Valerie Ch. 06

"Ms. Burbon? Is everything here conservative?"

"For the most part. And call me Valerie or Val, at least when you're not working at the firm. Like I said, you're a friend."

"How do you choose? I mean, there are dozens of different styles here, let alone colors and fabrics."

"The secret is to take advice. See Heather over there? She's an expert. All she does, every day, is to match up the clothes with the woman. And she is very good. She can find you something in here that'll be conservative enough for the fashion Nazis in personnel and still let you be you. Just be honest with the questions she asks you, even if you can't understand what they have to do with clothes. They won't. She'll be getting an idea of who you are."

"So trust Heather."

"Right."

The lady under discussion had walked over and heard the last remark. "Absolutely, you trust Heather and you will look like a million. Valerie! It's so good to see you. And who is this beautiful young lady?"

"Heather, this is Lilly Amberhurst. She's going to be applying for an entry-level at the firm. This is as conservative as her wardrobe gets."

"Oh my. It's lovely on you my dear, absolutely stunning, but Clive will simply not hire you dressed like this. Will you let Heather transform the wild young girl into the deceptively sedate professional woman?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lilly answered, embarrassment climbing up her face.

"Now, now, you have no cause to be embarrassed. You have an excellent eye for clothes that suit you. I assume you have never had to dress for the business world before?"

"No, ma'am. The only job I've had before was in domestic service and my employer there had a…" She stumbled for the right word.

Valerie helped out, finishing with, "…looser dress code."

Heather raised an eyebrow knowingly. "Yes, that makes sense. Leave her in my hands for an hour and not only will she have an appropriate wardrobe, but she will know why it's appropriate for her and the firm."

"You're in good hands, Lilly. I'll be making a few selections of my own."

Valerie browsed the suits and found a couple that would suit her needs. She decided that she also wanted to get some good looking skirt and blouse combinations for less formal outings that needed covering up. She would, of course, follow her own advice and get Heather's opinion when she was done.

Lilly was quickly drawn into Heather's spell. She wasn't so much questioned but drawn into conversation for the first half hour. While imparting some basics on professional dress, the wily woman managed to delve into Lilly's personality to a significant depth. Only then did she begin to select clothes for the young lady. Lilly was amazed that she could express her own personality and still be considered conservative in her dress.

Heather steered her away from business suits and towards medium length skirts and blouses. Lilly's love of color was tempered by making the colors match perfectly. Instead of buying individual pieces, Heather had her buying outfits that, when worn together, would be colorful without the flashiness from the mild clash that Lilly tended towards in her own dress style. To keep the revealed leg from seeming to be provocative, just the right type and color of pantyhose was added to each outfit. Again, Lilly was guided towards matching the hose with the outfit instead of buying only one type of hose.

Heather had Lilly change into one of the outfits to model for Valerie. When Val saw her at the end of 90 minutes of shopping, she could only stare in amazement. The young lady who dressed to call flashy attention to herself and her body had been transformed into a woman of class who was noticeable without being the center of the room. This professionally-dressed lady would draw attention to what she was saying or presenting, not to herself.

"Heather, you've done it again. It's simply unbelievable. Lilly, you look both lovely and professional at the same time. The outfit is you and conservative at the same time."

"Thank you, Valerie. I'm a little overwhelmed. I had no idea that so much could be done with clothes alone. I kind of feel different dressed this way, more able, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. She had the same effect on me when I first showed up. My change was in a different direction. I was dressing so that I didn't come through. Heather showed me the professional me that was always possible. You could go straight to personnel and apply today. Now, Heather, if you would be so kind as to look over these things I've got."

"My pleasure." Looking at Valerie's choices, she noticed a subtle change in Val's look. Compared to what she normally wore, these items were chosen for what they would hide, not for what they would show. She eyed Valerie several times before asking the question that Val knew was coming. "Valerie, what are you trying to hide?"

Now Valerie was the one to seem unsure of herself. Francine's fate was on her mind and, while she didn't think that Heather would beat her, she didn't want to lose the woman's respect. Her decision was made for her by Heather's next question.

"Val. Are you in an abusive relationship?"

