UCAC Ch. 05

Who knows when I'd feel like myself again. Hell, thinking back on it, I didn't want to feel the way I felt before any of this shit, either. I wanted to feel new, just didn't know where to start, though. Seriously, who wanted to fester on why they were miserable but the simple fact of the matter was that we humans are fragile creatures with delicate ways of dealing with things. And when these ways shatter and it becomes evident that we're not indestructible, it requires as thorough a reevaluation on who and what we are as possible.

Despite the dressings of the cybernetic flight-capable armor, underneath it were us humans... Maybe I took it all for granted. I did, for a while, thinking I was invincible. It was when people started to die around me, I realize we're made out of meat which ya know, can be shot, cut up, seasoned and cooked. The thing was though, I made the realization we could die and took so many precautions but still, someone died... Maybe I just had shit for luck...

Sitting here in this seat for hours though, eh, I was fine with it but Malcolm, not so much. Like a child with an attention deficit this order, he paced and prowled around the ship, looking for something to do. He wanted to break the silence but I probably was looking all kinds of 'not wanting to be bothered right now'. In all honesty, I had calmed down considerably since the rampage earlier. I mean, I was still very upset, but in an out of control rage? No... It then dawned on me, he and I were alone on this ship for the next six hours!! My stomach fluttered at the thought.

He disappeared up the stairs of the airship for a long while. He came back down, nervously looking over at me.

"Denver?" He said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"General Aquil wants to speak to you." He said, heading back up the stairs. Sighing, I walked over to the stairs, ascending them. We entered the conference space where a virtual live feed was set up. I stood before the camera.

"How are you, Denver?" He asked. I didn't get the point of the question.

"Fine..." I shrugged.

"I wanted to talk about your little friend." General said.

"Liam?" I asked. He gave a long pause, sighing.

"No, Jarvis..."

"Wow..." I sighed, jostling where I stood.

"You must know he's... very like you in many ways. He saw his parents die from a young age, had to survive on his own for a long while much like you and face many of the same issues you had to face. Lucky for you, you managed to get past them in your late teen years while Jarvis is still very much haunted by his past. I'm not trying to justify your angst against him, I just want you to see the reason why he is the way he is." General sighed.

"I mean, I figured he was...something was wrong with him but the last thing I want to hear is a correlation between he and I." I said, truly feeling my stomach twist into knots of disgust.

"We interviewed him due to his request of wanting the highest level of punishment for you, simply to give him gratification and he um...let's just say we deem it necessary to give him a psychiatric evaluation. He said he was trying to get closer to the team because he felt he distanced himself and started to read each one of your detail sheets and saw that you and he had a very similar 'upbringing'. So, he started to gain a little soft spot for you and was appalled that you attacked him. As I said to you before, Jarvis is a very complicated person and his tendency to mix the truth with lies so seamlessly has us all worried. I don't think he's fit to be a Cyber Winger so I'm making sure he has a mental health evaluation." The General continued. He seriously was beating around the bush.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I asked plainly, wanting him to get to the point.

"Because, I don't know what part is truth and I need your help to discern it. Has Jarvis taken any interest in you lately, trying to hold conversations of any kind?" The General asked.

"Sure... He's been trying hard to wedge himself in the midst of our relationships on the team and it was so sudden and out of the blue, I don't know... I just wanted him away from me." I said.

"So this tidbit may be true. Do you know his sexuality or anything that he could be struggling deep down with?" I asked.

The memories of the the sexual assault Jarvis inflicted upon me lurked close to the surface. It was something I wanted laced from my memories forever. I just shook my head.

"No." I responded.

"Tisk... this is gonna be tough to cover up." The general sighed, full of frustrations, "I just hate there were so many witnesses. We can't sweep this under the rug so easily, Denver. We have nothing to build this case against him either..."

"I'm sorry for that aspect... That's the thing about Jarvis. He always leaves destruction in his wake but you'll never find a trail to link him to it in totality. That's what I was trying to get you to understand all along and now look what happened." I said, arms folded.

