Who I Am Ch. 05

I wondered if she could feel me blushing and picked up where I left off. "Well, I knew right then that I wasn't going to cum. I was too much in my own head. Then I thought of what I should say to help him cum. It's what I used to tell guys when I wanted them to hurry up and finish jacking off after eating me out. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, 'I want to feel your hot cum all over my body.'

I'm telling you his eyes were like fire after I said that. He started thrust so deeply I am certain he was no longer in my womb but inside of my stomach. This was only for a moment, then he pulled out and I heard the sexiest growl as he came right below my belly button. We were both panting for different reasons I'm sure. No, I didn't cum, but I still felt amazing.

The strangest thing was, that afterwards I started to feel a tingling sensation in my gut. They were like the stirrings of an orgasm. It was kind of confusing so I just suppressed it as he leaned down and kissed my nose and then my lips."

"Interesting", Katherine said through what I knew was a smile.

"What?"

"Who has sex and forgets that it should lead to orgasm. You are one strange bird."

"Well, it's the truth. The point is I liked it. I'm actually kind of relieved I didn't cum."

"If you would've had and orgasm last night. You wouldn't be saying that."

"I did have one last night."

"You guys went for a round two?"

"No! We didn't. Jamie ran me a bath to help soothe my soreness. He even came in and washed my back. He was so gentle. He started telling me why every part of my body was beyond perfection. He dried me off, put lotion my entire body, and then ate me even better than the first time nine years ago. I mean I came so hard, I thought I was going to pop a blood vessel." I stopped talking because Katherine kept snickering. "What are you laughing at now?"

"You aren't willing to take risks. Instead of being totally in the moment you allowed yourself to concentrate on the mechanics of what was happening. But when you were back in your comfort zone, where you feel you have control over yourself, you let go. And you think you came hard then? I am telling you this now. If you would have let Jamie take you there you'd be on his dick right now and not on the phone with me."

I had to consider what she was saying, but even if it's true, I don't regret one decision I made last night. Mostly, because of the final surprise this morning. "I hear what you are saying, but I am glad he didn't make me cum. Mostly because he wasn't here this morning and he hasn't texted, left a note, or anything. I guess this is how he's exacted his revenge- which I thought he didn't want.

Leaving is just kind of abrupt in my opinion, I mean after we finished he had me stay on the couch while he went to get a towel to clean me off. We laughed about how we didn't think about putting a towel down on the couch and spent over an hour talking and trying to release the blood stain. Which was kind of still there when I checked this morning.

But, I'm not fazed by him leaving really", that last statement was a lie because my eyes were starting to water. "The beauty of this whole thing is, I'm no longer bound to my virginity and I am now totally open to new opportunities."

"If you say so. And you should try peroxide on that stain."

"Well, I do say so. You know, we've been on the phone for a while. I have a few things I need to take care of." I was talking a more harshly than I meant to, but I was suddenly feeling pretty irritated with the whole situation, starting with my couch, Jamie leaving, and my sister's sarcasm. I didn't have anything planned, I'd already called out to work but I just needed to end this conversation. It was no longer a recount of what I felt was a lovely de-virgining (yes, I made up that word) experience. "I'm going to go and pour peroxide on my couch and hope it can be saved."

"Are you mad at me Sissy?"

"No, I just have stuff to do. Plus, I'm pretty tired from this whole losing my virginity thing."

"Ok, well, call me again soon. Are you sure, you're not mad?"

"No, I'm mad", and I wasn't. "I love you Juicy. I'll talk to you before the weekend is out."

"Love you too. Talk to you then."

"Until then", I hung up the phone feeling pretty overwhelmed. I thought talking to my Sister about all of the gritty details would engrain the loving moments of the evening in my mind mitigating the feelings of being abandoned and worthless that I woke up to. I remember when I was going to meet up with Jamie and my sister warned that he may be trying to get back at me. I thought it may be possible, but curiosity ruled it out. And, our conversation that night made me feel like he was still as genuine as he ever was.

Whatever, it doesn't matter. I only wanted a semi-familiar dick for my first time and I got what I wanted. I'm ready to move forward with confidence. Now, I know sex can't rule me and to never expect a man to be next to you the next morning.

************

I spent the next few hours having flashbacks of last night while cleaning every surface in my house. I went to the guest room hoping to find something to do, but it was still clean and unused from when I prepared it for Juicy's visit. I started thinking that maybe I should make this my new room. I was also a master. At least, I wouldn't have any fantasies associated with my brief reality in this bed. There wouldn't be any reminiscent thoughts of Jamie's hands and mouth on me, his body pressed firmly against mine as he lightly rubbed my breast, or the rhythm of his breath and heart beat that lulled me to sleep.

I turned on my heels and started moving my closet over. At about the half way point I realized I needed new dresser. Really I didn't, but the one in my current bedroom was a different stain than the bed in this room. Dang it! Now I need to run to Macy's and see what they have available same day. At least, I only need to purchase a dresser because Juicy's peroxide idea worked on the couch. I will thank her at a later date.

I decide to dress to the nines. Hey, I'm not a virgin anymore. I have on my sexiest day time outfit with four inch heels to match. Hell, I'm even going to play Betty Wright on a loop and feel proud of what I've gone through. I'm smiling about my antics as I open the garage door off my kitchen. Then I saw it. He left a note in my car window. This dude dipped out and left a note on my car window. What kind of cowardly lion, pussywah, ridiculousness is this? Whatever- I can't lie. I am excited about the answers I hope are on that sheet of paper. I snatch it out of the window as quickly as possible and lean against my truck's door to read it. I take one last deep breath and open its single fold.

{Honey,

You probably woke up this morning thinking I was a bitch. I am a bitch. I didn't expect anything that happened last night, but like I already told you, I am honored you decided to bless me with something so precious.

For the sake of transparency and hopefully the continuance of our friendship, I have two reasons for leaving.

1. I had to leave to get away from you to truly assess this situation. I don't know what you are looking for and I don't know what I want either. But, what I do know is staying in your presence would force me to go along with whatever you wanted. Right now I am totally under your spell. Everyone deserves level playing ground baby girl.

2. I didn't want to see regret in your eyes this morning. Last night you were in the moment but I know how you can be.

Like I told you last night, I am dating someone but we not exclusive. We haven't even had the commitment conversation with each other. Do I feel like I cheated on her? Absolutely not! She isn't my girl and last night solidified she never will be. I am not saying that you want to be with me, but this whole situation has me totally mind fucked.

I'm not trying to confuse or hurt you, but I had to be selfish and take care of me for once when it comes to you.

Until we meet again,

J. Johnson}

What in the world is this? I mean I get it and I don't get it. Yeah, I have a history of freaking out, but it's been years. Give me a chance. Did I act crazy once last night? No! Did I try to push him away at any time? No! What's this a game of I'm going to run before you can? Fine, I don't care. He started this but it's guaranteed I'll finish first leaving him in my dust.

My initial excitement about this letter is now my fury. I've never felt like this before and I'm not quite sure about the series of emotions I'm having except for anger and confusion. I'm taking multiple deep breaths as I start my car and wait for the garage to raise. The sunlight floods in and I rest my forehead against my steering wheel. I want to cry but I refuse. I moved to hold my head back to keep my tears from rolling down my face when I'm startled by the human shadow in my driver's side window. I jump so much I almost hit my head on the roof of the car. When I finally calm down enough to focus on image I see red. I can't believe he had the audacity to show up here.