Who I Am Ch. 02

Hello Again Friends,

I want to say thank you to everyone who voted for Who I Am chapter 1. For everyone who left a comment, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to each of you. I am so grateful that you took the time. Please don't stop!! Did I already say I was grateful? :)

FYI Session:

New Readers: Each chapter is a continuation of the previous. It is highly suggested you start with chapter one.

Returning Readers: I am not sure how long it will take to complete Karen's story. This specifically means I don't know how many chapters there will be before she finally has sex, and I don't know how many chapters it will be before this story concludes. Karen will lose her virginity—eventually lol.

Thank you all again. Now on the story.

Always,

Ms. Angel Sand

All content contained herein is subject to copyright; all rights reserved. Copyright 2016

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Chapter 2

Just working on being honest about who I am is not easy. Honesty helps me accept perfection is a desire I will never obtain. The more I am honest, the more I realize who I am not. Today, I have to embrace all things new. I will start with a very dear confession.

Have you ever heard of a heterosexual female that doesn't like any form of penetration? If not, now you have. Thinking of being penetrated now, makes me want to forget it all over again. Vaginal penetration feels like something pushing and poking around inside me. Even pinky fingers feel uncomfortable. There aren't any tingling sensations. There isn't a build up to a magnificent orgasmic explosion. It doesn't do anything at all for me. I know you are wondering why I'm so afraid I'll be addicted to sex when I don't even like modest penetration. The truth is, I have to believe penises have some hidden magnificent power that will reach depths of pleasure I never knew existed.

I must hold on to this thought, because the feeling I get from my choice in masturbation is simply outstanding. I have to remember there is a greater pleasure out there that only another human can give. If I forget, I will be abandoned to only thinking about the time I spend with my lovie for release. When I'm experiencing a very satisfying orgasm from my lovie, I am calmed from frustration, my head is cleared and I can focus. It just plain meets every sexual desire I currently have. The only thing it can't do, is hold me. But, as I concentrate on how good it makes me feel, its handicap is quickly forgotten. Actually, all of this explaining makes me certain I need it now.

I quickly remove all of my clothes and grab my lovie from underneath my pillow. Since this was decision day, I was deciding to love myself only, forever more. While cradling my lovie to my chest I made a declaration, "Lovie, you are all that I need. I love the way you make me feel. Though I know I can feel more, I am satisfied with spending the rest of my life getting pleasure from you". Ok, call me weird for speaking to an inanimate object, but I will continue because it is definitely making me feel better. That is all I want. I just want to feel good and have peace in this new life I was preparing. But right now, I was preparing to cum.

After vertically placing my lovie in center of my mattress, I laid my body on top of it. To achieve the perfect placement, I rested my pelvic bone on the top of the eight-inch-long wash cloth I rolled into a hot dog shape and sewed inside of a square piece of an old soft sheet. This was lovie number 10. I have been making them since I graduated from high school and generally have to replace them on a yearly basis due to washing and overuse. So back to the using; after positioning the top of my lovie on my pelvic bone, I slightly spread my vaginal lips for my clitoris to make direct contact with the fabric. For completion, I squeezed the balance of its length between my thighs. I took a break as this is the beginning of amazing. I began pushing harder into the lovie and rocking my hips at a steady pace. As I increase the pressure and pace I think of what it would be like for a man to be giving me this much pleasure. I imagine the man of my dreams caressing me, loving me wholly, verbally expressing every pleasure my body gives and when it is too incredible to describe, he simply reminds me that I am all he ever needs and all that he'll ever want. I hold on to these thoughts as the stimulation of my clitoris intensifies. My breath quickens and I no longer rock my hips. I lock my knees and hold my legs straight on the balls of my feet. My entire body stiffens and I push my clit firmly into my lovie with all that I have. Within milliseconds, my entire body is shaking with pleasure. I collapse onto the mattress as proof of my orgasm drips down my thighs. This is just what I needed. Now I can go to work.

