Yearning Hearts Ch. 05

"Earth to Tommy!" Charley snapped her fingers a series of times when she noticed Thomas' absentminded features for the umpteenth time.

"What? Did you say something?" he shook his head and blinked a few times before looking at Charley who looked completely irritated.

Charley's shoulders lifted as she inhaled deeply and exhaled warily. "I've been here for twenty minutes and the only thing you've put into that box is one single book. One Tommy, one." She raised one finger before him as she told him 'one' again.

"I'm sorry Charles, I just..."

"Tell me what happened. Does it have anything to do with why you left me at the café on Wednesday?"

It was two days later and Charley was there to help Thomas pack up some essentials before he was ready to move out for good. They were seated on the floor with their legs folded. Charley managed to get two boxes packed already but Thomas couldn't get himself to stop thinking about Jonathan and the way he spoke to him last time.

Every time he tried picturing the look on Jonathan's face, he cringed. He expected Jonathan to be chasing after him begging him for forgiveness every dying day, but it took Jonathan walking out those doors for him to realize what an idiot he's been, what he's been always been.

Sometimes he really had to wonder what Jonathan saw in him. What the hell was there to love? All he's been is selfish, hateful, manic, and bitter and Jonathan still wanted him. Deep down he knew Jonathan didn't have any ill intentions towards him but he just allowed all that hurt and anger to possess him.

And what the hell was he even thinking barging into Jonathan's meeting like that? He knew more than anyone how important that was to him but he did it anyway and even after all that Jonathan still defended him.

It wasn't like Belle was gone and he wouldn't be able to see her anymore. He still loved her the same and he had no doubt that she'd love him the same if she knew the truth about her real daddy. He wanted to fix it but he didn't know how or where to start. He was scared.

******

"So what, you crashed his meeting and he didn't lose it on your ass? I know you're hurting babe but what you did..." He already knew he fucked up but to hear how disappointed Charley was in him just killed him, he wanted to cry.

"You're not only hurting him. He's got all these people in the company and other franchises that he's responsible for and you yourself even said how much pressure he puts on himself because he doesn't want to fail, much less disappoint his dad."

Charley watched as Thomas bowed his head down trying to hide his saddened face and quivering lips. She felt terrible; she didn't mean to make him feel bad. She quickly moved to his side on her knees and buried her face on the side of his head.

"That's not all that happened." He croaked and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Tommy!" She cautioned as she braced herself for what was to come. He took a deep breath ten told her.

"We had sex," he confessed as his face flushed a blushing red.

"Did he...?" Charley began but Thomas didn't need to ask her what she meant. The shock was written all over her face. She wanted to know if Jonathan took what he wanted out of anger after Thomas sabotaged his meeting.

"No... actually I'm the one who initiated the whole thing," he sighed then laced his fingers with hers.

"Then I said some pretty hurtful things to him afterwards." He went on to tell her how angry he was when showed up at Jonathan's place to him letting his guard down for a brief moment when Jonathan kept telling him how much he loved him to how he just went completely cold after they had sex.

"Tommy no!" she gasped and threw her hand against her mouth.

"I didn't mean it alright!" he shot back then stood abruptly. "I know it was fucked up. He started pacing the floor rubbing the back of his neck. "It all happened so fast; I... I couldn't stop I just wanted to hurt him, I really wanted to hurt him."

"And now... do you feel better now?" Charley asked as she stood and at him worriedly.

"Of course not... I feel a hundred times worse. You should've seen him Charley; the disappointment, the grief, the agony, the defeat. I went too far this time, I just know it," he babbled while his eyes welled up but he wouldn't cry. Frankly he was surprised he had anymore tears to spare.

The night he returned from Jonathan's he just curled up in bed on the side Jonathan had slept and literally bawled his eyes out till he fell asleep still sniffling in his sleep.

"Babe, do you need me to be honest right now or do you want me to be supportive?" Thomas looked at her puzzled for a while then answered.

"Be honest," he whispered dreading what she was going to say.

"Jonathan did a really messed up deceitful thing but you've always put him on this pedestal like he isn't allowed to make mistakes; he's human too Tommy and he's bound to make some choices that you aren't always going to agree with.

