When Lube Isn't Scary Anymore

I count myself lucky to have been with Justin for a little over 30 years now.

The eleven-year-old fresh-faced, placid kid, who moved in next door to me with his mum and dad, all those years ago, hasn't changed at all. I, on the other hand, have rotated a complete 360 during that time.

My tale of growing up can't have been much different to most young males of the mid-90's who yearned to make their mark on the world. Justin was my best mate. We both spluttered our way through the onslaught of raging hormones, school, college, then into the world of work.

I used several crutches including drugs, alcohol, bullying, gambling, unfulfilling sex and of course displaying all the loud, macho affectations that in reality deeply hid my true attributes.

Justin was always just Justin. He was always on an even keel. Justin never lost his temper, didn't blame anybody for anything, and was able to compromise in any situation.

As usual, alcohol, the determining factor that is often responsible for providing wonderful insights and laying grounds for new experiences, played its usual part. Jack Daniels, for which I still have a fond taste, liberally flowed whilst my life slowly changed for the better one momentous, eventful, rainy night.

Extreme heavy rain, and the fact my car was in the shop, was my excuse for not attending our usual Friday night poker game. Justin was happy to come over to my place. He wasn't unduly upset when hearing of our usual poker night being cancelled. Thinking back to that night, I'm quite sure Justin had planned to spend the night at my place whatever had transpired. Having carefully secured his car in my garage, Justin set about consuming copious amounts of macaroons, Cheddar cheese, and Jack Daniels Old No. 7 Tennessee whiskey.

It wasn't very often that Justin and I spent any time alone together these days. If not the whole gang of alpha males constantly trying to compete against each other. There was always at least one person to outdo.

In semi-darkness, the soft flickering flames of the open fire created just the right amount of cozy ambience. The alcohol was starting to have its desired relaxing effect. I had butterflies in my stomach along with a nervous first-date feeling of not wanting to say the wrong thing, even though I had known Justin all my life, almost.

I was wearing loose fitting tracksuit bottoms and a baggy Ramones t-shirt. The disconcerting sensation adding to my discomfort was a rock-hard erection that came from nowhere. I hadn't had such a boner since I was a teenager. The lack of illumination and a strategically placed cushion had, I assumed, hidden my potential embarrassment.

Justin's eyes sparkled as he drunkenly giggled. Justin and I had always been able to comfortably share long silences. We never felt the need to constantly babble to fill empty spaces. All our 'friends' always felt the need to be the loudest in the room. It was a long silence that was the precursor to my 'awakening'.

I lay in front of the fire letting the warmth of Jack Daniel's and Luther Vandross wash over me. I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep. Justin was almost forgotten until I felt his warm body nestle next to mine, and his fingers gently grasp my still solidly erect penis. Justin wordlessly squeezed me and slowly began to masturbate me for what seemed to me to be an awfully long time. I did eventually quite spectacularly orgasm but Justin kept on pumping until I was milked dry.

I did eventually fall asleep. When I gained consciousness I found Justin's tongue flicking the tip of a brand-new erection. By the time I was fully awake it was clear that Justin has generously smeared me with a warm lubricant. Turning his back to me Justin, with a little pressure, pressed himself against my stiff cock until I was inside him.

It wasn't long before I started to force myself, gently at first, into a pumping rhythm that gradually increased in tempo and ferocity. I ejaculated and spasmed in a frenzy that far surpassed any other copulation that I had ever experienced with any member of the opposite sex.

When morning eventually arrived and I came too for the third time, Justin was fast asleep in my arms. I hugged him tightly and started to cry.

My tears were of gratitude for what Justin had opened my eyes and senses to being offered a change in lifestyle an option worth pursuing.

The first immediate and relatively easy change was to ditch all my previous contacts and 'friends'. It was obvious to me that they were toxic and leading me to destruction. Unhappiness, unfulfillment and loneliness was all that lay ahead if I had stayed on my previous trajectory. A new home and new job were next on the list. These were also relatively easy to achieve.

What was not so easy to change, was to accept mentally that I was gay, and to adopt certain physical aspects of a gay love life.

Celebrated UK poet Philip Larkin famously wrote in one of his famous poems, "They fuck you up your mum and dad," This is true. The taboo surrounding sex has been generationally passed down for hundreds of years in my family, especially through my lineage and religious familial observance.

The fact that copulation could ever be for anything other than procreation was historically unthinkable. Same sex dalliance in my family tree got you burned at the stake.

Justin was extremely patient with my transition and acceptance of my sexuality. One step at a time was how we approached every obstacle. The biggest obstacle I had to overcome - being frank and honest - was being anally probed by Justin's erect penis. Kisses, cuddles, sucking, fondling, mutual masturbation, it all quite quickly became second nature to me.

Lots and lots of patience, taking it slowly, gallons of lubricant, extreme gentleness, and a sense of humor has now gotten me to the point where I no longer break out in a cold sweat at the sight of a tube of lube.