Warmth Pt. 02

They didn't say anything.

I wept for a few more minutes before I got back enough control to raise my head. The scenery around me swam into focus.

"Can we go home?" I asked weakly.

Without a word they led me to the car and gave me a ride back to the house. I looked at the clock on the dashboard, seeing that it was 10:00 PM.

When we got back to the house my parents both hugged me and told me they loved me before retiring to their room. They knew what I wanted to do.

I walked to the den and saw Pine laying by the Christmas tree. He got up to come greet me, but when he got a good look at my face he stopped dead in his tracks.

I couldn't blame him. I had cried a little in front of Pine in the past, but just a couple of tears at most. This was far and away the most upset he had ever seen me.

He reacted without hesitation. He sat me down on the floor and got on my lap so he could wrap his arms and legs around my torso, hugging me with his whole body.

I wanted to push him away. I wanted to make him leave. I wanted to scream that I wasn't worth so much compassion.

I couldn't. I just sat there and clamped my eyes shut as the tears came back full force. Pine used one of his hands to lightly rub my back. His grip on my body was frim, but that touch was so gentle.

Tears poured through my closed eyes. I whimpered like a baby. My body heaved with every sob. Pine just held on.

At that moment, I didn't want to cheer up. I didn't want to calm down. I didn't want to regain control. I let the rising tide of emotions carry me away.

*****

The waves threw me around in a horrific storm. The water crashed into my body over and over again. I was drowning. I was so disoriented that I couldn't even find the surface anymore. I felt like my body would be ripped to shreds and the currents would take my remains far away.

That didn't happen, though. The entire time, I was vaguely aware of something tethering me to the land, keeping me from going too far out.

I don't know how long I was lost in the onslaught. I was thrashed and pummeled and beaten until there was nothing left of me.

After an eternity, it slowly dawned on me that it was over. The waves had calmed and the storm had cleared. I was simply floating beneath the surface. On the other side I felt a presence, something warm and inviting. I wanted to go to it.

Using the last ounce of strength I had, I kicked up and resurfaced.

*****

I opened my eyes. I was back in the den of my old house. Pine was still holding me, but his grip had loosened. I looked to see that he had fallen asleep with his body wrapped around mine. Any other time I would have taken the time to marvel at that, but not then. I was too numb.

Instead I just lightly kissed each of his closed eyelids and adjusted his position so I could hold him. I stood up and carried him to my old room. I didn't have him on my back like at the dog park, nor was he in a fireman's carry like when I found him asleep in front of the hearth. Now I was holding him in my arms. I used one hand to support his head and let his limbs drape down.

I was holding him like a mother would carry her newborn, or how a groom would carry his bride.

Without bothering to undress him I lay him down on the bed. I only took my shoes off myself before I paused.

I thought about how Pine had kept me anchored, been my lifeline that stopped me from being swept away. There was something so protective and caring about that. I wanted that feeling to continue, at least for a little bit longer.

For the first time, I got in bed in front of Pine, moving backwards until I felt his body against my back. Reflexively he wrapped an arm and leg around me. Still asleep, he let out a contented sigh right in my ear.

His body was so warm. On my back, I could feel his heart beating.

I was hit with a soul-crushing tiredness. Without fear I leapt into the abyss, knowing that I'd be safe with Pine at my side.

XIV

I awoke. It was daytime. Pine was embracing me still. I didn't want to move. If I had the choice, I would have stayed in his arms forever, but I knew I couldn't. I rose to a sitting position and lightly nudged Pine until he woke up.

We were in my childhood bedroom. We had both slept fully clothed, so our clothing was stiff and didn't smell great. I got us both out of bed to walked us to the kitchen.

I wasn't grabbing his wrist like I normally did. I held his hand. We didn't do that very often, but I had to admit that at that moment I liked the feeling of our fingers interlocking, his hand mating to mine. I liked it a lot.

Mom and Dad were waiting for us in the kitchen.

"Hello, sweetie." Mom said.

I smiled. "Good morning. What's for breakfast?"

I heard Dad snort and I turned to him.

"It's a little late for that, kiddo. You could have lunch if you want."

I looked at the clock. It was 12:30 PM. I sighed.

Mom heated up some leftover spaghetti and meat sauce for Pine and I. She told me that she would feed Pine. I ate, occasionally looking over at her gently pushing the food into his mouth. I realized that that must be what I lookd like whenever I gave Pine food. James often jokingly referred to me as Pine's "Mom," but the look she gave Pine was just like the one I did. Maybe I took after my mother more than I thought.

Dad didn't say anything. He didn't need to, he comforted me with his presence as I ate. For the umpteenth time, I wondered what I did to deserve so much love, so much affection, from Pine and my parents as well. I didn't think I could make it up to them.

When I was finished I addressed both of my parents.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you last night. I shouldn't have done that, you were just trying to help me. And I'm sorry for making you worry. I think I'm gonna be okay."

Dad nodded in reply and Mom smiled warmly. "It's okay, Zachary. You were going through a lot."

