Wishboner Ash

Day 0 – Meeting Edvin, a virgin

I was very, very drunk.

He was very red in the face, very bald, had a very large smile. He looked like a balloon car salesman. I suppose I should have been more careful but how could I have known what he was?

I still don't know what he was.

We were talking about women. Well, I suppose we were talking about fucking. I remind you; I was drunk. I was also young, and stupid.

He pointed at a very pretty blonde; "That one, meboy. Bent over, you takin her from behind, she´s just lovin it! Right?"

"Yeah, right. Girls like her just don´t go for guys like me."

"No? Wonder why, goodlookin bloke like you."

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"Hmm, I smell a bit of confidence trouble here. So what´s wrong? Dick´s too small?"

"I said I don't..."

"All right, what else, what might this poor unfucked boy want apart from a huge slab of man-meat? How about a new willing, even eager, lady every night? A lady who would be happy, well-fucked and content. No being mean, but also no dreary clinginess, no obligations. Oh, and no pregnancy, no STDs, no problems getting it up, just sheer fucking fucking – your new gigantic dick and every pretty girl you could wish for. Sounds good?"

"Sounds like every man´s dream."

"Great! It´s yours. No need signing your name in blood or any of that shit. An honest handshake is enough, between honest fellows like ourselves."

He shook my limp and drunken hand, his smile impossibly growing even wider, so wide his big red head burst. He flew away with the fart-sound of an untied, released balloon. "Good luck!" said the fart.

Day 1 - Amanda

I don't know how I got home, but I woke up in my own bed. I was feeling like a run-over badger looking for his entrails and finding that the crows had eaten them. My head was close to bursting, which brought out memories that had to be dreams of a preposterous red balloon and his weird wishgranter handshake.

Shaking my head (which was a serious mistake) I turned around to fall asleep again, but something felt weird. Something was definitely different. Something flapped over heavily like a sleeping anaconda. Something dormant but alert, ready to be ready to pounce. A porn-star humungous crazy-cock had somehow swallowed my dick and taken its place. What the fuck!

Memories (perhaps not dreams after all) of that handshake and that headfart stirred again. He had promised me a big dick, right? And a new pretty girl every day. Yeah, right.

I still wanted to sleep, but this phallic weirdness had made sleep quite impossible. I went to the kitchen to get me some coffee, walking carefully since this gigantic...thing in front of me might seriously have changed my center of gravity. Coffee might restore my sanity, I thought. Coffee might make this hallucination go away.

The trash-bag was overflowing, so I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and took it out. In the stairs I met Amanda, my super-cute blond neighbor. She came from below and found herself eye to eye with the anaconda. It twitched hungrily, and Amanda stared at it, mesmerized. It´s said to be a myth that snakes can hypnotize their prey, but this snake apparently could.

She smiled sweetly.

"Come," she cooed, and opened the door to her flat. I was coming, of course I was, but...where should I put the trash-bag? If I went back to my apartment with it she might get un-hypnotized, and that I did not want to risk. But it seemed very rude and unromantic to bring a bag of stinking trash when invited by an amorous lady. In the end I left it in the stairwell, by her door. I didn´t feel so good about that either, but I soon had other thighs...I mean things to think about.

She was already naked when I found her, in her bed, on her back. Anaconda woke up with a roar and tried to rip my shorts to shreds, and would have if I hadn´t gotten them off in record time. In a flash I was on her and in her. I plowed her fertile field relentlessly, getting almost two thirds of my steel hard manhood inside her quivering flesh before bottoming out. She moaned in ecstasy, already coming. I flipped her round, took her from behind, from above, from below. I was her master her possessor her undisputed lord of pleasure and she was coming again and again and I was building up to an enormous climax and she came a last thundering time in a final orgasm so overwhelming that she swooned.

I didn´t quite know how to handle that. I was fucking an unconscious woman, was that all right under the circumstances or was it abuse? I decided it was still voluntary sex, she had been a most enthusiastic participant after all, but it was still a bit of a let-down to be sort of all alone when my first orgasm ever with a woman was coming and now I was coming, by god I was coming and she...started snoring.

I waited for quite a while for her to wake up, but she didn´t, she slept like Snow White and apparently I was not her prince because kissing did not wake her up. Eventually I left. And when I did I stepped in the bloody trash-bag, which I had forgotten by her door.

Day 2 – Evelina

The day after, when I knocked on Amanda´s door, she looked at me with total surprise. It was obvious she had no idea why I would seek her out. No you-just-fucked-me-and-I-am-mad-about-it look. Or happy or embarrassed or guilty or anything, just a whatever could HE want. So I stuttered something about lending me a little sugar or something, which she graciously did – in my hands since I had somehow forgotten to bring a cup, ha ha ha.

Back to my place, bewildered.

But hadn´t balloon-head said something about a new girl every day? Perhaps that magic only worked once. Or perhaps I was fully mad and delusional after all.

I went for a walk in the park. A dog came running towards me, leash snaking along after it, obviously on the lam. I picked up the leash and looked around for its owner. A very pretty redhead came hurrying towards us, gratitude in her eyes.

