What Kind of Man I Am Ch. 01-04

Hey Fuckers

This is chapters 1-4 all in one read. If you already read it, no need to do it again.

This covers the first week of how Chip reacts after discovering his wife is secretly planning to divorce him on August 31st.

For some reason, I see Paul Rudd as Marty.

Let me know who would be best to play the cast if this was ever a movie! Damn right it would be rated R and there will be nudity!

*****

August 11, 2017.

This last couple of weeks has been total bull shit. My relationship with my wife has been getting bad like an infection. Reflecting back, it seems to have changed big time when she started dieting in April of this year. Actually, she would just skip meals. She always hated exercise so I guess she figured to just not eat. She had a strong will and I loved that about her. But now? I had tried a couple of times to talk to her. That just pissed her off and then she would freeze me out for the week.

Lately, she was bringing work home all the time or working late. Leaving me to do 70 percent of the household stuff. That applied to the kids as well. I worked 50 hours a week. But I sucked it up like a good hubby.

The kids and I settled into a weekly pattern of being the primary family. We would do pizza night, go to movies, and take an adventure on the weekend. We would go camping, hiking, biking, and waterparks. We were total adrenaline junkies during the summer. Most of the time their mom would say she couldn't go.

My wife Joan is 39 years old. The years have not been kind to her. She was constantly complaining about her grey hair, wrinkles, her shoulder, her eyesight just to name a few. Even with the weight loss and the hair coloring, I think she is looking worse.

My name is Chip. Aging has been much more kind to me. Although my arthritis and knee injuries have slowed me down a tad. I'm 40, but friends think I look 30. A buddy of mine calls me Highlander.

"You never get older! There can only be one!"

My wife on occasion has been asked if I was her son. First time it was funny. The second...uhm, not funny.

The kids are great. Chips off the old block! Ha! My daughter Michele is 16. My son Kixx is 14. Both are smart and exceptional at sports. They seem to have the best of everything from me and Joan.

Joan went to bed early tonight after taking a sleep aid. She said she was exhausted. At first I was concerned that she was sick with strep or something. The kids were at their friends house for sleepovers. My mind wandered trying to figure out this puzzle of my lonely marriage and what to do with this evening.

With time to kill I was going to watch Thor Ragnarok.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh ah! We come from the land of the ice and snow..."

I went to the kitchen to fix a Malibu rum and coke for the movie. Then I noticed something. When Joan gets tired she tends to drop her stuff wherever and then asks me what she did with it. That would explain why her phone was in the kitchen by her prescription of sleeping pills. Hmmmm. Her boyfriend the phone. All alone and defenseless.

Screw this! I was going to search her phone and see if I can get to the bottom of this.

I decided to look at her Facebook messenger first. I figure she is too smart to put anything in texts and she knows I rarely use Facebook much myself.

She on the other hand was on Facebook all the time. I scan for her best friends name Laura. I pop open what looks like a very long running thread with Laura.

My stomach drops, I can't even believe what I'm reading. Seriously, five minutes and I now know what has been going on.

She has been planning the last year to divorce me. Apparently stashing money, vetting attorneys, and plans on dating.

I went back to august 2016 where it seemed to start.

"I love him. He's a great father. But I don't think I'm in love with him. He wants to do sports and he gets hurt all the time. He wants to get a old charger I think. Oh I don't remember what kind of car. He likes to BBQ and hot tubs. And he is always wants to do things with the kids like mountain biking or camping. What kind of man is that? He's a big kid. I want to go to dinner parties and to meet interesting people. I like eating out at nice restaurants like I do when I travel for work. We just want different things."

It appears she is going to drop it on me right before Labor day weekend. Crap! That's is right around the corner.

Two qualities about me are coming into play now. I have very little patience when backed into a corner and I'm a very effective strategic problem solver. My plan was pinballing in my head. I would strike first and often over the next 3-4 weeks. She gave me a great playbook with that list of things she didn't like about me. What was sad is this was who I was and what attracted her to me. There was real disrespect and anger in these messages. Well she can fuck right off!

My first move would be a new car. This was make her furious. She always has a panty twist about the cars we buy.

I currently drove a Highlander. I know! But it was great for transporting

the kids and their friends to sports and events. But not what I wanted. I always wanted a bad ass Jeep.

