Voyager Uncensored Ch. 07

Only once you have thoroughly cleaned the inside should you move to the outside. If you're fortunate enough to have the nanites that seal your lips to their anus, there won't be much to do (many owners use these because it's cleaner, traps the toilet and eliminates them having to smell their own farts and shit - but some owners still prefer to see their shit sliding out into their toilet's mouth and to see their toilet's mouth packed with shit - often they like to make these toilets chew and swallow with their mouths open. Every owner is different and has different preferences and it is your duty as a toilet to obey). In cases where the lips are not sealed to the anus, you will probably have much work to do in cleaning around the anus and, depending on how messy the shit was and your skill, much cleaning of the butt cheeks and your own face. Never use anything but your lips and tongue unless otherwise instructed. It is poor toilet etiquette to ever use your hands for anything. Be sure your lips and tongue are clean before you start cleaning their ass (use plenty of saliva and scrape your tongue clean with your teeth, then clean your lips with your tongue. Rinse and repeat as necessary). Finally, many owners like to help you "wash down" their shit with a long, hot piss. Whether they prefer to stand back and piss into your mouth and watch it fill up or if they prefer to put your mouth right on their cunt or cock, obey them at all times, drink quickly, do not spill any and remain in eye contact with them at all times, maintaining a submissive gaze. When they are done, suck out any remaining urine and lick them clean. Many owners will use this time to cum in your mouth. Use your fellatio or cunnilingus skills here as it is their right to do so and it is both a compliment to your services and a reward for a job well done. Again, suck and lick to clean well. Finally when they are done using you, relax (unless, of course, your owner decides to fuck you at this point. Do not be alarmed, this is perfectly normal. Using a sentient toilet often greatly arouses many owners and as their owners they can do whatever they wish to you - remember that, in most cases, they paid good money to do so!). Your job is done, enjoy the feeling of fullness. If your owner permits it, it is okay at this time to belch, pass gas or pee yourself. You've earned it!

Kinds of Alien Shit
All different alien species have different kinds of shits due to both their unique physiologies and diets. Different colors, volumes, textures, tastes, consistencies, shapes, contents, temperatures, side-effects, etc, etc.

Every individual's shit varies day to day, but below are the ideal/average types of shits to expect from the different species of the Galaxy.

Andorian – A mixture of urea & feces - like bird poop. White pasty liquid with black/brown nuggets in it. Tangy & sharp. Hallucinogenic for humans.

Orion – Fruity-sweet, greenish-yellow, soft & voluminous. Sugary, lots of vitamins. Lots of gas trapped in the loaf makes it soft, foamy and less dense. They float in water. The gasses dispersed in Orion shit is heavily laden with Orion pheromones, makes anyone consuming it highly susceptible to suggestion.

Tellerite - Sticky, liquidy & sour. Orangish-brown. Often has harder chunks floating in it. Can easily cause stomach distress such as nausea and vomiting in those not accustomed to it.

Cardassian – Pebbly & chalky, dry and gritty. A faded light brown/tan. Crumbly. Earthy & bitter taste. Highly alkaline, good for indigestion.

Klingon - Super-dense, hairy texture, with lots of chunks of food in it. Hot & steamy. Klingons are almost exclusively meat eaters creating a high level of sulfides which gives them very nasty, foul and voluminous gas. Likewise, their shit has a very strong smell and taste. A rich brown color, very high in fiber. Has hormones in it that reduce the aggression of the consumer, making them more submissive and receptive to aggressive behavior.

Vulcan – Tasteless & chewy. Light brown, greenish tint. High iron content. Most Vulcans are vegetarians.

Romulan – A mildly earthy, firm, reddish-brown stool with an orangish-yellow mushy, spicy, tangy core that oozes out when the turd is bitten into. This is often a nasty surprise. Spicy core is known to cause heartburn.

Deltan – A shiny, medium brown. Tastes just like chocolate, smooth, ranges from lighter & sweet to darker & somewhat bitter. High in calories due to fats & sugars. Warning: highly addictive!

Ferengi – Very foul – a warm firm core with a sticky outer layer. Yellowish-brown, outer layer tends to be lighter than core. Often pockets of extremely foul gas inside the turds.

Human – Medium-firm, mostly clean, dense, long. High protein content. Brown. Generally mild tasting. Earthy and bitter, sometimes sweet, varying richness of flavors.

In our century of travels across the Galaxy (and beyond), Seven and I have encountered innumerable different shapes, sizes and variations of excrement – from every humanoid race imaginable, and scores of animal species as well.

