Watch It When You Feel Lonely

{Dante's Prayer} by: Loreena McKennitt

"Dream"... Stories & Poems.
Written By Joshua Lee Martinez.
Also known as J Jasper Martin

"Sometimes we dream a dream so not so long forgotten.
We dream the dreams our minds will lock with heavy hearts for wanted.
The dreams that make our hearts for lost in the forgotten world.
We know nothing more than these dreams that make us who we are.
Romance, blood, tears, anger, hate, silence, love.
The dream is made of us, and we as us are made of dreams.
Look above on high, watch the bright night sky.
There are dreams which destiny our lives in fates decide,
But there are those dreams that we dream at night that make us cry.
They make us laugh, and they take away to and wonder why.
Those dreams that we dream and never forget are the dreams I speak of this night.
Will you kiss me goodnight?"

* * * * *

STORY ONE: "Watch It When You Feel Lonely"

The Biggest Little City Slasher, Arthur Stuart Cohen had been apprehended by the Reno Police Department earlier that night. He had the blood of his last victim soaking through his cloths to the fullest extent possible. He had been careless, he had been naïve, he had been excited, he had been ruthless, he had been cocky, and he had been without reason. He took his knife everywhere he went, already four murders on his name and he was now ready to pay for them. Though he had of course no desire to stop, but what else could be done when the silver colored steel hand cuffs had been locked tightly to his wrists behind his back? What else could he do when there were guns with the little annoying red dot beams locked on his body, waiting, even wishing behind their masters hot breath, that the bastard would try something, anything? What else was there to do when he would be sent, as they say, up the river?

His last victim was still alive and on her way to the emergency room at the Washoe Medical Center. Many of the police and paramedics were in a tight scramble about her as they rushed her there. A beautiful woman to the likes of a fairy tale princess in her husbands eyes. Many knew her to be some what beautiful, some called her the girl next door, but her husband Jacob had called her the "the Beauty for this beast."... no one had ever indeed beheld a woman so much in their eyes as he did. Claire was in dire need of life, and he was in a rush to meet her at the very place she'd be taken.

The Reno P.D. had found her lying on the floor in the single restroom at the local Gas Station, where she had been applying make-up for her date with her husband tonight. The first time alone together since their daughter was born nineteen years ago. This was their first night since Greta went away for her honeymoon with her new husband Eric.

Claire had been startled with a surprise that would leave her lying in her own life's blood as her heart screamed for her husbands name. Crying out for the savor she depended on since the day she turned twenty and became Mrs. Jacob Fredrick Claim. The man she had been as dependent of as visa versa.

When the dark wood fell before me, and all the paths were overgrown.
When the priests of pride say there is no other way.
I tilled the sorrows of stone.
I did not believe because I could not see, though you came to me in the night.
When the dawn seemed forever lost,
You showed me your love in the light of the stars.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless,
Please remember me.

Jacob had been pacing about the waiting room as the news played on and on to the wondrous moment that the police took hold of the seemingly deranged killer who had earlier confessed that he did it because he simply felt like it. He did it because he wanted to do it, and that his mind had never left it's proper train of thought. The damned psychologists had no idea just how sane an insane mind can be.

The night had never seemed so cold and long. The heart had never beat so rapidly within the walls of his chest. His tears never so far on the verge of raining down as they were about to this night.

Jacob had been home, waiting for his wife of twenty three years to return home from work at the local His Word Christian book, movie, music, and such store. They were religious, and they were happy with God, even through the hardships, but as of tonight Jacob questioned himself as to whether or not he and God can stay in the right light after this.

"Please, God." He begged in his trembling voice. "Do not take her from me, not now, not ever, please?"

In his desperation, he would not say his usual prayer, "Thy will be done." he would beg and plead for his own will. That his Claire not be taken from him. That she would live and be happy again. That this night would only be another snag of hardship and tribulation and trail.

"Claire..." he whispered, as should he be speaking to her heart. "I love you, baby. Stay here, stay here."

Alone he stood in the waiting room, the white walls sickening him as they always had. Only now they were no bother... for he was sick with disbelief and sorrow that burned inside of him. An almost knowing fact of the future to come.

"Mr. Claim." A tall and strong looking Doctor came out from the I.C.U

Jacob's heart throbbing in his chest as he noted where the doctor had come from. Knowing that dear God, his wife was not boding so well.

"Mr. Claim?" The doctor asked again.

"Yes?" was the only response.

"You are Mrs. Claire Claim's husband, am I right, sir?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." Was the only response.

"You know your wife was a victim of serious stab wounds, am I right, sir?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." Was the only response.

The fidgeting doctor was not used to this type of news, for he had not worked in this hospital long. His last hospital in Greenwich CN was not as bad.

"Sir..." he struggled to speak. "...Mr. Claim. Your wife. She suffered serious stab wounds as you've confirmed to know."

He was still unable to meet eyes with the man as he tried to speak the news that by facial desperation one could read no good. Jacob could feel the darkness overshadow his entire form.

"She's well... Mrs. Claim is in I.C.U. The Intensive Care Unit..." he was stammering slightly. "The wounds were in places we could do nothing to heal. The left aorta of the heart was punchier, her left lung, and her stomach. She's alive, by some miracle, ... but, well... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry to say this but, well... she wont be for long."

