Vibrator Jack

CHAPTER 1

Whenever he was bored, young Jack Holt didn't do what most young guys in their late teens or early twenties did, which was to look for a babe to mount. Like his parents he thought such behavior was disgusting, but so much for ignorance. Mankind has come a long way since the invention of the wheel and television and of course there was the woman who discovered the recreational branch of sex to advance the human race toward whatever is the latest dire prophesy.

No instead of scratching around for casual sex Jack went to the library.

Same thing really. Many times he left the library with a scholarly female whose current focus was totally on banging Jack within the next few hours. That was very fortunate because it meant Jack learned first-hand the recreational side of sex. By associating with learned women geared to adhering to best practice he also found how to avoid the crossover mishap between recreational sex and reproductive sex and become an accidental father.

Usually parents teach their children such things but Jack's parents were too busy squabbling, working or over-indulging in church affairs to teach their four children much at all. But his three older sisters dutifully taught young Jack about body parts and combined to give him various sexual experiences, as most siblings tend to do.

So Jack went to college where his reputation soared when it became clear he wanted nothing to do with sleazy sex practice, was knowledgeable about contraception and his sexual skills appeared incredibly well developed... er, as was Jack. The other guys couldn't understand why the best babes scrapped over who would date Jack Holt although to be fair an hour with Jack Holt in the female restroom couldn't really be called a date so it was doubtful the claim Jack had 486 'dates' in his first year at college was a valid record.

The promiscuous attitude of many young women at college had staggered Jack. They appeared proud of the bite scars on their breasts and apparently it was considered 'trendy' to have a vagina stretched into a permanent gape and likewise for its companion orifice.

Right-thinking people would agree that Jack was entitled to have a hard attitude towards women who indulged in activities that led to over-abuse of their bodies. Jack was also left wondering that the good-looking females with great dispositions always bent over backwards to avoid abuse of their bodies. There had to be a message there.

Aged twenty-six, the clean-cut, square-jawed, raven-haired and lean (whew!) Jack Holt, LL.M, entered the moss-coated and weathered eroded building of Holt and Sampson Law, co-founded by his great-grandfather and his buddy. Jack was in awed at entering such a hallowed establishment to begin his first day of a hopefully illustrious career.

"We don't open till 9:00," said the surly woman behind the reception desk, leaving Jack thinking she had to go.

"Where may I wait?"

"Out on the sidewalk," said the tough bitch. "Who do you think you are, little Lord Fauntleroy?"

"Oh Jack, you naughty boy, you didn't come home to stay with us before arriving here to start your career with us," gushed his mom Laudonia, managing partner of the firm.

"Oh hi mom," Jack said, kissing her.

The woman behind the desk looked on impassively, not a bit embarrassed. God she really would have to go, Jack thought as his mom brushed her hand across his crotch as if checking on development of his manhood since she'd last bathed him all those years ago.

His mom delayed her hand movement to give him a powerful squeeze. Jack jumped and wondered what the hell were they teaching women in church these days?

Three hours later Jack began interviewing the six candidates presented to be elevated from the word-processing department or the clerical pool to become his PA. Jack had decided to choose a good-looking babe with heavy breasts with enthusiasm for frolicking.

The candidates were short and fat or tall and skinny with what appeared to be concaved chests and with minimal educational qualifications. He interviewed them all and asked them to return to their stations and said if they didn't receive a call from him within four hours then not to expect a call. To his astonishment all appeared excited at the prospect they might be called.

Jack stormed down to HR and asked to see the manager Lizaveta. They'd met earlier when Jack had been introduced to heads of departments.

"Have you a complaint already?"

"Er no. That's an attractive necklace you're wearing Lizaveta."

"It was my grandmother's. She told me once she'd stolen it."

"Um it's lovely having a piece of jewelry with a colorful history."

"You are not too bad Mr Holt. Much better than your father, eh?"

"If you say so."

"And how diplomatic. Are you here to inspect my upper thighs like your father does?"

"Eh what? Oh no. Those six applicants sent to me for possible selection as my PA were entirely unsuitable. Uneducated and physically underdeveloped or overly developed."