For example, on Purenda XII, the natives' diet consisted exclusively of shit from themselves and various animals. We stayed there for two weeks and I came back 15 pounds heavier.

For 10 years, Seven took a leave of absence from Starfleet to pursue a grand safari, exploring every corner of the Galaxy to survey and catalogue the varied scat of every kind of animal known to the Federation. Of course, I came along and was required to eat them all. I have eaten the shit of the lowliest, mangiest back alley mutt on Risa, the impressive, majestic crap of the most noble steeds of the Pegasi Cluster, even the full, truly titanic dumps of the massive Keldarian mildabons – whose typical excretion weighs on the order of 50 pounds (it took me two days to eat the whole thing). I am proud to say that I have eaten the shit of thousands of animals from every known inhabited world (and some unknown – not to get too technical, but it involves minor adventures in parallel dimensions and time travel to prehistoric times).

I have consumed every one of the bizarre, infinite varieties of shit we have encountered, at Seven's command – for the sake of science, of course. Seven is always on the search for the "perfect feces" and has assimilated traits of all kinds of feces from all across the Galaxy into her own excrement.

Seven has molecularly scanned and stored every style of crap we have encountered for later replication. She has even programmed her nanites to be capable of recreating any type at her whim. She was thinking of me and wanted to keep things interesting for me. Seven acts cold and emotionless, but deep down, I know she cares for me. She could have replaced me ages ago, but she has stayed loyal to me and kept me around all this time for a reason. Seven claims it's an all an experiment, but I know it was to keep things interesting for her.

* * * * *
"1000"
* * * * *

Seven is not a sentimental woman, even now. Though she has softened considerably over the years, her personality has not changed much. She wears her hair in a less severe manner, though still wears it up when on duty so it doesn't get in the way. However, on my 100th anniversary as her toilet, she did some calculations (for "scientific posterity") to figure out exactly how much waste I had consumed in that time.

Seven estimates that I have eaten approximately 100 years x 365.24 days x 10 bowel movements a day x 5.4758 pounds per bowel movement = 1,999,995 pounds of Seven's shit, or 999.9975 tons. That's 9.999975 tons a year, or about a full ton of shit every 36.5 days. We do mark each tenth ton with a special occasion, rather than celebrating birthdays. In fact, I only know that it's been 100 years because someone else reminded us. Our own milestones are measured by tons of shit I have consumed rather than years aged. Age is especially irrelevant to us since neither of us age in any meaningful way anymore.

We have a very special occasion coming up – I am just now about to reach my 1000th ton. In fact, according to Seven, I will meet this milestone with my next feeding!

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Toilet finishes writing her memoirs entitled "Diary of a Toilet: 100 Years of Servitude", deactivates the holoscreen and sits back, content. She has a feeling of accomplishment that fills her with joy and pride. She knows she shouldn't be prideful, Seven has taught here this – as a toilet, she should be humble. But even Seven has declared that toilet is special – the first of her kind and the greatest shit slave in history.

Rear Admiral 7 of 9 enters the room. Seven is now in charge of a whole battle group of some of the most well-known ships in the fleet such as the USS Excreter (formally the Exeter), USS De Sade, USS Voyeur (the renamed Voyager), USS Constipation (Constitution), USS Flatulent (Valiant), USS Feces (Hermes), USS Sappho, USS Bestial and the USS Ecstasy.

Seven stands completely naked as is standard for all Starfleet personal nowadays. Every Starfleet member wears a communicator/personal force field projector/portable transporter buffer in their navel (or appropriate equivalent alien orifice). The personal force field protects them from the elements and low-energy-output weapons and can be adjusted to be physically solid as well. The portable transporter buffer stores up to 50 teraquads of data so they can store their gear (weapons, tricorders, etc.)

Wordlessly, automatically, toilet assumes the position and eats her mistress' shit once again, reaching her 1000th ton of consumed excrement, a new milestone and a historical landmark.

The End.

There will be one more, final chapter: Voyager Uncensored #8: "Homecummings" – which wraps up everyone's storylines the way Voyager's finale failed to do.

Thrill as:
* Harry's holodeck troubles get out of hand!
* Harry's bizarre new dual life!
* Harry's reunion with Libby, the girl he left behind
* Janeway pays a visit to her fiancé, Mark, and his new wife!
* Torres has an identity crisis!
* Tom & B'Elanna get married – with a Klingon twist!
* The politics of Klingon Sex are revealed!
* Kes has her first litter – but not her last!
* The ultimate fates of Neelix, The Doctor, Tuvok and others!