Jacob fell deeper than the dark black hole which lead to hell as those words were spoken by an amateur doctor. One who could not even gather himself to speak of what has come to pass.

"She..." the doctor said. "She wants to see you."

"Then I'll waist no more time here." Jacob spoke as he hurried down the I.C.U not knowing which part she was in, or how to find her. He only let one thing rest in his mind. I love you, Claire.

Then the mountain rose before me, by the deep well of desire.
From the fountain of forgiveness, beyond the ice and the fire.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless,
Please remember me.

The good doctor had run ahead of Jacob as to lead him to Claire, but it was futile as Jacob alone found himself in the right direction. The secret call of their love guiding his every foot falling upon the tile, steps.

And there... there in a dimly lit room in the I.C.U was Claire, darling, beautiful Claire as she lay upon a hospital bed of her last breath to be taken. Her honey blonde hair falling down her shoulders and onto the bed as her eyes looked towards Jacob and beamed with a smile of pure delight. Even in the midst of her pain, she looked on at her love with an aching heart. A pure as the day the met, as passionate as the night of their first kiss, as powerful as the day their love was celebrated through their holy union called marriage. She never understood it, as to how she could possibly love him more and more with each passing moment, only she knew it was true. She loved him, more and more, just as he loved her, more and more.

Her gray eyes sparkled in the near lightless room. Her soft breasts falling with every painful breath from beneath the gown. She was in love again seeing him standing there. His eyes fearless as he looked upon her...

In an sudden instance, Jacob lowered his head in hard hanging sob. His eyes letting loose the tears that had made their desire to leave known hours before. His moaning weep echoing in the room, drawing a sad frown from his wife who held her arms out to him. She desperately wanted to hold her husband of so many life wondering years in her arms.

Jacob slowly sat beside her, taking Claire, ever so beautiful Claire in his arms and holding her as tightly as he could without causing more pain, if such was possible.

"Shh" came the soft gust of air from between her lips. "All is well my love, all is well... please don't cry. I cannot leave without seeing your smile."

"Then." He wept as he spoke. "I'll never smile again, if it keeps you here with me forever."

Claire let loose a soft laugh at her husbands chosen words. She had always loved his way of selfishness or as you might call it, stubbornness that kept him with her all of these years. She had rearly ever seen him wept or so much as let loose one tear from his eyes. The only time she ever saw him do that, was when Greta Delores was born. The day he held her high and beheld the darling his wife bestowed to him.

"You funny man." She sighed with a strong beaming smile while holding his head against her chest. "Always so funny... always so silly. If you think I'll live with you without a smile from that handsome face, then you've got another thing coming mister."

He couldn't help but laugh as she said this to him. Even when his despair was taking charge and throwing his heart away, he could not help but look up and smile at his wonderful wife. How wonderful she was, and how darling she sounded. He thought of her heart, and how she could be feeling. She knew she was dying. She had to know it. But she still laughed with him and smiled with all of her heart.

"I'm scared." She said as if she could read his thoughts. "I'm so afraid."

"Don't be." He assured her. "I'm with you now and until the final moment, hon. I'll smile for you, I'll dance for you, I'll laugh for you, anything. Just tell me how to make you no longer afraid."

She began to softly wept as she held him tightly against her. Her mind saying 'to hell with the pain.' As she pulled him closer and closer, pushing her flesh back with his body. Hoping to have more of him with every tight pull.

Earlier that night, a camera man and news woman had come into the room wanting a story. The security guard had taken them away, of course, the camera man had left his camera by accident. It sat upon a small table in the room, as Claire looked up to it.

A thought entered her mind suddenly as her tear stained eyes locked upon the object. A thought she could not leave without speaking.

Though we share this humble path alone, how fragile is the heart.
Oh, give these clay feet wings to fly,
To touch the face of the stars.
Breathe life into this feeble heart, list this mortal veil of fear.
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears.
We'll rise above these earthly cares.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless,
Please remember me.
Please remember me.
Please remember me.

"Hon?" she asked. "Will you make sure there is a tape in that camera and turn it towards us before pressing record?"

"What?" Jacob asked in disbelief. "Why?"

"Trust me,... do it." She ordered in her ever popular rich bitch attitude. With a small hint of laughter behind it even as the tears made rivers over her oval face.

Jacob had learned to work camera's before. When he worked as a morticians assistant in the past, he had been asked by a family member from a funeral one day to record the event for them.

He found to a simple delight in curiosity, a tape was in the camera. He made sure the position caught his wife perfectly as he had been told.

"Now press record and stay there." She ordered.

Slowly pressing the button, he stay behind the camera as Claire had told him to, waiting as she gently tried to rise a bit off of the bed. Looking into the camera with a glow in her eyes.

"I've decided." She began.

Her voice stood still for a moment as she looked into the camera. Being her typical self and gaining all strength possible to do this one last thing.

"..." she was silent for that moment before speaking again. "I want to give you something. You could watch it when you feel lonely, Jacob."