Lizaveta stood and was bigger and four inches taller than Jack. She cracked her knuckles and said, "So you have something against women?"

"Of course not. But I desire a PA who can do much of my work for me. That requires an appropriate academic qualification and intelligence."

Lizaveta sat down again. "Apart from attorneys and legal executives, the only other women like that in this building work in the staff café or are in my department."

"Oh."

"Pick one, anyone from my department. They will be more than competent."

Jack looked around and eliminated those women wearing glasses, thinking he didn't want a woman with weak eyes. He discounted the blondes because they were too common and discounted women with tiny breasts or over-sized breasts. That reduced the candidates to four."

"Tell me what degrees do..."

"And then Jack saw her. She wore glasses and had modest tits and was blonde. Although her stomach was rather rounded the wide hips suggested a wide ass her legs or what Jack could see of them looked great."

"That one."

Lizaveta put on her glasses to peer into the distance. "That's Drew who does our photo-copying and does everything none of us wants to do."

"Her file please."

Scottish-born Drew McDonald had worked three years in York, England, as a newly qualified legal executive and had immigrated and was now working to pass an exam to convert to a certificated legal assistant to become a paralegal. She was twenty-six, unmarried and played golf and women's soccer.

"What's she like?"

"I can't believe you are eyeing her Jack. Some of my people are supremely qualified to perform as your PA. Are you thinking sex as well as office assistance?"

He grinned and said, "For some reason I find myself unable to answer that question."

Lizaveta grinned and licked her lips. "You are clever and have great appeal Jack."

"Thank you Mrs Stanowski," Jack said, with a slight bow. "If she's interested please send her to me."

Jack walked off smiling thinking if Lizaveta hadn't been married and was twenty-something years younger she would have been a red-hot candidate.

A few minutes later Jack looked up to a gentle knock on his door and saw the chestnut-haired white-faced young woman with freckles. Many guys wouldn't like this freckles but he did; he thought they suggested innocence and to him Drew looked startlingly beautiful.

During the interview Jack dropped in a provocative question, "What is you attitude towards casual sex?"

"That is an improper question."

"Sorry. Then try this softer one, "Would you consider dating your boss."

"Mr Holt. I do not like the tone of this interview at all. Stick your job. For your information I have a very dear girlfriend."

Jack staggered to his feet in shame but she'd already departed.

Lizaveta called a few minutes later. "I gather you were unimpressive with your interview."

"I apologize for wasting your time."

"It's okay. You are going to be running this show one day so please remember how kind I was to you when you started here because one day management will be attempting to toss me out on my ass because I'll have white hair."

"I surely will sweetheart."

Lizaveta said did he want her pick from her department.

"Yes please. It will be someone with a concave chest won't it?"

The big-busted manager said sounding mystified, "What's a concaved chest?"

Jack was left half certain she was teasing but conceded a female of her shape would have no idea what a concaved chest was.

Myra arrived ten minutes later wheeling her trolley of personal effects. Jack figured that without a bra and standing her breasts would almost reach her thighs. However her smile was wonderful and she apparently had humor, "Lizaveta said I must work hard, accurately and with panache and to give you sex on the side if you ask for it. I assume my husband won't mind if I do that."

"What, work accurately and with panache?"

"Ohmigod, you have humor," she shrieked.

At that Jack knew he was really going to enjoy working with Mrs Myra Shadbolt.

Jack found in difficult going in his first three months. His mother organized all attorneys in the office to each give him one client. Some transferred as many as three. All were either difficult people or people with difficult cases or difficult people with difficult cases. Well, what else should he have expected? He made notes who to get even with everybody.

He joined clubs and worked Wednesday afternoons as a volunteer at the Community Law Center and gradually began winning his own clients. Then his big break came. His mother's oldest client came up on a careless driving charge, having run into a parked police car. His mom had been one of the backseat passengers, asleep at the time, so had been unable to help the police in their enquiries.

"I can't represent Sophie because if I did and the media learned I was in the car my name would be splash over newspaper and TV screens. Anyway there wasn't much damage to the police car because it had been parked in neutral without the handbrake on. The female cop suffered whiplash but she was probably bent over giving her sergeant his customary fellatio."