Saturday I had to take the kids to some games in the afternoon. But my morning was wide open. That which does not kill me, makes me stronger bitch.

It was going to be hard to sleep tonight.

I still watched the movie and probably had too many rum and cokes.

Saturday I got up and out of the house at 8am. Joan would be out of commission till probably 9-10am. I was firing on 6 out 8 cylinders. Ugh.

I went to the gas and sip and grabbed a large iced coffee and Advil. Then headed to the YMCA and upgraded my membership. I just used the Ymca for the weekly basketball league I played in. Now I would use the gym. When the kids didn't need me I would have a legit reason why I wasn't home. I was in pretty good shape but I would like to get more definition in my chest and arms.

The gym will really mind fuck her. She can be one jealous bitch. But who fucking cares?

I'm taking this thing to DEFCON 4 by Labor Day!

The rest of the morning I spent at the Jeep dealership and bought a 2017 fire cracker red Wrangler. I think I'll get some rims to juice it up some more. It was about 1:45 pm when I arrived home.

I walked in and found everyone was in the kitchen. The kids were eating and looking at there phones. My dear wife was at the breakfast counter on her computer. Probably Facebook. She had her resting bitch Facebook on.

"Hey guys."

"Hey dad."

"You guys have your gear ready for your games?"

Both said they were all set. Joan didn't say anything. As we got ready to go my wife decided to speak. What loving words would she say?

"Can you buy some of my ice tea while your out?"

"Sure."

On the inside I'm flipping her a double birdie!

We headed out to the driveway and the kids were confused looking for the Highlander.

I had a huge smile on my face.

"Guys over here. I bought the Jeep this morning."

"Awesome dad! This is sick."

"Mom is going to freak! But I'm glad you bought it. Wow!

I bounced back and forth equally between the kids games. Chel was done first and we went to get Kixx. The kids lined up their plans with there friends tonight via text. Time to feed the beasties.

We had great time and enjoyed some awesome stir-fry. The kids verbally battled over who would get the Jeep when they were old enough to drive. I joked with them.

"Ha! There will be only one. And it's mine!"

On the way home I did not stop for Ice tea. That was a battle of will power for me.

Part of me still wanted to take care of my wife. The force was strong with me this day!

We rolled in the house like a herd of buffalo at about 6:30 pm. The kids scrambled to get changed so they could head back out. With it being summer, they can stay out later as long as I know where they are at. Their really goods kids.

So was I though. I pulled some stunts when I was 16. The sleepover was a perfect time to sneak out an push start my buddies car for an evening of rocking out and crusing for girls. Shit! I should really start spot checking on Chel.

Joan wasn't home. But she left a note. Said she went to Laura's and would be back later.

Makes sense. Don't text me because you might have to actually communicate then. She can suck it!

I dropped my buddy Matty a text.

"Hey man. I'm free tonight. I got new wheels. You want to grab a few?"

A few minutes later.

"Awesome timing. I'm having a BBQ with my neighbors. Get your ass over here!"

I got cleaned up and left a note on Joan's note.

"Went to Matt's for some beers. Back later. Kixx is at Jack's and Chel is at Becky's."

I jumped in the Jeep and headed over.

Matt lived only 5 blocks away.

This Jeep is like a giant happy pill! I was cranking some classic rock and singing along with some Van Halen.

"Ain't talkin' 'bout love.

My love is rotten to the core!"

I parked the Jeep and crossed the street.

Sounded like everyone was out back, so I just went in through the front door. I made my way to the backdoor and saw Matty at the grill. Half way over I ran into his girlfriend Jacy.

"Chip its good to see you!"

"You too."

"Where's Joan?"

"She had something to do tonight."

"Hey buddy. Grab a beer."

He looked at me and stared for a couple of seconds. Then he frowned a little.

"Hey... you'll tell me later okay?"

Must have had it all over my face. He knew the last few months have sucked ass.

"Yeah. I definitely need to."

The party was great and I was buzzing nicely. I met a really beautiful woman named Monica that lived next door. It has been a long time since I had an instant attraction like this. We ended up chatting awhile.

As I mingled I kept trying to sneak a look at her when she was somewhere else, She was doing the same. What am I 16?

She had long brown hair and a fantastic smile. Smelled really good. Okay, she also had spectacular breasts. My god! I will be fantasizing about her when I go to bed. WTF! I was starting to get misty again. My marriage is shit and I'm horny.