She was grateful and I was obliging. Yes, she could buy me an ice-cream as a sign of that gratitude. Yes, she could kiss me. Yes, we could go into that thicket over there so she could deep-throat me. And, what the fuck, let´s screw, too, we might be busted but that´s half the fun. Once again, I was obliging – the thicket was thick and the dog was lookout, although I think he watched us most of the time.

Then, we parted. Bye bye, it was fun. See you round.

I had pizza for dinner, by the TV, by myself.

Day 3 – Sonja

That day there was a half-marathon in town. I don´t mind jogging, but certainly not that far. Anyway, I went down to watch the runners. They were uplifting to watch, all that energy and drive and a lot of beautiful people. Particularly one. Oh, my god what a woman – tall, black, running like a panther.

But suddenly she was not running like a panther anymore, she was limping, clutching her groin. Probably a sprain. Somehow I was by her side, and somehow I had a tube of liniment in my pocket and somehow I had persuaded this phenomenally gorgeous woman that I should massage the muscles of her groin.

She squirmed.

"Mmm, your hands are magic," she mumbled. "I feel I am ready to run again, but I do not wish to run away from you." So she didn´t and we did it and it was great.

Day 4 – Kattis

This was a very ordinary party hookup, the kind that always used to happen others but not me. But now it did, in the toilet. It was ok, but I was a little too drunk to really enjoy it. She seemed happy, though.

Day 5 – Lena

Day 6 – Lotta

Day 7 – Stina

These were all friends of Kattis, who had been told they had to try me out. Nothing like word of mouth for advertising.

Day 8 – Michelle

I was out for a walk and her car broke down beside me. I don´t know shit about cars, I don't even have a driver´s license, but there I was fixing the whatever that had come loose from something else. Michelle was very grateful and on holiday and up for an adventure, so we went to her hotel. She was into bondage and shit that I always hated, but there I was, punishing away like I liked it. Well, at least she was happy. I just hope I don't run into someone who´s into being the dominatrix, that would be even worse. I just don't seem to be able to control myself when it comes to pleasing the ladies, whatever they need or like, I seem to provide.

Day 49 – Eva

I skipped quite a few encounters, here. They are beginning to blend together. There were pretty brunettes, pretty blondes, pretty redheads, pretty blacks, pretty Asians. I remember Eva because she was older, more than sixty. She picked me up at the library of all places, just walked up to me ad told me I was beautiful and that she wanted to fuck me. Sixty years old in a leopard skin jacket. So, yeah, we fucked and I was her lord and master and all that.

Day 278 – Sara

I had tried to get away from it all and went hiking straight into the people-emptiness of the great Swedish forests. It was evening and I began to think I had gotten away when I heard a faint female cry for help. There she was, pretty and helpless with a broken leg and I of course suddenly knew how to set a broken leg in field conditions and I pitched my tent and she gratefully insisted on sex and I could not say no.

Day 279 –Sara

The day after I carried poor Sara all the way to civilization thus saving her life and that was hard work indeed and the female rescue person we finally met (whose name also was Sara) rewarded me with sex, too. Thanks a lot. She was happy about it, at least.

Day 854 – Ivana, Day 963 – Gloria, Day 1006 – Ruth, Day 1146 – Linn Gao Pa, Day 1476 – Rhonda

I have travelled everywhere by now, I can not stay long in the same place. If I try everyone go crazy because I fuck a new woman every day and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can limit myself to unattached women as long as there are any unattached women available. But when the supply of such are emptied I start in on the married ones and that´s when things really get fucked up. So I keep on the move.

Day 1578 – Olga, Day 1699 – Agnes, Day 1952 – Lenka

I have wondered about that balloon-man, what he was. My guess right now is that he was an evil demon who had been cursed so he had to do a good deed, fulfill someone´s wish. And he tricked me so I made a foolish wish and the demon could do evil with the good deed he was forced to. I don't know if that makes any sense to you.

My wish of the perfect boner, turned to ash.

At least the ladies seem happy, but I think many forget me, like Amanda.

Shit, here comes a lady looking like she wants to ask for directions. She´s beautiful. Fuck! Literally.

Day 2011 – Rita

I sat in the train, watching a family with three kids. It was not all idyllic, the kids were bickering and the parents obviously tired. But that togetherness, that belonging, those obligations, that dreary everyday life. I was so envious I could cry. Then I did cry. Cry for my meaningless loneliness. Here comes a pretty girl, looking for a seat. I bet it is next to me.

Day 3468 – Anna

I can´t take it any longer. Goodbye every one, I really want to die. All those pills, it had to be enough. I feel the world getting hazier and darker. From somewhere beyond the wall of dark fog voices are screaming. Something vile is pushed down my throat and I try to gag but it is pushed further down, an oral machine rape sucking out my pills, my hope to get away. I sleep for a while and wake up with a very very sore throat and a nausea that fills my whole body. I hear a voice (a nurse?) mumble;

"Poor beautiful boy, so sad. But I will comfort you."

I feel someone´s lips enfold my gigantic cock, and I cry.