Women's Studies Ch. 11

"He asked me to be his Valentine," I said nervously as soon as I sat down in Dr. Price's office.

"Danny? Really?" she smiled showing surprise, and what appeared to be a hint of excitement.

I had let myself get sucked back into messaging with him again. Just the thought of this man thinking of me was enough to make me lose all rational thought, causing me to fall right back into whimsical daydreams while talking with him on the phone, or messaging back and forth.

Danny had asked me two days ago to spend Valentine's Day with him, and like a nuclear blast, it was enough to bring me back to reality, and send my fantastical thoughts crumbling down to rubble around me. I hadn't messaged him back since, and by the few texts he had sent, I was sure he was beginning to worry.

Dr. Price had already signed off on my breast surgery, and as it was, I had already had the procedure done. She had asked if I would continue seeing her to discuss my personal life, and after some thought I had accepted. Her rates were affordable, and even after paying for the slightly tender breasts I now enjoyed, I still had quite a bit of money left over.

"You don't seem very enthused by this turn of events," she observed.

"Why the hell should I be enthused?" I asked a little erratically, emphasizing her choice of word. "I've been trying to distance myself from him for a long time, but he always finds a way to charm his way back in," I said looking down at my phone in my hands. "He will text me and I'll respond, trying to blow him off so he will get the hint, and before you know it, we've been messaging for over two hours!"

"You make this seem like a bad thing," Dr. Price said.

"It is!" I told her. "You know why I can't tell him about me!"

"You know," she said adjusting her seat. "I've been thinking about that. There really isn't as much danger in telling him as you might think."

"Really?" I asked wryly.

"Just hear me out," she said holding up a hand to forestall me. "If everything goes perfectly, you have nothing to worry about. He will accept you for who you are, and you two could live happily ever after. If it goes badly, and he is completely repulsed by you, do you really think he would go around telling people about it?"

Her words made me think for a few moments.

"Just to be clear, these words have no reflection on how I actually feel. They are just a representation of a worst-case scenario," she continued evenly. "He is disgusted. He has just found out that he spent the last few months falling for another guy, making out with him, and fooling around. Not only was he fooled, but by his own actions and thoughts, what he has done is gay. Now if you were in his shoes, would you want to go spreading that around? Or maybe you would just walk away and forget any of it ever happened," she finished.

She had a good point. Thinking about how Alex would have handled the situation before Lexi came around, I didn't think I would have risked telling anybody. I would like to believe that I wasn't such a tool back then, but deep down I knew better. Alex had been repressed and sheltered. If circumstances never necessitated the need for Lexi, I would most likely still be exactly the same.

"That...makes a lot of sense," I said a little sheepishly, slouching back into the couch as I relaxed slightly.

"You say it makes sense, but you don't seem as relieved as I thought you'd be," she said seeing the nervous look on my face.

"I'm still scared to tell him," I whispered, focusing on my fidgeting fingers in my lap. "What if he hates me?"

"Then he hates you," Dr. Price said casually.

The definitive way she said that didn't help my emotional state, and I told her so. "That's...refreshing."

"Would you rather torture yourself wondering?" she asked just as casually as before as she examined the nib of her pen. "You can spend the rest of your life wondering, torturing your thoughts, about how he might react, or in just one short week you could know the truth. It might not end up being the truth you're hoping for, but you will know it, and you will finally be able to move onto the next part of your life."

Eventually we were able to move off of the Danny topic, and on to other more uplifting things, like how I was feeling about my new breasts. That was a fun topic. The added weight on my chest felt sublime, even with my tender, stretched skin. I still thought about what she had said about my Danny problem though. Her solution seemed simple on the face of it, but the possible outcome still inspired a great deal of fear. Less about his possible retaliation, and more so on how bad the emotional fall out would be.

As our session ended, I felt like I had a stronger understanding of my options in life, but I still didn't know what I was going to choose. I really liked this guy, and it would be wonderful if I could truly be myself with him, but I had created this fucked up situation.