***********

As I drove to work, I smiled at the thought of my appearance. I had on a full face of makeup, which was a rarity for me. I'm wearing my favorite long sleeve, black and blue, color blocked wrap dress, and it's fitting like a glove. I went to the salon the day before yesterday, and my flatiron was still perfect. All of this affirms my decision to basically marry myself, was the right one. If my work day went smooth, there would be no stopping me. I pulled into a spot only a few paces from the entrance and walked to the door with an extra skip in my step. I didn't bring my laptop home these last few days, because I really wanted that time wallow. Now, that everything is going so well in my mind, I'm glad that I did. The elevator was waiting for me when I approached and no one joined me for my ride to the 14th floor. Yes, this was a new beginning.

Half the day was gone and everything was still in my favor. I really couldn't ask for an easier or more productive Monday. Then my phone rang from an unknown number. At that moment I didn't think much of it, but her voice rang through loud and clear. "Hey Sissy!!", shouted my younger sister in reply to my tentative "hello".

"Katherine? What number are you calling me from?", I inquired.

"Oh Sissy, save this number in your phone. I threw my old one out the window after an argument with Tom yesterday. I changed the number so he couldn't reach me."

I knew it right then. She wanted to come and visit me. My sister is two years younger, we have a great relationship and a have a lot of love for each other. We just lead two different lives. She isn't promiscuous or anything, but she definitely is more outgoing than I am. I never learned how to do a cartwheel, but her cheer team made it to the state championship in high school. She has been married to Tom (who was her English Lit Professor in college by the way) for 3 years. They were married the summer after she graduated, against our parent's pleas for them to wait. My dad still stares Tom down every holiday with disappointment in his eyes. It's kind of funny to watch. But, if she came to visit, I was going to be pushed out of my comfort zone and forced out of my honeymoon period with myself and lovie too quickly.

"Why are you and Tom fighting, Juicy?"

Juicy is the nickname Katherine earned as the most slobbery and fat baby ever born. The name continued to make sense as she became a woman because she has the biggest breast and hips with the smallest waist combination I have ever seen. Her measurements are 34-19-40. I am not joking. My mom had to start making her clothes because of her body shape. Coming from an African American community, I can tell you she has always been well appreciated by the opposite sex. That appreciation fell on deaf ears most of the time. It used to irritate me because I craved that attention immensely. Don't get me wrong, I got my share of head turns, but it seemed like Katherine had them all hypnotized to her will. Later on, I discovered she wasn't being stuck up, young black boys just weren't her type. She wanted a distinguished, handsome white guy like Tom. So, I am incredibly confused as to why they are arguing.

"I don't think I want to be married anymore Sissy. I am getting bored of the same old thing every single day. Tom spends all of his time grading papers or reading for leisure instead of wining and dining me."

"So, you don't think Tom is cheating or anything right? You just want to end it because you are bored and that is all?" I couldn't help the sarcasm in my voice.

"Sissy, stop minimalizing what I'm going through. You don't understand because you have never really been committed to anyone."

"That is an unfair statement. I was totally committed to Carter."

"Is that why he left you?"

"Excuse me? Why are you being mean to me, Katherine? I am just trying to understand what is going on."

"You know what? I'm sorry and I wish I had your life. I wish I had my own space and the opportunity to do what I wanted without having to "check in" with someone first. I am not trying to take it out on you; I am just so frustrated. Can I come visit you in LA for a couple days?"

"You know you are always welcome with me Juicy. You just have to promise to be nice. I am still straightening my life out and I don't want to add bickering with you."

"I understand. We can spend time in our pajamas complaining together then." I could hear the smile in her voice but it didn't bring a smile to my face.

"I actually took last Thursday and Friday off to mourn. I've spent the past four days on the road to recovery. I have made peace with my lot in life and I intend to spend the rest of my days enjoying it."

"Wow, I guess we can talk about that then. I am very interested in how you came into this 'peace'."

"Whatever girl, when can I expect you?"

"Let's say Friday. The flights for tomorrow are crazy expensive."

"Ok, Friday it is. Get a rental car if you plan on staying for longer than the weekend. I am not going to be able to take any time off of work soon."

"Ok Sissy, will do. Thanks for always being there for me. See you Friday."

"See you Friday." I hung up my cell and rested my head in my hands. There goes my honeymoon and after only one orgasm at that.

***********

The rest of the week flew by with the same positive energy as Monday. I had a whole routine.