Did you even listen to the reason why he did what he did?" she asked as she stood in his way stopping him from moving about. When he didn't answer she continued.

"Can you imagine what it must've been like for him to hear his daughter call someone else dad. He wasn't shy in showing how much he loves her but he was willing to give up all of it for you, shouldn't that count for something," she murmured as she reached up and brushed away the one streak of tear leaking from his eye.

"Do you still love him," she whispered vulnerably as tears formed in her eyes. He tried to turn his gaze from her but she wasn't haven't it. She held his head in place as she whispered the same question again. He swallowed past the lump in his throat then answered her truthfully.

"Yes," he croaked as a tears streamed from his eyes.

"Do you want him back?"

"Yes."

"Can you forgive him?"

"I-I want to. I love him so much it hurts Charley. I can't stop loving him. No matter what he does to me, no matter how much I try, I can't stop loving him." He shakily used his right hand to wipe at his nose and eyes with his sleeve then continued.

"I need him so much but what if that was the last straw? What if he doesn't want me anymore?

I swear Charles, when he looks at me I feel like I'm the most precious thing in the world to him. And oh God when he touches me..." He felt himself shiver as an image of Jonathan between his legs feasting on his ass flashed in his mind.

He wondered if Charley was probably put off about revealing such intimate details but she was staring at him so lovingly and adoringly with a hint of curiosity. He knew all too well what that glimmer in her eyes meant. Not too long ago he was on the opposite end of that; he loved watching girls fondling each other but Jonathan ruined him for anyone else. He saw no one else nor thought of anyone else...only Jonathan.

"I need him back," he breathed then sniffled.

"Then go get him, go fight for him. Tell him you haven't given up on him." She stroked his cheeks then reached up on her toes and kissed them both.

"Thanks for everything; I don't know what I would've done without you. I love you." He murmured then cradled her head against his chest. Yes he was hurt but all along he had been thinking about himself and only his hurt without thinking for one second what it must've been like for Jonathan. And to top it all off he had to say those horrible things to him. One thing was for sure he needed to see Jonathan. Much sooner rather than later.

*********

"Have fun boys." Camila the caretaker of Jonathan's Malibu vacation home for the past three years called out to Jonathan and Jesse who were upstairs in Jonathan's bedroom getting ready to leave for a night out. Jesse was a regular hookup of Jonathan's long before he started anything with Thomas.

Usually he'd call Jesse up whenever he was in town but he hadn't been out there in months so he never really got the chance to divulge any of the recent happenings that has been going on with him lately. When Jesse showed up at his door the day before he was shocked to say the least, especially when he didn't call him but he had no doubt that Camila was the one who told him.

Yeah the forty odd years old has been working for him for the past three years and he adored her immensely. And boy how she wanted Jonathan to settle down and be happy and the only eligible person she knew of was Jesse.

"Good night Camila," Jonathan and Jesse called out in unison from his bedroom. For the past two days since he's been there all he did was work, work, work and work some more. He was there to relax and forget about all the shit that has been going on in his life lately but he needed to keep busy. If he thought about Thomas for one second he relapsed in a state of depression.

Jesse ended up coming back the following day in the hopes of spending time with Jonathan but Abigail had suggested that they go out and have some fun. By the way she winked at Jonathan, he had no doubt that 'fun' meant sex but in the effort of not falling in a fit of laughter he returned her wink and a sly smile.

He had no intention of doing anything sexual or intimate with Jesse but maybe a night out would do him some good.

"You shouldn't be in here." Jonathan murmured when he returned from taking a shower and saw Jesse, the young Jenson Ackles look-a-like lying on his bed in a pair of blue skinny jeans cuffed at the ankles and a light blue skin tight button down rolled up at the elbows .

"You never minded before. I love watching you dress." Jesse whispered as he drank in every inch of that manly body.

"This time's different," he returned watching as Jesse spread his legs a bit more. God, that ass. Though he had no idea what the future had in store for him and Thomas, touching anyone else so soon still seemed like a betrayal.

