Without You I Have Nothing Ch. 12

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A second mother.
5.4k words
4.63
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1

Part 12 of the 32 part series

Updated 10/31/2022
Created 11/02/2007
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JAScooter
JAScooter
115 Followers

Susie didn't speak until they arrived at the railway station. Suddenly she stopped, sensing a strangeness come over Peter once more. Clutching her little bag to her chest, she turned and watched, realizing it would take some time before the last of the effects of the drugs left him.

Once again, something weird was taking hold of Peter who now seemed to be staring at Susie as if mesmerized. He was seeing visions again.

He could see beside her, standing there in the light streaming through the waiting room door, two figures - his parents. They were frowning at him, their gaze steady and stern.

His eyes closed as he tried to shake his mind free of the two apparitions and he felt his mind retreating into itself once more, unable to cope in its drugged state. A most wonderful floating feeling came over him, bringing with it an almost euphoric feeling of security.

"What's wrong?"

He could hear Susie's strangely distant voice and could hear the sounds of slapping. He began to feel the pain of slaps on his cheek that forced him to open his eyes and blink in the strong sunlight. The slaps got harder until they stung.

"That hurt." Peter at last realized what Susie was doing.

"You're a fool. You almost fainted, that's all.” Susie clasped his arm tightly. "What's wrong? Surely, I deserve an explanation. Any moment now I'll forget I’m a lady,” She flushed with quick anger, “although you didn't see fit to treat me like one."

Peter sagged against the wall and she grabbed his shoulders, trying to keep him on his feet.

"Peter, whatever's the matter?"

"I haven't been to bed," he explained before correcting himself. "No, I haven't been to sleep for four – or maybe five days. It was just a long day followed by an even longer night and the day was horrible, a real bitch of a day. Now it’s going to be an even longer night.”

She remembered he'd agreed to take the load back to Sydney.

"But I'll be all right. I've been given these to keep awake." Peter produced the bottle of tablets the yard boss had given him. "I'll take them to help."

Brooking no argument, Susie reacted with speed and finality as she snatched them from his grasp.

"I'll have those. You'll do nothing of the sort." She was so angry she was shouting.

"These young people - domestic arguments." The waiting passengers were critical.

"But your train?" Valiantly Peter tried to resist but his body was rubber.

"Damn my train," Susie replied angrily.

Hailing a taxi, she pushed Peter into the back seat and demanded that the driver take them back to the motel. It took the efforts of both the driver and Susie to get Peter back into the room and on the bed.

His body was demanding a rest.

Slowly, hours later his eyes opened. The moon could be seen through the window and the lights in the room were on. He struggled to rise.

"So the hero is awake.” Susie fluttered into view. "Do you feel fit enough to take me to dinner? I'm starving." She began to snigger as Peter threw the bedclothes back and stood up. "No. Not like that. You're far from decent."

Her eyes sparkled merrily as she studied his naked body.

"Not so fearsome now are we? Where's your manhood gone. You're only a little boy in a man's body." She laughed stridently as Peter, trying to cover his family jewels with his hands, fled to the bathroom.

"And, yes, your back. I demand some explanations. At least, you owe me that."

Considerably refreshed, they eventually began talking while eating.

"Now you've slept and we're eating, perhaps you can tell me what yesterday was all about," Susie continued her nagging.

Peter was learning more about her, but in his opinion, her nagging was a common trait of women.

"Forget it.” Peter was becoming stubborn. He was not going to answer. "Let's go for a walk around the shops. I'll collect the truck and take the load to Sydney."

"There's no truck. Not tonight.”

Susie pulled on his arm until she forced him to face her. Hands on hips and feet spaced wide apart, she glared at him. "You can sleep tonight and possibly drive tomorrow. Do you think because I'm a woman I'm here for you to tumble into bed whenever you get the urge?" She was bitter. "Do you believe I can't think? Peter, you're even more stupid than you were last night."

The knives were out. She really made him writhe as each blade plunged deep.

"You men make me sick. Honestly I thought you were different but, my God, how mistaken was I." She was furious.

"Ssh. Susie." Her voice had become a strident shriek. "People are listening."

"Hell, why should I care? Don't you want them to recognize you as a 'would-be' rapist - a rapist who would do it - if he had anything to use in a rape. You are a poor, silly excuse for a man. I suppose you want the world to think of you as a kind, well-mannered gentleman instead of a stupid little boy." Her words sank to a hoarse whisper.