1. Wake up, pray, and read one Bible verse

2. Masturbate

3. Get ready for work

4. Work

5. Eat Dinner and watch Television

6. Read a chapter from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey

7. Masturbate

8. Sleep

It was going great, so great that I was actually looking forward to the visit from my sister. You know marrying myself didn't mean I had to spend all of my time with myself. Married couples had friends and so should I. I intend to return all of the calls I would normally ignore because it is a new chapter in my life. I haven't just convinced myself of such; I truly feel good. I am Karen the great, Karen the focused, Karen the fun, and Karen the satisfied.

When I arrived home on Friday evening, my sister was sitting in her rental car in front of my house. She looked cute with her asymmetrical bob hanging in her face as she read something. She was so engrossed; she didn't see me pull up. I walked over and tapped on the front passenger side window. She was so startled she nearly hit the roof. I could hardly keep from laughing. After giving me the evil eye, she grabbed her bags and followed me into the house. Once we settled in I actually felt very happy she was there. We made a salad which we split into two large mixing bowls. This was our tradition from our teenage years. Whenever it was just two of us we became semi vegetarians. All we ate was salad tossed with red and yellow peppers, capers, cilantro, black olives, green onion, red onion, fresh garlic, cucumber, sautéed mushrooms, oregano, red pepper flakes, black pepper, a dash of Lawry's seasoned salt, scallops (of course), and olive oil mixed with lemon juice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It was like the first few weeks of summer break all over again. I felt pretty happy.

Then Saturday night came. I was in the kitchen rinsing out our bowls for the dishwasher when she asked the question I didn't want to answer. "Sissy, do you want to do something outside of these four walls this weekend?"

"Well Juicy, no I don't."

"K, when are you going to be willing to meet a man that didn't come with a referral?"

"Firstly, are you asking to go out or to go man hunting? The last thing I remember is you were still married. Secondly, I'm not going to nor do I plan on meeting any men- anymore."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I have made peace with being alone. These past few days have been the happiest I've been in a long time. I have eaten what I've wanted without worrying if my breath stinks. I have not felt the need to shave under my arms either. I feel totally liberated."

"Ok miss liberation, I want to heavily encourage you to begin shaving under your arms again because that can become a serious hygiene issue. Just putting that out there. And no one is happy being alone on a permanent basis. So, what I am going to do is go into your closet and pick a sexy outfit for you to wear.

What you are going to do is, get in the shower and SHAVE your armpits, brush your stinky breath away, put on some of that expensive Chanel make up you have and take me to Sunset Blvd! It is only 9pm and we need to let loose. Don't look at me with those irritated pretty brown eyes, Sissy. They no longer scare me," she sashayed off to my room humming some random tune to herself. I was a fool to let my guard down and think I would be able to settle into my new found happiness without too many outside distractions. But like any marriage, temptation will raise its ugly head.

********

I could leave it to Katherine to find the skimpiest dress I owned. When I tried to confront her about it, she said I needed to wear something to keep up with her fine ass. Even though this was true, I no longer felt the need to keep up. I am very satisfied with my 5"4', 125 lb frame. My breast are C cups and I wear a size 4/5 with a nicely toned flat stomach. My butt doesn't stand at attention like I am carrying two basketballs on my back, but it isn't flat either. When I looked deep down inside myself, I could say I was no longer jealous of my sister's body. A body like hers gained all of the attention I am currently trying to dismiss, so I am perfectly fine. This time I can say these words and know that I am not just trying to convince myself I wasn't jealous. So I put on the sleeveless mid-thigh, hot pink satin dress with mesh sides. I didn't flinch at the thought that I had to go bra and panty less, because I knew I wasn't on the hunt. I was going out to have fun with my little sister and as icing on the cake, I would get to enjoy saying 'no' to all who approached me. I have newly shaved armpits, let the ruckus begin!

"What are you smiling at", a voice giggled interrupting my thoughts.

"I am just thinking about how much fun it will be tonight, Juicy. You're the DD right?"

"Karen! Since when did you start drinking?"

"I haven't. It was just the first thing I decided to say on my quest for fun this evening." Katherine squinted her eyes and pinched me and we walked towards the door. I couldn't help but smile as I rubbed away the sting.

