Where is Heaven Anyway?

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A Tribute to the Love of My Life
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This is perhaps not the usual story for this site, but I'm compelled to write it and express my feelings. I need to remember, to feel.

It was a weekend which we had waited for with great anticipation. Allow me to back up. You see, my love and I did not live together. Life is so complicated, the older I get the more shades of gray there are, than the boldness of just black and white. My Love, Peter, I had met quite accidentally online. We chatted at great length that first night we met. I found him intoxicating, interesting, magnetic.

I awoke the next morning and checked my computer immediately to see if he had indeed sent a message. He had. We went on to continue chatting, eventually on the phone, then the ultimate - in person. We were so honest with each other prior to meeting. We shared all sorts of intimacies of our lives with each other. We both felt that honesty was so important.

He knew that I was going through a divorce, and I knew that he was still married. I understood that he felt a deep commitment to his family. His wife had over the years drifted her attention more to the children and grandchildren. This transfer of priority had left him feeling alone.

These circumstances alone would not have made for a perfect relationship, however, our bond, our connection, did. After meeting Peter the first time, it was instantaneous - actually I already loved him before I even met him in person. From that point on, we were together every chance we had. He would find ways for us to be together. He would call me numerous times each day, usually eight or so. His voice was the first thing I heard every morning, and a sweeter awakening I cannot imagine.

Our visits both on the phone and more importantly in person were filled with passion and love - so many memories.

Now, back to the weekend which I most want to share. I arrived at the resort a good hour before Peter. I was always so anxious to see him, to be with him. I always left much before I needed to for our arrivals to coincide, but I didn't mind. I always told him, "I'll wait forever for you, Baby."

And arrive he did. We just treasured these moments together. As luck would have it, our room was not prepared for us as yet so we sat in the lounge where I had been waiting for him, holding each other, discrete touches, kisses, longing for the privacy and freedom of our room.

Eventually our room was ready, and we anxiously gathered ourselves and moved in. It was a beautiful suite. The living room, complete with fireplace, was so cozy. The bedroom was spacious and carefully appointed. We had the most wonderful time making love, lying in bed holding each other, talking, laughing. We eventually left the hotel, went for a ride, just loving being together.

When we returned, I was feeling very "frisky" might we say, but as hard as I tried Peter was playing with me, refusing my advances, saying he wanted to wait for later. This was very unlike him, but I played along. We showered and I dressed for dinner. I remember that I wore a beautiful purple leather suit which he had bought for me in Vegas. I had on a sheer white blouse which he had also gotten for me when we got the suit. It was feminine, a V neckline with the most delicate ruffle that fell from the juncture of my cleavage.

Dinner was amazing, not the food, just being with Peter. We sat across the table from one another talking non-stop. The look in his eyes as he looked at me. I can only imagine that he saw the same look mirrored in mine. There was just never enough time, enough words, to express the depth of this love.

We returned to our room, and as I went in the bathroom to prepare for bed I could hear him busying himself in the bedroom. When I came out dressed in a piece of lingerie which he loved, I found him laying in bed naked, candles burning, and sweet classical music playing softly in the background.

My eyes and my heart have captured that image and burned it permanently into my memory. He lie there, eyes locked to mine and just said, "Come here, Baby."

I melted into his arms and we just laid there holding each other. We kissed. His kiss, our kisses were so filled with passion. I needed nothing more than to see his face, or kiss his lips to feel the wetness of my arousal begin. Actually, his voice alone would do it. His hardness pressed into my leg as our bodies touched. He rolled to his back and invited me to him.

Now picture this, feel this, live this with me. The lights were very dim with just a romantic flickering of the candles. I placed my leg over his body and his hands immediately cupped my breasts. Oh the warmth and softness of his touch. The most beautiful song came on. The song was "Somewhere in Time." Listen to it and imagine. How beautiful, how perfect a song to make love to. Anyone can have "sex", but what we experienced that night, and many nights, was something quite different - something extraordinary.

As I listened to that music, felt his touch on my breasts and arms and legs, and felt our bodies as one - there are no words for such a perfect expression of true love. The tears just rolled down my face, not tears of sadness, but tears of intense love.

Please listen to that song sometime and imagine.

Since that night we have shared many beautiful times together until yesterday. I received word that the love of my life had died. I've been so worried about him. He's not been feeling himself, pain in his back and ribs. He had seen a chiropractor thinking it was a muscle pull. Can you imagine my frustration being so far away with no way to communicate with him, care for him, give him comfort? I picked a random hospital in his area. I dialed, asked the voice if a Peter XXX was a patient there. She said, "Yes, he's in our emergency room. I'll connect you."

Of course I had no choice but to refuse her offer to be connected with the Emergency Room for I knew his family would be with him, and my part in his life was just a borrowed piece of him, stolen moments to treasure. Within a half hour my phone rang and a friend of ours called to give me the news that has shattered my life. I must say though that what Peter and I shared was so special, so rare. I feel blessed for having had him in my life. Sadly, some people go through their whole lives never knowing, never feeling such LOVE.

As I said at the beginning, this is not the usual story on this site. Please understand, and I'm sure that many writers will, that there are times when only writing the words can help you to feel, to remember, to share.

So, "Where is Heaven Anyway"? Heaven was right in Peter's arms, locked in his kiss, experiencing the most passionate of love with him, our bodies as one. Heaven is where Peter is right now, and where I will join him someday and once again feel whole.

I write this in loving memory and in tribute to the love of my life, Peter. Thank you, Baby, for loving me so. Thank you for giving of yourself so fully. Thank you for making me strong. May God forgive your humanness, accept you into his loving arms, and give you peace.

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3 Comments
tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
NOT BEING SACRELIGIOUS

FOR US ALL HEAVEN IS EVERY WHERE AROUND US CHILDREN, FAMILY, PETS . TK U MLJ MLV NV

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
i caught a glimpse of heaven once

your story is all too familiar. i have felt the LOVE you have felt, something almost supernatural, but it was locked up one day..

Kirk2004Kirk2004about 19 years ago
Wonderful!

What a wonderful tribute to Peter. You must have loved him very much. This kind of love is rare, and the two of you were so fortunate to have shared this with each other.

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