It felt like so long ago since I had first met him. I hadn't even planned on liking him in this way, let alone any guy for that matter. I was just flattered that he took so much interest in me as a girl right after I had just begun pretending to be Lexi. Now, I actually was Lexi, and my feelings for him had evolved way beyond my intentions. No matter my trepidation, a small part of hope inside kept whispering for me to tell him.

With my nervousness still coursing throughout my body, I broke down and pulled into a drive-thru halfway back to campus. It had been months since I had indulged in the golden arches while trying to maintain my girlish figure. Abigail had gotten both Kennedy and I into yoga, but even with that, and my high metabolism, I felt a strong need to conform to my feminine beauty standards.

After I finished my disgustingly delicious Happy Meal, and was crumpling the hamburger wrapper in my palms, I felt slightly disgusted with myself for breaking, but ironically happy. I had forgotten just how marvelous salty French fries tasted. I still had my problems hanging ahead of me, but at least I wasn't hungry as I finished my drive back to campus.

Thinking about Danny, and Valentine's Day, I didn't feel like going to my last class for the day, so I made my way up the stairs of Evens Hall to my dorm room for some alone time. I knew exactly what would help me take my mind off my problems and make me feel incredible all at the same time.

As soon as I got into my room, I began stripping off my clothes. Once my jeans, jacket, and top were on the floor, I stepped in front of our full-length mirror and admired my new breasts.

They were still a little tender, but not even that could have taken the smile from my face. I unsnapped the hideous looking granny-style bra, that had been recommended for post-surgery support, and let the straps slide slowly off my shoulders as I savored the tantalizing sight of my breasts slowly coming into view.

They were larger than I had expected, but the doctor had told me that there would be swelling for some time before they settled. It felt so incredible, finally having real breasts. Breast forms might have been a blessed solution before, and might have given me some illusion of what real breasts would feel like, but nothing could compare to the real thing.

Having been neglected for so long, covered by breast forms, the skin around my breasts was incredibly sensitive. Even the slightest brush of cloth against them felt pleasurable. And the weight of them hanging there on my chest was wonderful.

I stared with adoration at my two new best friends as I slowly turned from angle to angle, examining them and how great they looked with the rest of my body. The natural slope of my chest looked seductive, and the round curves of the breasts themselves screamed sex and femininity. The drastic increase in breast size even stretched my boyish dark nipples, slightly increasing them from a modest quarter size to an ample half dollar, which I loved.

Standing there in just my pink panties, I loved what I saw in front of me, and even felt my cock tugging at my underwear signaling its strong approval as well. My arousal rising, I let my thighs rub together teasingly as I gently let my fingers trace around the soft sensitive skin of my breasts. As one hand slipped down to my panties and inside the waistband, I couldn't help but bite my lip seductively as I slowly rubbed my aching cock between my thighs before finally setting it free.

It was such a wonderful feeling, knowing in my bones that I was attractive and desirable. Hell, if I wanted to fuck myself this badly, I knew I had to be hot as hell. I spent some time feasting on my own body as I teased my cock and breasts. I tried to savor these feelings as long as I could, the deep feelings of contentment at what I saw staring back at me in the mirror. I didn't know how to describe the feeling except for blissfully full. In the end, I found myself panting, and on my knees, my cum covering the mirror in violent pearlescent stripes, as I tried to catch my breath. This wasn't the first time I had come like this since my surgery, and I knew it wouldn't be my last.

Feeling wonderfully spent, I used my discarded top to quickly scrub my semen from the mirror before crawling beneath the inviting covers of my bed. There was a small smile on my lips as I drifted off to sleep, holding my precious breasts in my hands.

*** *** ***

I woke up feeling someone else sliding into bed with me. Feeling so relaxed, I refused to open my eyes. In my blissful contentment, it took me a few moments to notice the citrus body spray warning me that it was Kennedy beside me.

After such a wonderful orgasm, and my refreshing nap, I felt relaxed as I lay there with my eyes closed feeling Kennedy slide up next to me. After only a minute of feeling Kennedy's warmth pressed against mine, I felt the comforter being tugged slowly down my naked body to expose my breasts to the cool air in the room.

"Don't even think about it!" I said the moment I felt her warm breath over my hardened nipple.