"Why?" A conflicted Jesse asked wondering why Jonathan hadn't made the slightest move on him yet. It usually didn't take Jonathan that long to start ravaging him especially when they hadn't seen each other in so long. He could clearly see all the stress he was under and wanted to relieve him but Jonathan obviously wasn't into it.

"I don't wanna talk about it Jess." He told Jesse sounding very final then walked into his closet.

Jesse noticed that Jonathan wanted his privacy but he didn't care.

"What does that mean?" he retorted as he sprang from the bed and stood before the closet where Jonathan was slipping on a pair of black boxer briefs under his towel. The man looked like a fucking God but he couldn't think about that now, he needed answers.

"I don't wanna sound like some whining bitch but not because I let you fuck me whenever you want, that doesn't mean that's all I'm here for. I don't go around giving myself to just anyone. You're the only one I do this with... I-I care about you Jon. You can talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

Jonathan could hear the anguish in Jesse's voice as he spoke, he hated that. He could tell from the first time they slept together that Jesse thought of them as more than a friends with benefits type duo. He should've stopped it then but he was selfish, he loved having a connection with the person he was sleeping with and he loved and cared about Jesse, just not in the way that Jesse wanted.

After slipping on a pair of black jeans straight jeans he turned and looked at a concerned Jesse with his arms folded across his chest. He looked so adorable. He took a deep breath then told Jesse about Thomas and what led up to him being in LA.

"She's yours?" Jesse asked astonishingly then pushed his hands into his front pockets. "But...you love Thomas?" Jesse didn't like hearing that because somewhere deep down he had hoped that someday Jonathan would want more from him than sex but he understood.

Had it been anyone else he'd have no problem fighting for Jonathan but next to Thomas he knew his chances were next to none. He always wondered if Jonathan had feelings for Thomas but Thomas was married and straight so he never really thought anything would come of it.

"I'm sorry Jess. That's why I didn't call you when I got here. I..."

"Shhh..." Jesse placed his right forefinger on Jonathan's lips when he saw sorrow engulf his whole feature. He didn't want him to feel bad. "I get it. I'm disappointed but I don't think I could play second fiddle to anyone. And please don't be sorry, be happy. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."

Jonathan chuckled softly at the similar advice that his dad gave him. "My dad said the same thing."

"Smart man." Jesse said as he returned his smile.

"Yes he is." Jonathan used his thumb to tuck Jesse's hair behind his ears. "You're an amazing guy Jess. You're gonna make some guy very lucky one of these days."

"Of course I will, I'm a great catch," Jesse winked and smiled broadly.

"Still not modest I see." Jonathan basked in that adorable smirk as he threw his head back and let out a roaring laughter.

"What fun would that be? And speaking of fun big guy, you need to get dressed. I'm gonna show you a good time tonight." Jesse gave him one last smile then left the room to Jonathan to get ready.

Jonathan continued smiling even after Jesse left the room. That was one of the things he adored about Jesse the most. He always knew how to lighten his mood.

He opted for a black t-shirt and black leather jacket with his black jeans and black boots. Two splashes of polo red and he was out the door.

**********

Later that evening after Charley left, he forced himself to eat a fruit salad for the sake of not collapsing, took a shower then climbed into bed. He naturally gravitated to the side where Jonathan had slept as he placed a pillow vertical to his form, wrapped his legs around it and hugged it as if it was another person. Ethan.

After tossing and turning for several minutes with no success of sleep he reached for his tablet with the intention of playing some music but as it came to life his breath got hitched in his throat at the sight before him. Few weeks earlier while in his never ending state of depression over missing the man he loved he placed a picture of Jonathan and Belle as his screen saver.

Initially it was supposed to be a daddy and daughter day but Belle had insisted that she wanted to see superman (Jonathan). He was nervous as hell at first because things between them were still fresh and he wasn't exactly sure how to act around Jonathan while Belle was there but nervous or not he was going to give his baby girl what she wanted.

Though he knew Jonathan was home because it was the weekend, he still wanted to make sure he was there and free. "Hey."Jonathan answered in a lustful husk that sent a shiver right through him. Luckily Marian had gone to the store earlier so he didn't have to explain to her why he was acting like a shy teenage girl who just lost her virginity.