"No, Heather, I'm not. But I do need to be able to conceal things at times. Marks that would be misunderstood."

"Come with me, Valerie," the woman said in a voice that brooked no dissent. Valerie and Lilly followed Heather to a back room that doubled as her office and storeroom. "Spit it out, Valerie. What do you need to conceal that isn't abuse?"

Taking a deep breath, Valerie rolled up one sleeve, uncovering a series of red marks on her arm. Heather looked at the marks, not recognizing them for what they were. Not surprising, considering whips are not commonly used on people in the 21^st century, at least not in America.

"What in God's name made these marks?"

"I believe that these were the result of the cat-o-nine-tails."

"Valerie! That's a whip! You were whipped?"

"Yes, and it was consensual." Val waited with baited breath. It was the first time she had revealed her participation in the lifestyle to someone outside it. How would Heather react?

"Consensual?"

"Yes."

"I see."

Val waited.

"There was no force, no blackmail or extortion?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to explain that yet."

"I see."

More waiting. Valerie could see the concern in Heather's face. She wasn't sure if more information would be good or bad in this case. The silence stretched out for several minutes. Heather picked up on the connection between Lilly and Valerie. "Lilly knew," she thought. Her time with Lilly had shown her to be a very caring person, for all she tried to put on the rebel front.

"Lilly, is she deluding herself? Is it truly consensual?"

Lilly paused, put on the spot. Her thoughts warred. She was still uncomfortable with what Valerie allowed to happen, yet she knew that it was, in fact, allowed. The temptation to help her out of the abuse was great, but in the end; she chose to respect the woman who had been so kind to her. She just couldn't take from Valerie that which made her who she was.

"Yes, ma'am. It is consensual. I couldn't tell you why she allows it, but she does, willingly, and I think, somehow, she enjoys allowing it."

"I see."

Heather pondered some more. The silence stretched out again, broken only by the clicking of the air conditioner cycling on and off. Finally, decision made, she said, "Well, if we need to cover whip marks, let's make sure it works. Red like this is going to come through some colors and fabrics easier than others. Have you tried them all on?"

"No. I hadn't thought of what might show through."

"Well, let's get started. I should watch you change at least once to get an idea of what we'll be dealing with."

Valerie looked at Lilly. "Would you like to wait out front? I know this makes you uncomfortable."

"Yes, thank you."

With Lilly gone, Valerie stripped completely, letting Heather see all the marks and welts. While many had begun to fade, there were enough to make Heather gasp. Taking a minute to regain her professionalism, she addressed Valerie.

"We'll have to avoid anything made from satin or silk. This, for example. Go ahead and slip into it for a minute."

Valerie did so and saw that the silk blouse, while it did not let the marks show through, did show darkened patches through the fabric, hidden, yet visible still. "I see what you mean."

"Also, we want to avoid very light colors. Red will bleed through light colors unless they're in a heavy fabric. If red wasn't so inappropriate a color for you, I'd say that would be your best choice. As it is, we should go for dark blues, purples, dark greens and browns. Some of these will work well. I see you've remembered how to coordinate your outfits. Good. We'll keep these three and find something better for the other four. Get dressed again."

Fifteen minutes later, Valerie had seven outfits that would successfully hide the visible results of a weekend at Charles' place, yet still look professional. The purchases were paid for and the two shoppers were back on their way towards the firm. Lilly was wearing one of hers and the other nine were being shipped to her house. Valerie had hers with her and would drop them off at her car on the way back in.

On the way, Valerie talked with Lilly. "I want to thank you for what you said back there. I know that all this makes you very uncomfortable. It took a real friend to affirm my lifestyle choice when you disagree with it so strongly."

"Ms. Burbon, not wanting to see you hurt is not just about physical hurt. You've tried really hard to explain the why part to me. I get it, to a point, though I don't understand it. It is consensual, that's the honest answer. I almost wish it weren't, then I could convince you somehow to stop. But I won't lie on you like that. And you need these clothes, or you might lose your job."

