XXX Marks The Spot

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I've been too timid to send this to you. Perhaps it's because I don't want you to feel defensive. Perhaps it is because I fear rejection. Regardless, if you finally find this, I hope you read it. Consider this my secret log of desire. It is NOT criticism. It is a cathartic process of reconciliation of my thoughts.

I started this after I sent you a picture of fishnet leggings on display as I walked through the market on Martha's Vineyard. Admittedly, it WAS supposed to get you to recall a memory of the night that I had planned for us. You remember the clues and the gifts?

💋 "What do you want me to wear?" 💋

🕜🍀🍊(💅+👣+💆)👉
🕟🐟🔥(🍴 +🍷)👉
🕡🎀👔🎦("💜&🌻")👉
⏳(🍫☕)👉
⌛(🎁🎁🎁📲)=🎉

Although the first gifts were for you, I had sort of considered our evening activity a birthday gift to myself. So yes, with that text, I was trying to arouse you, or at least get you to think of me, trying to harken back to that night. But your response was "sometimes you make me feel uncomfortable." Ouch. Epic fail on my part. Clearly I'm not communicating well.

Seriously...

I never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Everything I do is for you. I want you to be comfortable with me. You're the only person I can talk to about intimacy and I don't know how to talk about it. Above all else: there is nothing I want more than to satisfy you. I believe that if I can satisfy you, the you will want me more often.

In order to do that, you have to understand that I LOVE *YOU*. When I fantasize, I fantasize about *YOU*...not some idealized version of you, but *YOU*...just the way you are. I've told you this before, but I don't think you believe it. FIRST, you need to LOVE the skin you're in...because I LOVE the skin you're in. Please don't feel defensive. I REALLY want to talk about this. I just don't know how. There always seems to be a barrier.

I think about you a lot. I miss you. I look forward to every time I give you a massage because at least I get to caress you. Can you guess what I think about when I'm sliding my fingers over your smooth skin?

So what continues below is essentially a free flowing thought recording. Some are fantasies, some are personal reflection... they are mostly in chronological order of when I started each thought. Ones at the top are the oldest, ones at the bottom are the newest, though I constantly read through my thoughts and add to them and modify. I often write when I am out walking the dog. So think about that whenever I send you an "I love you" text while I'm out walking.

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Truth or dare

Truths * What is an unfulfilled fantasy of yours? * What is your favorite method of foreplay? * When was the last time you masturbated by yourself? * What celebrity have you fantasized about?

Dare * Send me a nude selfie or a dirty text out of the blue. * Surprise me with a costume or role play scenario. * Pull me into a dressing room at Kohls (or wherever) for a hot make out session. * Tell me to bring a camera or my phone to bed for a sexy photo shoot.

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A real fantasy...

Ok...so you know I like to watch adult movies with you. C'mon! I made a DVD for you! (I wish we did it more often...let me know if you want more, different movies). I'm guessing you do not want to make our own intimate movie (in a hotel room? ... wearing masks? ... I'm totally down if you're into it!), so I propose an alternative...

I would set the camera up in our closet doorway, right next to the TV, and I would hook up the camera to the TV...no recording...just display...nothing to delete. I want to make love on the couch and watch ourselves. That way, we can turn it off if it's too much or too ridiculous. I have a feeling that I'm gonna think it's pretty hot, and I hope you do too.

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Another fantasy

To be honest, most of my fantasies involve YOU taking the initiative, at some point when the kids are out at sleepovers or at Gramma & Grampa's or even asleep. So when I fantasize it often starts with a beckoning text or a sexy pic or even just a wink...something that lets me know that YOU *want* ME.

### Dream sequence ###

It's evening and your husband is out walking the dog. You flip through the channels and see another sappy love story just ending with a kiss...and then an idea comes to your mind. A smile comes to your face. You quickly write a note and pour two fingers of scotch in a glass and leave it on the stove for him to find. Opening a bottle of wine and grabbing a glass, you head upstairs.

You pour a glass of wine and drink it down while you're watching the end of the love story. You strip out of your clothes and cup your breasts. Eyes closing, your hands slide down your hips and thighs...and bringing your hands together, you feel your bush. Your smile turns to a smirk, as you think to yourself, *holy shit, I'm going to really surprise him.*

You take deep swig, finishing the glass, and then put the glass down on the bureau and head to the bathroom to get the trimmer. When you open the cupboard, you notice a small green tool next to the trimmer. *Hey...that's the Brett Favre trimmer thingy!*

You bring the green trimmer and a towel back to the couch. Sitting on the towel, you trim your pubes down close leaving a triangle that appears to balance on the tip of your womanhood. *That was easy,* you think to yourself again. *It really was just like the commercial!* You pour yourself a congratulatory glass of wine and take a few sips. You consider how much time the "boys" have been out on their walk and decide that you DO have time for a quick shower. You take another long swig before heading to the shower.