She was softly letting tears stream from her eyes again as she looked into the camera.

"I want you to remember." She began again. "I want you to remember how much I love you. How much I've always loved you. For the way you treat me. The way you make me feel like a queen without pampering me like a weak infant. The way you kiss me. I love you for the little things you do. When you rub my feet after I've been standing or walking all day. The way you hold my hair when I'm sick, rub it, the way you rest your nose in my hair and smell it at night when we cuddle."

She began to smile in her sorrowful tears. "I love the way you held my hands against your chest on our wedding day. As if you wanted me to feel your heart beating those three words to me as the priest said his peace. I love the way you are with children. How Greta was such a daddies girl all of her life. Such a wonderful father to have. I love the way you say you love me, even when there is no reason once so ever to say it. I love the way you take me in your arms and dance with my heart one way or another. I love the way you make love to me in our bed. Even our adventurous moments in our youth. I love the comfort you give... the way you blush, the way you laugh, the way you smile. Even when you don't want to smile, and you mock me like a pouting child."

Claire let out a short laugh. Her eyes becoming serious and loving as she looked up into Jacobs eyes.

"I want you to remember." She said. "I will always be with you. I'll leave heaven and fallow you everywhere. I'll hold you in my arms, even if you can't feel it. I know your heart will. When you lay your right hand on your left shoulder, my hand will be resting below it. I will be riding on your back, with my legs around your waist and my arms around your neck. I'll lay next to you and watch as you sleep, for as the songs say, I don't want to miss a thing."

Jacob's heart was beating faster. His own tears overtaking him as his wife spoke softly to him with all of her heart.

"When you cross your arms over your chest. I'll be in that embrace, holding you. Even when you find love with another woman, I'll be there. Sharing you if I must, I'll never let you go."

"No." he said. "No other... never. I don't want that."

She smiled in a secret relief. Her full lips spreading out as the blood seemed to rush to her face, even as it grew cold in her.

"I'll always love you, Jacob Fredrick Claim." She said. "Watch this when you feel lonely, okay?"

He nodded. Sobbing as he smiled down at her. Jacob beheld his wife as she sank down gently into the bed, her eyes becoming heavy as the eternal sleep made itself announced to them.

"I guess." She trembled. "It's time to go now."

"Wait!" he snapped. "Wait!"

She looked imploringly up at her husband with her heavy eyes. Waiting as his lips shivered and trembled while tears escaped in between them.

"I love you." He said.

Her smile took control as she drifted down. Her eyes closing with their tears as her husbands words spoke to her.

Jacob lowered his head down to her chest and wept as his heart broke suddenly. His wife was drifting away.

"Jacob," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Promise me..." she said. "You'll do my make up, dress me in my wedding dress. I want to look the same as the day we married. Can you do that for me, baby?"

"Anything." He whispered. "anything."

With one last kiss. She was gone. Claire Deborah Claim had died in her husbands kiss and with their loving interlude. One in the likes many cannot enjoy with one another. The type that would become a story for all miracle seekers to hear.

Jacob looked at his wife with his weeping eyes. His heart seeming quiet and no more inside of him as he looked at her now lifeless form.

"I love you."

* * * * *

Those were the last words he ever allowed himself to speak. Never again would he speak another word.

Claire had by some strange and unknown means, saved up three million dollars in life insurance. He gave almost all of it to their daughter... the rest he gave to an artist who specialized in caskets and funerals. He gave the man a letter with his instructions, so that he would not be made to speak. A pure white casket made special with light purplish flowers forming through out.

He spent the next three nights preparing her body. Dressing her in her wedding gown, and applying her makeup the very same way it had been. No picture was needed, for his heart and mind remembered every detail.

At the wake, and the funeral, he never moved away from her. He lavished kisses on her forehead, lips, cheeks, and chin, and even her nose. He placed two small sun flowers on her eyes, and rose petals in an arch around her head. His mind speaking softly to her, saying...

Only these simply flowers will lose their beauty later.

He never spoke again.

Jacob Claim's daughter had even helped her father have his voice box removed a year later, seeing as he refused to ever speak.

Greta Delores Claim Lopez even supported her father as he became a priest with a vow of celibacy and fast of any worldly pleasures. No more would he allow himself any simple part of life that would help his soul lose it's way unto heaven. For he vowed to be with Claire again. Yes he would visit Greta and her family... but never again would he live life as he did.

He never spoke again,

Except of course in his heart to say to his darling wife again.

"I love you."

When the dark wood fell before me, and all the paths were overgrown.
When the priests of pride say there is no other way.
I tilled the sorrows of stone.

I did not believe because I could not see, though you came to me in the night.
When the dawn seemed forever lost,
You should me your love in the light of the stars.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless.
Please remember me.

Then the mountain rose before me by the deep well of desire.
From the fountain of forgiveness.
Beyond the ice and the fire.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless.
Please remember me.

Though we share this humble path alone. How fragile is the heart.
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly.
To touch the face of the stars.

Breath life into this feeble heart, lift this mortal veil of fear.
Take these crumbled hopes etched with tears.
We'll rise above these earthly cares.
Cast your eyes on the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless.
Please remember me.
Please remember me.