"You're a good friend, Lilly. If you ever think I'm going too far, you talk to me, make me explain why I'm not. I can't promise to stop, even if I can't convince you, but I will listen to your concerns and think a second time about what I'm doing. I compared my choice in this to your piercings, but there's a critical difference. If you make a mistake getting pierced, you just let it heal closed. If I make a mistake, I could be maimed or even killed. So, having someone who'll make me ask questions of myself is a good thing. And you'll be a voice of doubt, not a voice of belief. Can you do that, or is it too much for you?"

"Valerie, I don't know. I think I'll worry about you even though I'm not in the house any more, because I'll know. Maybe if you explain it to me enough times, I'll understand. And if I can keep you from a true hurt, that would be good, would help me make it through knowing."

"How about we have a weekly date, where you can ask me as much or as little as you want about the previous weekend and I'll be perfectly honest about what happened. And I'll give you permission to demand that I explain why something is not hurtful if it seems so to you."

"I think I can do that. Promise me that you won't blow me off. I had a friend who was trying to quit smoking and wanted me to check with them, ask if they had smoked in the last week. They just lied to me. That hurt."

"I'll never lie to you and I'll always listen to what your concerns are. I won't necessarily agree with them or act on them the way you would like, but I will listen and hear them."

"That's all I can ask for."

They arrived at the firm. Leaving her purchases in the car, Val took Lilly back up to her office. June, seeing the transformation commented, "I see you two went to see Heather. Another miracle in clothing. Ms. Amberhurst, you look lovely and professional. Congratulations. I hope you get whatever position you're applying for. Ms. Burbon, personnel called and they have some info on Brad. They said it was important."

Seeing that it was 3:30, she said, "Good, tell them I'll be up at four. Lilly, I have work to do. Here's my letter of recommendation. Get on down to personnel and get that job."

"Yes, Ms. Burbon."

In her office, Valerie dialed the number for Dr. Waston's office.

"Good afternoon, this is the office of Drs. Waston and Gindly. My name is Sue, how can I help you?"

"Good afternoon. My name is Valerie Burbon and I would like to make an appointment with Dr. Waston. I'm a new patient in need of a long over-due gynecological exam."

"I see. May I ask how you came to decide on Dr. Waston?"

"Yes, she was recommended by Charles Vanquil."

"I see. Let's look at her schedule. I have an opening on Thursday at 3:00. Is that good?"

"Yes, that'll do fine. Oh, can you make a note on the appointment?"

"Uh…What sort of note?"

"Exam tables are a safety issue."

"I see. Yes, I can pass that on to the doctor. Are there any other marks I should make in the chart?"

"Yes, there may well be. They will be clear when I get there."

"Very good. The doctor will see you at 3:00 then. You might want to come in a half hour early to have time to fill out the patient history."

"I'll do that. Thank you."

Valerie hung up and breathed out like she had been holding her breath. She'd been unsure about how you talk about the lifestyle without talking about it. Fortunately, Sue seemed to have experience at the process. One more worry out of the way.

As she was heading out of her office, June stopped her. "Ms. Burbon, Ms. Traline is on line 2. It sounds urgent."

"Okay, I'll take it in my office."

Back at her desk, she picked up the phone. "Francine, what is it?"

"Val, I wanted to remind you that I have to see the doctor in an hour. Are you going to be able to pick me up?"

"Oh God! I forgot. It's a good thing you called. I'll be right over. Bye."

Heading back out, she told June, "Call personnel, have them send the report down and I'll read it first thing in the morning. I totally forgot a promise to Francine. I have to leave for the day. Thanks."

"Give Ms. Traline my best. Have a good evening."

Valerie rushed to her car and drove back to the apartment. On the way, she thought about Francine's idea of punishing herself. It somehow didn't seem right. It just felt like usurping Master's prerogative. And she didn't like choosing her punishment when he was there. Resolved to let Charles decide, she let it go.

Francine was waiting outside in her wheelchair. Helping her into the car, Val set out for the office. Fortunately, Francine's doctor was close to Valerie's apartment and the trip there took only 15 minutes. Valerie waited in the lobby while her friend was being checked out. Sitting in a waiting room did not get any less boring than it had been before she submitted. Some things never change.

