Writing Realistic Female Dominance

In Scene 1, for example, the sub licking his own cum off the door is humiliating but only because he hesitates. If he had dropped to his knees and lapped it up without being told and showed no conflict or shame, it would carry a totally different emotional weight than it does in the actual scene. Similarly, if the Domme was crouched over him with her fist bunched up around a handful of his hair and he was begging to do anything but lick his gross spunk off the nasty sex club door, the exact same act is extremely humiliating.

In Scene 2, the sub crawling on his hands and knees then rubbing his face against the Domme's foot is sweet, even romantic. Their script doesn't emphasize that position or act as one of humiliation, but as natural. Now, imagine the exact same thing happening in Scene 1 at the Domme's command. Not nearly so sweet, is it?

What about more extreme examples, like pegging or enemas? Aren't those inherently humiliating? It's certainly easier to make those acts express humiliation, so not much else needs to be included in the script to get that point across. What if the act is hot but its humiliation aspect is not, or doesn't fit the relationship? Have your characters talk about and react to the act like it isn't humiliating or shameful and you rob it of other connotations. A Domme putting on her strap-on and emphasizing in her script that fucking the sub with it is a coveted reward for his obedience, or even having her use the strap-on in a face-to-face position, takes the humiliation out of the act. An enema for a grateful sub as part of a bathing ritual, treated as a purification of the body instead of a test of endurance isn't humiliating. If an act fits your story but usually carries an air of humiliation that doesn't fit, don't give up on it.

Acts - The most important part, right? Maybe not. The complete act of a femdom scene might be the sub masturbating while the Domme instructs him in what to do on the phone. What makes that a true ritual instead of just phone sex is everything else around it. Any sex act can be made into a hot, realistic femdom scene if the details are right, no bondage or whips necessary.

Some sex acts are going to take more work than others to come off as showing female authority. Think about the effect of feminine clothing on a male sub to show his status - the same thing doesn't happen when a female sub wears masculine clothes. If anything, a woman wearing traditionally masculine clothes, it marks her as having more authority. The same thing is true for sex acts that have a presumption of penetrating/masculine/dominant and penetrated/feminine/submissive that can be overcome by the right script. Dommes giving subs oral sex, rimming them, or letting a sub penetrate them vaginally can all be acts of dominance.

I had a discussion with a friend recently about whether or not receiving anal sex could be an act of dominance. This is the script I wrote, a variation on Scene 2, to show him how it might work:

"Initiate, are you worthy of tasting me?"

"No, my Goddess."

"But I allow you to provide me oral servitude?"

"Yes, my Goddess."

"Why is that?"

"Your mercy, my Goddess."

"My mercy and my pleasure. Do you long to please me, Initiate?"

"More than anything, my Goddess."

"Good. It pleases me now to have a cock inside me. Initiate, are you worthy of putting your cock inside me?"

"No, my Goddess."

"That is correct. But you are mine to do with as I please."

"Always, my Goddess."

"It pleases me to use you in this way."

"Thank you, my Goddess."

"But you are in no way worthy of putting your cock inside my most holy place. That is meant for my own fingers and blessed instruments."

"How can I please you then, Goddess?"

"Lay down. I will use you to fill me in other ways."

There, the foundation is laid for the Domme to have what she wants on her terms, for her pleasure. Maintain it with the position, something that gives her control over depth and speed of thrusts, and even taking it in the ass can emphasize her authority.

Worried about writing realistic femdom scenes because you've never personally experienced rope bondage, flogging, chastity devices, or any of the other things that are "supposed to be" in femdom? Don't worry about it. Write about the acts that turn you on or turn on the readers you want to reach. Writing about acts you have experienced first-hand will always give you a deeper well of realistic details to draw, and those are the real power behind getting your reader to relate to the scene.

Release

If the Relationship is the beginning and the Ritual is the middle, Release is the end of a realistic femdom scene. Only pure fantasy involves the Domme getting everything and the sub getting nothing, since no one would consent to a completely one-sided sexual experience. Release is where the sub is rewarded in the way the sub values, but it's always the Domme's decision to end the scene in a controlled way.

Release is not always orgasm and orgasm is not always Release. In Scene 1, the Domme brings the sub to orgasm as a preliminary matter. What he really wants may be an orgasm, but it won't be until he experiences a much greater intensity of submission and sensation. She might not let him come for the rest of the night then order him not to come until he sees her at the club the next week. The story doesn't have to follow him until the next week for the scene to be complete, so long as her controlling his orgasm and continuing their relationship is what he wants. If not, he has no reason to listen to her and her authority is broken because she's not doing what she's supposed to do in fulfilling his desires as well as her own.

In Scene 2, the sub may come many times over the course of the weekend, just once at the end, or not at all, depending on what he finds most pleasurable. It makes a big difference if what she has laid out for him on the bed includes a chastity device. What's clear from her prior preparation, though is that they are going to share a meal and champagne at some point that night, so there's going to be a controlled end to the scene and return to their normal roles.

You bring your reader through the same arc as your characters: building excitement, fulfilling excitement, and allowing excitement to have a satisfying end before returning to the baseline state. A clear release is particularly important for femdom scenes where the characters are roleplaying, so they can return to their usual personalities and relationship. Even in stories about couples who live a femdom lifestyle 24/7, they have to stop to fold the laundry and attend parent-teacher conferences. Pay attention to Relationship, Ritual, and Release and you'll give your readers a more realistic, satisfying way of living their fantasies.