Monica naked. In a hot tub. Me kissing her while she strokes my cock. I'm sucking on her large nipples. This was all swirling in my head. Thanks Joan! This party was everything she hated about me.

Things were winding down and Matty took me off to have our chat. I spilled all the details. Even my Bizarro Joan plan.

Bizarro did the opposite of superman.

We went out to look at Jeep.

"This Jeep is hot man. Hey. Where you going to Live?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

Monica came out the front door and approached us.

"Great party Matt! Chip, it was lovely talking to you."

She gave me a hug and I think I heated up to 110 degrees.

"It was great to meet you. I..."

Matty looked upset.

"Hey! I don't get a hug"

"No. Your not as hunky as Chip."

Of course we stared at her ass as she walked away.

"Well fine!"

She turned to look back at us and smirked.

"Well. I think you should move in here man. I am hardly here. I spend almost all my nights at Jacy's. I have 4 bedrooms. If your kids are coming too. They each can have a room. I do plan on marrying Jacy. But I am going to hold onto the house as an investment. Prices are going to go up in this neighborhood even more. I can give you at least a year or 2 here so you can get solid.

Apparently you already have a girlfriend next door too."

"Stop. I don't know what to say." I misted up.

Crap. I really was holding back my emotions.

Need to strong. But things were never going to be the same.

"Hey. Don't worry about it. So when is she going to do this?"

"Based on her plan, the Thursday before Labor day weekend after the kids go to sleep."

"So she tells you on Thursday night. You can come over here after. I'll give you a key tonight. That way you can start moving stuff right away. I love the plan man. But you need to lock down some money and get protected. I'm afraid she is going shaft you. I know someone that can help you."

"Thank you."

I smile a little.

"What?"

"Wait until she sees my Jeep."

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Chapter 2

Chip is a family man. If you push him too far he just might!

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We ended up standing there for awhile. Hey! Wait a minute.

"Hey! You didn't say anything to Monica did you?"

"I may have mentioned you could use a hug."

"Fucker! I'm still married."

"Hey. Was it a nice hug? She said you were hunky! Or was that chunky?"

Matty attempts to look like he was really thinking about it. Hard to believe I have known this guy for 20 years.

"That's not the point. Chill on being my wingman. Umm, for now."

"Man, I'm sorry. I was pretty buzzed when I said it. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Awkward silence. We both stare off into the night.

"Let me see how this week goes man. I need to get back into her phone. My memory on the messages is shaky. I'm just so fucking mad!"

Settle down. Breathe. Unclench jaw.

"I really appreciate the offer for the house. The kids have a lot of say when it comes to where they're going to live."

Sigh.

"I better head out. Let me go say bye to Jacy."

"I'll touch base with my friend Brad tomorrow and we'll set something up."

I look at him. Matty claps me on the back as we head back into the house.

"She smells good doesn't she?"

"Fucker."

I drove home and was emotionally drained. I imagined I was at the top of a great big cyclone water slide with the family. Joan went to the edge.

"You go first Chip."

Whoops, I gave her push.

"Nope you first!"

Weird day dream. Music brought me out of my funk.

A killer song. I turn this one way up and even take a longer way home. Is this the Foo Fighters?

"There goes my hero Watch him as he goes."

Love the intro to this song. I might have to watch Varsity Blues this weekend.

I walked in the door around 11:30 pm and most the lights were out. I checked on the kids and they were both on their computers in bed. We gave each other a smile and a wave. Joan seemed asleep. I really wasn't up to sleuthing her phone tonight.

I walked back to the TV room and turned on ESPN. I sat there numb for awhile with really no cohesive thought going on.

Shit! It has only been 24 hours. Fuck! You don't love me? Fine! Not fucking cool to do it like this. To plan months out what day to tell your husband to fuck off.

My little voice was trying to get my attention. Something was nagging me about why she picked Thursday. Why not Friday or Saturday? We would have the weekend. Why plan it on the night I play ball?

Then it dawned on me. Fucking genius of her actually. To hit me with it after the basketball game. I play in a serious b-ball league with refs and scorekeepers. Most of the guys had played high school or college ball. I would be physically exhausted and then she would t-bone me emotionally. I probably would have just sat there in shock. I'm sure Joan would go to work the next day with no issue, How am I ever going to keep my shit together for 20 more days?