"You don't think I know that? I knew Jarvis was treacherous the moment he was enlisted. I feared the same for you! Both of you have undeniable potential and the same issues. Your issues just come to the surface in different ways because you two are very, very different people with two very different ways of dealing with losses. With you Denver, you fight...you put your all into it so you won't have to face destruction again. At the same time, it leaves you feeling less than complete, like you are not living life. Jarvis is different. He feels that the only thing he has left...is himself and he'd be damned if that's lost. So he sneaks and connives his way into places of security...by any means necessary. He's afraid..." The General said, full of sympathy.

"And you're telling me this because?" I asked, truly not caring.

"Denver, stop being so difficult and listen! Now I must be a caretaker for all my men and even though Jarvis has done some wicked things, he's no exception. One day, whether you like it or not, you will be sitting right here! Who knows, maybe in a seat greater? My point is that I know people. I can tell when someone is not telling me something, when someone is harboring something. You most definitely are. I'm going to need you to put all angst aside and think for the greater good when I ask you this question again. Is there anything that you know that can help me build a case against Jarvis? It'd be for your benefit in the long run."

"No..." I said continuing to lie. I knew I was wrong but didn't care. I just wanted to stop being reminded of my losses and Jarvis was the biggest reminder.

"Eh, I guess I'll tell him you told us the entire truth and see what we can leach out of him..." I sighed.

"Be careful what you may learn. Lying to get the truth results in a very bizarre truth." I advised. General Aquil looked at me intently, knowing I was lying through the grit of my teeth. He said nothing of it though.

"Interesting advice from you... I want weekly reports from you, Captain. You're still under my command." The General said. I nodded, giving the weakest grin of my life.

"Will heed." I said. The video feed cut out, leaving me with nothing to do and again, alone to this wicked mind of mine.

"OK," Malcolm began, warranting a sudden turn around from me, "What the fuck happened in there? I mean in the dome?"

"Basically, Jarvis let one of our good men get taken out when all he had to do was open his mouth. There was about twenty or so seconds of reaction space where he could have uttered something...a word. It's the second time he let someone die..." I said, walking back down the stairs.

"I mean," Malcolm said following me, "Did it really warrant that volatile of a reaction?"

"It felt right at the time but I promised him that I'd fuck him up if someone else got hurt and I kept my promise. For that I have no remorse. I mean, I failed to keep my word on keeping Liam safe and..." I said, sighing.

"I see. You and Liam must were really close?" He asked.

"Kind of, but not really. Since it's just me and you, I'll tell you. Liam was gay, struggled a bit with his parents as well as many other things at the base and I was guiding him through it..." I explained, leaning against the window. I looked at the billowing clouds beneath the ship.

"Whoa, dude..." Malcolm said, shocked.

"Don't act surprised. He was a teammate of mine that I truly was attached to because he invested every ounce of trust he could muster into me, and I held that bond sacred. He told me stuff I never would have known and vice-versa. Plus, he still was a kid... Didn't know much and was out in this world..." I said back defensively.

"No, I'm surprised more so at you rather than the fact that he was gay. I was under the impression that you were one of those types of people that put themselves first and everyone else came second..." He said. I turned to look him eye to eye.

"Let's keep it that way... Keep your preconceived notions about me and I'll persist to not give a fuck about whatever the hell you are..." I said back, returning to stare pointlessly out the window.

"Ok, that was my choice of poor wording." He laughed.

"It truly was..." I said.

"What are you being shipped overseas for?" He asked. I gave no response, steadily looking out the window. He sat down, sighing obviously have nothing to do but attempt at pointless banter, "Dude, I'm so bored... just tell me!"

"Um, I have a mission but I think I might have to get Captain training..." I finally said back.

"Wow, so you're going to completely outrank me, huh?" He asked, teasingly.

"I guess so." Silence descended upon us again. The boy began to get frustrated.

"So you're not going to ask me something in return?" He asked, laughing. I turned to him, taking a seat.

"I'm so sorry," I said clenching my head, "But it's hard to care about anything right about now. I'm not my usual chatty ole' talkative self..."

"Ask me!" He demanded.

"OK," I laughed, "Why are you being tossed across the pond?"

