WWOA 01: Karaoke Okey Dokes

'CAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TONIGHT!!!****

"Know what guys, I'm done--I can't make y'all bigger assholes than you've already made yourselves." I put the mic in an erect position, then, let it drop limply.

"Hasta la bye-bye. Elvis has left da building."

Danny and Alexis were just pissin' all over themselves.

The 4 morons started to scream in protest, but I cut them off, "Myron, don't make me bitch-slap y'all... Rum for da horses and beer for da men, or whatever... hehehehe..."

Chairs were over-turned, and tables pushed, as da 4 morons rose to fighting positions.

I waved off Mike, "Myron, to quote Clint Eastwood, ya ever wake up one morning and realize you just met da one guy dat's gonna ruin ya whole fuckin' day? Well sweetheart, dat mutha fucka is me—y'all wanna roll? One at a time... or all at once... Your fuckin' choice, princess."

The only thing keepin' me from goin' all Hulk on them—I was turning red—not green.

"Y'all 4 morons got enough stones between y'all to take this outside? Or you only fight with lil tiny girls?"

Before they could answer, Mike jumped into it, "Wayne, y'all take off... I'll handle this..."

Myron started to yell something at me, when Mike cut him off, "Cocksucker!!! Sit your mother-fuckin' ass down!!! Anybody leaving this place before I tell them—goes to jail. Wayne, get Alexis and get da hell outta here!"

I started walking towards the door, "Fuckin' lil cocksucker mutha fuckas... rip their fuckin' heads off... Fuck with me... fuck with my friends... Mike ain't never let a mutha fucka talk that way to me..." (I might have been a lil steamed. Just a lil. lol)

Alexis ran over and grabbed me. "I ain't ever had a man stand up and fight for me before." We walked out the club.

"Looks like you still haven't. Mike threw me out before I could."

"That's besides the point—you were gonna take on all 4 of them just for lil ole me." Alexis batted her eyes at me, like I was Rhett Butler and she was Scarlett O'Hara.

"Fuckin' cocksuckers..."

"Look at it this way... You stood up for me... You WERE gonna fight for me... And ya still get the girl—but with no chance of getting hurt..." Again, she was giving me the doe-eyes.

"Like dem cocksuckers could hurt me..." And of course, I'm still not smart enough to pick up on it.

Alexis grabbed my arm and wrapped herself all around me—starting with a bearhug on my arm. The more I tried to not rub her tits, the more I realized she was grinding her steaming pussy into my open hand. I kept trying to gracefully extricate my hand from her burning mound. (OK, yeah, I did squeeze it a time or two—hey, I'm a guy, and human AND horney.)

"Wayne? Do you not like me?"

"Huh?"

"Do you not understand that I'm trying to tell you that I'm a sure thing tonight?"

"Sure thing?"

"You know, that movie with John Cusack and Nicholette Sheriden?"

"Huh?"

"How about Meg Ryan and Goose in Top gun? Goose, ya big stud, take me home and fuck me... or lose me forever... hint... hint..."

"Alex...."

"Dumbass... are you trying to talk me out of fucking you?"

"Oh no... HELL NO!!!"

Alexis giggled.

"OK, so ya want to go get a drink before we head on over to my house?"

"Wayne, WHAT PART OF SURE THING DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND??? You ain't gotta likker me up to get laid tonight. Compredez?"

"I just thought you might have wanted another drink before heading home."

"OK, it just hit me—guys are visual... Y'all don't always understand the subtleties of flirting... Give me your hand..."

"Huh?"

"Give me your hand."

I reached out my hand and Alexis mounted it like a barrel-racer on a horse.

"What do you feel?"

"Embarrassed?"

"EMBARRASSED??? YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME! YOU'RE EMBARRASSED TO FEEL MY DRPPING-WET FUCKIN' PUSSY?"

"Gawd no! I'm... uh... geesh.. it's embarrassing for you to act like I've never felt a pussy before.... Geeeeesh..."

"Geeesh dude, I'm throwing my pussy at you, and you're acting like it's dirty or something."

"Ya ever see The Quiet Man with John Wayne?"

"What the fuck does some old John Wayne movie have to do with you turning down my pussy?"

"First, I'm not turning down your pussy—not by a long shot, but in that movie, The Duke's nemesis, Ward Bond makes a risqué comment about a lady he has a crush on. When John Wayne ignores him, Ward attacks him. When Ward says that he's insulting his true love, the Duke just says, 'Where I come from, we don't talk about our women in the pubs.' Understand?"

"HUH?"

"Maybe I don't want to grope you in the parking lot of a bar?"

Alexis just stared at me for a few seconds—then her eyes began twinkling, "You really are one of those white knight-type guys, ain't cha?"

I paused... "I hope so... Or maybe I just been meeting the wrong women... lol"

She stared at me with this odd look, I finally broke her silence, "What?"

She just looked at me and then smiled, "Nothing, I just think this is gonna be fun."

We started walking to my truck, but stopped at the lake between us and the passenger door. Alexis started to wade through it, but I scooped her up into my arms to ferry her to my truck. (OK, yeah, I did squeeze her ass as a toll.)

Alexis giggled as I blushed, "OK girl, I'm human."

She reached down and squeezed my stiff dick, "Thank gawd."