"Customary?"

"What other purpose would they have for allowing women into the police force?"

Jack represented the mayor's wife in her day in court. The media benches were full and TV crews were waiting outside for the shamed mayor's wife to exit.

The charge was read out and Sophie Phyllis Phillips confirmed her plea of not guilty. The prosecutor described it as an open and shut case and presented the facts briefly. At times Sophie looked at her young attorney in despair.

Jack then presented his case. "On behalf of my client she points out she was driving a Volvo S80 and not a Volvo S60 as the police allege and approached the stationery police car in a southerly direction and not a northerly direction as alleged so she wonders what other instance of mistaken identity and misinformation presented to the court does the police case involve?"

The judge said dryly, "Nevertheless Mrs Phillips was driving a Volvo car that hit the police vehicle in question and was properly being recorded as being the driver of the said vehicle."

"Yes Your Honor. Well Mrs Phillips was driving in a southerly direction when she served to avoid a squirrel."

"Just a moment Mr Holt."

The judge consulted with his stenographer, a court official and two security guards.

"In fairness to all Mr Holt I feel obliged to suggest the existence of squirrels in the CBD of this city is in question."

"I anticipated possible contestability on that submission Your Honor although was expecting it from the prosecution. I call as a witness Mr Evan Dickson Scott."

The director of the city's parks department gave evidence that squirrels were occasionally seen in the heart of the city center and produced five photographs taken over the past three weeks showing squirrels on the main street of the city, near where the damage to the police vehicle had taken place.

"I trust that clears up that important matter Your Honor," Jack said, earning a glare from the judge, who raised his spectacles to deliver it.

"Moving on, Mrs Phillips had no time to return to her traffic lane but claims that the hysterical squirrel was responsible for the collusion rather than any recklessness on her part."

"Hysterical squirrel?" smiled the judge. "Are we to receive evidence on that astonishing claim? Oh never mind. I'll hear the prosecution on that matter if the Assistant District Attorney chooses to raise it."

The courtroom boomed with laughter until the judge glared.

Jack said confidently, "Thank you Your Honor. Further, my client claims the slight injury to the off-duty policewoman in the police vehicle may have been partly her own fault because she may have been bent over the groin..."

"Enough Mr Holt," the judge said loudly. "Into my chamber please gentlemen."

The two attorneys returned to their places and Jack winked at his client.

The judge entered and when seated said, "Urgent submissions have been made to me by the Assistant District Attorney. It is unclear to the prosecution whether or not the policewoman was on duty and it is possible she is married. You have something to say Mr Hartford?"

"Yes Your Honor. On behalf of the State I move this prosecution to lapse nolle prosequi."

"Your motion is ranted. The defendant is acquitted."

Jack turned and kissed his client who burst into tears. The media rushed them. Security officers shepherd everyone in the melee outside.

Jack, standing alongside Sophie Phillips, politely waited for TV lights to switch on and the interviewer to check her hair and neckline.

"Jacqi Fontaine from Channel 9 Mr Holt. I understand this is the first time you have represented anyone in court?"

"No as a senior at Law School I assisted defense counsel and defended some minor vagrants without assistance to gain practical experience."

"Well Mr Holt you appear to have stymied everyone here today. Exactly what does nolle prosequi mean?"

"Not to pursue."

"Okay but why did the District Attorney decide not to proceed?"

"That is a question you should ask the Assistant District Attorney."

"Do you have an opinion?"

"I do but it's an immodest one."

"I'm sure most people will forgive any immodesty, given the circumstances."

"Ah good choice of words Jacqi. This was a minor citation alleging reckless driving. But given the circumstances and the way the case was tipping in favor of the defendant the prosecution could see it spiraling out of control and could greatly embarrassing the Police Department if we had the hard evidence to support our allegation I was about to deliver. The prosecution decided it was time to quit."

"This is almost confusing. But first, was there a squirrel on the road that you client said she served to avoid?"

"My client insists there was."

"Now about her sleazy allegation that..."

"Jacqi, please withdraw that slanderous statement and apologize."

"I-I withdraw that statement. I was out of line and apologize to your client."

