What You See is Not What You Get

Dan Carter held the single sheet of paper in his hands and began to cry. He hadn't shed tears in--how long? Seven years since his mother died? But the emotions overtook him with a force he could not have foreseen. At this moment Dan wasn't even sure he had ever been in love before now. He had thought so, but losing Lynn now made him think perhaps not. As the letter in his hand shook he thought back over the relationship. It had been relatively short, just six weeks, but certainly the most torrid six weeks of his life. Every emotional and hormonal button Dan possessed had been pushed to the limit. Dan got hold of himself and poured a stiff scotch on the rocks, then another. As the alcohol relaxed him he began to agonizingly rehash every detail of his time with the woman of his dreams.

Dan

Dan wasn't sure what his friend Jimmy was all whipped up about but he sure sounded eager to meet. The two had been drinking buddies for a couple of years on a fairly casual basis, meeting on a Friday or Saturday for beers occasionally. They had worked together at Jimmy's company until Dan left to take a better job with a competitor. This afternoon Jimmy had called Dan's cell phone and all but insisted they meet at a local Irish pub after work, saying he had something important to tell him. It was Wednesday. Odd.

Arriving a few minutes early, Dan settled in at one of the high-tops and ordered a pint of Bass, a personal favorite. He watched the curves of the pretty server as she sauntered to the bar with his order and realized it had been too long since he had had a decent relationship with a woman. The last had been over a year ago and he was still sorry he broke up with Dawn, a very bright and sweet woman with decent looks. She was the best-looking of any of the girls he had dated but she was determined to move him to the alter faster than he was willing to go. Dan sighed with regret as Jimmy walked in.

Jimmy was a big guy with a big grin which seemed to endear him to the ladies. He proceeded to sit down and flirt with the waitress unabashedly. After she left to fetch his requested pint of Guiness he turned his attention to Dan.

"How ya doin, Danny boy? I'm glad we could get together.""

"Me, too…but what is this all about?"

"You may need another beer first. I've got a surprise I think you'll like…at least I'm betting on it."

"Come on, Jimmy, what's up? We don't usually drink during the week. What's the deal?"

"Are you sure you don't want to get another Bass in you first?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Come on, spill it."

"Do you remember the time we got pretty wasted and you told me about your, uh, 'thing' for crippled chicks?"

Dan cringed. He had made Jimmy promise never to bring it up again. It had been over a year ago. That long night in the bar had them mixing beer and booze and Dan uncharacteristically decided to make Jimmy his confidant in very private matters. It was the one thing he had never shared with anybody else, the one thing he planned to never open up about again. And, until now, Jimmy had kept his promise.

Lowering his voice Dan said, "Jimmy, we agreed to never talk about that. It's very private and I should never have mentioned it in the first place. And by the way, the appropriate term is 'disabled;' not 'crippled,' OK?"

"OK, whatever. But it's true, right? They do turn you on. Just go with me, here for a minute, man."

Dan grimaced. "OK, what about it?" Thankfully he had not also told Jimmy about the corollary interest he had in pretty female feet. He'd probably never hear the end of that.

"What would you say if I told you one of your 'special ladies' is now working in our office as an admin? What if I told you I happen to know she's coming in here in a little while to meet a girlfriend?"

Dan froze. He was simultaneously stunned, embarrassed, and thrilled. It was indeed true. Dan had always been attracted to disabled women of all stripes, but particularly those who needed crutches to walk. And not temporarily, as a woman with a broken leg might use them: only long-term disability got his attention. Attractive women who used crutches because of polio, for example, had always made him crazy with excitement simply on a chance encounter.

It was an intensely private thing for Dan. He had revealed his fetish--for that was what it was--the time he got blind-drunk with Jimmy. The booze induced him to wax eloquent on how fabulously exciting a woman on crutches was…just in case Jimmy had never noticed. Jimmy had taken it all in stride, seeming kind of amused by the revelation. But the next day Dan recalled in abject horror all he had said, then called Jimmy and begged him to keep his secret. Now, here, Dan realized that telling that secret might have been a good thing after all.

"Jimmy, um…tell me about this girl. What is her handicap?"