When Francine came out, she was on crutches instead of a wheelchair. Her bandages were lighter than they had been. "What's the word?"

"They're healing well. I should be off the crutches by the end of next week, though a little bit sore for a while after that. He doesn't want me to be alone for another few days. This week will have the highest chance of re-injury. I guess you're stuck with me for a little longer."

"Aw, darn. How will I get off without someone knowing?"

"You can't, that's the point."

The two ladies smiled at the inside jokes and headed back out to the car. Once they were at the apartment, and she had checked the answering machine, Valerie let Francine know about the non-work portions of her day. Her friend was most interested in Lilly.

"I thought that Lilly was adverse to play. Why is she willing to actually probe into your participation like this? Won't it bother her?"

"From what she said, she can't get me out of her mind. She knows I'm going to be playing, my term, not hers, and worries. I think she feels that she can help. It will reassure her to know, on an ongoing basis, that I'm still okay. Plus, I was truthful with her. If I make a mistake, it could be serious, even life threatening. I intend to take her probing seriously. An outside point of view that will withhold judgment? How often do we get that opportunity? She cares deeply and I won't spurn that."

"I see. I wish Harv had been…" The memory of the beating and the loss of trust hit her hard. Tears poured freely as Valerie reached over and held her tight. As she sobbed, Francine tried to express the pain, share it for the first time. "Oh, Val. I trusted him. I trusted and it was…was…God, Val! He betrayed me! I though he loved me. How could I be so wrong? What did I not see? Why did I trust him?"

Valerie said nothing, recognizing the need to talk, to share. Francine didn't need answers, she simply needed to ask, to give voice to the feelings that had been locked up. Slowly they rocked, the regular rhythm an anchor for her friend to hold onto as her trapped feelings were lanced, the emotional poison bubbling to the surface. Val remembered the flinch from last night and prepared herself for something unpleasant.

Francine shuddered, fearful of her feelings, fearful of another betrayal. "Val, he stole my trust. It's pouring out of me. If I trust I'll be hurt again. God, Val, I can't trust you. My last dream. Oh God, in the dream you…you…"

"What did I do in the dream, how did I hurt you?" Val's heart wrenched; the hurt driving in like an ice pick. It took all her strength to keep the hurt inside, to show her friend the trust that she feared would never come again.

"You…you…tied me up and gave me to Harv. You said, 'she's all yours; hurt her as much as you want.' Oh God, Val, I'm so sorry, please don't hate me!"

"I don't hate you. I don't hate you. I love you, very much. I love you. I love you."

Her friend was unable to continue, sobbing uncontrollably in abject fear. She grasped on Valerie's repeated declaration of love like it was a life ring in turbulent seas. Every fear and dread from the last two weeks poured out of her, oddly not seeming to help. Only later would she realize that it was helping, drawing the poison and filth that Harv had inflicted on her to the surface where it could be dealt with, cleaned off, and thrown in the garbage where it belonged.

When the tears slowed, Francine was able to continue, desperately in need of reassurance. "How can you? How can you still love me? I thought you capable of the most horrible things."

"No, you don't think that. You're afraid of that. There's a difference. Francine, if Harv was just some stranger that had just beat you, it would have left bruises, cuts, and your torn up feet. Your ability to trust would be more intact. But Harv was your boyfriend, someone you were thinking about marrying. He took the greatest level of trust you can give and shredded it. Is it any wonder that you are terrified that trust will be broken by others? You don't want to admit it to yourself, but you needed to trust me, almost as much as you trusted Harv. You put yourself in my hands when you can't trust fully. Your dreams are trying to make sense of it all." Taking her friend's hands tightly in her own, "Francine, I promise you this. I…will…never…hurt…you…ever. Do you understand? Even if you went crazy and attacked me, I…will…not…hurt… you."

"How…how can you promise me this? Why?"

"Because you're my best friend in the entire world and I love you deeply. More than romantic love, I would give my life for you. I've felt that way for years. Today you need to know that. If you still want to get a place together, I want to as well. We can start looking tonight if you want."

"Not tonight. I need to…I don't know what I need, but not anything important. Maybe just sleep, see if the nightmares are over. Tomorrow?"