In the motel room, she pushed Peter onto the bed then dragged a chair close. As he reached out to touch her, she recoiled as if he were loathsome.

"If you touch me, I'll go." Then she softened a little. "God knows what would happen to you, but I'll go. I seriously doubt your ability to look after yourself. You're just a little boy, lost. Now tell me what's wrong. What's been eating you?"

Peter stared at her, his mouth set into a hard line and his thoughts locked on his problem as he wondered what was wrong with him. Women, that's what was wrong. He decided to say nothing, no matter how much she stared at him and insulted him. He would say nothing.

With no answer forthcoming, thoroughly exasperated Susie gathered up her things and left. She'd tried so hard to break through his reserve without success. She'd had enough of Peter O'Brien.

Lying back on the bed he allowed his thoughts to wander. He couldn’t stand all that questioning and anger - just like his childhood – questions, anger and pain. If it hadn't been for that phone call everything would be so good.

A sob welled up from deep in his chest. He lay back on the bed and allowed his thoughts to race. If only Jennifer would give me a chance. He clutched a pillow and weeping bitterly, enjoyed the luxury of not holding back. For the first time in his life, he howled his bitterness into a pillow.

"Peter!" A light touch on his shoulder and a soft voice told him he was not alone.

"For Christ's sake, leave me alone!" He punched the pillow in his bitter anger, burying his face, trying to conceal the tears. "Get out. Leave me alone. Oh, for God's sake, leave me alone."

The bed creaked gently as Susie sat.

Peter didn't struggle as she cradled his head and cuddled him like the mother he could barely remember. "Ssh, ssh, ssh." Trying to break through the sobbing she patted him gently.

"Please go. Isn't it enough that I am crying? What else do you want?" He shrieked maliciously, "Blood?"

"Ssh." Ignoring his pleas, Susie continued her patient patting and rocking.

"Let me be."

Peter struggled against her but she only held his head more firmly against her breasts and rocked until he calmed. Then carefully, as if he were a baby, she undressed him, put him into bed and tucked him in.

Reaching out to her, he grasped her hand and begged, almost piteously. "Please, Susie. Please don't leave me. I'm so frightened."

Wordlessly, Susie stood there. Quietly shedding her clothes until she was completely naked, she slipped into the bed with him and drew his head tightly against her breasts once more.

"You great big baby, I'm here. I won't leave you." She pulled his head up against her shoulder and patted him lightly. "You really do need me, don't you?" She sounded as though she couldn't believe it.

Peter couldn't answer. A weariness of soul had overwhelmed him and he slept.

"Hey, wake up. You have a job to do. Get up.” Susie was enjoying her newfound role of mother. "Breakfast is here, so shower, shave and eat."

Monday had arrived as she ripped the bedclothes back and smiled down at him.

"Don't lie there looking all sad and sorry for yourself. Get up. It's a beautiful sunrise." With a twinkle in her eye, she added, "Didn't you know you have a passenger - me? Now hurry up. It's early, so we can get a good start."

In the car park was a present for Peter. ‘We have a load for Sydney,’ is what the foreman had said. He hadn't warned Peter what the load was.

The chains were tight, the warning signs ‘LONG LOAD’ were in place and the twenty-five tons of pre-stressed concrete struts were ready for the trip.

All the instructions needed were in the note on the driver's seat. 'Take extreme care or the load will be pushing you hard. A driver will collect the truck from your workshop tomorrow morning. Don't rush things. Remember this is an enormous load.'

"Goody, there's a bed in here and a wireless too!" It was as if Susie had driven all thoughts of the trip to Bathurst from her mind.

"Same cab, Susie. However, a different trip entirely. Did you see what we are dragging?" Peter took her hand in his.

"This is going to be a really rugged trip, so you must agree to one rule before we start. It’s going to be slow, noisy and hot - that engine is really going to be working hard. Now if it gets too much you must tell me. I'll pull over and get you home safely somehow."

Peter tried to be cheerful, pretending he couldn't remember what an ass he'd been and refusing to allow thoughts of Jennifer to enter his mind.

"Don't be silly."

"Susie, you don't come if you don't promise."

"I promise," she sighed. "But it sounds exciting."

