Web Of Deceit (haha)

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Second hand story of criminal activity.
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The guy was drunk as hell, Lisa. I saw him at the burger place down the street. He seemed to remember me. He had a wild story. I don't know how this person thought he could trust me. I mean, I know him from from around town, he's always friendly, asks me if I want to get toasted, and I say no thank you. But, I thought you would enjoy the little story he related. I did not think you would mind since you are hand rolling your "cigarillos" a lot lately. I can't keep up with you. Are you about to get your B.S.?

....................... .........................

The DEA agent was at the door. He was part Honduran, part Columbian, and he grew up in Maryland. I answered the door, and was greeted by the agent and a Collie.

I knew the agent. He had been tailing me for weeks. I already knew what car he drove, where he went to eat on Thursday nights, where he played racquetball, and his girlfriend's number. Though I never called her, but I knew her number.

"Okay, where's the stuff?"

I asked him in, offered him a Coke(what else) and went back to my Corona Extra on the end table, made of pure mahogany. I didn't sit down. The Lone Ranger, was soloing, which I thought was odd. He said he did not want anything to drink, so I answered his question.

"The coke? It's in the freezer."

The agent went over to the freezer. He opened the door, saw several frozen dinners, some frozen hot dogs, and eight cheap frozen pizzas. He saw no sign of the cocaine.

"Well, where the hell is it?"

"I was kidding. The stuff is in the water closet."

"You mean it's in the toilet?"

"Something like that."

So we ambled into the bathroom and the DEA guy pulled up the cover on the water closet Inside was a big bag of the stuff.

The DEA guy pulled the plastic bag out of the water closet, opened it. I fired up one of my petite cigars and waited. The bag was full of baking soda. He even made me go get vinegar for him to make sure that it was indeed baking soda. And not coke or something else. The Collie did not show any signs of being in on a bust.

"Man, I did not know Collies were K-9."

The agent looked at me arrogantly. "That figures. You don't know your dogs very well. She is part Collie and part Irish Setter and part yellow Lab. Now where the hell is the coke?"

"Somewhere over the Caribbean, I imagine."

"So where is it going? The Shetland Islands?"

I got serious. "I don't have the coke, cop."

"That's fine with me. Because I'm no cop"

"So what are you?"

I am with the cartel. The OTHER cartel."

"Oh. That sucks."

"You don't know the half of it." The guy pulled out a .38. This one was old school. Nowadays they just get an M16 and cram it down inside their slacks.

"You are about to die. Because you have my stuff. But YOU don't have it."

Three times he shot me. All of them were blanks. Guy looked down at the revolver. I smirked.

"You should have packed a 9 mm. You also should have not let my brother load your firearm."

The drug runner's eyes were wide. "Your brother? I thought he was on our side."

"Should have thought again, bro. He knew you were coming this way tonight."

I picked up a half-full glass bottle of Listerine. I had been saving it for this occasion. Still bewildered by his gun with no bullets, he did not react fast enough when I turned the bathroom light off. The bottle was traveling in an arc. I hit the guy as hard as I could on the head. He fell down across the bathtub. Out cold.

The Collie(I did not know her name) and me got along pretty well. Everything that had just happened seemed like a normal day at work. I wanted this guy out for a while, although I did not want him dead. I don't care what people do with their money, and if mafioso want to waste each other, I don't care. If it isn't me. I had some pine disinfectant handy and poured it on the the OTHER cartel guy lying prone in the bathroom. I didn't think that the impact killed him. And the fumes from the disinfectant should have left the guy in an an unconscious state. I left the rented apartment with the dog, and a valise. All this time, the stuff was in a clothes hamper, out in the back yard so the K-9 would not smell it.

--------

So Lisa, that's the story. I always expected the dope-sniffing dog to be a German Shepherd. The K-9 was neither a Shepherd or a Collie. The smuggler never worried about area squirrels. I mean..you never know about squirrels, right? The squirrels could smell the coke in the clothes hamper filled with my dirty shirts, my dirty underwear, and my dirty dish rags. I guess that the squirrels and anybody else just noticed what a slob I was. $283,000 worth of contraband was in a dirty clothes hamper on the back porch that should obviously be inside.

I'll see you down in the islands, OK? Call before you come, and I'll have a Sunrise ready for you. You like yours squeezed, right?

/

..

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3 Comments
jtwheelsjtwheelsover 4 years ago
Huh?

What where when and why

anglosextantyen4uanglosextantyen4uover 11 years agoAuthor
Suspension of Disbelief

I appreciate the people who enjoyed this.

And I miss Frank Drebin. Don't you?

RIP 2010

.

tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
A NEW WAY TO DISGUISE CONTRABAND

and a new day to be more careful and watch your back. TK U MLJ LV NV

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