What?

"What?"

She is laughing now.

"Oh, Greg, the doctor says your sperm count is at the top of the chart, and your boys are all Olympic swimmers,' she said.

I'm taken aback, but so relieved.

"Ok, so we just keep trying,"

"Well...there are things we can do to increase the chance that your boys reach the end of the pool."

"Oh good, what?"

"You see, your swimmers have further to travel and a more difficult journey. If we can shorten the journey, and give them a little push, that would be a big help."

"Ok, how do we do that?"

"Well, when you make love to me, I should be on my back and a little elevated. Then I should stay that way for at least a half hour after we finish...And," She hesitated.

"We need to have lots of sex when I am fertile, and you need to refrain from ejaculating when I am not ovulating," she finished in a calm even voice.

Like any guy, I heard the lots of sex and nothing after that.

"So let's go," I said grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the bedroom.

"No, I am waiting for my friend. You know the one that visits every twenty-eight days. We need to wait about two weeks," she said.

"Oh, so what do we do in the meantime?"

"Well, you need to refrain from ..." and she made a vulgar motion with her hand.

Then to my perplexed expression, she moved closer.

"Look, love, we can still have sex. You can please me with your mouth, tongue, and hands like always, but we need to save you for when it counts."

"Ok, I guess, if that's what we need to do," I said.

"I'm sorry for this, I feel so inadequate..." she said.

"No, we need to see this as what it is, good news. We have a chance. We chose to have a child, and we make it happen."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you. Why, would you marry the campus slut? I was used goods, and you knew it," She said.

Patty put her hand on my cheek. She looked at me with her impossibly green eyes, and said, "I wanted you never to have a regret that we married. I know I can be a bit possessive, but I never cared for any man but you. I'm afraid that I am a one man woman, and unfortunately, for you that man is YOU."

We hugged then, and I relaxed, and that is always a mistake with a woman like Patty-Ann.

So we began the strangest period of my life. Patty-Ann was insatiable for oral pleasure when she wasn't fertile. When she was fertile, we had sex until I thought my dick would fall off, but it was anything but pleasurable. She lay flat on her back unmoving, and I was expected to perform. When I complained that my hand was more satisfying, I instantly regretted it.

Patty-Ann grabbed my manhood and said, "If I so much as catch you touching yourself, I will cage this up so tight your eyes will pop."

She was serious, and she must have seen the fear in my eyes. Could I live with this woman? Should I have ever married her? Then the warm, loving wife came back.

"Dear love, I'm sorry, but I want a baby so bad. Please promise to keep trying. It's only for a little bit."

She kissed me and petted me, and did all the usual things she did to get around me.

After four months of trying, I came home to a party. I had good news, a contract to design phones that were going to make real money. But the party was my relatives celebrating the impending birth.

I was the last to know, my wife was pregnant. I had a moment of relief. The ordeal was over. I had performed, and I expected rewards, like a return to normal sex. I know, stupid, but even a smart man could not have foreseen the trouble that was to come. That would have taken a genius on the scale of Sherlock Homes.

I was a bit stung that no one seemed interested in my news, but I told everyone just the same.

"Good man!" my father-in-law said before he launched into a long discussion of the merits of the various Ivy League Universities for his grandchild. Surprisingly, it was Patty-Ann's girlfriend Kelly who was interested in my news and me.

Kelly handed me a Sam Adams, and said with a big friendly smile, "You look like you need this and congratulations on the new company! Always knew you would succeed."

I was a bit surprised, since she had never been friendly, and had been openly hostile when I initially refused to ask Patty-Ann to marry me. I had remained close with her husband Jerry who had gone to work for my father-in-law.

"How is Jerry, is he coming by later?" I asked.

"No, the dealership has a softball league. He's playing tonight. At least, he's good for something," Kelly said with a frown.

Before I could wonder what was off with them—they had always seemed a happy couple—my wife was dragging me away.

"What were you doing?" she said.

"Just talking to Kelly."

"Flirting, more like," she said

"What! This is nerdy me that you are talking about," I said, unable to suppress a smile at her ridiculous statement.

"Don't run the innocent act on me, buster! Kelly is one jealous lady right now. Her prize bull is not performing up to expectations! But I don't lend mine out."