"Come on!" she huffed, daring a very pleasurable flick of her tongue against my swollen nub.

"Cut it out!" I said again, this time opening my eyes and pulling the covers back over me, shielding myself from her as well as the chill.

"I'll be gentle, I promise," she pleaded next to me.

"We tried that already," I said, thinking back to the last time I let Kennedy indulge herself at my expense. "You can't control yourself enough to be gentle."

"This time will be different," she pleaded further, sitting up slightly next to me.

"Nope," I said firmly. I had not spent all of that time, money, and stress on my new breasts for Kennedy to get carried away and mess them up before they healed properly. "I see the plastic surgeon in two days, and if he gives the all clear, you can go to town on them," I promised. "But not a second before."

"You're no fun," she sighed, leaning back against the headboard.

"I told you she wouldn't go for it," Abigail said, surprising me slightly by her presence. She had been very quiet up until now, sitting at her desk studying.

"Don't you have homework to do, Kennedy?" Abigail asked. "I literally never see you studying."

"It's called strategic class selection," Kennedy said, tilting her head to look at our friend slyly. "I only have one class that gives out a steady workload. The rest of them I can mostly coast through."

"Do you even have a Major yet?" Abigail asked.

"Nope," Kennedy replied. "It doesn't really matter to me. I'm only here for two things. Because my father bribed me to come, and so I can find out who he is."

"Just think," Abigail offered whimsically, "you could actually get a first-class education while you're here. And for free too!"

"I don't know," Kennedy said as she stretched out like a sexy cat on our mattress. "I kind of like how things are going right now. I don't want to change up anything and risk it."

Feeling a little anxious about how much time I had spent out of my granny-style boulder holder, I carefully slid out of bed and slipped back on my unflattering bra. Pulling on an old Alex t-shirt, I sat back down on the bed in my panties.

All of this talk of studying had reminded me of how much of my classes I had been missing lately. In between doctors' appointments, and regularly seeing my shrink, not to mention the surgery and the down time I took to recuperate, I was falling behind. While Abigail and I clicked away on our laptops, Kennedy settled down to take a little nap.

It seemed that I had really missed a lot over the last few days. After checking the web page for my classes, I realized how much trouble I was actually in. I had missed two exams that I had to make up, and had a number of papers that were late and pending. As it stood, if I didn't catch up quickly, I would be failing two of my classes. Even if I made up every assignment, I would still be severely close to losing my scholarship for not maintaining a C+ average.

*BZZZZZ* My cellphone skittered across Abigail's desk.

"You have a message," Abigail said, looking at the screen. "It's from Danny!" she said in a more teasing tone, seeing who it was.

It was the last thing I needed on my mind right now. Seeing how bad my academic future was looking had been quite a shock. The absolute last thing I wanted was to be kicked out of school, and adding the stress of Danny into this already volatile mix was stress I didn't need. Talking with Dr. Price had made things seem so much clearer, but that clarity seemed to be wearing off. She had minimized the potential fall out of that situation from Chernobyl to a hand grenade, but from my understanding, hand grenades still killed people all the time.

"What does he want?" I asked, trying to focus on repairing my academic future as I pulled up a notepad on my screen and began making a long list of assignments I had to complete.

"He wants to know if he scared you off with Valentine's Day talk," Abigail relayed.

"Shit," I sighed. "Just tell him...tell him I can't."

"Are you sure?" Abigail asked. "It's Valentine's Day."

"I just realized I'm failing two classes, and if I don't fix this, I'll lose my scholarship," I said with a little tightness in my voice. "I have an ass ton of work to do and I'm going to be too busy."

"Can we help?" Abigail asked.

"I don't think so," I said shaking my head.

Abigail went quiet as her thumbs went to work messaging Danny back for me. I felt relieved and a little guilty for putting this off even longer, but my excuse was solid.

*** *** ***

I spent the next couple of days in an almost fugue state of panic-studying. When I wasn't in class listening to lectures, I was a madwoman on my computer researching and writing essays and papers. I even cut out a lot of travel time by camping out in the halls while I worked with my overheated laptop keeping my thighs warm. I would leave the dorm for my morning classes, and I wouldn't return until after my last class of the day, cutting out the long walk from Evens Hall.