"I am being retrained as a Stealth Cyberaeros... Of all the grunts in the Eurasian sect, I'm the only one who fit the bill..." He said proudly.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"No... I was the smallest of the Roc Class and they said my physical stature isn't made to be a Roc Winger but don't I fret, there's something special for me." He laughed, sounding very disappointed.

"Cyberaeros?" I asked.

"That's what Wingers are called in the New World."

"Oh god, that is so pretentious." I said, clenching my head, the very word making me cringe.

"I think it sounds cool! Makes us sound fancy and shit..." He smiled.

"What are the Long Wingers called then?" I asked.

"Cyberaeros Interceptors..."

"Oh hell no..." I said, shaking my head.

"Dude, that sounds badass..."

"No it doesn't!" I laughed.

"God, you're no fun..." He smiled.

"I can be fun." I said.

"Prove it. I remember those dance moves, boy." Malcolm said.

"Don't call me boy. I'm probably older than you." I said.

"I'm twenty three!" He said childishly and challengingly. I smiled at him, having him beat.

"Twenty four..."

"GAWD!" He growled, getting to his feet. He made his way over to me.

"Um..." I said, unsure what he was about to do. He bit his lip, coming closer and closer. Considering he was a foot taller than me and weighed one hundred pounds more than I did, it had me nervous. He then sat down on the bay floor, looking at me with those smoldering eyes and that boyish grin.

"I lied... I'm actually training to be a Captain as well. I'm going to be the First Wing of the Stealth Platoon... We're going to be training together for the next three months." He said.

"Wow." I giggled. He reached forward, tugging on my leg.

"Come sit with me..." He smiled. I did so, getting on the floor with him, shrugging.

"OK?" I asked.

"Tell me about you..." He said.

"I um," I giggled, "I don't know what to say... Are you really going to be a Captain?"

"Yes! I swear!" He laughed, placing a hand over his heart and holding up another hand to the sky. He seemed like nothing but a humungous, flirtatious tease.

"So, this Stealth Platoon..."

"I told you to tell me about you!" He said.

"I don't know what's interesting about myself..." I laughed.

"Don't make me have to start asking the questions..."

"OK, I have a question..."

"...Ask away!" He smiled. It left me laughing, considering how adamant he was on me not asking questions just a handful of seconds ago. But this was a rather serious question.

"What happened when I blacked out?" I asked.

"You mean when you blacked out in the dome or when you blacked out, attacking Jarvis?" He asked.

"Ugh," I laughed, amused by how he responded, "When I blacked out in the dome!"

"Well, Second Wing bombed the creature and we swooped in to pull you all out. The giant plant thingy escaped and flew across the ocean. We all were like what the fuck but we had to get you all out. Then we bombed the fuck out of that place... Liam was lost under the rubble but all the plants were destroyed. I'm not sure if that's even a bright side to this..." He said.

"Awe, poor Liam... So they can't recover his body?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be too concerned about that. The recovery team is second to none." He smiled.

"How can I not worry?" I asked, laughing.

"I saw how you and Liam would interact...like when you were trying to get him to dance and he wasn't all that great so you started dancing equally as bad...," Malcolm laughed, "...Until the thot music began. That's a topic for another moment, though. My point is that you were a great friend to him and I want you to think about what he'd say about you moping around right now."

"Oh god, he hated seeing me sad. He hated it! He probably would do something stupid to make me laugh!" I laughed.

"Well I don't want to see you sad either." Malcolm said, smoldering me with those honey eyes, "Do I need to do something stupid to make you laugh? I really want to take your mind off of the miserable shit because it's harshing my feel goods and I feel really good right now." He put his hands behind his head, relaxing on the tarmac floor.

"I mean," I began, "I didn't know when the next time I would feel remotely well about anything but how you managed to do this... make me smile and shit... I think you have powers or something."

"I don't know about that. But I tend to like to make people smile..." He grinned, still laying on the floor. I was left in a daze, staring at the boy. He was just a gorgeous being, not just physically with his custardy skin and short curly auburn hair. Not simply because he had immaculate cheek bones, a strong and powerful brow paired with juicy, full and supple lips, it was more than that.