I tried to get my electronic door-opener out—holding Alexis against my passenger window—ok, yeah, I put her nipple in my mouth—I sucked on it like it was a gumdrop.

"Are you having fun?"

The now transparent white material made the lil pink and red hearts into a perfect pastie on her eraser-sized nipple. "Well, you said if I captured ya I could own ya."

"OH, COME ON, you aren't gonna hold dat line against me, are ya?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"NO!"

"You told me that if I caught your itty bitty titties I could own ya."

"I said if you got them both..."

"So give me da other one..."

"NO, HELL NO, that means I have to do whatever you say!"

I licked her other nipple, and asked, "We both know that you love me likkerin' you..."

"Yeah, but I'm not gonna agree to you owning me..."

"Face it, bring me my tatas..."

I sucked her nipple so hard through her dress that the material covering that nipple turned transparent.

She sighed, "Gawd... me and my big mouth..."

I tickled her nipple with my tongue... "What was that?"

"Gawd... get me in the truck and I'll show ya..."

I got the passenger door open and set Alexis on the seat. I closed the door and walked around to the driver's side.

No sooner than I slid in, Alexis was fumbling with my zipper.

"Hey, can't cha wait 5 minutes?"

"Dumbass, you really don't understand what 'sure thing' means, do ya?"

"I understaaaaa...." About the same time Alexis went tonsils-deep on my cock.

The next 10 minutes, all you could hear was Alexis slurpin' me—and me strugglin' to breathe like I did this every day. She was using her tongue in ways that I hadn't even read about on Lit.com before. Her tongue must have traced every vein and ridge on my cock—numerous times and from every angle. I was white-knuckling the steering wheel with my left hand, and crushing the headrest with my right arm. (I'd have given anything for another couple inches for her to explore.)

With my balls rumbling deep inside my groin, Alexis lifted her head, "Do we understand sure thing yet?"

"Uh huh..."

"What's my name?" She licked my cock like it was a Tootsie-Pop and she couldn't wait to et to the surprise in the center.

I panted like never before.... "A sure thing?"

"I give you a sure thing... and that's how you treat me?" Then she bit down (sorta playfully) on my dick. "What's my name?" She tightened down again...

"A... Alex... Alexis..."

"Who's your buddy?" Another slow sensual lick.

"Alexis!!!"

"Why?"

"Gawd...." She bit down on my dick again... "I... I... wanna... shoot my load down your throat..."

Alexis smiled up at me, "Good, Now do you understand what a sure thing means?"

"Uh huh..." She giggled as she took another lick.

"You sure?" She rubbed her tongue underneath the sensitive part of my dickhead.

"Uh huh..." She continued her tongue-teasin'...

I shot my first load. As she sucked me down, "Yeah, maybe you do." And smiled up at me. "But, just in case..." Alexis started sucking me again.

With my fingers tangling in her hair, "Alexis, I'm not 21 any more... you might want to give me a few to reload..."

She released already stiffening dick, "You just sit back and enjoy... Besides, I my ways of making you cum again."

I knew better than to argue at this point, so I twisted around and just laid back against the driver's door while Alexis had her fun teasing my cock. (I can see that you have your ways. Gawd, please don't take me now!)

She was putting a workout on my cock, like I'd never had before—then I saw da 4 morons walk out of the bar.

(Hmmm... Can I finish before they see us?)

(SHIT!!!) Of course not—like magnets, they are drawn to my truck. (SHIT!!!)

"Alexis, I... think... we... need... to... leave..."

"Before I finish?"

"Lol... your buddies are coming over."

"Huh?"

"Da 4 morons."

"Good!"

"Huh?"

"Pull my thong over."

"Huh?"

"PULL MY FUCKIN' THONG OVER!!!"

"OK..."

"Have you moved it?"

"I'm trying."

"Shit... JUST RIP IT OFF THEN!!!"

"OK..." I went to move her hind strip over.

I guess I moved too slowly, 'cause she bit my cock, and in response, I jerked her thong up to the truck roof, before it ripped completely off.

"Was that so hard?" Alexis asked as she licked my dick.

"It hurt me like a motherfucker!"

"Then do what I ask—WHEN I ASK!"

"Just don't bite my dick like that! sheesh..."

"Where are they?"

"Huh?"

Da 4 morons?"

I looked across the parking lot, "Walking this way."

"Finger-fuck me! NOW!!!"

"Huh?"

"Finger-fuck me now... And if you can get your thumb in my ass—DO IT!!!"

No sooner than I got my digits in her, Alexis was pounding her ass back against my passenger window like a jack-hammer. (Gawd!!! Will I ever be able to use my hands again?)

My fingers slipped out of her body as she pounded my window with both her wet holes—her juices on my window blurred the faces of da 4 morons.

I came a second time, as Alexis tried to suck me dry.

I was gasping for air, as Alexis sat up in her seat. She sqeege'ed her middle finger up my passenger window dripping with her pussy juices—slowly coating it on all sides. She sucked on it, and covered it in my cum, as she lewdly slid her bird-finger out for da 4 morons.

I recovered enough to start my truck and drive us away, while da 4 morons stared in disbelief.

*

****Lyrics from the I-95 Asshole Song, David Allen Coe.