U-N-I Ch. 12

Then we stopped playing and didn't finish the song as we felt it sounded good enough and started talking to each other about what song to play next.

Rob smiled and turned to the fans watching us as he spoke into the mic, "So, you're watching us. This is how we actually work together. Pretty boring, uh? We'll play the rest of the song eventually."

"Yeah, tonight around nine. Don't go anywhere!" Jordan added jokingly.

They grinned widely at us and we talked some more about the sound check. I switched guitar. Rob was handed another acoustic guitar in a different tuning to play "Yellow" and we discussed tuning with the roadies.

Once we were ready to start playing, Rob turned to me and asked,

"Ready, babe?" which made the girls present scream bloody murder.

We looked at them in bewilderment, wondering what was happening.

"What did I say?" Rob asked with a laugh, "Babe?" I don't think he'd even realized.

They screamed again.

"Oh my god, you're gonna go freaking nuts if I kiss him!" he laughed and actually walked over to me, placed his arm around my shoulder and his hand to the side of my face as he brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back with a slight smile, making the girls scream some more.

He pulled back and spoke in his mike,

"Now that we got 'that' out of way, let's play!" he joked as he gave me one more kiss.

He went back to the center of the stage and we started playing 'Yellow' in a upbeat manner. We wanted the first songs of the show to get the crowd excited and as into the gig as they could possibly get.

At the end of the song, Rob jumped up and down,

"Alright, now, I'm really starting to wake up!"

We rehearsed a good number of songs for over two hours, making sure everything was perfect and ready, including the one with Rihanna, who had arrived around four, and genuinely seemed really excited to be here. Rob and her rehearsed the song just once, singing quite demurely and trying not to get too into it, but I knew they were both planning on singing it with a lot more passion once in front of the audience, and I had to admit, I couldn't wait to see this! They were both great entertainers and very much capable of making it look pretty hot and sexy.

When we were finally finished, a little after five, we went down into the pit to meet the fans who were eagerly waiting to talk to us. I always loved that part. It was brilliant to talk to them, and well, receiving praise for our hard work was always wonderful. We thanked them for coming, signed autographs, hugged the girls, and talked to them for quite a while about everything and anything.

At some point, Rob started talking to one of the guys and exclaimed,

"Hey, aren't you the one who's done covers of our songs on Youtube?"

"Yeah, that's me!" he smiled self-consciously.

Rob nodded,

"I knew your face was familiar. I've watched your covers, you actually sing "The scientist" better than me!" he joked.

"I don't think that's true, but thank you. It's massive to hear that from you!" he answered shyly but quite proud of himself as well.

They talked for a moment about his covers and I heard Rob say to him,

"You should try to write your own songs for that beautiful voice."

All of them congratulated Rob and me for coming out, especially two guys, for whom it seemed to have meant a lot. We talked a bit with them, finding out that coming out had been very difficult for them. It seemed like we had actually made a difference in their lives, and helped improve their relationship with their friends and families. What more could we ask? As stressful as it had been for us to take the plunge, knowing it had had a positive impact on people's lives was very rewarding.

"Mark," I heard someone say excitedly and I turned around to see who was calling out my name.

"Hey, you made it," I exclaimed as I saw my sister rapidly walk over to me, with a backpack on her shoulders, she was a cute nineteen-year-old. I liked her,

"Yeah, my plane's just landed. I jumped into a taxi and came here right away"

"That's great! I'm so glad you're here!" I said, as I gave her a hug.

"Me, too. I didn't wanna miss it," she said, slightly out of breath.

She said hi to the guys and as she came back over to me, she rubbed my arm up and down to get my attention. I looked at her and she smiled slightly before her expression turned serious,

"Uh, Mark," she said, "there's something I need to ask you."

"Yeah?"

"You might not like it," she said with apprehension in her voice.

"Why not?" I asked a bit worried.

"I didn't come here alone... I'm here with Thomas." she whispered shyly, as if she thought I was going to get mad at her, "He's waiting outside, at the backstage entrance; they wouldn't let him in cuz his name wasn't on the list."

"What?" I exclaimed. "He's here with you?"

"Yeah... Please, don't be mad!" she pleaded.

"I'm not mad. But why would he come?" I asked, a bit taken aback, and yeah sure as hell I was mad.'