As you wash yourself, you feel your smooth labia. *Wow. That's a pretty close shave without a razor.* Tingles run up your spine as you touch yourself. Reminding yourself that this is supposed to be /quick/ shower, you finish up and get out.

After drying off, you go to the bureau to finish your glass of wine, then carrying just the bottle, you go to your hubby's drawer to get your favorite toy and return to the couch. You put the half of bottle of wine on the floor, and you put the toy down on the couch next to you. You turn the tv to music and concentrate on your fingers touching your skin. You cannot resist the feeling between your legs. You spread yourself open, and licking your fingers, you slide a finger inside.

At that very moment you hear someone coming up the stairs...and then you remember your note.

"Straight to the shower, if you know what's good for you...then come find me! -❤- "

The footsteps nearly run up the stairs. You hear the dog being put in your daughter's room. Then you hear the bathroom door open and close and the shower start. You grab the wine and take a long swig, straight from the bottle, and pick up the toy and turn it on. The toy glides over your now slick pussy and you spread your legs as far as you can. You rub the toy over your clit as you imagine your husband in the shower, washing and stroking his growing erection with the suds. You turn the setting on the toy up and waves of ecstasy push over you as you hear the water turn off in the shower.

The anticipation builds, because you know that all your loving husband has to do is dry off and then he's coming through that door. And you can hardly wait...

### End Dream sequence ###

(Now YOU finish the fantasy. What happens next? I come through the door and find you slightly tipsy on the couch freshly groomed and naked, holding a wine bottle and a toy already working its magic...What do you say to me? What do you do? Tell me or show me!)

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General observations

First, this is the hardest subject to talk about. It's hard because anything I say seems to come out as criticism and you get defensive and you shut down. And if you're reading this now, you're probably getting angry with me already or you're embarrassed or...more likely...both.

I want a slut in bed. There. I said it. I want you to be mine. My fuck toy. I want you to let your dirty girl out, and to release your inhibitions.

You are sooooo beautiful to me and super sexy. How can I get you to believe that YOU are the most desirable person on the planet to me? We took vows and made promises to each other. THAT'S a big reason why you're so attractive to me. It's your heart. It's your soul. And I want it all.

I live by "the golden rule" even in lovemaking. I love going down on you and I prefer a nicely groomed pussy. It makes it easier to get to! I keep myself groomed precisely for that reason. Unfortunately, you don't like going down on me. I have to ask or I have to kinda stick my dick in your face. You'll suck my dick if I ask, and you'll take it in your mouth if I put it in your face, but I want you to take initiative on it some time. You do it, but I get the feeling you do it begrudgingly. So...it's kinda frustrating that I try but I lose out both giving and receiving oral sex.

You don't like the taste of your pussy, so I try to do as much kissing as possible before I go down on you, because once I get pussy juice on my face, no more kissing. It's also a given that you won't suck my dick after I've stuck my dick in your pussy.

We don't make love very often...how often you think? maybe once every 6 weeks? I am afraid to ask if I'm a good lover. If I AM a good lover, I wonder why we don't make love more often. I feel like you don't want me. But if I'm NOT a good lover, I need feedback. I need to know what I'm doing wrong, or what I need to do more of, or what I need to do better. If I need practice, then once every 6 weeks isn't going to cut it. I don't know if I last long enough or if I satisfy you. I am happy to use the toy, truly, I am. But I need to know.

Basically, more talking is good. Tell me exactly what you want and be explicit. I want you to then reciprocate and do exactly what I want. I want you to tell ME to tell you what I want. I want a dirty slut in my bed.

One of the most important things I'd like is for you to tell me to cum. Beg for it. At least by asking me to cum, I know (hope) I've satisfied you. I like to watch myself cum, (I'm visually stimulated) so I'd really like to hear you say: "Cum all over my tits!" or "I want you to cum all over me!" But if you don't want that, at least tell me I satisfied you by begging me, "Baby, cum inside me!" or "shoot it deep!" or "I want to feel your hot cum in my pussy!" anything that lets me know I've done a good job. I want to spread your legs after I've finished and watch my sperm drip out of your pussy. Then I want you to tell me to clean up the mess. Be demanding. I need my slut to know what she wants.

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[PG-13 version. LOL...Sort of.]

[Camera view....end of room...as if from a book shelf. A man is sitting on one side of the room. We see his profile. On the other side is a sofa. Side view.]

A woman enters from the other. She is covered in a silk robe. She says to him, "Merry Christmas! I'm about to give you your first present!" She hands him a small box.

"What is this? Christmas is next week!" he exclaims.

"I know, but I saw this and said, 'he'll LOVE this!' So I wanted to give this to you today. Go on, it wasn't expensive. Besides, THAT'S not the real gift..." She looks sideways at the camera and winks to it.

The man tears into the package and finds a small trimmer, like the one Brett Favre sells on TV.

The woman turns to sit on the couch opposite him, allowing her robe to open exposing her naked torso to him, [tastefully hidden from camera by sofa arm] spreading her legs as she sat down. "Gift number two... but before you start using that, I'd like to point out gift number 3."