I realized what their earlier overheard conversation was about. Two couples trying to get pregnant. The wife being our problem, the husband failing in the second couple. I felt sorry for Kelly and Jason but relieved for myself and Pat. I firmly believe what was to come was unforeseeable.

The California deal took off, and both my partners were invited out. One to discuss sales, the other manufacturing. Our corporate partner seemed to feel its research crew could function without me. I didn't care. I seemed to be very busy with baby showers and catering to a pregnant wife. It seemed there was always something she needed, or that I was expected to do.

Pat did not have significant morning sickness, but she was irritable as hell. She began to put on weight. I assumed this was just the usual until the doctor's appointment. I was required to attend each appointment as the ignorant but dutiful husband. However, I am neither blind nor stupid.

When the obstetrician, who was female, listened to Pat's belly, concern showed on her face. She tried hard to mask it. I was shuffled out of the room so she could talk to my wife in private. The first sonogram was moved up to later that afternoon. So Pat and I went to kill some time until the test could be done.

"Ok, what is up?" I demanded when we were alone.

"Please, let me get the sonogram and then we will talk," she said.

"No, I am fed up with this. I have a right to know what is wrong."

"You need to trust me and be patient. We will know very soon. I don't want to upset you unless it's necessary," she said.

There was no point in arguing for what I would know in a few hours, given the procedure. I was going to be in the room.

When we got to the sonogram room the doctor was there, and a tech. They spread gook on her belly and started the sound waves going. In a minute, I was in a room with three smiling women while my wife squeezed my hand.

"One, two, and three," the doctor counted "just like I thought."

Patty-Ann turned to me, "Well stud you certainly did the job."

We were having triplets! It was too early for the sex to be known, but you could just see the little hearts beating. They were one of the side effects of Patty's condition. She took fertility drugs that increased ovulation. The problem in the front of her womb had been overcome, leaving my sperm free to find as many eggs as she had available - in this case, at least, three.

After that, Patty-Ann blew up like a parade balloon. She alternated between exaltation at having her babies to depression over her looks.

"I'm so ugly," she said weeping.

"No you are beautiful," I said. The truth was, she looked terrible. So bad it was worrying! Some women may shine during pregnancy, but I doubt they're carrying three at once. The doctor said she would be ok, but then gave us a list of things to watch for. Patty didn't see the danger, only how she looked.

"No, I'm ugly. I know you can't love me, but please don't leave me," she cried. Nothing would convince her, I was not on the verge of dumping her for someone else. I was partly to blame. It was hard to look at her. Her appearance scared me. I had feared losing her to another man. Now I saw a new threat. One I had let happen, in my weakness.

I realized how shallow, I had been. Faced with literally losing my wife and/or our unborn children my prior fears seemed as petty as they truly were.

The bigger Pat got, the worse it got. She became obsessively jealous, and I could no longer sleep. My dreams were filled with nightmares and awake I was filled with dread. In some dreams, the babies were born dead. In others, Pat died, and then in the worst I lost wife and children.

In daylight, I had to contemplate not just the risks of birth, but what happens after. How does a useless, clumsy nerd cope with being the father of three girls? Yes, they were all girls. My disquiet only fed Patty-Ann's jealousy.

"Where were you?"

"At Larry's," I said, but I didn't say I was hiding there trying to forget my fears.

"Try again. His mother said he was in California when I called."

"Yes, but—"

"Who is she?"

"Please calm down and let me explain."

I must have talked for a good two hours while she alternated between crying and shouting at me.

"What have I ever done to make you doubt me," I finally said when she was ready to accept that I was working in Larry's mother's garage. That was only after a phone call to Larry's mom confirmed my presence there all day.

"You have to understand that being ugly like this is new to me. I know, I only got someone as good as you because of the way I looked. I'm just some easy piece of tail cheerleader. You didn't even want to marry me. Now I've lost the only thing I had going for me," she cried into the arm of the uncomfortable overpriced sofa her mother had bought us.

