Unicorn

I knew I was wrong for not to talking to her about it. After all, this negatively impacted both of us. I just felt so guilty about letting our friendship get ruined over a stupid drunk kiss. The same kiss that I replayed every night before I fell asleep. Even kissing Derek, who I had strong feelings for, paled in comparison to the kiss between Mandy and me. I felt my lower belly tighten up and the hunger creeped its way back in the pit of my stomach. I at least stopped denying that the kiss wasn't enjoyable. No matter how hard I tried, Mandy's face always came to my mind right before I got myself off at night. The intense look she gave me when she pulled back from the kiss always pushed me over the edge when my fingers pumped in and out. That look left me mesmerized because I felt like she wanted me. Maybe I was romanticizing the whole ordeal, I was drunk after all, but I felt it in my bones. There was something. It was easier for me to accept that kiss at night when I thought about her than during the day while I tried to go on about my business. The more I tried not to think about Mandy in her delicate pink thong, the wetter I became. Ugh, I was a mess.

One Friday afternoon I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, staring out the window, on my laptop when I saw her. My heart stopped. I recognized her flowing hair and red bandana anywhere. She was leaving the store next door and was so focused on her phone screen that she walked by without noticing me. My heart finally jumped and my fingers started to tingle. She was almost to her car before I found myself stuffing my laptop in my bag and running out of the coffee shop to catch up to her.

"Mandy!" I called out as I crossed the street. I saw her trip up and stop right in front of her car. She made no move to turn around but I guess she knew it was me. My fear of rejection kept me glued to the middle to the street. What was I going to say?

She slowly turned around and her eyes travelled from my feet all the way up to my eyes. Her face gave nothing away. This was the most serious I had ever seen her. The blood rushed to my cheeks.

"Are you just going to stand there?" She asked, quietly.

I took a deep breath and started moving towards her I gripped the straps on my book bag tightly. My mind went blank. Why did I even think catching her attention was a good idea? Once I stood in front of her I felt my lungs run out of breath. She looked gorgeous. Maybe it was because I was seeing her through different eyes because she was wearing her favorite red pants with and blue and white striped shirt, she looked like her old self. Yet she looked different to me. Her cheeks were now the pretty shade of pink that closely matched her lips. She ran her tongue through her lips and I snapped my attention to her guarded hazel eyes.

"Hi." I said weakly. I wanted to hug her and bury my face into her hair, which I knew smelled like fresh baked vanilla cupcakes.

She stared at the floor and said nothing. I deserved that.

"Mandy, I am so sorry." I wanted her to make eye contact but she just continued to look at the floor.

"Are you going to disappear now? Because that's how our last conversation ended." She pointed out. She started blinking rapidly and took her bottom lip in between her teeth. She was about to cry. I reached out but she took a step back. "How could you, Kim? You were so quick to run for the hills over something so small. You didn't even let me try and understand what was going on. You shut me out. And that is not okay." A tear ran down her cheek but she whipped it off.

"I have to go." She said when I didn't reply. I didn't know where to start. How could I tell her what was going on through my head when I didn't even understand it myself? I finally found my voice when her hand reached for her car door.

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely. "It's not you, it's me." I hated myself for sounding so cliché and I vowed to never use that line again.

"Is that all?" She asked looking at me. Her eyes remind guarded and her chin rose a centimeter. "I don't think you realized our relationship ended the day you chose to push me out of your life." With that she opened her car door. I moved aside as she pulled out of the parking spot. My scarlet cheeks were now wet and my throat tightened up.

******

A week later I found myself in front of Mandy's door. I knocked on it before I could chicken out. I should have not waited so long. Poor Mandy was hurting as bad as I was but she did nothing to deserve it. After seeing her outside of the coffee shop and seeing how much I hurt her I knew I messed up really badly. I was so determined to never bother her again and let her move on with her life. So why was I knocking on her door? I realized I couldn't pretend that everything was okay, that I could just drop her from my life and move on.