Once we arrived at the strip, it only took about 10 minutes to find all night parking for $20 at one of the bars. This was a like a God send, but we probably lucked up by getting there before midnight. Some of the bars on the strip don't close until 6am. My only wish is that we would be home well before that hour. But, I know my baby sister had something to prove tonight, therefore my wish may not quite come true.

We were walking down the street trying to determine which bar we wanted to go in first. When we heard someone yell, "Honey! Honey! Honey, wait up!". I thought the voice sounded familiar but chose to ignore it. Within a few more moments I felt someone invade my personal space and snake their arm around my waist. I turned my head so fast I almost got whiplash, then our eyes met. It was Jamie. I didn't dart my eyes away because I didn't want to give away my discomfort. He just kept staring back. This went on for what felt like minutes until my sister spoke up, "Jamie, fancy seeing you here".

"It shouldn't be so surprising Katherine. You knew my firm was in LA. We talked about it when I was in Atlanta."

"When were you in Atlanta," I asked.

"Oh, Baby K didn't tell you she saw me last month. I ran into her and Tom at a comedy show. Boy did they look miserable."

"Shut the fuck up Jamie," Katherine interjected, "I see you are still an asshole".

"I see you still have a potty mouth. I guess taking dick from an English professor won't instantly increase your language skills," Jamie retorted.

At this moment I realized I was still in his embrace. As I pulled his arm off of me I asked, "Why must you be so nasty? You're not mad at Ju.. Katherine, you're mad at me", I had to remind myself not to call my sister Juicy. This just didn't feel like the right time. "And who said you still have the right to call me Honey?"

"Don't get all uptight Honey, I'm just messing with Baby K over there. And, I will always have the right to call you Honey. That is until that lucky somebody finally claims that ass."

I chose to ignore his comment. "Jamie, my sister is only in town for a couple of days. We are trying to have a little fun together and this trip you're trying to take down memory lane is anything but. So, no hard feelings, but will you let us have our time without a hassle?"

"Damn Honey, you still have a way with words. I'll leave you girls to it under one condition," he proposed holding one finger a little too close to my mouth.

"What is it Jamie," I asked through squinted eyes.

"Let me take you to lunch tomorrow?"

Did he really just ask me that? I don't know if you've been following along, but he didn't just walk over here sweep me off of my feet a second ago. What he has done is flood my mind with the memories of one of our last moments together. Memories that are unwelcomed right now. Jamie is the equivalent of wasted time in my life and I can't really fault him for that. The only positive thing about our relationship was the realization I came to at the end. He is the only human being that has ever made me cum. It is actually one of my more frequent fantasies during my lovie time. It actually hurts me to admit that to myself. The memory is so vivid even in this very instant.

******

9 years ago...

"JJ can you come in here a moment please?"

I asked Jaime Johnson to come into my bedroom. I was one of the fortunate ones that had an off campus apartment. This was a time that I was especially grateful for this experience. Thanks Daddy! Jaime and I had been dating since I was a freshman in high school. My parents didn't care too much about our age difference because they figured he would be away in college soon enough. I was ok with it because I'd never met a more charming desirable person in my life. But, what they didn't realize is, I had Jaime's nose wide open. He was offered academic scholarships at three different schools but still chose UCLA, where he didn't get a scholarship, just to stay near me. Now, he was in his final semester of undergrad and I was about to finish my first year. Graduation was next week and he'd be leaving for Columbia Law early to settle in. I wanted to have a special night with him. You know that SPECIAL night.

I was sitting on the edge of my queen size bed wearing only a black Victoria's Secret Very Sexy push up bra and a V-string. I went for a very painful full body wax treatment the day before, and my body was as smooth as silk. I needed to be sure that the most memorable night of my life was at least a fond one. As I looked at Jamie's 6"3', athletic frame in my bedroom doorway, I felt more and more certain it would be. "How may I be of service my Honey?", Jamie asked before fully focusing on me and my lack of clothing. When he finally noticed, I thought his reaction was sweet and caring. He softly said, "Honey, what's going on here? I'm not sure you're ready for this."