"If you weren't pregnant I would put you over my knee. You certainly deserve a spanking, although that might hurt your brains that are certainly in your ass. I married you in spite of your looks. Yes, I knew you were a slut. How could I not? That scene you acted with the basketball player. Oh, sure, you didn't fuck him Saturday night. But are you so stupid as to believe I was unaware that you spent Friday night in his bed?"

"You knew?"

"Yes, but I loved you so! It was tearing me up. I knew with my head that I should not marry you, but my heart was saying otherwise."

Oh!" she moaned as she came into my arms.

We made very careful sweet love, me and my puffy wife.

Afterward, she cuddled with me as best she could, and said, "Promise you will never leave me."

"That's easy. I will never leave you," I said, words I would all too soon regret.

______________________________________________________

"NO!" my wife screamed.

"Please try to understand - I have to go."

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"Please, you have to understand—"

"Oh, I understand alright. I'm too fat to physically have sex with. You are tired of blowjobs, and your buddies call you every day to tell you how easy the girls in Silicon Valley are. I read all about it in Cosmo," as she said this she began to weep... "You barely even touch me anymore!"

I would have been angry if she weren't so pathetic. At six months pregnant, she was virtually helpless. If she lay down, she could not get up without help. She no longer walked, only waddle like a duck, swaying her enormous rear. I suppose if she had not been an athlete it would have been worse, but she was no athlete now! It hurt me to see her this way.

The doctor had taken Pat off work, and she would be going back no time soon. We faced the distinct possibility that her contract would not be renewed. Moreover, I knew I would never be able to take care of three babies on my own. I had a terrible fear at the back of my mind that I would be on my own. At the very least I was sure I'd have a non-working wife. Peter Pan needed to grow up fast.

My salvation was the phone deal. It promised substantial profits. We might not get rich, but I would have real income for a year or two. It was what we needed when we needed it.

"Please, there is a problem with the software. It works on the phones here, but not in California. We have tried everything, but can't figure it out. I have to go work with the engineers there."

"You said you would never leave me," she said in a soft sob.

"I'm not. If you could fly, I would take you with me, but the doctor said no to that. I will be gone a week or two at the most."

I left her with her parents. Her father understood, but her mother did not. I felt like shit. The woman owned me, heart and soul. My initial fears had come to pass - she could hurt me without even trying. And now I had responsibilities. The impending birth of not one but three little girls. All three girls would be looking for me to support them. Pay for their college and weddings in fancy lace dresses. The geek who could not get or keep a job. Life can be so cruel. It dangles happiness before you, but only delivers pain.

I don't remember the flight to San Francisco beyond the fact that it was long and dreary. The seats were too small for a man my size. I had to bear it - what else could I do? The limo ride from the airport to the glass enclosed corporate box seem to take a long time.

A tall, very attractive woman greeted me.

"I'm Karen Danforth, head of research and development," she said extending her hand.

"Good to meet you can we get started?" I said.

"Don't you want to get settled in, unpack, or get something to eat?"

"No I have just the one bag, and it can wait. I need to start work."

Karen led me to the lab. She introduced me around. I didn't remember a name five second after I heard it, but we all smiled at each other like good friends. Soon enough she showed me the problem, and we started examining the difficulty. It just didn't work. The software would function and then cut out. It would appear to be a flaw in the algorithm. Maybe something causing a continuous loop or an undefined variable. The time slipped passed me as I worked.

"Ah, were you thinking of sleeping tonight?" Karen asked.

"What?"

"It's almost midnight."

"Oh sorry, I guess we should quit for the day."

"More like quit for the night...Listen, we figure it would be easier if you stayed at my place. It's not far, and that way I can drive you back and forth," she said.

"Hmm, that could be a problem. I have a very pregnant and very, very jealous wife," I said feeling a bit silly, but not stupid enough to go and stay with a female colleague.

Karen began laughing," don't be ridiculous, my spouse is jealous too, and I assure you no one will see a problem even if we slept in the same bed. But no worries, you will be sleeping in the guest house."

We drove about forty minutes to a gated residence. There was a beautiful gingerbread cottage that had been expanded with a modern addition. Behind the house, a garden lit by architectural lighting. Nestled in the garden was a guest house.

"Wow, you never said you were rich," I said.

Karen laughed, "We make a good living, and yes this place cost a penny. But it is worth the price."