"Hi." He responded meekly as he bit on his lip and willed his groin to stop reacting. Luckily Belle was off in her own world with her toys.

"Are you alone?" Jonathan asked lowly in his throat that made Thomas shiver. He tried to refrain from any sort of contact with Jonathan when he was at home but whenever it happened, he always got turned on. And though Jonathan didn't know it and he hated himself immensely because of it, those were the only times he could sleep with Marian.

"No Beh-Belle's here," he breathed obediently. He knew it must've come out as a moan but he was beyond help. From where he stood at the living room window he glanced over his shoulder and luckily Belle was still engrossed in what she was doing.

"I can't stop thinking about you. It's only been two days since I touched you but I can't wait to get you alone. Oh fuck I'm getting hard just talking to you baby." That last part came out as an aroused growl and instead of responding with words Thomas found himself whimpering and breathing raggedly. All he kept thinking about was that long fat cock driving in and out of him hitting his sweet spot every time leaving him with the most amazing hurt inside his channel.

"You have no idea how those little sound you make drive me crazy but I wish I was inside you, do you like it when I'm inside you Baby? Do you love it when I pound into your tight little hole till I fuck the come outta you hmm, do you like that?"

"mmm ahh," Thomas moaned loudly and gasped when realization hit him that Belle was still in the room. He knew he should probably end the call and tell Belle they would visit some other time but he didn't want to disappoint her and a part of him selfishly wanted to see Jonathan. "Ethan..." He breathed in protest.

"Yes baby?" Jonathan answered coolly like he wasn't affected at all. He envied the man for having that much self control. On the other hand he couldn't manage that if he tried. He removed the phone from his ear for a brief moment till he got his breathing under control then returned to the call.

"Um Belle wanted to see you but if you're busy I can tell her maybe some other time." 'Please say you're busy, please say you're busy,' he thought desperately when the words finally fell from his lips.

"Oh for real? No I'm never too busy for my little angel. You two come on over, we can have some fun in the pool." He could hear Jonathan's amused chuckle on the other end. Suddenly it wasn't so sexual anymore. He could tell how much Jonathan really loved her and he couldn't have been more grateful that his little girl had so much people who loved her.

"Ok we'll be there in a bit." He dint know what else to say to him so before Jonathan had a chance to respond he ended the call. He wish he didn't have to be such a dork sometimes but he knew Jonathan was probably laughing deliriously at having that much power over him.

When he got off the elevator on Jonathan's floor Jonathan was there waiting in a pair of dark blue swim trunks. Even though it wasn't very tight in the least, it wasn't exactly doing a good job of concealing that big thick monster. Even soft the man's cock would put an average hard dick to shame.

"Superman!" Belle practically leapt from his arms to Jonathan and he couldn't help but shake his head amusingly.

"What's up shorty?" Jonathan responded amazed much to her delight. She was laughing ear to ear once she laid eyes on him but she was a giggling mess once he started swinging her from side to side and tossing her in the air.

He never quite understood what Marian meant when she expressed how hot she got just by watching hi with Belle,but as he stood there looking at Jonathan with Belle, he could see it clear as day. He knew that was the exact moment he fell for Jonathan.

He didn't think it smart to go in the pool with Jonathan so he just lay back on of the chairs while the two of them goofed off. However that didn't stop him from sitting in the perfect angle where Jonathan could see his little pink trunks as he pretended to read something on his kindle. Nothing special, just him casually laying there minding his own business.

At one point when Jonathan had his back to him, he saw Belle kiss Jonathan o the cheek and just hugged his neck tightly while she rested her head on his shoulder. He fell hard double time. He didn't know what came over him but he instantly reached for his phone and snapped a few pictures of the duo.

****

He gripped the pillow tighter as he groaned and bit into it. He missed Jonathan to bits but how was he going to fix things between them. They hadn't exactly parted in the best sort of way, he couldn't take it if Jonathan denied him and there was a high chance of that happening.

However he knew he couldn't sit back wondering what if forever. Charley was right he needed to fight for Jonathan. Jonathan had walked out thinking that things were over between them. That was dangerous. What if he really screwed up this time and pus Jonathan away for good? What if he had already moved on? 'Good God no,' he panicked internally.