The grinding of gears and the howling of the stressed motor as they clawed their way up the never-ending hills didn't worry her.

"Oh, look at those lambs. Isn't that a beautiful creek? I didn't realize - isn't that pretty?" Her cheerfulness made the hours pass.

"You're tired, Peter. Pull over and we'll eat at the next place." She was happy - giving orders again.

"It's a truckers' joint." Peter was reluctant to take her in there. "They'll all think we are lovers."

"Don't care." She surprised Peter as he felt her hand squeeze his knee. "They'll all be envious."

The sun had set as they reached the outskirts of Sydney, and the street lamps had been blazing for hours when the engine finally was hushed.

"That was some drive." Susie patted the mudguard and turned to Peter. "You worked hard. I didn't realize that trucking meant such hard work."

"I'll get my car and drive you home."

She looked relieved. "You can soak while I get us something to eat. We have to talk."

Peter's face clouded over.

"Peter," she sounded a warning, "You've got to talk. This weekend could have seen you in jail or worse." She didn't continue. It wasn’t necessary.

The hot bath was a luxury. He was enjoying soaking the tiredness out of his bones too much to complain when Susie strolled in. He didn’t even complain when she rolled up her sleeves.

"Okay, big boy. I'm here to do your back." She massaged him across the shoulders and neck. Then with a smack and, "Food's ready," she left.

They avoided the topic that was uppermost in both their minds while they ate.

Suddenly over coffee, Peter’s conversation turned to the subject they had avoided. "Susie, about the other night, I should never," and his voice trailed off.

Susie sprang to her feet. "You wash up. I need a bath." She took a long time and answered Peter's teasing questions about ‘a massage’ and ‘a back rub’ with a screech.

"Get back to the kitchen. You're far too dangerous to allow in here." Eventually, Susie joined Peter on the lounge.

Taking his hands gently in hers, she quietly asked, "Can you talk yet?"

He shook his head, doing nothing to encourage her curiosity.

"What is there to talk about?" He looked at her. The glare in her eyes made him drop his bravado and he added, "I don't know."

"All right then - I'll make this easier for you. First - explain your back."

Unwilling to reveal his story, Peter stared at her, wondering how little he had to reveal to make the questioning stop. While he waited, trying to clear his mind, Susie gazed into his soul, willing him to answer.

"Well, my family was captured by brigands in Malaysia. My father was shot and I was flogged to make my mother submissive to the leader’s demands." Peter's head dropped and his eyes misted. He didn't want to look at Susie as he spoke.

Knowing the distress caused by that answer, Susie dared not question more but she needed answers.

"Is your mother alive? Have you any family at all?"

"My mother was shot in front of me and I am all alone - no family – nothing.” A suppressed sob welled up from Peter's chest. He held his breath, trying to bring himself under control.

"I am not forgetting Friday night - and you should be ashamed of yourself terrorizing me like that." Susie was not finished.

Peter hung his head, unable to look at her. She was right. He had terrorized her, in fact.

"You intended to rape me. Don't deny it. I'm not stupid. Then suddenly you stopped before any damage was done and rushed off into the night.” Susie continued.

“That was not the behavior of the likeable Peter I know. Peter the gentleman, Peter the hero who rushes to a damsel's aid with no thought for his own safety." She paused to watch the effect of her words. “Don't look embarrassed and get all brutish."

She adjusted their positions until Peter lay with his head in her lap. Gently she stroked his forehead.

"There's something wrong. There's some hurt deep down inside and I don't think it’s anything to do with this weekend." Peter tried to reply but she cut him short. "This weekend, something happened to cause you to lose control, but the hurt is further in the past than this weekend."

"Susie. What can I say?" Peter fought the feelings and the tears. “There's really nothing. I was just worked up and angry."

"That's right, you were angry. Not with me, but you used me to work out your anger. You really weren’t the Peter I know. You had a wild look in your eyes and that was frightening. You looked as though someone had mortally wounded you and you acted like a wounded animal - ready to strike out at anything and everything that moved. Now, what hurt you?" She smiled wisely and added, "Jennifer?"

The hurt returned the anger and he was unable to prevent the words from bursting out.

"Bugger Jennifer! She can rot in hell."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"The world does not revolve around Jennifer Blake. There is more to my life than that red-headed bitch."