"Because, believe or not, he's changed. I think he really feels bad for how he treated you. He just wants to talk to you. Please, can we go and let him in? And if you don't want to talk to him, then at least, listen to what he's gotta say."

"Is everything good here?" Jordan asked, as he had heard bits of our conversation.

"Thomas is here," I told him.

"Thomas? Your brother?" he asked. "What the hell is he doing here?" Jordan asked Amy.

"He wanted to come with me tonight. And he wants to talk to Mark, and apologize."

"Apologize?" Jordan chuckled, "Really?" he said skeptically. "He's got some nerve! You could've asked before showing up here with him."

"I know, I'm sorry. But I knew you wouldn't want to see him," she repeated.

"Well, you got that right, we don't!" Jordan exclaimed. "Mark doesn't need this tonight!"

"Oh, please guys. It's important to me. You're not gotta let him stand outside the whole concert?"

"Why the hell not?" Jordan said, "He kicked Mark out of your house more than once."

"Look, I know what he did to him, I was there," she said to him.

"Amy, do you realize how important tonight is for us, for the audience?" Jordan asked. "You couldn't find a better time to show up with Thomas?"

"But... he's got good intentions, I swear. Mark, he's our brother, don't you want to try and make up with him?"

I didn't have to think about it very long before I answered,

"I'm not sure I want to, no."

Amy knew about our father not being my biological father. She had called me one day and at some point during a conversation about our parents, I just felt the need to tell her.

She sighed,

"I was pretty mad at him too, you know, I thought he was so much like dad. But he's changed! I told you before how he's really making an effort so that we'd get along better. And now he wants to make up with you. Please, just give him a chance," she said as she begged me with her eyes.

"Oh, come on Amy," Jordan told her, "Why do you think he's here in the first place. Because we're successful? Because after all, his brother and his friends might not be such losers? What does he want out of this?"

"That's not what this is. I think he's just really proud of you."

"Oh really? Did he say that?" I asked, unconvinced.

"No," she shrugged her shoulders. "but he doesn't need to say it. Why wouldn't he be? You know Mark, a lot of people in this family are very proud of you," she told me, as if I really needed to realize that.

"Too little, too late." I snapped.

"You have more people on your side than you think. Claire and Sam would really love to see you again, and Don, and Mary..." they were cousins, aunts and uncles, "Not everyone thinks like Dad. I know it's been hard for you, but you could have a family if you really wanted one. Even mum's proud of you. She said to me she'd always known you'd do something amazing with your life. I think she just doesn't know how to fix things with you, but I know for sure she feels terrible."

"Some things just cannot be fixed." I told her, but I couldn't deny that I was a bit fazed by that.

Maybe the time had come for me to go back to Dublin and to actually step into that house again. The guys had gone back home several times, even Rob, but I had always refused to go with them. I did go to Dublin with them several times, but stayed in a hotel and didn't go back into our neighbourhood. I did have my mother on the phone a few times after we left home and moved to London, just to let her know how I was doing, but the conversation was always short, unconfortable and desperately lacked sentiment.

Amy nodded,

"Mark, please. At least, let him in."

I sighed,

"Damn, I'm gonna regret this. Fine, let's go."

"Mark, what's going on?" Rob called, he could tell we were having an agitated conversation with Amy, but he was also talking to at least six of our fans at once, and I could tell they didn't want him to go anywhere.

" Nothing, I'll explain later." I said to him.

"Thomas is here," Jordan said in a loud whisper.

"What? What the fuck is he doing here?" Rob exclaimed.

"I'm going with him!" Jordan said to Rob.

"Are you serious?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, you might be too nice to kick his ass!" he said to me.

"Hey, I'm a big boy. I can handle him. And I may hate him, but I'm not a jerk. And I kinda wanna know what he's gotta say."

"Yeah, I wanna know what he's gotta say too. And I wouldn't mind kicking some ass. It'd calm my nerves," he said jokingly.

I sighed,"

Fine, whatever."

I went to talk to someone from security so that they'd give me a pass for him and we went to the backstage entrance.

"Here, you can let him in," I said to the security guard as I showed him the pass.

I looked over at Thomas. He had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him, he looked older and more mature. Man, he even looked friendly.

"Thanks," he said, ill-at-ease.

"Yeah, well, you're not welcome," I muttered.