I'll try to get the messages tomorrow night and hold off on any more big moves until I read them all the way through.

My gut says it was already time for Evil Chip. There is so much smoke, guaranteed to be a fire. Oh. Who wants some? Who wants to have a little? You? You want some Joan? Huh? Do yah?

I slipped into bed. I was tired, but couldn't sleep. I day dreamed about what Monica would look like naked. Mmmm. The hug. She did smell wonderful.

Sunday August 13, 2017

Sunday morning came and like clockwork I woke up and bailed out the house before 8 am. I figured I would go workout first, then grab a coffee. Maybe some grocery shopping as well to give me time to think and visualize how I want today to go.

Hell. This is some serious cotton mouth. I only had 3 beers last night but I didn't have any water since yesterday at lunch. Water and Coffee first!

I arrived at the Y and did the elliptical for 30 minutes. Moving on to the free weights, I benched some 45lb dumbbells flat and inclined. Stepped it up to 50's and found I was struggling a little. Next time eat dummy. I switched to doing some curls with the 45's. My plan today was to do shoulders and the neck as well. Oh lord it has been too long. One workout completed!

I had to take a piss bad. Drinking 40 ounces of liquids in 30 minutes will do it. So I headed for the locker room. Have you ever been in the men's locker room of the Y? There always seems to be an old guy bare ass naked scratching his balls? Taking a leak and skipping the shower seems like a wise decision every time.

Things looked a little better at the grocery store. Shopping for food and getting treated to the occasional yoga pants honey. Love the yoga pants! Especially if they have some see through spots on the outer thigh and calf. Why does that turn me on so much?

Oh yeah. Cause your not getting any!

Stupid fucker.

With the shopping completed, I went home and unloaded. 10 am and nobody was out of their room yet. Chel came out first around 10:15 looking for some water. Kixx and Joan arrived a little later. I cooked some turkey bacon and eggs for everyone as they settled in around the table.

Straight forward. Here we go baby!

"Oh. Honey? Saturday I traded in the Highlander for a Jeep."

Kixx perked up and smiled. Chel looked up to look at her mom. Joan looked like I shot my load of you know what into her face! Which I have never done and do not want to! Okay, I'm waffling now. But it's just because I'm pissed at her. Kixx spoke up then.

"Mom! It's so cool. It's like a convertible. Your going to love it."

Now she was coming out of it and the color was going back to her cheeks.

"You bought a Jeep? Chip Jameson! We always discuss car purchases."

"Honey, you wanted a Subaru and we got you Subaru. There wasn't much of a discussion."

Let see how she handles that? She hesitated. The kids were present. She wants to lay down the law and verbally bitch slap me. Nope, didn't work. INCOMING!

"Mom. How about you drive it to Becky's for the pool party?"

Saved by the Chel!

We both talked at the same time.

"What pool party?"

She reminded us that she told us weeks ago and it was on the house calendar.

Summer has thrown us off. I had not been looking at the calendar at all. Yep, there it is. Jackson's pool party 3pm.

Joan was getting ready to say something. I wonder what excuse she will use?

So many easy choices. I'm too tired? Catch up on work? Or kids, you know my ass will burst into flames in direct sunlight.

"Honey. I don't think I can go. I still have some work to do and I told Laura I would stop by in the afternoon."

That was interesting. She was just there last night. Maybe just a little poke.

"Is everything okay with Laura? You guys overdo the girls night in last night?"

Real big smirk. The kids giggled. She gave me the look that meant your being a child.

"No we didn't overdo anything Chip. She just needs some help with some uh gardening."

Uh, Gardening? I call uh bull shit. That earned her another poke.

"Do you guys need help? I could take the kids to the party and swing by to help a little with digging. You know I've been working out at the Y. I could take my shirt off and you guys could rub lotion on me."

I puff my chest out. More giggling. I nailed it with my target audience.

"No. I think we can handle it Chip. When exactly did you start working out?"

Followed by the stink eye! Whatever.

"This morning. I just want to get into better shape. Kixx. I can show you some lifting and get you a membership too."

"Oh cool. Jimmy has one. We can play hoops."

Joan was frazzled. Jeep and the gym! I'm sure she is thinking midlife crisis. Suck on that sour pussy. Maybe she thinks I'm banging someone? I had to smile. On the inside of course.