Winging It! 01

Disclaimer -- this is just an opinion presented in a humorous manner. Undoubtedly, some of you will become offended at some point as you read through this. You will claim I am being sexist, demeaning, arrogant, or even overly simplifying the problem. The men who read it will probably just say, "Yeah, that's right." Unless, that is, they are either Psych professors or extremely anal (in a bad way) ultra-conservative Puritanical sticks-in-the-mud who don't want anyone having any fun at all in life. So just remember -- I'm having a fun look at a serious topic. And remember -- I'm not a professional.

Mid-life Crises

Why do men get such a bad rap over this "mid-life crisis" crap? Honestly, we're doing the same thing we've always done -- chasing women who have shown us attention. Unfortunately, while men go through life with a relatively unchanging approach, the same cannot be said of the fairer sex.

You see, a young man pursues relationships interested in getting his hands on the girl's body. Everything he does happens with this end-goal in mind -- what clothes he wears, what hairstyle he sports, what restaurants he eats in, what vehicle he drives, what job he works, how many kids he has, everything. The entire goal of his actions is to attract a girl who is interested in him and get her naked (and preferably wet and screaming).

Now, a young woman pursues relationships interested in getting a man's hands on her body as she evaluates him as a potential father for her unborn babies. And she's establishing a basis for her family's future. And she's creating life-long friendships. Everything she does happens with these end-goals in mind -- what clothes she wears, what hairstyle she sports, what restaurants she eats in, what vehicle she drives, what job she works, everything. The entire goal of her actions is to attract a guy and get him naked (so she can evaluate him).

So a young man finds a girl who turns him on and shows him attention and a young woman finds a man who turns her on and has enough potential for stability that she can work with and the two make some form of commitment to each other. She pays attention to him and only him, treating him as if he were the king of the world and hangs on his every word and move. She provides a setting for him where he gets all the sex his hard-wired brain can handle. In return, he is devoted to her and provides a measure of security and stability for her. He continues to get her naked as often as possible and she continues to fantasize about becoming a mother so that they can raise Junior in a loving, stable home. And she continues to make new friends in the new neighborhood, at the gym, at work -- and these friends all talk excitedly about what their men do for them. The man and woman are constant companions, sharing every miniscule fragment of their lives.

Then Junior shows up and the feeble brain of the man realizes the world has taken a serious turn. She is still interested in him and hangs on most everything he says, when she's not having to tend the baby. She tells him how awesome he is to have helped her make a baby and how much fun they will all have together. He still gets her naked as often as possible, which doesn't seem to be quite as often as before and he wonders why they aren't roaming the house naked and having sex two or three times a day. But he recognizes that he and she are both busier with work and the baby than they were, so he takes what he can get as often as he can get it. Companionship now comes in hushed tones as Junior sleeps or at the top of their lungs when Junior is playing.

So Junior and Juniorette are now in middle school or high school and the family stays strung out and running between activities, rehearsals, and the like. He would like to get her naked more often, but when he tries to play grab-ass in the kitchen with the woman who blew his mind so many years ago, she slaps his hands away and tells him "Behave! Not in front of the kids!" He wonders if the days he fondly remembers of roaming the house naked and having sex every time he got hard ever really happened or are they figments of an under-sexed imagination. By this point, he has developed a "good job," the kind that keeps him busy as often as he lets it, so that he can afford "the best for the kids" because that's what his wife says they need. Unfortunately, this eats into their companionship, as the kids now soak up more and more attention. Conversations typically let him get three to five words out before some new crisis on the kid-front erupts and distracts momma. Or maybe one of her friends calls and they talk while she's running around the house. So, at bedtime, with only a limited amount of time left, he has to decide whether he wants to talk, screw, or sleep. Now, remember, she has been busily making friends for life since the beginning of their relationship. She has her doses of companionship periodically throughout the day. Him? He's busy either working, fantasizing about screwing her, or griping about not getting to screw her often enough.

So he's still acting the same as he always has -- he's trying to get into his girl's pants by having the kids she says they need, by working the job she says the family needs him to have, or by running to the places and events she says they need to support. He still wants to impress his girl so that she'll do him at the drop of a hat.

So now he is starting to feel stressed and doesn't know exactly why. Heck, he might even start surfing porn just to see if he really remembers what a naked woman really looks like! He may have even realized, if only subconsciously, that his girl who used to hang on his every word and think he walked on water would now choose one of those selfish brats over himself in a crisis. How could this happen? So now he starts wondering what else she might choose over him. Or even who else. So maybe he starts acting a little paranoid and thus damages the already fragile lines of communication.

Eventually, it occurs to him that all his time is spent providing for people who seem to take it all for granted and want even more. It occurs to him that maybe some of his labors should go to providing for his own pleasure. Maybe something that recaptures that carefree feeling he had when he first met her. But now he has better means and can afford a much better "pursuit of happiness." And remember how he thinks -- he wants in the girl's pants. So his "pursuit of happiness" will draw feminine attention. Most definitely.

And just like Momma was all these years ago, there is a whole new flock of gorgeous young women out looking for the exact same thing. Do you remember what that was? No, don't scroll back -- I'll make it easy for you.

Now, a young woman pursues relationships interested in getting a man's hands on her body as she evaluates him as a potential father for her unborn babies. And she's establishing a basis for her family's future. And she's creating life-long friendships. Everything she does happens with these end-goals in mind -- what clothes she wears, what hairstyle she sports, what restaurants she eats in, what vehicle she drives, what job she works, everything. The entire goal of her actions is to attract a guy and get him naked (so she can evaluate him).

So a young man finds a girl who turns him on and shows him attention and a young woman finds a man who turns her on and has enough potential for stability that she can work with and the two make some form of commitment to each other. She pays attention to him and only him, treating him as if he were the king of the world and hangs on his every word and move. She provides a setting for him where he gets all the sex his hard-wired brain can handle. In return, he is devoted to her and provides a measure of security and stability for her.

So our man who has built up a family and a solid career is now doing things that are guaranteed to catch the eye of the girls. And they all want to evaluate him to see if he would make a good father for their unborn babies. So they hang on his every word, treat him like he's a king, and just in general treat him the way he wishes his wife still treated him. But, see, he's a man and likely doesn't understand that these young girls -- who are treating him exactly like he wants to be treated and exactly like she used to treat him -- will eventually grow up and treat him like she is treating him now. All he knows is she's hot and he wants her naked and that he's still attractive to the girls.

He hasn't changed. Not one little bit.

So just how can we call that a "crisis" at mid-life when it wasn't one in his early life?

-F/W

comments welcomed