He glanced at me, then at Amy and Jordan and back at me. He was fidgeting a little and he looked uncomfortable. I could tell he didn't know what to say, or how to start the conversation, but we weren't going to make it any easier for him.

Damn, he looked so grown-up. I hadn't seen him in so long. He was twenty-six now. I had to admit that seeing him again was difficult. It was bringing back memories of how he had mentally and physically hurt me when we were kids. And maybe Jordan was right, I really didn't need this tonight. Getting ready to go on stage was about making the concert great for everyone present, and that meant forgetting your own issues to deliver a great show. Having to deal with this only three hours before stepping on stage was not going to make it easier to just let go and do what I had to do.

I just watched him and he spoke first,

"Amy told me she was coming to your concert tonight, and, well, I've wanted to talk to you for a while... so, well...here I am ..."

"Alright, I'm listening!" I said, a bit nastily.

He looked at me in the eye, a bit troubled with my tone of voice. He knew Amy had told me that he wanted to apologize, so he probably thought I'd make things easier for him.

"I knew you wouldn't want to see me... which I understand. I've tried to call you, but I dunno, it's not, it's not easy. Look I'm sorry, okay?" he said, in a way that made it sound like he thought this would be enough.

"You're sorry?" I repeated incredulously, "That's all you've gotta say? You're sorry." I said nastily. "You can't just show up here and except me to forgive and forget. Not after everything you've done and said to me."

He looked down as he shook his head,

"This was a bad idea."

"You're gonna need to say a lot more than 'I'm sorry', cause right now, I thoroughly hate you. So unless you have anything else to say to me, I've got better things to do! Enjoy the show!"

I told him angrily and walked away, Jordan following me. I was still so mad at him. He was making an effort alright, and he was trying to apologize, fair enough! But he wasn't saying the things I wanted to hear, the things I needed to hear. I still had too much anger inside me to accept a simple 'sorry'.

"Dammit, listen to yourself," he said loudly, "why are you so angry? You won't even try!"

I stopped and turned around. I couldn't believe him,

"If you don't know why I'm angry, then we really don't have anything left to say each other!"

"Come on, I flew all the way from Dublin to talk to you,"

"Oh wow!" Jordan spat at him, "You spent an hour in a plane. Hope it wasn't too much trouble! Jeez, you're such a prick!"

"Guys, please," Amy pleaded as she saw how her attempt to heal the breach between the two of us was pathetically failing and the conversation was turning into a dead end.

"Amy, I'm sorry," I calmly said as I shook my head, "I know you want this to go well, but I can't...."

"Fucking hell, Mark," Thomas said, "I'm not here to make things worse!"

"So what are you here for?" Jordan snapped at him, "Do we need to refresh your memory? All the name calling, all the bullying..."

"No, you don't!!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, "But don't you ever say stuff you don't really mean?"

Jordan and I both looked at each other with a bewildered expression. I turned to Thomas and replied,

"Not that kind of stuff, no!"

"Hey, man, you're still my brother, even if..." he didn't finish his sentence, but I knew Amy had told him, "I don't think you're worthless. I was just a stupid kid."

"Are you okay with him being gay?" Jordan asked, challenging him a little, knowing he was on the homophobic side.

He looked up and chuckled a little,

"I don't know, I guess!"

"Oh come on, Thomas, we all know you're an homophobic son of a bitch, don't pretend!"

"I am not! I can try to understand, but I can't say I don't find it unnatural and weird that you're fucking a guy, but hey, that's your life!"

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes,

"How do you even expect us to work things out if you think like that, like him," I said.

"I'm not like him!" he exclaimed, "I hear some of the stuff he says about you, and you know what, I just don't agree with him. He's just so spiteful..... I know all the shit I put you through, but in the past few months, since Amy told me... I've come to realize how much I must have hurt you, and... really man, I'm sorry! I'm really not the dickhead you think I am. When we were kids, I was acting like I thought I was supposed to act or something. Dad was always on my side, it was easy to take it out on you all the time."

I tried to contain my anger as I told him,

"You've made my childhood miserable. You hurt me just as much as he did. I don't care how much you apologize. It won't erase anything."

"I know all that," he said insistently. "but I'm still sorry! You know I've got a kid now. He's one year old." he sighed deeply before saying, "What he did to you, it was just fucking wrong. And I'm sorry you had to go through that. And I'm sorry I made it worse."