It was who he was. He was this funny, genuine and passionate person who could so easily care for others. I tended to avoid people like this but this time, it was different! Maybe I had grown, not quite sure, though. I wouldn't mind having someone this pure in my life though. This felt like the birth of something, something grand...

Sadly though, the inner slut was calling and I wanted him inside of me. I wasn't even a bottom but with him, I wanted to do it. I don't know, maybe it was how much bigger he was than I... I wasn't going to be the one to make the first move though. No, I was trying to change those slutty ways. I had to bring out the sluttiness in him.

Not wanting the conversation to die, I had to think of something.

"I still don't beleive you about being a Captian... You're really going to be there with me?" I asked, trying to sound as bubbly as realistically possible.

"I'll show you..." He smiled, getting to his feet. He grabbed my hand, leading me up the stairs. We walked across the platform to the computer module. He began typing up some prompts. An actuator brought down a strange Helm, flat in the front with draping chainmail. On the ends were strange magnetic bearings that were meant to make a seamless connection with armor it connected to. It was gorgeous, white.

"My new alias will be Snow. I get to meet my new team who also are botched members from other teams. Details are limited though, but there's an ex Winger being retrained for a role... His name's going to be Bubo... that's all I know." He smiled.

"Bubo?" I asked, "As in eagle owls?"

"Yep!" He said, giddy with excitement.

"And you're going to be a Snowy Owl?" I asked, completely astounded...

"Yeah. My new armor is under construction," He said, returning the Helm to it's case, "But it is not why I'm excited about the New World though."

"Why're you excited?" I asked.

"It's not like how it is over in Eurasia. In the New World, they accept you for who you are... No more hiding who I am because of ignorance." He said smiling, truly full of anticipation.

"Interesting," I said, walking over to a window, "So what kind of acceptance you're looking for?"

"You probably already can tell. I'm gay Denver." He sighed.

"Welp, so am I. Quite a handful of the guys at the Eurasian Sector are." I chuckled.

"Really? I was so hard pressed to tell. It wasn't like I could just simply ask or some shit!" He laughed.

"I used to make my runs... When I got bored of them, I then started venturing off on missions to do it with the locals... It was all on some pointless quest for fulfilment. I was hurting bad over some stuff in my past, trying to find something worthwhile... Maybe to erase my past... I think I was under the impression that pleasure erases pain. No pleasure postpones pain, and only recently I was able to come to terms with that." I responded.

"I was lucky enough to lose my virginity before I joined the forces. It's been a hard few years and being in a perpetual closet when you feel out is so fucking frustrating and I wanted to get away from it. Then this little blessing in disguise came along and I took the chance." Malcolm said.

"I'm supposed to do this mission... and come back to Eurasia. Now that Liam's dead, I don't think I wanna come back. There's nothing for me there and I really want to taste new wines." I sighed.

"So you're going to be heading back to Scandinavia?" Malcolm asked, sounding disappointed.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I mean I don't want to get my hopes up for this place! I mean, I want it to be terrible! I want it to have me running back to Scandinavia but at the same time I want to know what it truly means to be happy. The Eurasian sect is just not healthy for people like us..."

"You don't care about your team?"

"A part from Marcell and Milan, no. Jarvis can rot and so can Everette... I will miss Captain Wallace though. I can say he almost was like a father figure to me."

"I understand what Jarvis did, but why Everette?" Malcolm asked.

"Everette was just dumb. Apart from being a gifted Cyber Winger, his head was filled with hot air. And he said some fucking hurtful stuff to Liam who really, really, really liked him. And to see Liam throw his life away to help someone who treated him that way... I don't know if I can forgive Everette." I said.

"I understand. You and I are polar opposites. I'd probably cry my ass off into a coma if I've lost what you've lost. But you... you fight. I'm a big soft teddy bear. Despite literally being a brick wall, I can't come to hurting people unless I have to." He laughed.

"I mean, I felt pushed. A lot of stuff went on behind the scenes and Jarvis was one manipulative bastard. He tried doing the same shit to me that he did to Everette but the difference between Everette and I is that I've known Jarvis for the worst part of seven years. I know when something is up... Despite it all, I hope that Everette has waken up and he understands that Javis is not good for him." I said.