Jimmy squirmed a little, uncomfortable now. "Well, I'm not sure. I've haven't formally met her…she's very new, still. But she uses those crutches that really-crippled people use…you know, the metal ones that clamp to your arms?"

"Forearm crutches. By the way, in Europe they use those for just about everything…OK. Go on."

"And her leg…her left one, I think…looks like it is really weak. She has a little metal thingie on her foot."

"A thingie? You mean a brace?"

"Yeah, but it's a little one…not the whole-leg deal."

"Polio, maybe. How old is she?"

"Not very old…maybe mid 30's."

"That probably knocks out polio…she's too young. Must be something else."

And she's kind of cute…I'd be attracted to her myself if…"

"If what? If she wasn't disabled?"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't think I could have a relationship like that. I don't know…maybe it's insensitive on my part. But, that's why I kind of called this meeting, because I thought you might like to meet her. She doesn't know we're here…so it's just going to be a coincidence, OK? She's coming with Susan from Legal."

"Susan? The heavy-set redhead?"

"Yeah. Fat Susan…if somebody told that girl to 'haul ass' she'd have to make two trips."

"You really are an insensitive shit, Jimmy, You know that?"

"I know. I know. What can I tell you? Anyway, they should be here soon…I overheard Susan tell her they'd meet at 6."

And, as if on cue, the door opened. Dan first saw an immensely obese redhead with a pretty, if very fleshy face. She lumbered in first, her huge thighs a little too visible under a short skirt, and rubbing together as she walked. She entered the pub first and turned to hold the door for her companion, the reason Jimmy had invited Dan for a drink.

As advertised by Jimmy, the girl was nice-looking. She was blonde with a page-boy haircut that harkened back to the 70's. The age appeared to be somewhere between 33 and 38. She had a very patrician face with high cheekbones most women would envy, and she was thin with a nice bust. She was dressed in a business ensemble with a white blouse and navy skirt that fell well below the knee.

And then, there was the part that was, for Dan, "the rest of the story." Through the skirt her buttocks seemed relatively normal, likely confirmation that she was not a polio victim. But she maneuvered into the pub on standard-issue aluminum forearm crutches and was clearly concentrating on making her legs move the way she needed them to in order to get through the door. Her right leg appeared to be normally developed. Her left was thinner and sported an AFO, an ankle-foot orthosis. The brace had very thin uprights, almost wire-like, with a spring at the heel where the appliance attached to her shoe. The uprights were held by a leather collar which surrounded her calf. She was wearing loafers, not orthopedic shoes, and Dan noted that her ankles did not seem puffy, more evidence that polio was likely not the culprit in her disability. She was smiling as she entered, seemingly unconcerned that people were watching

Once the fabulous woman had coaxed her legs to carry her into the pub the redhead moved toward an empty booth across from Dan and Jimmy. It was at this point that Jimmy became truly mesmerized, because the blonde began a series of long, powerful swings, throwing both legs through her crutches with an energy and rhythm that was stunning. "Power swinger" was his personal term for people who had the upper-body and hip strength to walk this way. Dan realized that this woman was truly a "10," the highest rank a disabled girl could get on his very private excitement scale. He felt a raw desire he had not experienced in years and wanted to hug Jimmy for calling him this afternoon.

Susan, the redhead, and her companion both settled themselves into the booth with some difficulty. In Susan's case it was the challenge of fitting her girth into the limited space, and it took some doing on her part. Meanwhile, her companion stopped at the side of the table, removed the crutches from her arms and propped them in the booth. She then pivoted on her left foot and faced the two men with her back to the booth. Dan glanced at her left hand momentarily and was relieved to see no ring there. She recognized Jimmy, smiled broadly, and gave a little wave of sorts. Then, catching Dan's rapt attention to her she frowned slightly and looked away.

"Damn!" thought Dan. He did not want to be too obvious and alienate her right away. He knew the worst thing he could do was to be caught gawking, making a disabled woman feel like an alien from another planet.

Holding the table and top of the booth she lowered herself onto the edge of the seat and swiveled to face Susan. She moved her right leg under the table then reached down with one hand and pulled her left under by the cuff of the brace. Dan had a massive erection by this time.

"What do you think? From the beet-red look on your face I think you like her," smirked Jimmy.