For the first time, he actually sounded sincere, and I honestly hadn't expected him to ever take the first step. I knew he wasn't as closed-minded as my parents were, but it was still a surprise to see him make an effort like that.

"Well, I hear you! But right now, I don't know what to do with that," I told him sincerely.

"I know. But I really am sorry," he said sincerely again before adding, "You've done well for yourself!"

"Yeah, pisses you off, doesn't it?" Jordan said to him quite proudly, Thomas looked away as he slightly shook his head in exasperation.

"Excuse me," a security guard said as he came over to us, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're about to open the doors now. You can't stay here. You need to get backstage, like right now," he ordered.

"Yeah, I know, we won't be long." I answered.

"Thanks," he said and walked away.

"Tell him," Thomas said to Amy, almost whispering.

"We don't have enough time now," she replied.

"Tell him what?" Jordan asked, because I remained quiet, wondering what they were talking about.

Amy took a deep breath and spoke,

"We've confronted mum," she said, looking at me apologetically, "I'm sorry, I know you didn't want her to know that you knew, but..."

"Fuck, Amy, seriously?!" I exlaimed.

"We had to!" she said again in an apolegetical manner.

"And????" Jordan asked her, very curious to know how it had played out.

Amy shrugged,

"She wouldn't say much. She kinda shut herself off. We weren't able to get much out of her, she was crying and all, but..."

"But...?" Jordan insisted because she wasn't talking fast enough.

"She removed her backpack from her shoulders and searched for something in the front pocket.

"She gave us these for him, that's all she had," she told Jordan, handing him a closed envelope. "three pictures of him."

"Fuck!" Jordan said, as surprised as I was.

"She doesn't know anything about him. I don't think she's lying. She doesn't even have his last name or anything. He was just a guy on holiday with some of his mates in the campsite where they were staying. You do look a lot like him," she added.

"D'you wanna look at them?" Jordan asked me, handing the envelope over to me. I could tell he was dying to open it, but he didn't.

"Not now." I replied hesitantly, seriously not ready for this, as I grabbed the envelope and placed it in my back pocket.

The security came back over to us,

"You really need to go back backstage now, please!" he ordered again, with more insistence this time.

I glanced at Thomas hesitantly, and then at Amy. Thomas understood.

"Hey, I don't expect you to invite me backstage. I just wanted a few minutes to talk to you.... Well... that's done!"

"I know I was supposed to stay at your place," Amy started saying, "but then, Thomas booked a hotel room for the two of us."

"Alright, that's fine. Amy, you can go up to the VIP section if you want to. You should meet a few celebrities that you like."

"Holy shit, oh my god!" she beamed, placing her hand over her mouth, she turned to Thomas and asked pleadingly as she grabbed his arm excitedly, "Can I go?"

"Of course you can go," he responded, "Who do you think I am, your father?"

"You can go with her, Thomas, I don't give a shit what you do!" I said to him.

Jordan chuckled as he looked at me."You're too nice!"

"Well, Amy's gonna love it!"

"Yeah, come with me, please," she begged and obviously he agreed.

She smiled brightly and came closer to me to give me a hug,

"I'm sorry I just showed up like that with Thomas, but I didn't know what else to do. And about the pictures, I know it's not a good time, I hope you won't let it get to you."

I shook my head, no. I was too excited to let anything ruin the show for me! And despite everything, I was glad this conversation had taken place.

"Good. I feel better. I can't wait to see you guys live again!" she said with a smile.

I asked them to follow me up to the VIP area and had their names added to the list. I left them there and went backstage.

The whole crew was having dinner around a buffet and I joined Rob and Dylan who were already eating and talking together. Damon and Jordan were getting themselves food so I went to get myself a plate as well.

When I sat down at the table, Dylan asked me,

"So, how did it go with Thomas?"

"He fucking apologized!" I exclaimed.

"Wow! Never too late to stop being a dickhead!" he said.

We talked about the conversation we had with him for a moment, not mentioning the pictures. Jordan almost did, but he saw in the way I looked at him that it was better not to for now. We were nearly done having dinner when Rachel and Taylor, who was there with Jordan, sat down at the table.

Rachel sat next to me and looked at me with a frown,