Two nights ago I was lying in bed thinking about her and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. My mom picked that moment to walk in. She let me cry in her arms and didn't push to try and get any information out of me. I opened up to her though leaving out the part about the kiss. She just assumed we got into a fight. In the end she just sighed.

"Do you miss her?" She asked. She brushed my hair to the side to look at me. I could only nod. "Then, sweetheart, I think that is all that matters."

She made it sound so simple. But after she left me that night I started accepting that simple answer. Why keep torturing Mandy and myself when our friendship was so special that I was sure it would get us through any rough patch? Whether I had feelings or not I needed Mandy in my life. I needed her to see that I was willing to repair what we had, to never hurt her again. I just had to have her in my life one way or another.

Her mom answered the door. "Kim!" She said very brightly. "What a surprise." Her bright smile was identical to Mandy's. "Come in!" She moved aside and I walked through the entrance. She wrapped me up in a hug and pulled back to look at my face.

"Hi Fran." I said more reserved. I didn't deserve such a warm welcoming. I was almost certain she didn't know Mandy and I had a fall out until she spoke again.

"I am so glad you're here. Mandy has been such a brat since you guys stopped spending so much time together. I almost took her back to the store and exchanged her for another kid" She laughed lightly but her curious eyes let me know she wanted an explanation.

"I know I haven't been around much. Work has kept me away." I explained, lamely.

She knew I was lying but had enough grace to let me get away with it. "Well, she's in her room. She's going out later and is trying to find something to wear. Go on up and let her know you're here." With a pat on my shoulder she turned towards the kitchen. It felt like she was wishing me good luck for whatever I was about to deal with. This could get ugly.

I noticed her door was slightly open when I got to the top of the stairs. I took a deep breath before pushing the door open.

"Mom, I can't find the navy blue blouse you got me last Christmas." Mandy was facing her closet. My mouth went dry with the sight that I was greeted with.

Mandy had her hands on her hips, which were only covered with baby blue cotton panties. This is what I expected Mandy to wear, something so innocent and not at all sexy. Yet she managed to make my body tingle with excitement. Her perky butt was barely covered and I could see that her perfectly round cheeks peeking from underneath the cotton. Her back was arched and that caused two dimples to peek from her bare lower back. They were the type of dimples that made you want to get on your knees to kiss and lick them before moving on to something better. Her skin was almost translucent and I could see her colorful veins running through her body, which was only covered in a pair of undies and a matching bra. She looked so fragile. Her shoulder bones stood out and I could have sworn that I could count her ribs. Her pale skin made her look almost like a ghost or an angel. I knew it was corny the moment I thought it but I couldn't help it. She looked like an angel. An angel sent out to torture me.

"Mom? I asked-" She turned around with her hands falling to her sides and her lips letting out a small squeak when she saw me standing in front of her door.

I gasped at how beautiful and perfect her body looked. Her small breast stood out, covered only by the small cotton bra. Her nipples began to make themselves prominent. Her breath started to come out more rapidly and her ribs moved with it. Her tummy caved in. She did not have voluptuous hips that flared out but her lean body did have noticeable curves. I could see the outline of her lips through her underwear and took a step back. I felt every nerve in my body being pulled by Mandy's gravitational pull. I wanted to explore, to touch, to taste. This was a bad idea.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly. Her cheeks burned a bright pink and her arms crossed in front her. I could tell her was uncomfortable with me gawking at her. I shook my head and tried to recite the speech I had been working on in the last week.

I couldn't do it with her standing half naked though, especially not with her pouty lips. I turned around and closed my eyes. How did that speech start again? I looked at the wall and tried to burn the image of her out of my mind.

"Mandy, I came here to ask, no to tell you...that...I..." I couldn't remember. My mind just kept going back to the image of Mandy in her baby blue underwear crawling to me.

"There, I am covered up." She announced a couple of second later. I slowly turned to look at her and she had her light pink robe on. She moved to her bed and patted the spot next to her. I sat and took a deep breath. I wasn't going to go with the speech I prepared. This needed to come out without sounding like it was rehearsed.

