sex with both sexes saw the light with women. Coping for some bi-curious inflicted trauma, are we?

- Every woman in the protagonist's circle of friends is stunningly beautiful, no woman is ever average or even ugly.

- protag and LI fall madly and completely in love in a matter of hours/days. Uhaul much?

- Excessive focus on sexual technique instead of what actually makes sex great (lesbian or straight) which is psychology embedded in trust and intimacy.

- Insistence that indiscriminate promiscuity is not bad for you (for your mental health, your ability to compromise, and so forth) Strongly correlated to the prior point...

- A hyperfeminine protagonist gets in a confrontation with a male cardboard cutout villain and threatens him with violence (Seriously, watch commentary by female UFC fighters on the subject. You're being exceptionally naive. Don't ever square up with a dude, it'll end badly for you)

- LIs are only submissive and shy when they were somehow damaged in their past

- All women in the story are college educated and financially solid except for the subby LI. Apparently, all lesbians who work in low-paying occupations are submissive damsels in distress in dire need of saving.

- Women in general and lesbians specifically are constantly being bullied by evil men. Women don't bully ever? Really? You girls must have lived some sheltered life if that's been your experience.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

I am a male, and I have been with many women in my life. Was married and had sex with women of all ages. I have a problem believing that women will write stories about lesbian sex and almost all of the participants will always gush huge amounts of "Come", splashing and soaking their faces, bed, and that the "Come" is thick hot and White.! That is pure BS. How this fallacy has invaded the stories here is beyond reality and has me thinking that very few women have written these stories. If women "Gushed" huge amounts of so called "Come" all over their beds, making messes that have to be cleaned up, there would not be any couples or marriages that lasted. Every woman I have been with, with the exception of one, never Gushed out Come, and only one released a little squirt of urine due to a control issue. Fantasy should not be confused with reality. If a pussy discharge is white and thick, it is most likely a yeast infection and that is not pleasant tasting or smelling.!

LilkahunaLilkahunaabout 1 year ago

You are too smart for your own good. Howeve,r as a male who enjoys good lesbian stories, I can almost always tell when one is written by a man...and I don't like it. Your observations are very good but also very funny. Why did you give up submitting stories? Too many of my favorite authors have disappeared the last few years. Covid?

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