I paused and realized with surprise that it was Christmas Eve. That gave me an idea.

"Can Pine come to the service with us tonight?"

Every Christmas when I came home, we would go to the church for the Christmas Eve service. It would be simple, with songs and readings, but at the very end everybody in the chapel would hold a lit candle and they would provide all the light. It was my favorite moment of the night and I wanted Pine to be with me for it.

"I don't see why not," Dad said, "but I don't think Pine has any clothes for it."

That hadn't occurred to me. I brushed that aside. "That's okay. I'll go out and buy some today."

Mom interjected. "How about I do that? That way you two can take your time getting ready."

I smiled and nodded.

A little bit later, I walked Pine over to the large bathroom. After I moved out, my parents had upgraded the master bath, adding a great shower and a huge tub. I loved using it whenever I visited, and now I had somebody to share it with.

First, I needed to gather supplies. I had a lot planned and didn't want to stop in the middle to get something I had forgotten.

Once I was sure I had everything in its right place, I took the clothes off of me and Pine. I folded it all and put it into a laundry basket, Pine's necklace placed on top. After I pushed the basket out the door, I closed it and turned on the hot water in the bath.

I poured in oils, salts, and bubble bath in with the water. Once the tub was full, I got us both in. The tub was big enough that we fit, but had to stay close. I didn't mind. We soaked, the nourishing liquid penetrating our skin, occasionally submerging ourselves completely.

We were in contact the entire time. If we weren't hugging each other, we were holding hands. Every minute or so, Pine would lean in and nuzzle my face or neck. I always responded with a kiss, laying them on his chin, eyes, nose, cheeks, and forehead.

When most of the bubbles were gone and the water had cooled somewhat, I moved on to the next step. I got us into the shower, the water warm the way I knew Pine liked it. After letting the water wash over us, I started cleaning Pine. I gently soaped his body until his skin glistened. I washed his hair into a slick, smooth curtain. Instead of sending him off, I let him stay as I moved on to myself. Pine just stood there patiently, reaching out to touch me every so often.

When we left the shower, Pine grabbed a towel, but I stopped him. I dried him off myself, making sure he was fully dry before I even reached for my own towel. I moved on to the finishing touches.

I sat Pine down so I could brush his teeth, comb his hair, and shave his face. Once he was smooth, I sat down in front of a small mirror and did the same to myself. After I finished I stood up and turned to look at Pine.

He stood before me, naked as Adam, completely trusting and comfortable in my presence. His eyes glimmered and he had that little smile of his.

He didn't look like a human; he looked more like an angel.

I walked closer and hugged him tightly. He returned the hug, pulling our bodies closer together. I felt his skin against mine. After we pulled apart, I kissed his forehead and told him that I loved him. I figured that that would be the perfect way to end things.

After I put towels on our waists, I walked us over to my room. When we passed Dad doing something on his laptop, he glanced at us and smirked. As I went through the kitchen, I looked at the clock and saw that we had somehow been in there for nearly two hours.

Mom had bought dress pants and a nice shirt for Pine. That evening, after we were both dressed in the semiformal attire, she grinned ear to ear when she saw us. I thought she was going to cry, or even worse try to take a picture, but she just hugged us.

That evening, I lay my hand on Pine's thigh for the church service. At that moment at the very end, I saw the dim room illuminated with hundreds of candles. When I turned to Pine, I could see the candlelight reflected in his eyes. It was an amazing moment, divine in its perfection. I didn't want it to end.

After the service, I walked up to the front of the chapel alone. I got on my knees and thanked God with all my heart. I thanked Him for the year I had, the blessings I received, and most of all for the people in my life who loved me unconditionally. I was crying lightly by the end of it. When I returned to my family, I caught the end of a conversation Mom was having with one of her friends. She casually referred to Pine as her "new son."

I asked her about it as we were walking to the car and she laughed.

"I thought I already told you about that. Yes, of course Pine is part of the family now." She turned to him and held his face, just like I would.

"You're my boy now, too," She told him. "Don't you ever forget that."

Once again, I was reminded how much I acted like she did when I was around Pine. I was starting to think that describing me as Pine's "mom" was more accurate of a description that I would have liked to admit.

Oh, well. I decided that if I was Pine's mom, I would simply commit to be the best mom I could be.

The rest of Christmas Eve was peaceful. The four of us watched movies and relaxed near the tree.

Once it was time to sleep, I brought Pine to my room with me. I stripped us both down completely, leaving only Pine's necklace between the two of us before I got us under the covers.

For a time, we simply lay facing each other, our foreheads touching lightly. Then Pine did something that surprised me. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned in to lightly kiss my forehead, imitating the gesture I had used on him so many times before. I responded accordingly, lightly nuzzling the hollow of his throat with my nose. When I did that, he let out a purr so quiet I felt it more than heard it.

After cuddling a bit more, Pine turned around and I held him tightly in my arms. Without clothing there was no barrier between our bodies, nothing separating me from Pine's warmth. It felt incredible.

I drifted off to sleep. It was the perfect way to end what had to have been the best day of my life.