"I'm not a lesbian." I started. Okay, not the best start, but a start nonetheless. "What I mean is, I do not like you. Or at least I don't think I do."

She crossed her arms and waited for me to continue. I could tell she was getting impatient.

"The reason I...left. The reason I cut off contact was because I felt like I ruined our friendship with that stupid kiss. It wasn't going to be the same anymore and I didn't it want to make it worse." I know I made it confusing. I was still trying to process my feelings. I had the intention of coming here to tell Mandy that I didn't feel anything for her, romantically at least. That the kiss was a mistake, that I would never cross that line ever again, and that we needed to become friends again. Even if it wasn't going to be like before, we needed to give each other another try. Seeing her now though, all the feelings that I thought I had sorted out came rushing back and I felt it. I did feel something. And it wasn't as scary or as bad as I thought. Looking at her face now, I don't know why I would even want to deny my feelings.

"Kim, did you feel anything when we kissed that night?"

And here was the tricky part. Although I wanted to admit everything, I was scared to get rejected. Or worse, our relationship would truly be over and there would be no coming back from it. Was I going to let the fear of rejection hold me back from something that could probably be the best thing in my life?

"I wasn't sure, about how I felt after. That is why I had to leave; I needed time to think about my feelings and sort things out. But then I just kept imagining how different our friendship was going to be and I didn't want that. I ruined it all." I covered my face with my hands. She grabbed one and put it on her lap.

"You should have talked to me about it. I really thought we were closer than that." She was looking at me with concerned eyes. She patted my hand and crossed her arms again. "I think we can still be friends. It probably won't be the same, but I think our friendship deserves for us to at least try and salvage it. I have never had a friend like you. Having you rip it out of my arms was not fair. And I know you had to have time for yourself, but I could have helped you and we could have avoided all of this."

"I know, and I am so sorry about everything. You didn't deserve any of that." I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes. There was hope. I hung on to that as I opened my mouth to continue talking. I felt her lay next to me and her fingers began to run through my hair. I sighed and leaned into her hand. After a while I tried to talk to her about everything that was going on through my head after I left her house the morning after the kiss. She asked questions and stayed silent for most of the time. I didn't tell her about what happened the when I woke up naked in bed with her. I also left out that she had become the main star in all of my erotic stories and how I got off on the thought of her head between my legs. I felt that once I admitted that there would definitely be no coming back from that.

"Kimmy bear," She started after we laid there quietly. She continued running her hands through my hair and I could tell her was thinking hard. "I am a lesbian."

I held my breath and opened my eyes to look at her. She stared back and had a scared look on her face.

"Okay," I managed to whisper.

She smiled, for the first time since I had gotten here. I hadn't seen that smile over a month and my heart stuttered. She was so breathtaking.

"Okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I mean, I think I had my suspicions." I smiled back and took her hand in mine. The butterflies in my stomach continued to flutter.

"I was scared that this would have you running away again" Her eyes got watery and she wrapped around her arms around me. She buried her face in my neck and cried. I rubbed her back and tried to hold back my tears. I really fucked up.

"Mandy! Your friend is here!" We heard her mom call from the bottom of the stairs.

I froze.

Mandy sighed and leaned up to look at me. She rested her weight on her arm and looked down. Her eyes looked troubled but she finally spilled it out. "I have a date," She explained.

I bit the inside of my cheek and waited for her to keep talking.

"We actually met the day that I saw you outside of the coffee shop. Her little sister is taking ballet classes where I volunteer." She took in my frozen expression and her eyebrows came together. "You've missed a lot since we last talked."

That was her way of saying 'you would have known all of this if you didn't go MIA on me'. I felt the blood rushing to my ears and remembered to breath. So she moved on. It's not like I gave her an indication that I was going to be back in her life. And who was I to get jealous of her meeting another girl. As her best friend, I am supposed to be supportive. Even if it felt like I was getting punched in the gut over and over again, I would be a dutiful best friend and make sure Mandy would be happy.

She got up and went to her closet.