Dan gulped reflexively and took a breath. "Look, Jimmy. I'll be honest with you, as these 'special ladies' go, she's magnificent. I haven't seen too many in my life in her league, just based on looks and the way she walks."

"Well, buddy, you ain't exactly normal, I'll tell you that. But I'm glad this worked out. Now…how about an introduction?"

"Um, I need a minute. I'm not ready yet."

Jimmy seemed baffled momentarily and then the light went on. "Ahhh, yes. OK, calm the big boy down, Dan-o…take your time."

After a few minutes the erection subsided and Dan indicated he was ready. The girls were chatting animatedly across the way and Susan was smoking a cigarette. She had spotted Jimmy and Dan and gamely waved but had not seemed eager to do more. As the two men moved off their stools toward the table Dan thought he detected a hint of distaste on Susan's face. But then she smiled and greeted the two. She asked Dan how it was going over at the "enemy camp," as she referred to his new employer. They exchanged a few lines of strained conversation and it was clear Susan was not planning to introduce her companion. Dan decided he must seize the initiative and he stuck his hand in her friend's direction.

"I'm Dan Carter. Jimmy says you've started at work since I left the company."

The woman responded with a broad smile as she took Dan's proffered hand. "I'm Lynn Denman. Yeah, I'm Bob Daily's admin now. Just a couple of weeks into it, but I'm having a good time of it so far."

Bob Daily was Dan's old boss and someone Dan did not get along with especially well…one reason he decided to take the new position. The four chatted another minute or so about the office and it was clear to Dan that Susan wanted them to go back to their own table. Again he took the lead. "Nice seeing you again, Susan. And, very nice meeting you, Lynn. I hope I see you again."

He wasn't sure how the last line came off since Lynn had caught him staring at her. But she seemed to take it in stride and politely wished him well as they proceeded back to their own table. Dan was in heaven and he knew he had to turn this introduction into a relationship.

Lynn

Lynn Denman had been pleased to be asked by Susan to go out for a drink. At her new job hardly anyone had said more than "hi." Her new boss, Bob, was a decent enough guy, but he had not spent any time getting to know her personally either. She had overheard him on the phone talking to a colleague and she winced when he said, "Debbie was my first choice for the job but HR said I needed to hire this one. You know…protected classes and all that stuff." Lynn knew Bob was referring to her disability and confirming that she had been given preferential treatment for that reason. She simultaneously resented and appreciated that fact. She was glad no one so far had asked about her crutches and brace. She would tell them she had suffered spinal meningitis as a child and the virus had left her legs largely paralyzed. But she had not had to tell anyone yet, thankfully. Surprisingly, even Susan had not brought it up.

The evening with Susan was pleasant enough. Little did Lynn know that the evening would hold much more for her than the wine. Dan's introduction was awkward and Lynn didn't think much about the encounter until her phone rang at work the next day. Dan wanted to take her to dinner.

Dating was not even on the radar screen but Lynn was intrigued. She thought Dan was kind of cute and she liked the idea that this man was able to overlook her crutches and be attracted enough to ask her out. She accepted the date.

The two went to an upscale Italian place complete with intimate, candle-lit tables. The maitre-D was considerate of Lynne, offering to take her crutches and place them away from the table, out of sight. She and Dan enjoyed each other's company and the truly excellent food. After sharing some of his experiences working for Lynn's boss, Bob, and his perspective on her workplace she realized that there were good reasons Dan left the company.

Then, over a canole and coffee, the conversation turned personal. Dan asked Lynn about her background and she knew that meant, in part, explaining her crippled legs. She told him about the spinal meningitis and the long months of physical therapy that helped regain most of the use of her right leg but much less of her left. All this had happened when she was a senior in high school, crushing her aspirations to be a professional dancer. Dan took it all in without apparent concern. Lynn knew she would never walk normally again and had accepted that. She hoped a man like Dan could as well.

The two made plans to go out again the following weekend and take in a movie. It also found them back at the Irish pub where they had met, and Lynn found herself liking Dan immensely. He seemed wonderfully kind and was extremely solicitous and helpful to her when it came to opening doors and getting her seated. He seemed to be completely delighted with her just as she was which made her feel complete as a woman.