"Your words tell me one thing but your heart tells me another.” Susie began to rock him against her breasts, softly stroking his face until Peter's eyes closed and the tears, unchecked, began to flow.

"That's right, let it out. Go further back. The real hurt is not Jennifer - further back, go back further.” Sensing a slight change in his demeanor, she became silent, just cradling Peter's head as he opened his mind to reveal all the ugliness.

"My mother insisted that Dad take her to the Cameron Highlands for the weekend - a second honeymoon she called it. He didn't want to go as he'd promised to take me fishing, but she insisted. I believe it was a plan hatched between her and her criminal Chinese lover. Oh, yes, I knew she had a lover as he'd forced me to put his penis in her mouth, her vagina or her anus by flogging me until I conformed. He flogged me to make her do his bidding!"

Susie heaved and her words, "Oh, God!" went unnoticed.

"Dad was murdered and my mother and I were with her lover for years. During that time, he flogged me to make her more passionate in response to his demands. When released after my mother's tormentor had shot her, I was simply an embarrassment to the RAAF and I had no relations living who could take me in. No-one wanted me."

Unable to continue, Peter sobbed uncontrollably for some minutes. Susie held him close to her and stroked his hair, calming him slowly. At last, he summoned some strength and sat up. Staring at the ceiling, his hand in hers, he continued.

“As I grew, I became more and more reserved. I soon learnt that showing my emotions gave people a chance to hurt me. Any time I grew fond of a family they moved me on as if God didn't want me to form any relationships. I tried to make friends with girls but they all laughed at me and teased me that my parents were dead or that my mother had been a whore. Every time I began to care about someone, I met a blank wall and I hurt. Finally, I just gave up. I had become a joke."

Susie interrupted his long tale of sadness. "You're no joke now, Peter. You're someone special for someone special."

"Ha!" The bitterness mixed with salty tears, "That 'someone special', as you call her, is a first rate, lying bitch."

Susie recoiled from his vehemence but said nothing. Her stroking demanded he continue.

"I told her," God, he was so bitter, "I told her I loved her - I loved her so much I hadn't touched her. She said she was a virgin and I said I'd wait until we were married."

Wide eyed, he stopped, realizing the implications of what he had blurted out. The thought of what he had done to Susie and what he had intended doing made his breakdown complete and he sobbed bitterly.

The rocking and the stroking continued. "Come on, there's more yet."

"Well,” slowly Peter returned to his story, "Jennifer called. No, I called her and the bitch was too busy to talk. She told me she was off to the airport to pick up someone special from Melbourne and demanded I meet the two of them Friday night. She was too excited to talk and it was obvious what this man meant to her. Christ, what a bitch!"

Susie stiffened and said nothing. She didn't have any answers, so the best thing she could do for Peter was to listen.

"I went along to meet them in our usual place, knowing the pattern of my life was continuing, but in actual fact I was really fascinated that I couldn’t break free of the pattern. They didn't see me. They were too engrossed in each other, too involved holding hands. Bloody hell! 'Someone special' is exactly what she called him."

Between sobs, he retreated into his childhood for something to compare with such a loss.

“Christ, I wasn't even allowed a kitten or puppy of my own." He shook as he cried - there were no more dark corners.

Susie allowed his sobbing to die so that he had time to regain his composure. When she spoke, it was so kindly and so softly, he could have sworn she spoke as his mother.

"There's still more. There's still more. You took me off to rape me. I must know the lot. Otherwise I can't help you because I still can't understand."

He had told so much of those parts of his life kept secret until now that Peter knew he had to tell the rest as it involved Susie. At least he owed her that much.

"I left. I couldn't go across the room and talk to them. They weren't the least interested in anyone else – I could see it was enough for them to be with each other. I got back to the workshop and rolled that bloody truck out.

“I wanted to kill myself. What was the use of continuing? God was laughing at me. What a bloody good joke on me.

“I loved her - I hadn't touched her although I was always on fire for her - and all the time she belonged to someone else. All I wanted to do was smash everything. What was the point? My mother didn't want me. Jennifer definitely didn't want me. I felt I couldn't continue, but then you were there suddenly, standing there and offering to help by going with me. I was lashing out at women."

He sat up and took Susie's hands but still could not look at her. Head bowed he continued.

JAScooter
JAScooter
115 Followers
12