"Okaaay?" he grins goofily, still somewhat shocked by the scene in front of him.

The woman points right to the viewer/camera. "I know how much you like to watch movies with me. I'll let you film it."

"Whut?"

"Yes honey, and you want to know what? It's already recording. I started it hours ago waiting for the right time to come in to surprise you."

"Wow..."

"Gift number 3."

Both look at camera and then at each other.

"Merry Christmas," they both say.

[Camera fades to black]

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Truth/Dare

Setting: in bed after watching an action/spy movie (James Bond, Mission Impossible, Kingsmen etc)...and we begin making love.

Pretend I start as the hero and you as the love interest. If I was Tom Cruise or Daniel Craig, what would you do to me?

Now I'm the villain, and I tie you up. What are you willing to do to save the world?

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You want a truth? I mean, a cold, hard truth. Of course, I want to cum on your face...in your mouth. I want you to swallow it and smile. I want to kiss it off your cheeks. Because that is trust.

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Did I hear you right?

"I've been neglecting my book."

Is that really what you just said? Wow.

FML

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[XXX rated version...perhaps more likely]

[For one thing, no camera...unless you wanted it.]

A man is sitting watching a game or something on TV. A woman enters the room. She is covered in a silk robe.. She says to him, "Merry Christmas! I'm about to give you your first present!" She hands him a small box.

"What is this? Christmas is next week!" he exclaims.

"I know, but I saw this and said, 'he'll LOVE this!' So I wanted to give this to you today. Go on, it wasn't expensive. Besides, THAT'S not the real gift..."

The man tears into the package and finds a small trimmer, like the one Brett Favre sells on TV.

The woman turns to sit on the couch next him, allowing her robe to open exposing her naked torso to him, spreading her legs as she sat down. Her furry pubic hairs are teased out. "Gift number two."

"Holy fuck..."

"Well...that will be gift number 3."

"Merry Christmas," they both say.

She spreads her legs open further and says, "well, what are you waiting for?"

The man gets up and says as he is kneeling in front of her, "You don't have to ask me twice." He turns the trimmer on. And carefully trims her pussy, cleaning her labia of all the hair, leaving a closely cropped triangle between her belly and clit.

"Ok. Give me a minute to wash up. Make yourself comfortable and wait for me in bed." She leaves and goes upstairs to get ready for her man and to take a shower.

He cleans up the stray hairs off the sofa, even getting the mini vacuum out.

At the top of the stairs, he hears the shower running. He climbs the stairs to the bathroom and opens the door. He peeks behind the curtain to find the woman finishing rinsing herself off...the remnants of soapy water flowing off her breasts in sheets. She smiles at the camera. "Like what you see?"

"Hell yeah. And I need a shower, too!" He quickly strips.

"Well I'm about to get out," the woman says, "but I'll wash your cock for you. Let's make sure it tastes clean," she grins. She reaches for his soap and gets a thick lather on her hands. As he steps into the shower, she embraces his penis and covers it in lather. She can feel it swelling immediately in her hands. "Ok...That's enough," she says as she rinses and gets out. The man washes himself as she dries herself off. "Meet you in the bedroom," she says as she leaves the bathroom.

He finishes cleaning and rinsing quickly, and turns the water off. He dries off and goes to the bedroom. There is soft lighting and upbeat dance music playing (channel 403 on X1), but the woman isn't there. "Honey?" he calls.

"I'll be right there...I promise!" she replies from another room. Her sing-song voice heightens the mood. Clearly something special is coming.

"Okay, hon! I'm here waiting patiently!" he lied about the patient part. He sat on the couch and took his growing boner into his hands and stroked it gently in anticipation.

The door opened and the woman enters...slowly. One foot and then a bare leg comes through the door way...a slow reveal of her body. She is wearing the black silk robe, tied around the waist. Her short hair loosely flows against her cheeks. She moves gently with the music, dancing...looking at her lover with longing eyes. She runs her hands up her thighs, along her torso, and under her breasts. Her hands fall to the knot in the robe and she unties it. She turns away from him, gyrating her hips. She lets the robe fall from her shoulders.

He is mesmerized by what he sees. His lover gracefully swaying and moving with the music. He can see her back...he knows every inch of her body on a massage table...but this is eroticism at its finest. She is like art come to life.

She covers her bare breasts with her hands and turns to face her lover. She looks into her lover's eyes and she cups her breasts, giving them a squeeze and pinching her nipples. She lowers her arms and the silk robe falls to the floor. She bends down low and runs her hands thighs up her thighs, around her breasts again and over her head, dancing seductively.

"You should come over here now," the man growls.

She kneels down between his legs and wraps her arms around him and kisses him deeply. And both of the lovers share their gifts with each other.

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On role playing...

Just like a good blowjob, the most important aspect of a good role play scenario is *attitude*. You need to be able to be believable in your role/personality.