Trust

Dinner with Laurie was interesting since we'd never had the opportunity to sit down and talk before. We talked about our personal lives and she told me that she was from the Finger Lake region of New York State where she was born and raised. She'd received her undergraduate degree from Cornell and had gone onto the Wharton School of Business in Pennsylvania. Her parents still lived back in New York and she went home once a year, usually at Christmas, for a visit. She did have someone she dated but they weren't exclusive. She was waiting for mister right to come along.

Since being apprised of her age, I think I was unconsciously more aware of her as a woman and not as a young girl. Anyway, we did have a very nice evening together. She'd already been made aware of my marital status by Maureen so we didn't have to dwell on that issue too long. When we parted at the end of the evening I think I began to realize I could fall for her if I weren't already committed to Lynn. I decided to keep our relationship on a friendly professional basis until I worked out some things in my mind.

When I'd been with Maureen before the birth of her baby I'd been entertaining thoughts about expanding our relationship, but now I had the same trust issues about her as I did about Lynn. How could those two women succumb so easily to another man? In both cases they were caught and faced with the consequences of their actions. Lynn could lose me and our marriage and Maureen would have to live for the rest of her life with what she did to the memory of the man she loved. It saddened me to think about it and I didn't know how to resolve it. I decided I couldn't do anything until I resolved my issues with Lynn. I'd already established some criteria for continuing our marriage in our separation agreement, so I would have to go along with that for now. That meant cooling it with Maureen and Laurie until I knew how my marriage was going to turn out.

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The next two weeks I continued at the office, and also spent time with Maureen. Her mother had arrived and taken charge so Maureen could rest and recover from the birthing. I was also going out to lunch with Laurie quite frequently and we got along well. I was getting the feeling that she wanted something more from me, but I held to my original thought about trying to make a go of my marriage first.

Lynn and I conversed most evenings and she kept me updated on her progress with the psychologist. The lie detector tests had indicated she told the truth that she'd only been with Ralph the one time and that she had never had been unfaithful to me with anyone else. I wasn't surprised by this revelation. She told me the psychologist would give his preliminary evaluation report at the end of the month.

Maureen's lover came home and he was informed about the paternity issue with the baby. Maureen said he took it well and indicated his willingness to help support and raise the child. He quickly became a fixture at Maureen's condo; visiting often to see his son.

I'd met Darren and he seemed like a nice enough guy but I wondered about someone who could seduce his best friends wife while she was vulnerable. Of course, being vulnerable or drunk like Lynn was no excuse for allowing him access to her body either, I thought.

I began to do more soul searching.

What about Lynn? Her only excuse was she'd been tired and had too much to drink. What the hell; who can you trust?

If I fell in love with Laurie and married her, could I trust her any more than Maureen and Lynn? Would she catch the seven year itch and cheat on me? Hell, I wouldn't even trust myself. I've traveled on business, and would I turn down a piece if it was thrown in my face while I was away from home? I didn't think so.

Then I began to realize that being faithful required a conscious effort to be faithful. It's up to the individual to recognize that the vows or commitments we make to another person are meaningful and do much to sustain a long term relationship. Maybe this is my moment of clarity and it will help me make a decision regarding my marriage.

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EPILOGUE - Ten years later.

It was quiet at home for a change. The kids were in bed and my wife was talking with her mother on the phone in the kitchen. I was sitting in my Lazy-Boy watching TV. ESPN was reviewing highlights of the French Open currently playing in Paris. Federer had advanced in straight sets to the finals, as anticipated as well as Nadal; they'd be matched up for the championship.

I heard my wife sign-off and she came into the room and sat on the couch.

"Mother says daddy is retiring next year. He wants her to think about traveling and where she'd like to go. I told her to think about Hawaii or maybe even Fiji."

"What's the matter with Cancun? That's where we went for our second honeymoon. We had a pretty good time there."

Yes, I know; some readers are going to be put out that I got back together with Lynn. However, I decided after our period of adjustment called out in the separation agreement that she would be the best long term choice. We'd both been badly burned by the affects of her infidelity and I knew she was truly penitent for her actions. I could forgive her but, of course, I could never forget. It was a little cloud that would hang over our marriage for a long time, but I was sure she would never allow something like that to happen again. I know I was a lot more careful after that about not getting into a situation that would require the little head to make decisions for the big head. Lynn never drank alcohol again. When we went out she only drank diet soda and was careful to always keep me informed as to her whereabouts and what she was doing. We re-established a relationship of trust and love over time that held us together, and eventually we decided to have the family we both wanted.

Her psychologist had told her that Ralph was a womanizer and he was keyed to a woman's emotional needs. At the time she was emotionally involved with trying to decide whether she was willing to put up with the discomfort, pain and responsibility of having a child or continue her career. He flattered her, and with the help of alcohol to reduce her inhibitions and distort her decision making, had her convinced that her career was more important. By concentrating on her career it de-emphasized the importance of her marriage.

Maureen married Darren. They dated and eventually decided to wed. Having a baby together must have had something to do with it, but I wondered whether that would be enough to overcome the tragedy of their betrayal. It must have been true love because the last I heard they had another child and she decided that being a mother was more important than being a vice-president.

Laurie found Mr. Right and eventually gained the vice-president job that Maureen decided to forgo. The last I heard she'd not had any children.

I know some are going to be disappointed with the ending, but as another author has noted, you sometimes write the ending when you get to the end.