She settled me in the guest house, and I fell asleep in my clothes on a bed that was amazingly soft. The jet lag had finally overcome the adrenalin,� I was running on.

Next morning, I showered, changed clothes, and walked through the very lovely garden toward the house. The sliding glass doors at the back of the house were open and welcoming. They led directly into a big farmhouse style kitchen. Once again I wondered what this place must have cost.

A pretty blond woman was at the kitchen stove, a child who was a littler version of herself held against her hip.

"Hello, I'm Nancy. You must be Greg," she said on seeing me.

"Yes," I said, a bit confused as to who she was.

Reading my mind, she said, "I'm Karen's wife. I hope, you're not some conservative Christian."

"Oh, No. I just thought..."

Nancy laughed which caused the little girl to laugh with her.

"This is Sadie...Say hello to Greg."

"H-e-l-l-o," Sadie said before shyly turning away.

"Good morning all," Karen said entering the kitchen, "I see you guys have met."

Karen gave Nancy an affectionate kiss on the cheek. You could just tell they had a loving relationship. It was relaxed and comfortable in that kitchen. It had none of the tension that I often felt between Patty-Ann and myself. I wondered if someday, we could be that comfortable with each other.

We had a quick breakfast, and then fought the worst traffic I had ever seen, all the way to work. The trip that had been just forty minutes the night before took almost two hours.

As a result, it was almost noon when I discovered the problem.

"It's not the same chip," I said

"What?" Karen replied.

"Very slightly different. Somebody cut corners on the chip,� I originally used. Unfortunately, I fitted my code to that chip."

"So, a simple fix, we rewrite the code," Karen said.

"It took me over three months the first time."

"Well you have a whole team now, and what's a month or so? They can start manufacturing as we rewrite," Karen said.

"You don't understand. What am I going to tell Patty-Ann?"

In the end, I told my wife very little and decided to work around the clock. This, of course, was a big mistake. Patty-Ann was a jealous woman. Her fears filled in the blanks that I failed to. Although I set up a cot in the lab, I still went to the little guesthouse to get some real sleep when I needed it.

One morning Nancy and I sat at her kitchen table while I waited for Karen.

"Can I ask a question?" I said.

"I guess," Nancy replied.

"What does it take to get comfortable in your marriage?"

"Gee, I was trying not to get comfortable. It's so easy to take your partner for granted," she said.

"You and Karen seem so much at ease when you are together. With Pat and me, things are always on edge. She is very jealous, and when she is not jealous; I am waiting for her to leave me for someone else."

Nancy gave a laugh, "Every marriage is different, and jealousy is an irrational response. I know, I have felt it without the slightest cause. But I think the cure is loving and trusting your partner. After all, the worst that can happen will never match your fears."

Just then Karen arrives, and we were off to work.

It took exactly eleven days from the time I landed in California to complete the work. I could not have done it without Karen and her staff. But done it was, and working better than the original.

Karen gave me a hug and said, "It's been a great experience working with you."

"Thanks, I know that I have not been an easy person to work with, but I just have to get back to my wife."

"You must love her very much."

"I do, more than I ever believed it was possible to love anyone," I said, realizing that in spite of my best intentions my Patty-Anne had stolen every inch of my heart.

"Look, I should not say anything, but I know corporate is going to waylay you at the luncheon they are having for the product rollout today. They are going to offer you a multiyear consultant contract. They are going to put on the full press. They will be offering big money, and will be pressing for an answer. Just a heads up, so you know what's coming," Karen said.

Karen was right about the big money. As I flew back east, I knew I would have to take that offer. Guys like me do not often earn high six figure incomes. At one time, I had been free to do as I pleased, but now I was an expectant father with all the responsibility that entailed. My girls would deserve everything that money could buy. They and their mother were now my responsibility. My days of doing as I pleased were over.

But Patty-Ann would not be happy. My wife would not like leaving her family for California. She was the kind of person who, having always had money, did not hold it in high regard. Patty-Ann would rather go without something than disrupt her parents. She would never let money come between her and her family. They showered gifts on her, but she would have walked through fire for them for nothing. Now I had to ask her to move thousands of miles away.