"Thank you Jacqi. My client instructed me to pursue the matter and I confirmed the policewoman's name and the fact that she was married but could not manage through discreet inquiry to establish whether she was on duty at the time of the impact."

"Mr Holt if there was impact, as you termed it, wasn't Mrs Phillips guilty?"

"The Court decided to allow the prosecution of my client to lapse. You must understand an acquittal does not imply whether a defendant is guilty or not guilty."

"Thank you Mr Holt. Mrs Phillips what is your comment about your acquittal?"

"I still cannot believe it. I was horrified when I saw how young Mr Holt was when he was assigned to defend me. But defend me he did, superbly He worked unbelievably well on my behalf. Of course Holt and Sampson Law has a big team of very good people."

"Be that as it may, what was this sensational disclosure about to be made?"

"It concerned why the policewoman was leaning over the driver rather than sitting up straight and buckled in?"

"Ohmigod."

"That's all I wish to say. Thank you Jacqi. Everyone please let me through."

As a result of Mrs Phillip's comment repeated on radio news broadcasts and in newspapers, Jack would have not shortage of prospective clients wanting to sign up with him. However most were defendants waiting to appear on court on sexual perversions.

Jack arrived from dinner and was congratulated by his parents. They watched the six o'clock news on TV and the interview with Jack was the third item.

"Oh what a pretty lady," Jack's mom said in the way mothers do when they have an unmarried son still living at home.

"Yeah not bad," Jack yawned but not without interest.

Later the house phone went and Ruben, Jack's father came into where Jack and his mother were playing Scrabble and smirked, "Jacqi Fontaine wishes to speak to you Jack."

"Who's Jacqi...?"

His mom was now smirking. "The TV interviewer and has no 'u' in Jacqi. Please Jack, speak to her in your best voice."

"Hi Miss Slander er I mean Miss Fontaine."

"You smart fucker putting the boot into me like that. My editor rapped my knuckles and she refused to have that part alleging slander edited out and now it will be used as a teaching aid to all interns. Oh god, it's so embarrassing."

"Sorry but my client's reputation took priority over your feelings or job security."

"I know and I'm not calling to kick ass. I'm in a bar having a quiet drink I'd like you to join me."

"Okay but I can't leave for another ten minutes or so. My mom and I are playing Scrabble and I need to finish the game."

"You play Scrabble with your mom?"

"Yeah, don't sound incredulous. I'm a good boy."

"I bet. I'll wait so don't break your neck getting here," Jacqi said, giving Jack the name and address of the bar.

Jacqi held up her lips to be kissed. "So your mom won Scrabble again?"

"Yeah and a good guess."

"Oh it wasn't a guess. Women have larger vocabularies than men."

"So that's why she usually wins?" Jack said, looking at Jacqi in admiration. "You're very attractive."

"Cut ego-building excessiveness Jack. It's unnecessary on me."

"Bullshit."

She laughed and bought him a drink. Jack chose a single shot of Vodka over ice. She continued to nurse her Martini.

Jacqi began, "So you don't drink heavily."

"No."

"Do you date?"

"Frugally," said Jack.

"Oh that could be a good scoring Scrabble word. Is that dating men or woman?"

"That's for you to find out."

"Right I want you to take me to the media awards night at the end of the month."

"Okay."

"A sleepover is not part of the date."

"That's okay, not every woman fucks indiscriminately. My mother taught me that truism in my late teens."

Jacqi smiled and said, "I checked our database on my cell phone while waiting for you to arrive. Your mother is called the doyen of legal women in this city and in her prime was considered the top defense attorney in this city."

"It's what I've heard."

"And your father is placed in the top ten business law attorneys in this state."

"Yeah and because of that pedigree I was teased mercilessly at Law School and was expected to know everything but of course I didn't."

"But managed to top your class each year."

"Who told you that?"

"My informant is our database. Today's incredibly unusual successful defense has thrust you into our list of 'People to Watch'."

Jack sniffed. "Why aren't you out trying to find the name of the female cop and interview her?"

"Because our hot-shots are assigned to that. I've done my eight hours. We are not permitted to work more than eight hours each day unless for emergencies. Tell me her name Jack."

"No."

"Why not?"