"I have your navy shirt." I finally sat up and stood. "You let me borrow it when we went to that new bar in town." I felt awkward standing there and wanted very much to run for the hills again. I couldn't though, not until Mandy told me I should leave.

"Oh that's right!" She began to giggle and then let out a throaty laugh. "That was the first night I slept over your place because I was scared you would drown on your own throw up."

I smiled and shook my head. That was the first night Mandy snuggled up against me when she thought I had fallen asleep. She had grabbed my arm and wrapped in around herself so that I would spoon her. I was too drunk to make anything out of it. Now, though, I wish I could go back.

"Well, I'll let you get ready. I have to go pick up Luis." It was a lie. My little brother was happily eating cheerios and watching cartoons with my mom right now.

Mandy's face fell a little and I saw fear creep in. She was scared of me leaving and doing the same thing as last time. I went to her and wrapped her up in a big hug.

"I'll be back." I promised. "Let me know when you're back from your date and we can get together." She hugged me back and nodded. Her hair smelled sweet and her skin was so smooth.

I had to go.

********

I was going crazy. It was midnight and Mandy still hadn't let me know that she was back from her date. The scenarios that went through my head kept getting worse. She was either still on her date, and probably getting lucky, or she was murdered by her date and her body was dropped somewhere in the middle of the woods. Like I said, there was no good scenario that came out of her being out so late. I met her date, Clarissa. She was beautiful. Her milk chocolate skin was smooth, her legs went on for days, and her delicate features made her face seem flawless. She had full lips and high cheekbones. Her green eyes were her best assets.

I felt my stomach drop when Mandy's mom introduced us and a knowing glint appeared on Clarissa's eyes. She knew who I was, and she wasn't a fan. I couldn't blame her. If I found out anyone hurt Mandy the way I did, I would probably be less inclined to be civil with them. She looked at me down her nose and set her lips in a firm line. She really didn't like me. I made a hasty escape after saying a quick bye to Fran.

I picked up my phone again to see if she replied to my texts. I guess I was getting a taste of my own medicine. How Mandy managed to be rejected by me multiple times was beyond me. I picked up my car keys and change into some shorts and a tank top. I should just head to her place and wait for her there.

"Kimmy bear!" I heard Mandy say as I opened my bedroom door. She tackled me into a hug and we both fell on my bed, her on top. She managed to close to the door before we landed on my bed. I tried to control my emotions as she held onto me. I went from being surprised, to relieved, to ridiculously happy and finally content to wrap my arms around her.

"Hi." I sighed. Too soon she rolled off of me and laid next to me. We looked at each other and she broke out her famous smile.

"I missed you" She said, timidly. My heart soared but I brought it back down before it went too far.

"Why didn't you text me?" I accused "I almost sent a search party out there to look for you."

She laughed. "I'm sorry, we went to watch a late movie and I turned my phone off, then I rushed here and forgot about letting you know."

I sat up and looked down at my hands. "How was your date?" I hope I was being the supportive best friend, and not the jealous lover. Lover? Yeah, right.

She sat up as well. "It was fun. Dinner and a movie." She got up and began removing her shoes. I hadn't noticed she had dropped her bag on the floor near the entrance. She walked towards it and opened it up.

"Did anything exciting happen?" There was no other way of asking if they kissed without being too obvious.

She took out her PJs and walked towards me. She placed them next to me and turned her back to me. "Can you unzip me please?" She was wearing a short white dress. It barely covered her ass and I felt my palms get sweaty. Although we didn't change in front of each other, Mandy always asked me to do things like this, but it was different now that I knew I felt something towards her. I brushed her hair off to the side and began pulling the zipper.

"And yes, to answer your question" Mandy continued. "At the end of the night, she walked me to my door and leaned in and- "

"All done!" I said a little too loudly. I didn't want to hear anymore.

Mandy let her dress fall around her feet and stepped out of it. I was breathless again by how perfect she was. She turned around and faced me. She was now wearing a black set of silky underwear and bra. It contrasted against her ivory skin, unlike the baby blue set.

"The kiss was good." Mandy finished. She stepped a little closer towards me.