The dating gained momentum over the ensuing weeks and had led to major kissing and petting in Dan's car. Lynn knew he was attracted to her and she found it exciting that he often had a erection around her… even when they weren't physical. He tried to hide it but she could see the obvious. It was just a matter of time before the relationship led to the bedroom.

That evening came on a rainy Friday night after another cozy dinner and after-dinner drinks. Dan drove Lynn home to her modest apartment building and she invited him to spend the night. Lynn got out of the car with her crutches and put all her energy into rapidly swinging herself toward her apartment door in an effort to not get wetter than necessary. Dan was right behind her and the two laughed and giggled as Lynn fumbled with the key. Dan embraced her from behind and she could feel his erect penis bulging. Lynn suddenly realized that Dan's erections seemed to happen when he could see her ambulating. She remembered his stare the first time they had met. She felt uncomfortable at this idea, but put it aside for the time being.

Once inside Lynn poured wine for them both and they sat on the couch talking. Her comfort level with Dan had been steadily increasing overall and she felt she could tell him nearly anything. They talked about Dan's career and Lynn's aspirations to own a dance studio so she could help young girls become what she could not.

After an hour or so as the wine was taking its toll, Lynn leaned back against the end of the couch and sighed.

"Tired?" Dan asked.

"Yes…long day, Lynn replied."

"Why don't you relax and put your feet in my lap? I'll give them a nice rub," ventured Dan, a little tentative.

"Oh, that sounds great. Let me take the brace off."

"Just relax. I'll do it." Dan actually sounded eager now. Again, Lynn wondered if there was more to his excitement than she had guessed.

Dan reached down and picked her legs up one at a time, placing them in his lap. He gently unstrapped the brace and slipped it--still attached to her left shoe--off her leg. He then took off her right shoe. He reflexively groaned when he realized her feet were quite beautiful. They were slender and narrow, ending in toes that made the front of her foot appear more square than round. Her unpainted toes reminded Dan of the shape of an angled paint brush with just slightly graduated, stair-step digits. Dan loved pretty feet as much as anything about a woman and he took each in his hands in turn and rubbed them sensuously Lynn groaned with pleasure as well. But she also felt the bulge in Dan's lap grow unmistakably.

"Dan, is there something you want to tell me about your attraction to me? Is it on the up-and-up? I have to tell you, sometimes I feel my disability is actually a turn-on for you. Am I crazy?"

Dan stopped rubbing her feet and stared ahead for a moment. He was caught and he wasn't sure how to answer her very honest question. Lynn knew from his reaction that she had hit a nerve.

Dan took the plunge and told Lynn about his attraction to disabled women. He was quick to point out that he really liked her for herself and found himself more drawn to her wit and personality all the time. But it was also true that the way she moved on her crutches was a huge part of the equation for him. Lynn was quite confused and uncertain of her own feelings at this point. She decided to sit up and put her feet back on the floor, and the conversation that followed was awkward. Dan left shortly afterward, feeling humiliated and dejected.

Over the next few days Lynn thought about Dan's revelation and alternated between feeling degraded and feeling great that a man could find her attractive, crutches and all. The key question for her was simply, did he like her only because she was crippled or was there truly a deeper relationship? On balance she decided that there was enough to make her want to continue. If he could make her feel like a queen he was a special guy, indeed. Dan was thrilled when she called to ask him over for dinner that Friday night.

"I've given our conversation a lot of thought," said Lynn as they sipped a good merlot together. "And, you know what? It's OK, Dan. It's OK. If you liked girls with great legs and I had great legs, I'd be complimented. So, I guess if you like girls with not-so-great legs…"

Her voice trailed off and she grinned. Dan was enthralled and relieved. After dinner they returned to the small living room. Dan took Lynn in his arms and smothered her with passionate kisses that neither of them had experienced in years. They desperately grabbed at each other and slowly pulled clothes off until they were two nude bodies embracing tightly on Lynn's couch. Lynn's body was beautiful to Dan. Her skin was creamy-smooth and her breasts were taught and pert. Dan did see tiny scars at the base of her breasts, which he assumed were the remnants of cosmetic surgery. He also noticed other scars on her torso, though, that he decided not to ask about yet.