It was tedious work as I slowly chipped away at the giant mound of assignments, but every little bit I got through, the less I had in front of me. I began looking a little ragged from the lack of sleep, and Kennedy and Abigail seemed a little worried about me. They both offered to write some of my papers, but I just couldn't ask them to help. These were still things I needed to know for the classes, and them doing it for me wouldn't help me when finals arrived. I also would have felt even crappier than I already did if I cheated.

Thankfully, my follow up appointment with the surgeon was scheduled on a Friday, well after my only class that day.

"They still feel a little sore," I commented as the doctor examined my breasts.

"That's to be expected," he replied. "Your skin was quite elastic, but that doesn't mean that soreness from stretching won't be present. The scars seem to be healing quite nicely. I expect those to fade even more over time."

"When do you think the swelling will go down?" I asked. They were larger than I had anticipated, and I'd been waiting for them to shrink a little.

"It looks like all the swelling is gone to me," he commented. "All that's left is the settling."

This news was a little bit of a shock.

"Are you sure?" I asked, reflexively raising my hands to my breasts. They still felt so huge! When I had been looking for breast sizes, I had been looking for something modest, only slightly larger than the breast forms I'd had.

"I've been doing this for ten years. I'm as sure as I can be," he said gesturing for me to dress. "What you see now is what you'll have going forward. Like I said, there will be a little bit more settling in the future, but the difference will be minimal."

As he took his final notes, I looked at myself in the mirror. They were just so...big. They weren't jumbo boobs or anything, but I was so used to my breast forms. I had been anticipating something only a tad larger. It could have simply been buyer's remorse. In reality, they were relatively the same size as Abigail's or Kennedy's breasts, but I was smaller than them.

"You're fine to switch back to normal bras now, and it's safe for you to resume normal sexual activity. I would refrain from any...aggressive treatment for the next few weeks though," he said. "I would like to see you again in another month, just to keep track of your progress. You can set up an appointment with Stephanie on your way out."

When I got back to our room, I was mentally exhausted. I still had so much work to do. Between all of my papers and the exams I had to cram for, I had about twenty thousand words to write, and around two hundred pages of text to read. I had been working so hard the last few days that even the thought of more hurt my brain.

Resigning to my torment, I kicked off my heeled boots and tossed my jacket onto the back of my chair. Grabbing a heavy textbook, I settled in on the bed for some reading. I spent over an hour at it, barely getting anywhere. All of the words seemed to run together, and I had been trying to read the same page for over ten minutes. I was even taking care to read each individual word, but by the end of the sentence I had absolutely no clue what I had just read. By the time Kennedy walked in, I was at my wits end.

"Fuck!" I yelled, throwing the demon book onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" Kennedy asked, setting down her things.

"No," I said rubbing my eyes, sore from trying to read. "I spent the last five minutes trying to read the same sentence. My brain hurts," I said sliding down the headboard and onto my pillow.

"You just need a break," Kennedy said climbing up onto the bed to sit next to me and stroke my hair. "Why don't you call it an early night and just relax."

"I have too much work to make up," I said, slightly pouting at how screwed I felt. "Besides, I'm too stressed to relax."

"I know a few relaxation techniques," Kennedy offered teasingly. "Besides, Abigail and I have been talking and we're going to help you. We know you don't want us to write anything for you, but we can do the research, and make some detailed notes for you to go off of. That would seriously cut down on what you have to do."

"You guys don't have to help me," I said. "I got myself into this-"

"And we're going to help you get out of it," Kennedy finished for me. "We want to help. You're so tired, you look like you've been on the wrong end of an all-night gang bang...and not in a good way."

"Uh...thanks?" I said, not knowing exactly how to take that last bit.

"Anything for you," Kennedy smiled comfortingly. "Now, close your eyes and let mama take care of you."

Kennedy had me role over and she slowly began massaging me, starting at my shoulders and working her way down. The moment she began, I let out a long sigh and let my eyes close. After a few luxurious passes, she began lifting my shirt slowly.